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March
4th, 2004 |
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thank you
thank you to all my friends who stick by me and support me with positive words
when i really really need it badly. i know i can be a handful. thank you :)
you are treasures to me :)
figured out that i could make it so that only people i list as a friend can reply to my entries. duh. why didn't i think of that 12 hours ago?
you have to be listed as my friend now in order to reply to any of my entries.
if you list me as a friend but i don't list you back and you'd like to reply
to something, email me what you'd like to reply and i can post it for you.
or i can add you as a friend if you seem friendly enough and have have the
room. sorry it's come to this, but the world seems to be an insane partridge
with a cross up its ass today. i might take this restriction off after it's
died down a bit.
11:16pm
exhausted
i have seriously had to ban 20 or 30 assholes from my journal today. and they
are STILL coming. i don't want to make the posts i have made friends only
because that means they win. and then they create new journals to harrass
me. and then they harrass me in both of my journals.
i have to sit here vigilently by my computer every hour as they just keep
coming in. how long is this going to go on?
i have been called a whore so many times today, and i have been called insane a billion times. i have been called "vile and evil to the core".
i have had hate mail. and pictures with guns to woman head and laughed at and had people say they are raping me by adding me and they laugh.
i have lost people who i thought were really my friends over this. and even people who i thought were the most logical of people have turned on me.
i am so exhausted now. i was doing ok, but it's starting to bother me now a bit. i need to recharge my batteries. maybe if i take a bath it will make me feel better.
i think basically every single woman hater of the world has come out to try and fuck with me today. that is how i feel.
i really feel that this entire thing really highlights how violence against women is such a low priority. how harrassment of women is still seen as nothing to get all that bothered by and the world just looks at the woman and says "get over it. it's all in your head. you're overreacting. you whore." and i have really seen today the true IGNORANCE about this issue today. more than i ever have before.
as if that were not already obvious by looking at the world around us.
but wow. i am astounded and shocked.
i feel shaky.
someone send me some healing energy
please :)
i need some reiki or something....
i feel like i am going to cry...
+++
am i going insane?
<deleted url>
i just took a good friend of mine off my friends list because of this entry here...her response in that entry...
her post was about how she is so
sad about violence against women
and how we need to recognize it.
and then...she is opposed to women being able to take rapists or murderers of their friends list because:
"This time I simply don't agree with you, I'm sorry. I don't believe there's a threat here of you being physically violated, even though you feel emotionally violated by these bullies."
so emotional and verbal violence
i guess isn't IMPORTANT or REAL ENOUGH.
*THIS JUST IN...*
IF IT HAPPENS TO YOU ON THE INTERNET, IT'S NOT REAL FOLKS!
IF THERE IS NO POSSIBILITY OF YOU BLEEDING, IT'S JUST NOT IMPORTANT!
even tho she states we must recognize violence against women and blah blah blah...
please...i'm going insane here.
this is a VERY rational and sensitive
woman!
and she is saying these things!
am *I* insane?
what is going on here?
would someone PLEASE explain this to me before i rip all the hair out of my head from the madness?
here is a TINY fraction of the violence i have encountered on lj against women only today!:
<another url>
what...that doesn't COUNT?
i mean REALLY, i rrrrrrrrreeeeeaaaaallllly
need someone to explain this to me and tell me if i am just fucking insane
or what.
for real. please. please. please.
i really just want to be WRONG about this. because i'd like her to be my friend!
seriously, i need a logical opinion
here.
i can't go to sleep until i get one :(
10:18pm
in other news,
i made it to the bank today and managed to stay relatively sane.
and also paid my very expensive phone bill that was $256.43
also bought 3 cokes and dog food for : $7.89
and i told my aprtment manger that i do not need my car space anymore so that will save me $65 a month :)
10:14pm
i put a simple link in my lj and all hell broke loose:
http://ana.livejournal.com/1324240.html
i really did not see that coming at all. and i've deleted MOST of the very abusive comments.
