july 8th, 2004
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spam

has anyone here actually ever bought anything because of the spam that they received or said "hey, that looks interesting, i'll go check it out!"???

i mean, SOMEONE must be buying that stuff or checking out the links they said or else there wouldn't be spam, right?

someday, someone's going to snap, and someone's going to get shot in the head because of spam. it's only a matter of time.

11:48pm

i'm even deleting links. i had this folder called "etc", who knows what was in there. i save 20 links a day. i'll bet.
i'm a link junky. i have to stop saving links. i never go back to them later.

and i'm throwing away all my floppy disks of pictures i have saved from the internet over the years. i'll never go back and relook at them. i never do.

once i take in an image, i've taken it in, usually. very rarely do i feel the need to go relook at it.

and i save links ot articles i will never go back to read.

and when i save links to things i'd like to buy later...like links to yarn or wire or furniture or whatever...these links are all usually broken if i ever go revisit them way later on.

 

10:41pm

my reply to melena under the bed:

"ya, i've never had a childhood home to visit either. my parents divorced then each got new places to live, and neither one would hold on to anything for me. and so, i think that is why i held on to things so much, too. it seemed no one in my whole family was sentimental about anything.
i had no past to hold on to. having things, even from the past of other people and other families grounded me and made me feel i belonged somehwere by giving these things that were discarded somewhere to belong.

but when you get a home, don't store stuff in the attic! it can really screw up the feng shui of your house and life!

the attic is "higher aspirations" and "the future". if you gunk it up there, it will be hard for you to keep your energy "up" and not feel bogged down by things from the past hanging over your head."

 

and here is a GREAT story of wisdom from ladder7 on lj:

"Feng shui is beautiful and I agree about the beauty of living in harmony with nature in all we do. It would be wonderful to experience that even to a small portion in this lifetime.

There is an old story shared by many feng shui masters, it goes like this: (my basterdized version;)

There was feng shui master who was travelling across the countryside. He had been travelling for days and was very parched for water. He saw a woman with her son out working their garden and so he approached the woman and asked for water.

The woman fetched a ladle of water and just before handing it to him she kicked dirt into it. The man drank it anyway, but was very secretly angry that she had done this. He offered to give her advice on her feng shui in her home and on her land in return for her kindness. Being upset with her, he told her very bad information and helped her rearrange things as to create total dispare and loss in her life.

He left her feeling that he would surely have revenge.

A few years passed and he was passing by her place again. Her garden was lush and producing amazing food. She had come into some money and her son was strong and healthy and about to marry a beautiful woman. it had seemed that they had prospered tremendously.

The woman saw him and ran to him. She thanked him so much for his kindness for they had been so fortunate since he helped them with their feng shui. The master was baffled and angry. He said, "You kicked dirt in my water, so I cursed you and yet you still prosper - I don't understand".

She explained, "You were dying of thirst. If I had not kicked the dirt in the water you would have dranken too fast and your body would have gone into shock. This could have ended your life"

Feeling very ashamed the man told her of his amazement and in each way he had tried to sabotage her.

The moral of the story is that nothing can energetically impede a beautiful well intentioned heart and that we create our environment through the inner landscape of our psyche. (At least that is my interpretation:) It reminded me that though we do not have the perfect feng shui in our homes or yards or cities because of the ideas we hold - we can still have harmony through our own beautiful creative loving."

6:15pm

still more cleaning, organizing, packing things up to mail, throwing things away, pacing, sighing, sulking, and hemming and hawing....but slow progress. threw away the wasp's nest. could have sold it back on ebay but too draining. i think i paid 20 or 30 bucks for it. it was huge. i was going to saw it up like sliced bread then glue the slices on canvas and then spray paint it silver. who knows what it would have looked like? probably pretty cool. groovy textural thing.
but...i don't have a saw, and i'm not going to get around to a project like that for sometime so...

i think i found the thing i hate more than dragging boxes to the p.o. and that is scrubbing those metal ring things that are around the burners on stoves. but it's done.

all that i have left to clean in the kitchen now is the inside of the oven and the inside of the fridge. yucko.

but supposedly all this stuff, my entire kitchen, is in my "knowledge wisdom/self improvement" corner of the "bagua" of my home, according to the feng shui book i read.
i have no idea how i could make my kitchen a happy feng shui place (if i owned it i'd sure get rid of the ugly ass kitchen cabinets and replace then with nifty chrome ones!), which is why i am waiting with great anticipation for the next book so i can figure out how to "cure" it. but i do know it at least needs to be clean if i am going to self improve. that is obvious. and i'm sure that having a wasp's nest in there wasn't a very symbolically cool thing. but maybe the inside of a wasp's nest is highly organized and efficient and i could have learned a lot from it by opening it up?

actually, damn, why didn't i just tear it open and look inside of it before i threw it away? that was dumb of me. oh, well.

i want to know who figured out of decided that that corner of the house means knowledge/wisdom/self improvement.
i need to know if that makes any sense to me. but i guess we will see how wise and knowledgeable i get as my kitchen improves.
it IS rather funny that i kept 1/2 of my books in my kitchen :)

is any of this stuff even interesting to you? well, i'll blather on about it as it's my journal.
and i'm killing time for a minute as i decide what to do next.

i really should crochet but i am way way way too antsy to do that.
i am in a pacing back and forth mode.

also, in feng shui, your bedroom is supposed to be the place where it is only calm and tranquil. and things like computers shouldn't be in there. problem is, my bedroom is also my living room and my eating area and my work station and my everything.

but at least my bed is in the love/relationship/marriage corner of the house and it's the most clutter free area of my entire apartment :)

 

 

3:28pm

got my period, finally. yay!

