June 15th, 2004
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9:47pm

my dye to dye my t shirts came today but then i learned i also need this OTHER ingredient...ash something or other. blarg.
so now i must order that before i can begin.

i took some inteesting photos today and i will get them up soon!

but 1st i must go watch 6 feet under at jason's house because i missed the premiere of the new season on sunday.

i love six feet under! it's my very most fave show :)

 

5:32pm

i took all the backgrounds off the menu page to see if that saves me some $.

4:50pm

fried egg sandwhiches and old jazz from the 30s cheers me up on the "grandma smoked dope" radio station on live365. heck ya.

and now i'm clean and smell like amber.

and jason is going to take me to get my headache medication. and he is going to go food shopping and i'll pick up a few things, too, even tho i have a ton of groceries coming on thursday from simon delivers.

i'm SO glad i did not send that email to my mom. i wish i hadn't sent her the other one either.
it does no good. but it's so hard to keep deflecting all her questions about "do you trust me?" "do you love me?" "do you want a mother?" and then all her gult tripping and whining about lj. i try to deflect it and ignore it and talk about the weather or just ignore her all together. but it's hard.

anyway...

looking for my keys i did find my sort of functional battery recharger, so that was nice.
and i boxed up more things to send and got addresses on things.

and i still have so many more to go but i am out of boxes and envelopes.

jazz jazz jazz...and fried egg sandwhiches....

 

 

4:14pm

2:37pm

 

1:41pm

it's ok it's ok it's ok

i'll be ok i'll be ok i'll be ok

breathe breathe breathe

one step at a time

one step at a time

one step at a time

 

1:31pm

i can't find my keys i have looked everywhere. it makes no sense that i spend days cleaning and organzing my house only to lose my fucking keys. and now all the time and money it will take me to go around and get copies of everything. and the lock i will have to get sawed off the storage locker and buy a new lock. and my p.o. box. and everything. i can't fucking take it. life seems like it is just one big constant aggravating soul sucking struggle.

i just want a coca cola.

and then i want to die.

 

12:59pm

spent the 1st few hours of my day writing a big tirade email to my mom. then decided not to send it.
i put it in yesterday's anagram if you want to read it. i didn't want all that negativity in this anagram today.
i just want this page to be "clean".

i am trying to work through all my anger now and let it go so can get on with my day now.
but it is hard. but i will do it. because i must.