this spurned me to write this:
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS
one of the most confusing aspects about most of humanity, to me, is it's apparent
inability to sympathize or empathize with any person and that person's situation
if has not happened directly to them or at least very close to directly.
i see this over and over and over. and i think this is one of the major causes, if not THEE major cause of all pain and suffering here on earth.
for instance, most bullies don't understand how what they do affects others until it happens to them. you see this when they have those workshops in schools where they put the bully in a different school and then they tell the kids at that school to bully that person as an experiment. the bully always comes back crying and feeling totally differently about what they have been doing.
and i've seen another workshop where men are sexually harrassed so they understand what it is like and each one is just astounded over their new found knowledge of how that feels.
this is what is going on with people
who do not understand people who want the option on lj to be able to stop
certain people from adding them to their friends list (http://ana.livejournal.com/1324240.html).
(but this post is NOT entirely about this, but is about something larger,
as you will see if you read this entire entry)
i would venture to guess that the people who are against it have not been
harrassed or stalked to the point where they felt unsafe or felt emotionally
damaged by the harrassment. stalking and harrassing people are not just "slightly
annoying trolls". these are people who have caused emotional damage and
or emotional distress to the point that it interferes with your life and you
feel unsafe. unsafe physically and /or emotionally.
contrary to your popular belief, people who have not been harrassed like this, you do not have to KNOW about this or even understand it for this to be true. you do not have to have personally witnessed this for this to be happening to many many people all of the time.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS
and then STOP BEING SO SELFISH.
just because the new lj option that some people want doesn't help YOU or interest YOU doesn't mean that it is a stupid or pointless thing.
this option is not completely about:
1. the word "friends"
2. stopping certain people from reading your journal.
we all know any idiot can simply bookmark your journal. and we all know that
you can make some entries friends only or private.
3. stopping certain people from commenting in your journal.
we all know you can just make commenting friends only
4. banning people from your journal.
we all know we can already do that.
this is also not some trite little
"oh that is an annoying person i think i'll stop them from adding me
to their friends list"
(although i don't see what in the heck is wrong with wanting to stop annoying
people from adding you to their friends list even if they are SLIGHTLY annoying)
this is, for me, and for many other people, having the CHOICE to not be FORCED to see a person's name on your journal that causes you EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. and being forced to LINK to it.
yes, we all know you can hide the friend of list. but WHY should we be forced to do that because of one or two people? and this does not stop us from knowing they are there!
here is a situation:
you have been raped and this person
then starts a livejournal and adds you to their friends list.
should you be FORCED to see their name associated with YOUR journal every
time you write in your journal? and furthermore be FORCED to link to it? sure,
tell lj abuse...but should the victim be FORCED to prove that they were raped
to lj abuse? and should they be forced to tell strangers or anyone that they
were raped? why should the victim be forced into this horrible situation just
because they do not want to be forced to see their rapists name on their own
journal day in and day out?
why should the victim to be forced to be reminded of their rape everytime
they look at their own journal?
maybe your response is, well, i don't mind. i'd LIKE to know that my rapist is reading my journal. but my response to you is that just because YOU would like that does not mean that EVERYONE likes that. because everyone is not YOU. if YOU want to see your rapists name on your journal, then simply LEAVE IT THERE. but for those of us who would like that CHOICE, GIVE IT TO US.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS
what DOESN"T bug you may absolutely emotional DESTROY another. because WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT AND HAVE HAD DIFFERENT EXPERIENCES. you may think it SILLY for someone to want to not have a person be able to friend them whose name is "nancy". but what if their aunt's name was nancy and that aunt died some horrible tragic way or abused them as a child. and what if every single time they saw that name it caused them to have a terrible anxiety attack and relive their abuse? yes, it may seem silly and stupid to YOU because IT DIDN'T happen to YOU. but that doesn't mean that the other person's feelings are not REAL and PAINFUL. WHY not give people a choice? WHY not?
you may say, well, i can read any
journal i WANT to!
well YES, you can! no one is stopping you from bookmarking it "the old
fashioned way".
but why oh WHY would you be SO selfish that you would DEMAND to be able to
stay on a person's "friend of" list if you KNEW that you were causing
them emotional distress by your name being there?
