march 7th , 2004
past anagrams	menu	utb

a made a new menu for ana2...go look
i actually i changed a whole bunch of pages, past anagrams, big cam, archive, maybe i changed more i cannot even remember now...

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the quest for tastefulness

this is just the beginning of me redesigning my hat page.
but go take a look so far:
http://www.anacam.com/hats/
and let me know what you think.
i'm wanting to make it look more rich, expensive and luscious.
and i love to mix and match all the designs like a patchwork thing.

i HOPE i have done it tastefully. the word "tasteful" has become way more a part of my vocabulary lately. ever since about a year ago it really hit me like a brick that i wanted to work on being tasteful in things because that is not something i have ever cultivated in my life, so far. i'm a pretty kitchy punk rock grrl :) i don't want to be martha stewart tasteful, i want to be john galliano tasteful. (is he tasteful? he's tasteful in a trashy sort of way...or trashy in a tasteful sort of way). ok, maybe i'll never be truly tasteful. maybe what i mean is high fashion.

john galliano, the man i'd want to be if i were a man:

but i still am not that great of a webpage designer as all i really know how to do it make tables. so....maybe i will have to hire someone to help me with it. it still looks pretty amateur.

but i really dig the backgrounds i've found here:
http://www.citrusmoon.net
i spent hours there last night saving it all. i just love that site! i still have to go back there and click on every single link that women put up in her daily tile-a-day pages. she has the most amazing links! i think that is one of the most delightful sites i've found in quite awhile. i need HER flare of putting together a webpage. she understands frames. i do not totally get frames yet. you'd think i would have figured out all this stuff now being that my website is my life!

i'm trying to update my hat page with a new design and i don't understand how to make an image with a transparent background. in paint shop pro i picked the background to be transparent. then i put white text on top of that and i saved it as a .gif

but it doesn't save as transparent. it's just saves as all white everywhere. the entire image is just white.
what am i doing wrong?

11:39pm

today kind of sucked.

*sourpuss mode on*

fuzzybumblebee and i went to a meeting for the designers of the fashion show.
i thought maybe 5 people would be there, but it was about 20. there were more people than just the designers there. it was lots of people who were coordinating stuff.
i did learn some interesting things but overall i was left will an energy depleting sort of feeling.
first i had a question about nudity for the show saying that i had played first ave many times topless (and i wondered if i could have topless models) and some little prissy bitch said out loud "oh, me too!" and then started laughing with her friend like a bunch of schoolgirls. making fun of me in front of everyone.
i was so astounded by her rudeness i didn't know what to say and just pretended not to care. but in retrospect, i can think of a lot of things i wish i had said to her right then and there to call her on her stupid immature behaviour.
all i could think of to say at the time was, "well, i have!"

god, you'd think i could take 2 steps out of my house without having to deal with assholes.

then at the end of the meeting i said i had brought a few of my hats to show everyone. i thought it would be a good idea for people to get a feeling for what i do and also i wanted to know what they do, too. so we would know how to coordinate things, etc. i wish people had brought photos of what they do. but no one did.

anyway...so i put 5 hats on the table and a few people sort of looked at them with almost zero interest.
and one girl sort of half heartedly said "nice hats".

anyway, that really depleted and deflated me a bit. i mean, ok, so my hats are not everyone's cup of tea.
but i really had not anticipated such a non-reaction from people. it confused me and made me feel really odd.

almost everywhere i go, i always feel like such an outsider. it's been this way all my life no matter how much i try to fit in. maybe that is the biggest reason i miss my job at ragstock, that used clothing store, because i was there for 8 years and it felt like the only place i ever actually fit in and was considered "cool".

i'm always frittering on the edge of many many scenes. but never fully "in" any of them.

and this was my first day in trying to fit into some sort of twin cities fashion scene, and if this meeting is any indication of what i have to look forward to, then screw that. i am far too old to be dealing with this high school type behviour from people and any cattiness etc.

i'm just going to do my own thing in my own way as i always do.
and if that means i never fit in anywhere, then so be it.

now i remember why i never leave the house.

*sourpuss mode off*

anyway, i still do have hope that i will possibly meet some cool new people through this experience. and anna lee, who is the head coordinator of the show and asked me to be in it, is very sweet. if it weren't for her positive energy i'd feel a lot less like being in this show at all. and thank goodness i have fuzzybumblebee as my partner in crime in this :)