May 4th, 2004
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brunettes

(i'm sorry i need to make some massively shallow entries for awhile)

i'm trying so hard to make peace with my brown hair and resonate with it *oooohhhmmm* , but garshdarnit, i am SO not a brunette. i am a blonde or a red head in my soul. there are so many cool brunettes, bjork, the singers from portishead and goldfrapp, that girl in the movie emilee...help me out here....i'm slipping in my *rah rah brunette power* mode. i'm missing the sweet sweet chemically sting of the bleach. the beautiful super fried fake fur hair that sticks straight up because it's so darn fried. the gorgeous unnatural supernatural platinum whiteness of rock starness.

but, oh, i said i would GROW MY HAIR OUT.
as my challenge to myself because i have never done that, so i CAN'T bleach my hair if i want to grow it long.

name off all the kick ass brunettes in the world for me to help me stay on the straight and narrow with this growing the hair out thing....

itchy

ooooooo, my tattoo has reached the itchy phase i was warned about.
want. to. scratch. it. so. much. but. i. know. i. cannot.
how long does the itchy phase last?

11:30pm

fuzzybumblebee and i did some power shopping today! i got a ton of incence because i am an incense-o-holic and i was at my fave store for it which is called beeswax in calhoun square, uptown mpls. then we looked and looked for bloomers at many stores. finally found some for her, she needs the models to wear them at the show (she is in it, too). and i, by some great luck, found a ton of stretchy black dresses that are very simple for sale for 3 bucks a piece at ragstock! so i bought 15 of them for my 15 models. i may cut them up or sew them more or so SOMETHING to them more to make them more "mine". but this is so wonderful because i was falling so behind and thought i needed to get to a fabric store and sew my own dresses or something. and now i have 15 dresses in 2 very simple styles, so everyone will be very matching. and they are simple and black so it won't take away from my hats.

then i also got this REALLY cute orange sparkly floor length dress that i may cut shirter and can just BARELY squeeze into it. and it makes my boobs look so awesome, haha :) if i lose just 5 more pounds i think it will fit me better. it is sooo cool tho and got it for 4 bucks. and i got a black and red striped super long elf hat for 50 cents.

and i got some white bloomers for me for 8 bucks and this clear sparkly orange plastic conatiner that is for cigarettes but i am going to use it for tampons :) and this cute little sparkly ring with a rabbit on it for 3 bucks.

and i had gelato for the 1st time. i got mango flavour. yum!

and all the flowers are coming and and the LILACS which are my FAVE!

and i miss living uptown with all the wonderful stores and exciting people and things going. so many new stores and things. and then so much that is the same. i miss it. i miss being able to walk to 2 movie theaters that play unusual movies and being able walk in and see a band and just see everything. i feel so out of touch with it all.

but i also love where i live, too, s much more quiet and calming and i need and love that, too.

(it feels good to make a "FLUFFY" entry!)

american idol tonight....
i'm sorry but george huff was AMAZING! i thought that was one of his greatest performances, so poo poo on simon and randy for being all so so about it. i hope he doesn't get kicked off next because i LOVE him.

and i feel sad for the 50's crooner guy getting kicked off only ONE episode short of being able to sing with a big band , which was HIS style and dream. what a bummer for him. but i'm so glad he is off that show because he was just awful.

i was worried for fantasia because her 1st song choice was not so great, but then she brought done the house with the second song and even brought paula to tears (and me too).

and latoyah, i know she is going to win it. and she really is an AMAZING singer. she is perfect. she has the looks, the voice, the power, the moves. but she is nothing DIFFERENT. and even tho her voice has so much power in it, i never see any real emotion in her, or in her eyes. as randy would say "i'm just not feeling it, dawg".

she is just like this perfect perfect emotionless doll that can simulate emotion almost perfectly. and she can sing any style. she is like a fine race horse. and that WILL sell millions of records. and that is what counts in the biz.

but she has never MOVED me the way fantasia or even george does sometimes.

i hope fantasia makes those records tho that will genuinely TOUCH people deep down. like how paula cried. latoyah is like a really amazing thrill ride at a fair. it's exhilerating to hear her sing.
but the exhileration is an outside thing. like a rollercoaster.

fantasia takes you on your own personal INNER spiritual ride. her singing opens a door in you and takes you to a place inside of yourself. and THAT is what i love and THAT is what is lasting, imo.

also, i wish i would see some other emotion from george than just utter pure joy and happiness. i do feel it IS genuine. and maybe he is just one of those rare people who is just always happy and full of joy like a puppy. and if that is so, then i wish i was him!
but if there is anything else in there, i'd love to see that come out. i feel like maybe he is one of those clowns that is very sad on the inside. but i could be totally wrong on that, as i obviously do not know him.

 

2:17pm

i don't rememeber what time i got to bed, but it was early for me! maybe 1am? 2am? then slept til 1:30pm. so i got a TON od sleep and i needed that SO much!

now i must get ready very fast because fuzzybumblebee and i are going uptown to view this fiber exhibit that she is in and i opted not to be in. and then she wants to look for bloomers at clothing stores. so it will be good for me to get out fo the house in the DAYTIME. and do lighthearted things that do not involve crying, drinking, and getting and getting tattooed :)

i totally remembered by dream when i woke up and now i've forgotten the entire thing. no wait.
i dreamt i got a new apartment uptown and the rent for each of us was, surprise surprise $475 a month. oh too funny :) my door opened up into a mall and i was shocked at this but also i knew it would be very convenient.
some punk rock girl fed my cheesburgers and this new chocolate coke (yuck). that is all i have tome to write now. i have to get dressed. i have a big zit on my forehead that makes me feel like a cyclops.