anagram 12.21.99

i had a really intense crappy day yesterday. here is a post about part of it:

Posted by ANA on December 21, 1999 at 14:28:47:
In Reply to: WORKS NOW! posted by Celtic King on December 21, 1999 at 14:19:19:
sometimes the sound can't stay connected. i don't know why. so i keep hitting the connect button until it works again.
the net..ya gotta love it..ya gotta hate it

i am not having a good day
i am trying to gey all my camcorders and theit tripods back out of the thing room so i can reconnect them and clean the thing room.
i put them in there because my mom was over yesterday
well, the tripod wouldn't fit through the door and it made my best mirror that was in th ehallway split into a bunch of pieces :((
my only really good mirror.

the vacuum cleaner barely works. little shards of glass in the carpet

had my oven on ( electric ) for heat..now it's smoking so i turned it off. but now it really smells in here. FUCK. and it's still smoking and i hope the fire alarm doesn't go off

my head hurts.

i haven't eaten anything today
i don't feel hungry
there is nothing here to eat anyway
except a can on black eyed peas and a can of kippers
i do have some miso ramen

fuck
fuck
fuck

i am too overstimulated. i can't deal with this.
i don't know what to do.
my head hurts
i need to eat so i can take an excedrin

argh.

i really need someone here to help me out and calm me down and pat my head and motivate me and help me clean. argh. fuck.

it's too much

i'm going to go TRY to eat SOMETHING now so i can take an excedrin so i can have no headache so i can clean

kvknvoehvo;ejg;oerjg;oejgoejgoejge
---------------
then later on in the day, i still hadn't gotten the thing room cleaned and the piano was coming the next day ( today ). so i just through everything into the hallway and into the livingroom to make room for it. now it's here and i can't really believe it true i have a piano. it's so BIG and SHINY and wonderful :) i saved a picture of it and now i can't remember where i saved it to, so i'll put it in the next anagram. jason was playing philip glass music on it today. he is so good at that :) i can't wait until i can get the microphone into that room. i don't have the sound on today 'cause i've decided not to have it on when jason is home unless i can figure out a better way to tell him when it's on. so i will have the sound on when i can get it to be only in the thing room and when he's not home.

anyway. so yesterday was stressful. and my stomache was just writhing and my head hurt so much. at the end of the night i was so claustrophobic and anxious.then i went over to isabellacam.com to go visit her and see what was up. and she inspired me to play with my lighting a bit and then i was inspired to make some cool pix. i was starting to be happy nad smile..then i put on jeff buckley's album "grace", and the song called "grace" on there always rips me apart 'cause his voice is so sorrowful and beautiful. and it's extra sad 'cause he drowned a few years ago so his lyrics are extra sad and eerie because he sings about saying his last goodbyes and even drowning and how he is not scared of death. i wish i could have met him. i found out about him because he was on columbia records when i was. and his album, "grace" , came out around th esame time as my album "spool forka dish". too bad they butchered his album cover the same way they butchered mine. i remember this cool guy that worked there was complaining about his album cover being so awful to this other woman who was also in charge of me and she was all offended that this guy was hating the album cover because she said she was friend's with jeff...and i agreed with the guy..they DID butcher his album cover..and that girl that was all offended bugged the crap out of me. i won't mention names. now he's dead, and he leaves behind this incredible album with a bad cover. it's a shame. anyway, i'm glad i found out about him.
and this is totally off the subject..but i'll mention it 'cause it's crossed my mind now...but i remember when i first visited columbia records and they are in this huge tall building that was at&t's or something..all white marble and the address was 666 something. anyway...i was going up the elevator and i remember these tiny cute sulking english boys all in black leather and later on it hit me that that was the band SUEDE ( called the londom suede in the usa ). whem i saw thei r video a year later i remembered that. i love suede. so it's just so weird and cool that i was in an elevator with them before i knew who they were :)
oh..and jeff buckley's dad is also a singer/singwriter, tim buckley. but i've never heard his music yet.
i found a place that has jeff buckley singing live on a radio show here:

http://www.liveconcerts.com/lcarchive/instudio/kcrw/940728/Jeff_Buckley/

i don't know how he sings so intensely then goes into stupid interview conversation mode then back into another song. ack, i hate stupid interviews.

ow, my stomache hurts. i'm still so nervous. just too much stuff going on. like jason has two friends coming over sometime tonight. i just wish i knew what time and what the plans are. i'm not a very good spontaneous social person.

i know i'm forgetting other things to tell u , but i can't think of what right now. i'm so tired. i was up until 4:30am, then the piano came in the morning..so i have been sort of off and on sleeping all day.oh...and i gotta tell u that i asked bobby z, my manager, what he is doing for new year's and he is going to be at the white house 'cause the bans The Sounds Of Blackness, which is signed to his label, zinc music, is playing there for the president! weird, huh? and 0(-> is playing on some pay per view thing. i wonder if it is a prerecorded thing or if he is going to be playing at his studio, paisley park, that night. i'm actually getting kind of nervous about being in san francisco on new years. here is something else i posted today:

Posted by ANA on December 22, 1999 at 12:12:48:
In Reply to: porn posted by --- on December 22, 1999 at 09:55:18:

this may seem really unPC to say...
but i say , but i don't think that looking at porn on the sly if it makes your mate feel shitty is cool at all. i think he should either
1) stop it..because really...if he can't stop doing it then he has a problem, imo. what are photos worth in comparison to a relationship?
or
2) he should be open about it and let u in on it.

i know that robert, my x boyfriend, loved to look at porn...but he always included me in on it..so he was the only boyfriend i've ever had that i wasn't upset about for looking at porn. he'd always surf with me or he'd call me over when he found something cool. so i rather enjoyed doing that with him. it didn't feel like any sort of threat at all.

i think it's when a person does it on the sly that one starts feeling paranoid and inadequate. i that is not good way to feel.( duh )
i wouldn't let him take "porn" photos of u until u had worked this through and it had been a good year of total trust and love.

so i say he should include u in on it and be completely open about it and be very kind and loving in showing u what he likes to look and at why..and maybe u can find some cool stuff to look at too...
or he should fuck off...

a relationship has to be built on trust