October 27th, 2003
    
     
     

well, the day ended on a good note.
i went to the movie with carolyn.
i don't remember what it was called, but i will find out.
it was darkly humourous. all i can say is that it was like a russian fellini.
it was great to make myself leave the house and go see a movie with one of my best friends.

 

 

6:11pm

i'm just going to go crochet now to calm down.
and eat something.
i need to eat.

5:40pm

today just fucking sucks!
people are petty and irritating and idiotic.
i keep getting bombarded with the stupidest shit.
draining draining draining.

1st a girl is pissed someone used her photo for the photocontest community icon.
even tho she saw we made this icon 20 days ago. and i waited to see if it was ok with everyone,
she seeths quietly about it for 20 days then posts about it in her lj instead of just emailing me and telling me she felt unconfortable with her photo being part of that icon. making me look like an idiot.
can we say passive aggressive people SUCK?

so, i take the icon down and apologize. and then i ask in that community WHOSE photo would LIKE to be in the NEW icon? and i get railed on for not doing THAT correctly. a mini discussion on how is the EASIER way to make the icon. apparently it's EASIER for me to go to everyone's lj , find their email, ask them by email, wait for their answer to reply in my already stupid full inbox and wade through all my stuff in there to find all the one's that replied and said yes and then put all that info into notepad so i can remember.
what the hell? WHY is that even worth debating?
for cryin' out loud, just let me make the fucking icon in PEACE!
do i really need all my processes on how to make an icon critiqued?
NO ONE ELSE has volunteered to make the damn thing.
just.let. me make it. in p.e.a.c.e.
i'm nitpicked to DEATH.
my god.

and then that guy under the bed who was so HELPFUL to give me that GREAT advice of ,
"but why do you think so much about your mom?
i mean, the solution to the problem is so easy: simply let her read, write and say anything she wants.
who cares?so if i were you, i'd give her a free membership and then ........... simply don't care anymore."

WHAT THE HELL???

so i said:

"i mean, seriously...do you expect me to read what you wrote and go "hey! gosh! it's so SIMPLE! i just have to not CARE! WHY didn't *I* think of that? and hey...why not give her a FREE membership while i'm at it so she can abuse me even further! yay!"

i mean, really, what the hell were you thinking?
you know if we ,humans, had a switch we could switch off to not care about abusive mothers, i think we all would have switched that by now.if we all had a switch like that there would no war. no nothing, actually.

but really, if you can turn your caring on and off so SIMPLY, please do share with me how you do it. because i would be happy as hell to know how."

*insert multitude of swear words here*

 

what is the deal with today????

 

4:49pm

didn't get any cleaning done.
maybe i will be able to do a little bit now that i feel i've actually accomplished
something a bit creative. it was good to focus on pictures.
it helps me stay grounded and focused.

 

3:25pm

made some cool pix

2:34pm

i'm sick of feeling out of sorts
i'm doing everything in my power to "snap out of it"

 

12:45pm

it's all about cleaning my house right now.

"867-5309....." *does a little dance* :)

11:40pm

i'm not doing a great job at getting up REALLY early in the morning. but at least i AM getting in the MORNING.
i'm going to have to actually set my alarm for 6am and make myself get up in the next few days.
i leave on thursday morning and i come back on sunday night.
kiitos and eebomb are going to take care of the wooket masters.

i am still positively freaked that my mom has access to my journal entries in here.
i just feel so extremely invaded and violated.
i don't even know what more i can say about it.

i'm just going to keep on doing what i do.
but i must say i feel very unsafe and depressed about this situation.

i just don't even know what to say.
when i try to type about it my brain almost just shuts off because it can't take it in.
it's just too much.