February 4th, 2004
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8:38pm

asked my dad if he could loan me $400 and i would pay him back in 2 weeks.
hopefully i will have it since i am putting lots on ebay soon.

argh. i HATE asking that of him. it's SO embarrassing.
rrrreeeeaaallly embarrassing.

but i had to suck it up and do it.
and i have to suck it up and sell these things.
that is just the way it is. oh well.
i can't dwell on the horridness of it too much or i'll drive myself insane.
i've been worse off than this before and i've made it through that in one piece, so...

7:51pm

looking through books to sell. the 1st ones to go may be my big coffeetable books.
and also i have a lot of fetish photography books. hard to part with.
but....hmmm....rrrrr....aaa....hard to decide.

7:27pm

i can do it. i can come up with the money.
i always do. i'm zipping around my house for things to sell.
also, i will make some quick hats and scarves.
making scarves and hats is never "quick", i mean, quicker than a very elaborate hat.

7:25pm

aaaah, fuck it. i had to buy some pop.

money spent:

$12.21

2 cokes, a red bull, and dog food

6:07pm

i need to come up with $375 immediately, somehow.
i finally have enough to pay for rent. but i need $225 for electricity and $156 for my server.
now.
or both will be shut off.
i have to find things to sell. and i pray that people will buy.
argh.

and i have to stop buying absolutely everything that is not 100% essential. this even means soda. i will just drink tea made from tap water from now on. and i must cancel that audible.com thing.

maybe my dad can loan me $375. argh.
i hate this so much. it makes me want to cry.
overwhelming.

but i do have to get to the little store and buy some dog food today.

4:50pm

i'm so aggravated. i bought $29.86 worth of yarn on january 15th from a person/company on ebay.
i still haven't received it yet. they emailed and said they sent it priority mail on jan 24th.
i still haven't received it.
i emailed them twice now and asked what address did they send it to so i can make sure it was the right one.

haven't heard anything back yet.
i've bought from them before and it was ok.
they have mostly positive feedback. they are a powerseller so they have thousands of positive feedbacks.
but they do have 83 negative and 12 negative in the last month.
i looked at those and they were all people who did not receive their item and then this seller wouldn't return their emails.
i hope to god this doesn't happen to me. i'm scared.
i don't have 30 bucks to just blow to the wind.
and negative feedback doesn't affect this seller because they have thousands of positive.
and the people who did finally receive a refund only received 50% refund.
what a huge bummer this is.