December 7th, 2003
past anagrams	menu	utb

11:50pm

i'm a little bit depressed. i hope i snap out of it.
i think it that i haven't been outside in so long. outside as in I NEED SUMMER BACK!
i'm already getting the winter blues. i need some sunlight. it's been grey for days.
it seems i've been working for days on so many projects, but none of them get completed.
i have too many irons in the fire, but they will all probably get done on the same day.
i'm sick of jason being in school and not seeing him much. i can't wait until he is done in may.
this atkins diet is bumming me out. i need a salad..
a big yummy salad with sunshine.
the holidays always get me a little bit tense, too.
i'll be fine. it's just a temporary blahness and tension.
i'm sorry i haven't made pictures the last few days.
i will gt back to it, just give me a minute...

5:50pm

i didn't do very well on my first 2 days of atkins. so yesterday was the 1st day i made it through with no carbs and today is the 2nd day. i am already super sick of it. i may switch to the south beach diet which allows you to also eat many vegetables during the 1st 2 weeks. i could do that, no problem. i need to get that south beach diet book and look into it more.

i am still super hurt from my so-called friend humiliating me.
and had to go and barr another person in photocontest for cheating.

people really suck sometimes. grrrr.

i'm going to listen to dreamland and spin and try to get my mind off of this.

4:48pm

i'm sick of shitty friends. i stood up for one of my friends in her lj against a total asshole.
today i see she has not only not acknowledged that i did this for her but actually sided with the asshole.
this is like the 4th time she has humiliated me.
i don't know why i give people so many chances. i guess it's because she has so many good qualitities, too.

i have tried so hard to be her friend but at least once i year she will majorly humiliate me.
and so...that is the last straw.
my feelings are extremely hurt. i feel very dissed and disappointed.
but that's it. no more chances for her. she has blown it with me for the last time.
and then she wonders why she can't keep friends or jobs.
she shoots herself in the foot time and time again.
i can't take any more of it.
i know she is mentally ill and so i try my best to give her a break for that,
but it doesn't help me much when she keeps hurting me over and over again.
i feel so sad and angry.

i had another dear friend i had to let go of, too, a few months ago
because he would just not respect my feelings and would belittle them.
i think about him everyday and still i want to rectify it.
i hate how i can not let go of people.
but these are people i truly care about and who i THOUGHT truly cared about me.

it's a hard fact of life when people who you thought cared about you show how much they truly do NOT care.

it's a hard pill to swallow.

*goes off into corner to lick wounds*