2:57pm

there are so many different sects/types/schools of feng shui.

i think i lke "black hat" kind best, sometimes called black sect or BTB for short? (i love that it is called black hat! what's that about?)

who knows. but it seems to most modern. although all the very old kinds are totally intense and i'd love to delve into that for the rest of my life. the sad part of it is, tho, is that you couldn't even live that way anymore because we have already fuct up the landscape so much with really out of synch with the earth's nature that it is almost impossible to align up anything correctly and live completely in tune with everything the way it should be.

it hurts me to imagine how perfectly flowing everything and everyone could be if we ALL set up everything in our lives to be in tune with earth/nature, our selves, the buildings we build, and with the cycles of time.

i could get my house all set up right, but i just imagine how it would be if everyone then did that in my entire building and we were all working together as a unit. and then, if the building we are living in would have been set up properly in the 1st place to take into account where it is according to the landscape and the river and the directions and with time, etc. and then if all the buildings around this building were set up in accordance with this and taking into account all other buildings.

if everything were working together as a technology but also taking into acccount that things change and are in flux, and so adjustments were made to it accordingly.

man, it just hurts me that i will never know, in this lifetime, what it would be like to live in a world like that.

in my "next life" i definitely want to live in a world, on a world, in a dimension...something, where everyone takes into account all of these things and everythings works to stay in harmony with all other things. i know in one of my "past" or "parallel" lives i am living there already right now. i can feel it.

which is why it is so frustrating to live in this mess of a world i live in right now.

especially since in my numerolgy, my life lesson is 44 (which was edgar cayce's , too), and
so, i am supposed to put my emotional/physical/spiritual life in order so that i can then achieve these same results for others.

it said i was supposed to help to world in some physical way, which i never really understood, because i sure didn't want to be a medical doctor, or build buildings or be a farmer or something. i wanted to do something artistic and spiritual. and in the last few years i see how spirituality and working the physical plane are one and the same thing.

and i know that i am here to reclaim and learn again the technology of the physical earth and the universe and how ti all works toegther with the spiritual planes, etc. i don't even like to say that earth is not a spiritual plane, it is. it's one and the same.

so anyway, feng shui is right up my alley for what i was put here to do, in part.

and i see how my life had to be hard and a total mess in all areas of my life so that i would learn how to put it all back together again and understand it.

and i could feel the "before" and "after".

my life was a car that was wrecked and all the pieces were floating around all over the place. and now i am learning that these pieces ARE a car, in fact. whereas before they were just pieces of "stuff" floating around. now i see, this is my vehicle, and i'm learning to put it all back together again. and i'm seeing how the technology of it all works from the bottom up.

and so, through my internet site, i can, hopefully, be an example for others as i show others how i am the mechanic of my life figuring out this technology.

i'm not sure if i am doing the best job of showing it.
but i do the best i can , at the time.
and that is all i can do.

so...here i am now, at this place, telling you about it.

 

2:15pm

i'm having a hard time mentally preparing to get rid of my plastic fruit and dolls.
i just can't totally get to that point. gah. i will get there.
they were such a HUGE part of my life. so symbolic of myself. but i don't think i need that symbol anymore, although i'm just not totally sure yet. i'm not really even sure what the symbol means yet and i'm trying to work it out.
at the time, having the dolls around me was empowering. and i'm not so sure it is anymore, because maybe i have moved on from that. at least from THESE dolls. but, i don't think i can really let them go until i have grasped what it was that it was about or what...i'm not sure. i can't even write about it, as you can see. it's just a jumble of emotions.

 

2:09pm

i'm having a hard time getting connected to ana2 or anacam today. so, i keep writing in this section but then can't upload it.

i ran downstairs to get my mail hopiing that my new feng shui book would be here, but ti's not! ah! i want to read it SO MUCH NOW!

but i did get a cd of davmo's paintings from 2003 and before. i traded him for a hollywood remix :)

i have a few more cds to send out. i hope i can keep this level of energy up.
i have a mountain dew so that helps.
when will i ween myself off sugar and caffeine?
i have no idea, but i don't seem to want to right now :)

 

12:52pm

i've got that song "if it ain't got that swwwwwing then it ain't got that thinggggg..... do wa do wa do wa do wa..."
or maybe it's you don't have that thing then you don't have that swing?
how does that song go and what it is called? i need to go find it.

anyway, i sang it incredibly well in my dream and blew everyone away.
i wish i could sing it like that in real life!

it was a nice ending to an otherwise very uncomfortable dream where i was supposed to sing this other song but i didn't prepare and so had no idea how it went...so..i sang the other song instead :)