march 22nd, 2004
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11:59pm

i hate my mother. i truly do.
i love her, too. more than words can say.
but, my god, i swear i hate her guts.
it is just absolute INSANITY.

after she deleted her billionth lj a few days ago. i found that she had started ANOTHER one. so i email her and ask her what are her plans for lj. and she's like, "oh , i left days ago". then she goes and deletes the new one she had just made and actually had made an entry in it TODAY. so, i tell her that i know of her one that she JUST deleted hours ago. and she's like, "oh, that...ya, i just made that one to post to something anonymously but now i am gone, really!" ha. ya, right.

then she starts getting pissy, sulky and snarky at ME saying that i am "bound and determined" to stay angry with her. and "where is my attempt at forgiving her?" and that i have a "problem" with forgiving. and saying that i am "choosing" not to forgive her and i am "stuck" in my anger. and that i have had a "long time" to forgive her.

EXCUSE FUCKING ME.

she only lied to me AGAIN about saying she was out of lj (oh, i guess she forgot about the OTHER lj she started and actually updated TODAY). and i know the only reason she deleted THAT one, too, is because she knew i was on to her again.

and I'M taking a "long time" forgiving her?
ya, i'm "stuck" in my anger and i have a "problem" with forgiveness.

just..so much more...too much to write. can't write it now.

 

7:32pm

i am able to fit into this one pair of pants that i have not been able to fit into in years! that rules :)

ok, i'm off to my movie now...

5:01pm

my neck still hurts. it is a tiny bit better but it still hurts.
my mom is still emailing me about this entire thing as she tries to come to terms with what happened. and i just am still very angry about it. and i don't feel like typing about that now. i'm just so sick of thinking about it and i can't wait until my mom is done sending me emails about it. gah.

i need to go do a bunch of house stuff that i am totally behind on doing now.
just trying to get my life back in order since everything went to hell and didn't get done as i was dealing with this mom thing and the pain in my neck.

tonight is movie night with carolyn.