anagram 12.28.99

well, this might be the last anagram of the millenium because tomorrow morning , 7am, i leave for san francisco and i'll be back on the night of january 2nd! i wish i could make an extra special anagram and write something really profound about the passing of time, etc. etc. but heck...i'm just boiling eggs and then i gotta do laundry and pack..and time is just an illusion anyway! i know when the clock strikes midnight it will be a "ok, well, that's done and over with" feeling, like all the other new year's. or perhaps this time space ships WILL come down from the sky and take me away!

i haven't made a new anagram in awhile 'cause i was so drained from the whole holiday thing, even though i DID have a nice time :) and i was really drained from the whole porn discussion, which i'm still trying 2 digest. i was so ooked out by most of the men's response, it just bummed me out. i didn't know that just about every single guy on the planet looks at porn and thinks it's no big deal. but then, it could be i got that kind of response because there are a lot of men that look at my site because of the nudity. which really ooked me out more than average...it really hit me how many guys are watvching my site and perhaps jacking off. i mean, i KNEW that was happening, but maybe i could only grasp that in a abstract sense.

so then i was just feeling like covering up because i didn't want to be that. but then i boomeranged back to my way of thinking that i'm not going to stop being a sexual person or being nude just because a bunch of guys will take that and twist it into their sexual way. i'll just be sexual in my way, and those that are going to get it are going to get it and those that aren't..are just not going to. i mean, guys will jack off to me even if i stayed totally clothed, because, it seems, a lot of guys are just like that. like i received some emails from guys who jack off to the image of their female coworkers...imagining what is underneath their clothes. so their really is no escape from it, unless i went into the mountains or the desert and became a total hermit.

anyway, i can't explain all that i feel right now about it because it's just too draining. and once again let me say that i'm not saying all porn is bad and all men are bad. but on the whole, i will say that most porn and most men really weird me out and i think there is such major differences for me that, if something were to happen where jason and i weren't going out anymore, i don't think i would go out with men anymore because there are too many fundemental differences for me.
at least that is how i feel right now.

so on that note....ummm....LOL :)
i think the internet is an amazing place that we could all discuss that! and i'm sure we'll discuss it more! 'cause i still have to write my "porn and sex part two!"
and i wonder what will happen to me in san francisco? i hope i make it back in one piece with cool pix for a kick ass new anagram! i'm bringing my laptop with me to san fran and i'll be transmitting from there, but i don't know if i'll bring my laptop out with me on new year's eve...'cause i want to walk around on the streets and take it all in and to carry a heavy laptop and try to take cool pictures...it would be hard to do. i wish i had a digital camera!

oh, and the streaming video has been not working for quite some time now. i don't know why and i don't know when it'll be fixed, but i am working on getting it switched over to the realplayer instead of emulive until it gets fixed. but i can't get my real publisher to work right now, either :( but when i get back from san franciso i hope it'll get rectified one way or the other!

here are two posts from geoffrey from NY, that i thought were really well said:

Posted by Geoffrey in NY on December 25, 1999 at 22:35:35:

In Reply to: Re: another question posted by ANA on December 23, 1999 at 16:15:26:

A man who enjoys porn video, or strip clubs, or phone sex, or internet porn, or porn magazines, or any other form of "distanced" and "non-interactive" female nudity ought to examine:

1. Whether porn might stunt the development of his sexual soul.
2. Whether sex with the woman he loves improves, or fizzles out.
3. Whether 1 and 2 might be related.

I agree with ana that porn is "junk food".

Men who enjoy porn are bankrupting themselves sexually. Porn is alienating for the viewer. It often feels erotic, provocative, and appealing; but it asks nothing of the viewer. While a viewer may become a coneseaur of porn, and develop taste and preferences within the confines of what is offered, the viewer himself often can not really grow and evolve, and certainly there is a limit to the growth and evolution.

A man needs to ask himself "Who am I?" from a sexual perspective. This is not a question answered easily. The first time you ask yourself this question, you probably won't know where to begin, or understand what the question is really asking.

The question asks you to engage in self discovery and self actualization. A man who is happily addicted to one form or another of "non-interactive" female nudity, in one way or another is likely to be inhibited and alienated in his sexual soul. He may lack confidence, and may believe the porn to be at least one dependable form of relief. He may have no hope that an actual woman in his life could non-judgementally provide the sexual dynamite that pornography can.

