my measurements right now are:
37-32-39

so, according to thegap.com, i currently wear a size 14 in their jeans! i'm used to being a size 1!

on my "anatomy" section of anacam it says my measurements fluctuate between:
33-24-32 to 35-27-35

i'm glad i ate only 1 cookie!

i'm baking cookies. making sure the recipe is a good one. a cookie test. plus this is my day off atkins, so i better do it now!

jason will be back soon, so he can have some fresh out of the oven.

gonna cook some pork chops. jason came over for awhile, now he's off to school again. i cancelled my night with joanne. i'm just not up to it. i got a lot more cleaning done today than i thought i would. i'm gonna watch that primetime interview with whitney houston soon. the previews looked pretty darn scary.

i am going to be bad and go off the atkins for today. just so i eat SOMETHING. jason is coming home from work now and he is going to bring me a COKE. yes :)

fuck.

another little piece of one of my teeth chipped off! all i did is eat a chewable vitamin and then i noticed with my tongue that a piece of my bottom front tooth is missing from behind.

this makes me nervous. like an uncomfortable dream.

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i cleaned up all the dog poo and garbage. i just whisked through it...not really "here". just going through the motions.

made a little space in the 2nd half of my apartment, that i never go in, that i can perhaps stretch there. looking for cords to hook up a 2nd computer and a 2nd cam up there so u can see.

the day goes by...

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maybe i can ask my dad if he will pay to help me fix me teeth.
i never ask my dad for money because i feel like such a loser when i do.
but my teeth are freaking me out now.

trying to plow ahead one second at a time.

when i leave my house, i put the dogs in the kitchen. i figure out different ways to keep them in there and they keep figuring different ways to get out. then they go and destroy my house when i am gone.

i have to throw away another down comforter and i may even have to throw away my bed. i am really depressed about this.

maybe i will have to put them in a kennel when i am gone. get a really big kennel. i have NO idea where i would put it.

so i am trying to get my house back into order from this. but each day it seems i slip a bit farther behind in this department.

i have no room to excercise or move. i can't move my cam because i have too much on my floor.

i'm trying so hard to find places for my stuff but i am running out of ideas and energy.

i don't even know if i can sleep overnight at jason's anymore because his new bed hurts my back so much :(

i'm hobbling around my apartment trying to clean after the dogs and my back hurts so much.

it's snowing out. and the snow is staying not melting this time.

i'm listening to radiohead radio on mtv.com on my crappy computer speakers. i can't wait until i can finally afford a stereo.

i did stretch today because i was at jason's and he has floor space. so i feel good that i did that.

and i feel good that i am at least cleaning a little bit. i'm trying.

and i'm losing weight , which is great. but i am so sick of protein i am losing my mind. it's making me not want to eat anything at all. which is great for losing weight but not so great for my health.

i take a cheap multivitamin from walgreens.

i think i'll try out those crest whitestrips today. jason bought me some.

i have another song in my head. actually, it's a song from a year ago and i sort of work on it in my mind when inspiration strikes. it started out as kind of like the most depressing radiohead song ever...and now it's morphed into a kind of prince-like song more like my song "please god". i have no idea what will become of it.

i wish i had $ to tune my piano.

weirdly, i have gone 3 days now without most of my medications and i still have been able to sleep throughout the night and in the day i do not feel any more nervous than i usually do. i have no idea why, all of a sudden, i do not need my medications nor am i having any withdrawal symptoms. really really really weird.

maybe a gift from the universe? thanks universe! :) thank you for giving me a break

life is hard but i still have hope. something i didn't have before. because i am getting skinnier and my teeth will now be getting whiter.

this is SOMETHING. this is actually almost EVERYTHING since i am such a visual person who's life depends on creating images to live in.

so i can be tragic now , in a velvet underground sort of way. and that's better than being tragic with no soundtrack at all.

so things are looking up.