October 18th, 2003
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4:15pm

went to the stores and bought many beverages to help me wake up.
nuked a mexican tv dinner and i'm waiting for it to cool.
today i seriously must clean my house.

a certain weird girl who hates me went off on me again in her lj.
i don't know why this girl hates me so much. i don't know her and i don't talk to her.
she is still ranting about things that happened eons ago. she deleted the entry now so i didn't see it,
but judging from people mean replies it was about that picture of my tampon from about 6 years ago.
and also how my hats are ugly or something.
there are so many people who really hate me.
and then her post is even being discussed in other forums on other sites.
it's just absolutley insane.
i wish i could say these things don't bother me.
but it's just freaky bizarre how really visciously mean people are to me.
i don't get it. it does hurt. it's confusing.
and all these nasty things people write about me stay up on the net forever and get distributed and even more warped as people cut and paste them all over the net throughout the years.
and yes, i do mean people WILL still be talking about this and distributing it everywhere years from now.
this really happens to me.
it's really disconcerting.

and a friend of mine who is a friend of this girl's now lost her friendship with this girl because she stood up for me.
i'm glad that she stodd up for me. not many people do when the bullies come out to play.

it's also weird because the girl who made fun of me has a forum that really makes fun of her and calls her orca the whale and such.
it's weird that she cannot see the connection between people making fun of her and she making fun of me.
and then this OTHER girl also made fun of me and was laughing with glee with the people making fun of me and then she posted in her journal about why she doesn't understand it when people post mean things about other people.

how can people be this stupid and blind?

i really hate waking up to shit like this. especially after my bad night last night.

there seriously must be something astrological going on for everyone to be fighting so much lately.
are you fighting also with the people around you?

i need to step back and take a deep breath.

thankfully, it's a gorgeous day outside. 77 degrees!
and when jason gets back from school ( yes, he is even there on a saturday!),
we are going to go for a walk.

it must be about 90 degrees in my apartment. it really heats up in here and there is no air conditioning anymore.
and here is no breeze whatsoever so cool things off.

i just drank a red bull to wake up and now i have a vanilla coke.
i am going to put on some happy 80's music and clean a bit now.

having my house clean will really cheer me up and then i can get back to taking pictures.

3:17pm

i feel discombobulated. but everything's ok.

 

4:37am

the moment of clarity:

you have 10 minutes until you die.
you can leave 21 words behind.
what words do you choose?

+++

ok, i put myself to the test and here is what i decided to say within those 10 minutes:

rachael/ana, girl, an artist who was here and loved.
looked for beauty in the small things.
now i am one.

 

3:56am

it was a crazy day. almost everyone i know i had a fight with either their significant other or someone who was close to them.

i wonder what was going on astrologically.

3:11am

what a crazy stupid night.

this whole day has been crazy and stupid.

i won't even get into it. so fucking exhausting.

tomorrow is another day to start all over and it will be fine.

sorry to have worried you.

sometimes life is just nuts and things get out of control so fast because everyone is at their wit's end.

know what i mean?

life. augh.

what can u say???

we all need a vacation.

thanks for being there. i ALWAYS appreciate that. ALWAYS.

 

 

1:21am

i don't know if jason and i broke up or what.
this sucks.

i am so confused and hurt.