October 2nd, 2003
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9:32pm

i have a great desire to do some little cam shows that are very abstract and seemingly pointless.
this amuses me endlessly.
i hope they will also amuse you endlessly.
i don't know why...just certain images and motions appear to me
they have no meaning that i know of.
so when you see them appear here and there, i hope they will make you wonder and smile
i might tell you beforehand when they appear, or they might just appear...
either way...they will be archived :)

 

9:17pm

2 hats and dinner:

i'm realizing that food is art.
taste IS like sound or colour and it can be combined into a multitude of harmonies...
how you cook it is like adding effects to that note...
I LOVE SUSHI! it makes me purrrrrrr....

5:07pm

i'm feeling rather headachey and sick today...

3:47pm

2 things i was going to write:

1. i'm sick of waking up with a headache
2. i think i've been thinking so much my head is about to burst.

hmmm, could these 2 things be related? haha :)

now that i know that sometimes when i draw things out and i don't know why i am drawing them and that later on these things can contain things from the collective unconscious that are almost like messages to myself (like my "future self" is doing the drawing, knowing that someday this drawings will decode themselves to me at a later date),i wonder if this will ruin it for me now...i wonder if every time i draw now i will over analyze what i am drawing instead of being blissfully unaware and therefore being more "pure".

i sure hope not. i hope i can continue to make my art in a "pure" way.

it hit me the other day how society has really killed the soul of a lot of art and artists. how society really sees art as only being entertainment and not as a spiritual message or a spiritual journey of any sort.

we take these women singers, who really, in the past,could have been shaman...teachers..healers...priestesses.
and "the biz" just makes them into little packages of instant sexual gratification and nothing more.
a quick wank and then NEXT!

a person like christina aguilara(i can never spell her last name, sorry), really could have been taught from birth that her voice is an instrument of healing and teaching. that notes are music are vibrations containing witin them great powers to heal or to destroy.
she could have been a great "sacred whore", a priestess of a temple taught in the powers of sexual healing, kundalini eergy, the power of vibration, music, notes, healing, teaching, opening up energy centers...

but they are blinded to this and instead she is a quick wank off.

mariah carey, too. her voice could be a great instrument.
it's so powerful it gives me chills even when she is singing the most trite songs on earth. it's a shame that power was not harnessed and instead is just used for the shallowest of entertainment.

i think it's a great loss to humanity that we let these precious things slide past us without as much as a shrug.

it's like the beautiful blue opera singer in the movie "the 5th element" who had hidden in her body the coveted sTone that was the key the the 5th element, love, that saved the planet from utter doom.

i think this is the major confusion i was put through when i got signed to major labels. i was thoroughly mindfucked that they thought all i had to offer was just mere "product" and "entertainment". i was just a pretty wad of flesh that equalled quick bucks.

i'm all for entertainment. i think entertainment is a great form to PUT "enlightenment" and "light" (knowledge).
but to see only the messenger and not the message is a great tragedy.

i'm never going to let that happen to me again. i am never going to allow myself to be bamboozled so greatly and so DEVALUED that i lose sight of everything i was trying to do and say. my entire "mission" was completely clogged with their utter blindness. they covered up my light, clogged my ARTeries with fear and greed.
i was in such a state of confusion over this that i tried to go along with it, hoping i would see a way out at some point and i would regain my balance.
the only way out was to get away from these stunted people.

and now i finally feel i can be truly aware of the potential of art to heal and teach so that i'm never going to be bamboozled again into thinking that the greatest thing art can achieve is to just entertain and nothing more.