WHY on EARTH would you NOT CARE?? why would you not at LEAST do that person
the politness of bookmarking their journal the old fashioned way so as to
not cause this person pain??
why would YOUR MINOR CONVENIENCE of having them on your frends list instead of simply just making a folder with bookmarks of your favourite journal to read in them be MORE important than stopping a person's pain and distress?
what kind of a world IS this that we are SO removed from each other that we care SO little about another's feelings?
is it all about your ego? you small feeling of "control" or "freedom".
are you really THAT detached from the reality that connected to each journal is a living breathing human being with feelings?
WAKE UP PEOPLE.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS!!!
these journals are connected to REAL
people.
people whose experiences MAY be VERY different than yours.
who are YOU to say that YOUR feelings are MORE important?
is your ego THAT fragile that you
cannot handle the THOUGHT that someone may deny you the "right"
to add them to your friends list?
and then does that make you feel so hurt that you have to ge back at them
by saying "you're gonna stay on my friends lis and theres nothing you
can do about it!"
what kind of a person ARE you that
you would not CARE that you were upsetting someone? these journals are not
just words that are typed by themsleves. they are not just your little minor
entertainment while you are bored at work.
who are you to whine and sulk and cry like a lazy spoiled baby about your
"freedoms" and your "rights" to piss other people off,
or upset people for your MINOR LITTLE CONVENIENCE of having them on your friends
list.
do you have THAT little of control in your life that you find that actually threatening to your ego, your freedom, you basic human rights?
if you force another person to see you name associated with their journal when you know damn wel it upsets them. what kind of right is that? right to be hurtful? freedom to hurt others? freedom to cause others pain for YOUR convenience?
how fucking american. how fucking WORLD.
FREEDOM TO CAUSE OTHERS PAIN FOR YOUR MINOR CONVENIENCE.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS
why should i care that my SUV is fucking up the atmosphere and causing others pain, it's CONVENIENT. why sould *I* care that my shirt was made by slave labour in a third world country, it's CONVENIENT for me to get it at this price! *I* don't have to witness the pain and the suffering it's way over there on the other side of the world.
why should *I* care that adding a person to my friends list causes them pain? they are only words to me. WORDS THAT ENTERTAIN ME WHILE I"M BORED AT WORK. i suck them in and then spit them out. i fuck it like a cheap whore. why should *I* care the whore is in pain? I AM ENTERTAINED AND IT'S CONVENIENT.
ya, i love your journal so much i'm going to add it to my friends list, but i don't give a SHIT about YOU who wrote it. FUCK you. it's MY freedom and right. it's all about me me me. keep entertaining me and i'll continue to say fuck you and cause you pain.
IS THIS THE KIND OF ENERGY YOU WANT
TO BE?
IS THIS THE KIND OF PERSON YOU ARE?
for those of you against giving people
the option to not be forced
to endure people they do not want to be associated with adding them to your
friends list, ask of you...
why are you so afraid?
who are you afraid will say to you "i do not want you to add me to your
friends list"? and why do you think they would say that to you? what
hypothetical situations are playing out in your mind?
do you really feel you are THAT vile of a person that SO many people are going
to deny you your "right" to add them to your friends list that your
ego will come crashing down on you? are you afraid of the rejection? is that
what this is about? YE OLDE FEAR OF REJECTION? and so in order to not find
out any horrible truths you are willing to just have others in pain?
do you really think you are such a terrible person that people are going to
deny you right and left?
and if you are the type of person
to say "FUCK you you're staying on my friends list no matter what degree
of discomfort my actions cause you! my convenience is more important than
your feelings!"
maybe you ARE a terrible person to some degree and so it is your inner knowing
of this that causes you stress and fear to live in a world where OTHER people
have the CHOICE as to whether or not they'd like to be associated with you.
maybe it's time to take a long hard look at yourself and make some changes.