Ironically, many woman, who typically don't have the socially accepted avenue of easy arousal by pornography available, hope and expect that their own sexual adventure and exploration will occur in the context of their relationships. For a woman in her late teens, and early 20's, the patchwork experiences they are apt to encounter will do little to provide sexual dynamite, and these women will search throughout their 20's for a partner who is ready to grow together sexually with her in a meaningful way. "A meaningful way" is a phrase that goes beyond sexual technique, and knowing where a clitoris is located (although that's necessary!), and is meant to envelope the idea of sexual soul searching.

And so, that porn-addicted male, and that relationship-hopeful female meet and attempt to relate. But she feels threatened by the porn, and rejects it, at least partially because it seems like an alien distraction. He feels threatened by her rejection, believing that she must be uptight and square, and terribly non-accepting, and that she has rejected HIM in some way. And so, right at the start, there is an impasse, and the male sneaks off to a closet to jerk off, and the female eventually believes her man isn't very adventuresome. He thinks she isn't very openminded, and she thinks he doesn't make much of an effort toward an imaginative love life.

In a way they are both right, but I have come to a point in my life (I'm 37 and a hetero male) where I actually blame the man more. Here is why:

If the pornography has been so liberating and freeing, in the man's mind anyway, then it ought to be his place to take the initiative and to bring this supposed knowledge and freedom into the relationship. But that's an absurd concept, isn't it? All he really has learned is how to make himself come in under 10 minutes.

What is really needed is for the couple to learn more about their sexual selves. Yet this isn't 1970 when the first big screen porno movie had yet to be made. It's 2000, and we all know what cocks and cunts look like. So no one is really all that cutting-edge anymore when he watches a porno flick. It's not much of a political statement, unless you're living in Afganistan under the Taliban. Viewers are just getting their rocks off.

So while the woman COULD become more "open" about pornography, I think that ultimately is just turning down the same deadend where the man has spent too much time already. I think the first order of business, for the man and the woman, is to begin examining the meaning of sexual acts and defining your sexual self.

So how to learn about your sexual self?

I agree with ana that a man needs to think about what it means to put his penis in another person. One of the best ways to think about that is to imagine what it would be like to be penetrated anally with a nice safe latex thingy about the "same size as his own penis with a partner he trusted", as Ana wrote. It really IS a marvelous thought exercise. At the very least, a man must try to grasp the meaning of that act. If the thought does not seem erotic, then THAT is an important realization which MUST NOT be dismissed with the disclaimer "I'm not gay" because gayness isn't the question. What sort of person ARE you to perform a non-erotic act on another person? If you claim to be sensitive, then you should begin by being sensitive to the significance of what you do, and what you convey though your acts.

The lessons learned though this thought exercise can be generalized to other sexual behavior. And the lessons will lure a man away from the cold comfort of "non-interactive" female nudity, toward a more satisfying place, via a journey he takes with his mate.

Sex really isn't all about pastel colors and flowers and tender touches; there is power, and submission, and dominance, and above all: these things manifest in a huge variety of ways. At the same time that person A performs oral sex on person B.
Person A controls person B's sexual experience and response
Person B surrenders genitals to person A's control
In fact, each person is submissive to the desires of the other, but in different ways. There is a power exchange.

Opening yourself to the meanings of these acts, is what you must do to discover, and value, your sexual soul.

Finally, to answer answer ana's "another question", I frankly think that most men in their 20's haven't thought that hard about any of this, and don't realize that the real woman in their life can and ought to be better than porn, and if the woman is NOT better than porn, then he is at least 50% to blame for not embarking on that journey with her.

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Posted by Geoffrey in NY on December 28, 1999 at 08:06:57:

In Reply to: Re: porn posted by Gilbert on December 27, 1999 at 22:44:58:

>> I think men love porn because there is no performance preasure. We can just let loose and release what we would normaly repress. <<

That's great. The real question is how to overcome the feeling of performance pressure in your relationship. Shouldn't that be a goal?

Most women you will love are going to be hoping that you will "let loose and release" with them in the room.

How would you like it if you found out that your girlfriend was giving great blowjobs to a cucumber, while masturbating, but didn't want to suck your cock?