November 13th, 2003
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8:14pm

 

i actually get to see jason for 2 hours, so i'm going over to his house for a bit.

 

4:32pm

i think i'm done cleaning for today. i am so sleepy now.
i only got 5 hours of sleep.
i still have so much yet to clean, but i did get a lot done again.
my room was just FULL of stuff. i had no room to even walk.
now the other room is even more messy, but at least i don't have to look at it.
my bedroom is already so much more peaceful with all that stuff out of here.
it feels so much more restful. thank god. clutter hurts my brain.
and i vacuumed my floor and have new sheets on my bed.
now i just need a little bath, but i'm too sleepy to move.

i want my bedroom to look really fab-tastic when the documentary people come.

some day i am going to be a really neat person. i am working towards that.
i cannot wait until that day.

3:11pm

 

well, my talk with the canadians went excellently!
my attitude has totally changed towards it.
these people are sensitive and insightful.
and i think this is going to be a great documentary and i'm happy to be part of it!

woo hoo!

they are coming on november 24th and staying for 3 days :)

it's going to be fun!

now i must make some food and clean a bit more.
i feel so much better about this documentary now :)

and they are even going to pay me $300 for my time!

this is the FIRST time i have ever been paid for this kind of thing!
how cool is that???

now i can get that camcorder!

1:31pm

cleaning cleaning cleaning...
which mostly means putting the stuff in my bedroom into the "livingroom" and letting THAT room be messy instead...
looking into satin sheets so that dog fur will not stick to it...

in 1/2 an hour that canadian tv co. is gonna call me.
i wish i could say i was looking forward to it..looking forward to them taping me for their show. but i'm not. these things are exhausting to me and i hate rehashing the same old thing over and over again. the same old questions of "why do you do it? why do people watch you? are there lots of weirdos? do you have sex on cam? what does your boyfriend think? are you an exhibitionist? how much money do you make?"
bah.
they never REALLY want to know the REAL reasons behind what i am doing. they never want the REAL answers to any of their questions. they have all made up their minds what they want from you before they even meet you...and all their work is is to edit me to conform to their already pre-existing ideas.
and i have a feeling they want me to be HIGHLY entertaining. yippee.
well, of course, that makes sense. it's a tv show.
and i am highly entertaining.
i just hate selling myself.

i'm not going to jump through any hoops.
they can take me or leave me, as is.

and i hate film crews at my house.
it's exhausting.

maybe i shouldn't even do this.
i hate being at the beck and call of film crews.
i hate being at the mercy of the interviewer and the editor.

*sigh*

i should be jumping at this chance.
it's a great opportunity.
anacam and ana2 wouldn't be what it is without tv shows i do.
i AM thankful that tv somewhere still wants me.
i'm just so tired of doing the same old tv show for 6 years.
why can't they do something different and original with it?

10:46am

 

+++

i'm watching a sony dcr trv10 on ebay. it still has 4 days to go so, i'm sure it will be more expensive in 4 days, but i will try to get it even tho i can't afford it. but i have to cam that is not blurry, don't ya think?

if anyone wants to do my the favor of donating for the cam, it would be greatly appreciated! i will even take it off what you owe me for ana2. you could paypal me the $ and then i will not charge you for the next few months..for however months it is worth that you give me.
even if you only send me 2 or 3 dollars, that would help!
but i must make it clear that i am not accepting this $ for ana2 or anacam, i am accepting it for a camcorder (i must say that)

for the love of god, do NOT put in the payment that it is for ana2 or ANYTHING to do with ana2 or anacam. say it is for a donation for a camcorder!
if you mention anything to do with my website in the payment you send me i will get my account shut down permanently! so pleeeeeeeaaaaaase don't do that, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase.

let me repeat that just to make sure you read that part because it is SOooooooooooo IMPORTANT :)

for the love of god, do NOT put in the payment that it is for ana2 or ANYTHING to do with ana2 or anacam. say it is for a donation for a camcorder!
if you mention ANYTHING to do with my website in the payment you send me i will get my account shut down permanently! so pleeeeeeeaaaaaase don't do that, pleeeeeeeaaaaaaaase.

my paypal ID is ana101@hotmail.com

the sony dcr trv10 is the cam that i had before with the nightvision.
i thnik it would be nice to have that cam back!
no more blurry cam! and i wanna take pictures at NIGHT like i used to!

here is the link to it on ebay:

http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=2964502623&category=20333&rd=1

please don't bid against me!