march 31st, 2004
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10:56pm

i didn't accomplish anything today. i just felt out of it.
my neck was a lot better for the 1st part of the day, but then it started hurting again.
it's hard for me to really get anything done, even crocheting, when i can't move my neck at all in any direction.
so, i just watched tv.
i hope tomorrow i'll be better and be able to do something productive. and i'd love to get outside for a walk and to take pictures.

6:35pm

i am really bothered and sickened by the images of the bodies being dragged through the streets in iraq today and then, most especially, hung from the bridge. i really wish i had not seen that. i don't want the image of that in my mind.
i can't imagine how horrible it must be for the families of those people to see that. and then to see people coldly debating it on tv saying that things are still ok because the level of people dying is going down. people are so detached. this is all such a terrible game. the most evil of games ever.
i cannot fathom the amount of hate it took to do that to people.
i can't imagine it. to have that much hate inside oneself must feel like a living hell. it makes me so sad. it's weird but i don't feel anger, i just feel incredibly sad, confused, and nauseous. i really don't have words for this.
i've seen gruesome things before. but for some reason, this one really sickened me especially today. what a horrible world we live in :(

10:18am

 

10:06am

argh. i cannot get comfortable. i almost thought i could sleep. i drank a glass of jason's wine to make me tired and this helped a lot. then the construction got louder. and my room got hotter because on sunny days, at this time of the day, the sun beats down on this brick building and makes my room a furnace. it cools down around 4pm.
if i open my window for air, the construction is louder still.
which mean i must wear the gun silencer headphones, which means i must lay on my back to be comfortable, because any other position makes the headphones dig into my skull. but even with laying on my back, they fit so tight the pain of those will eventually wake me up, too, eventually.

i just want to live in the country. is that too much to ask?

maybe fall asleep or die in my garden. sounds goood to me.

i will now open my window, put on the gun silencer headphones, and attempt to sleep again....in just a minute

*5 sneezes in a row*

9:23am

i shall now rub ben gay on my neck and attempt to sleep again :)

ben gay *snicker*

8:12am

jason thought he saw that i was awake on my cam and came over at 6:30am to say goodbye to me before he left for work.
i wasn't awake, tho....but i am now!

i'm always glad to see my boyfriend, but i hope i can get back to sleep. and there is construction outside now.

i had gotten to sleep at 4am, too, which is early for me these days. so, if i could have just still been asleep, i would have gotten up by noon and still had 8 hours of sleep. *sigh*

now, i hope i do not sleep all day. i am so cursed. i am never going to get a regular schedule back, it feels like. and i am going to miss daylight for the rest of my life.

and my neck is still really killing me.

sorry for so much complaining, but this really sucks!

i was so confused when he woke me, i thought it was 6:30pm and not 6:30am. i was so glad to discover it was 6:30 AM :)