march 19th , 2004

11:02am

i'm still up.

and again, the sound of chainsaws and now new mechanical things i cannot decipher what they are. but it sounds like maybe some sort of huge engine or pump or something. just one big constant sound of dissonant hell.

i have my gun silencer headphones on and they hardly help at all.

i'm going to have to go to jason's. i can't deal with this at all.
i wish i could take the dogs with me.

i listened all night long to whitley streiber talking about his book, "the key". i love him and i love his website. i think it's the best thing on the internet for only 4 bucks a month! i wish everyone would subscribe to it. it's seriously amazing.

http://www.unknowncountry.com

7:51am

i think i am more fully realizing now the great gifts that all these trials and tribulations give me. they afford me the opportunity of learning to balance myself and to emanate more fully and more purely and more strongly my true being. by being forced off balance so many times and in so many ways i am learning to balance myself quicker each time and more strongly and competently each time. and when nothing can throw me off balance anymore, i will be so strong that i can afford to cultivate more fully compassion and then forgiveness.