December 12th, 2003
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10:27pm

the guy is still yelling at me for not answering the question about the symbols on my cam.
i ANSWERED his question but he just will not see that i did.
how can we ever evolve as a human race if this is the kind of shit that goes on?

i did actually get into a good mood for several hours after i talked to my friend carolyn on the phone for several hours. i love her so much. she is such a good friend to me. she is the only person in my life who i have had a relationship with a consistent basis for decades who has NOT freaked out on me or gone weird on me or played any weird mind trip games on me. she is a good egg and i know i can always count on her to be consistent, logical, humane, and kind and intelligent.

we hadn't talked on the phone like that in a great while.
i never talk on the phone anymore.
i used to be such a phone person.

i sing great songs of friendship and praise to all thee universes about carolyn.

i think there are a few other people in my life who will be with me for decades to come , too.
one is thee ever great and glorious eebomb.
and carolyn and she know each other, too. the met eachh other long ago but i did not even know they knew of each other until a few years ago. i love when my friends know each other.
it makes SENSE. and i love when there is sense in the universe because i see so little of it lately.

3:51pm

now i am getting YELLED at by the guy who asked my the reason for the symbols on my cam and i told him "because". i guess i should have made up some high brow arty reason to satisfy him.
people need to chill the fuck out. i am so sick of people flipping out on me for no reason! i don't need it!
i get yelled at over EVERYTHING. no i cannot even put dots on x's on my cam picture without somebody having a cow. what is WRONG with people???

that guy should feel lucky i even took the time to email him back AT ALL to explain to him that there was no meaning to the symbols.
i don't OWE it to anyone to explain ANYTHING.
i don't email back hardly EVER. but i took the time out to email him now 3 times!

2:47pm

i am having the worst time staying on this atkins!
sometimes it is harder for me to do, sometimes it is easier.
i don't know why.
i think i may have to resort to getting off my ass an actually *gasp* excercise!
yep, there is no way around this blaring truth!

i just can't deal with going down and walking on that treadmill because i feel like a dork.
but what i always used to do for excercise id dance.
then my stereo broke.
right now all i have is little computer speakers and i listen to mp3s.
i need to dig through my cds and find the ones i used to dance to and make mp3s of that.
and then make a song list for my windows media player that will be my dance tape.
i miss making compliation cassettes.

then each day i will dance for an hour, like a complete dork, on cam.
but it must be done if i don't want to turn into a fat squid.

 

i'm not worried about this flu thing running rampant throughout the land.
and i'm not going to get a flu shot.
i'm just not worried about it.
i've never had a flu shot, and i've never had a problem.

another thing i want really bad is a juicer and a food processor.
i want to jump on the eating more raw foods bandwagon.
i think that sounds like a marvelous idea.

i need more VEGGIES.

oh, ya, the south beach diet...i can eat veggies with that.
all the south beach diet is common sense.
eat low fat protein and 2 cups of veggies with each meal.
well, duh. that's what i should do.

and excercise!

i'm not really eating that much at all. i'm not gaining any weight.
so i'm not eally worried about that.
i just want to lose a few more and get a little bit less flabby.
i wish i had it in me to lift weights. but i just don't.
i'd love to hve a muscular body, but i dont have to disipline or willpower to go through the pain to get one.
i don't see how ANYONE can find "the burn" a pleasant experience they would want to repeat.
i'm a hedonist not a masochist.

 

4 days until i see my mom.
when i think of it i literally break out into a cold sweat
i don't know how i am going to make it...

some guy is emailing me about the symbols on the cam.
what do they MEAN? WHY are they there?

they don't mean anythning. and they are there because.

2:42am

ok, NOW i'm going to bed...
i'm so bad.

1:34am

i've just been lost in thought...
lost in projects...
doing daily life...
listening to coast to coast..
staying up too late until the sun comes up...
weighed 106.6 today.
but i broke down and ate spaghetti for dinner

jason is finally having a break from schoool. he doesn't have to go to school again until the beginning of february.
huzzah!

i better try to get to bed now...
i have to stop going to bed at 7am...