WAKE UP PEOPLE.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS.
you may say, well, adding someone to my friends list who does not want me on their friends list is not the end of the world (TO YOU!), and it's not such a big deal ( TO YOU!), and it's not like i am KILLING anyone.
but it is THE SAME ENERGY, because
it is SELFISH energy.
and it is EXACTLY the same energy as the energy as what is destroying the
world right now.
it may be just a drop in the ocean (TO YOU!)..but that is what everyone says about EVERYTHING. about trash, about using oil, about taking advantage of other people for your convenience.
EVERY action has an affect. EVERY action makes a difference.
YOU may not feel the difference it makes, but that does NOT take away the
FACT that SOMEONE feels it.
BRING THIS INTO YOUR AWARENESS!
i'm not even posting this so that you now go rally that cause.
i'm not posting this so you will now go sign the petition.
i'm not posting this because i think it will change the policy of livejournal.
i'm posting this to bring into your
awareness that even your thoughts on this, this little thing that in the grand
scheme of things not such a big deal (TO YOU!), these thoughts REFLECT the
BIGGER PICTURE. the bigger picture of how selfish we are. how detached we
are from other human beings. and how we are so afraid of rejection.
this is just the TIP of the iceberg. the cancerous iceberg that is eating
away at our humanity.
and this is in dire need of being
addressed, acknowledged and looked at within each and every one of us.
because this is the type of energy that is killing this planet and everything
on it.
the microcosm is the macrocosm.
as above, so below
+++
this caused a HUGE uproar.
it's seriously sickening.
i wrote this to blackswan who is also getting attacked:
"i posted that link and people
went BALLISTIC on me!
i actually lost a few longtime lj friends who thought were kind and logical
people!
i've received hate mail by the hour and had to ban at least 15 + people from
my journal today...all within an hour. and then those people went and made
NEW journals and kept posting in mine (to tell me i was insane). and then
all these mysogynists added me to their friends list just to try to harrass
me. and this is STILL ongoing. people are calling ME evil, insane, a dictator...you
name it. i'll probably be dealing with this for days."
i hope lj sees this shit going on and DOES something about it!
+++
lj abuse question
butt_buddy is one of my many serial adders today who added me to harass me
for the sole purpose of abuse.
so, can i report THIS to lj abuse?
will they do ANYTHING about that?
or is this type of thing totally legal to do?
here is his entry where he quotes me and then tells how he added my friends and i to abuse and harrass:
5:37 pm "this is also not some trite little 'oh that is an annoying person i think i'll stop them from adding me to their friends list'...this is, for me, and for many other people, having the CHOICE to not be FORCED to see a person's name on your journal that causes you EMOTIONAL DISTRESS. and being forced to LINK to it."
*Adds her*
*Adds her friends*
Current Mood: amused
++++
oh here i finally found where all the assholes were coming from who added me to harrass and who are also probably adding you now, as well.
http://www.livejournal.com/community/cereal_adders/2945.html
and some guy laughs as he says that
adding me is like raping me.
as his icon is of a man with a gun to a woman's head holding her down.
and his friend adds that he has "raped" 600 people in the past week.
is this not "content created
solely to harrass"?
++++
here's one of many people who blatantly
serial add
http://www.livejournal.com/users/serial_adder/5583.html
this is ok with lj?
++++
not to mention this:
http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=pritygrlstalker
is THIS ok with lj?
does this count as "content
created solely to harrass"?
as said in their faq?
http://www.livejournal.com/support/faqbrowse.bml?faqcat=abuse