march 26th, 2004
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tomorrow is thunderstorms!

i sure do love thunder :)

i am piecing myself back together.

my mom and i are talking via email in a civil way the last few days.

i am so excited about spring.

i am drinking lager.

i need a regular night of deep regular sleep.

 

7:21pm

my god it was a gorgeous perfect day and i did not make it outside.
but i did get out to do some errands with jason. bought food and stuff.
i'm going over to jason's now to watch movies and have some wine.

the carelessly snotty post in under the bed today threw my whole mental balance off all day and made me nauseous. usually i could take some stupid little comment like that. but i am still feeling so violated from everything that happened with my mother and all her "friends" and just feeling so unsafe that when i saw that in there today it just made me feel like meanness had infiltrated into my inner sanctum and it just made me incredibly nervous.

it greatly pisses me off how some people think i am some sort of high and mighty queen who only receives praises from her sycophants and they feel it is their duty to come in here and try to knock me off my pedestal.

and it's always the ones who have put me on the pedestal in the first place who feel it is their duty to knock me off of it.

don't punish ME because you have put me on a pedestal. it's YOUR trip, not mine.

i just want to be treated with kindness and respect as any NORMAL human being would want to be treated in their own house.

thank you for those who treat me like a normal human being and like a friend. thank you to those who to do put me on a pedestal or knock me off.