anagram 11.29.99

it's a quarter past midnight. i'm eating sweet potato chips. yummy.
i got my hello kitty vibrator today in the mail from scarletletters.com. i bought it from them in an auction. i just couldn't believe there was such a thing as a hello kitty vibrator! it's really tiny, only about 5 inches long and it's battery operated with one double a battery. not too powerful. i don't know what on earth you'd use it for! but now it's mine! hmmm.
i felt really out of it today. i still have my period. i bled so much this time. being off the pill makes me bleed more. maybe i'll go back on the pill. dunno. it wasn't bad being on it but it sure was a bitch going off it and i certainly don't want to have 2 go through going off it ever again so that is the only reason i don't go back on it.
i have the heater going full blast and it's so noisy...that combined with the sound of my computer and the sound of the hub...it drives me nuts. but i'm in a good mood none the less.
jason went to bed hours ago.
i didn't get anything much done today. i got the anapix up. i wanted 2 clean more but i just didn't. i posted in anarchy instead. eating pistachios.
my computer is making funny noises.
oh, someone pointed me to this cool url:
www.9starki.com
i ordered my horoscope! i am 7 red metal, everytime i find what i "am" , as in star signs or whatever, i am always a fire something. like i am a triple fire sign astrologically, and in the chinese horoscope i am a fire horse..now this new one "7 red metal" which is a fire thing. very interesting!
pooka was being such a love muffin today. he does this cute bowing down thing then bouncing back up 2 get my attention. when he bounces up he opens his mouth like a bark should come out, but no noise comes out. he is such a quiet dog, except when i leave the house and then i come home...he makes little sounds like he is being tortured until i come and unleash him from the kitchen. the poor little fluff ball..ya..like he is so tortured in the kitchen with his friend deiter and all his food and water and pillows! what a tough life. :)
after i get this anagram i think i'll reboot my computer it's making such a racket.
here are some things i posted in anarchy today...it's just me going off about my boobs again...you've heard it all before...but i guess i was in the mood to type it all out again...diverting my attention away from things i should really get done..like cleaning that darn thing room! and there are some other posts on other subjects , too...

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 12:58:37:
In Reply to: Re: breast job posted by garo on November 29, 1999 at 12:43:10:

people paying for physical flaws probably WILL be some sort of trend in the future, i'll bet!
a cool pirate scar or something...

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 13:14:46:
In Reply to: the future is now posted by Edward on November 29, 1999 at 13:01:24:

ya, i know about that. i've thought about doing it myself even :) but that's not really a FLAW that's an adornment...unless u really weren't looking for a design of any sort and u just wanted scars that looked like they happened in an accident or something.

a great place to find out about any of this stuff ( for those of u who are interested ) is:
www.bme.freeq.com

that's my fave site. it's REALLY indepth! it goes into almost every aspect of it. to get to the really hardcore stuff u have 2 be a member.

the owner of that site is who i was talking to about who i could talk to to get some metal horns.
he sent me a great bme.freeq long sleeved t shirt the other day which has the logo on it, and it glows in the dark! i still have 2 write back him and thank him for that! i'm so terrible at writing people, especially snailmail...which reminds me...goofygrape! i need your address AGAIN, 'cause i had it in my email box for so long it got lost in the hundreds of saved messages in there..so then i FINALLY wrote it down on a piece of paper which got lost in the hundreds of little pieces of paper all over my desk and in the thing room. god, i am SO bad.
as dankitti can attest, i take forever. he gave me his cd cover to sign and i finally got that back 2 him after many months.
i think the thing that slows me down the most is i want to make things special when i send them, like putting it in a cool envelope with extra surprises. then i just never get that done. i can't just put a stamp on something then send it. but i'm learning that that would be a heck of a lot better thing for me to do than not send anything!
and those berry things i saved for u from the blue ocean instant oatmeal...deiter ate them!
i had them in a plastic bag in the thing room, and deiter got through the gate and got in there and chewed them up! argh! so ..i will just send u that postcard with a stamp on it! i swear 2 god!

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 15:34:28:
In Reply to: Re: breast job posted by Tari on November 29, 1999 at 14:10:11:

ya, the reason mine are a little screwy is because i am so skinny that the texture of the bag ( a ripply texture..i guess it helps to adhere 2 the skin better) shows through so i have these ripples in my cleavage. the implants with the natural shape all had that texture..the only ones without texture were these dome shaped ones..which i think would look really silly on me.
now they have approved silicon again and they make a natural shape in the non textured..so as soon as i ever have the $ again, that'll be what i get. plus ..mine are so big they made my nipples point funny..but i'm kind of getting used to that now and it doesn't bug me as much as it used to. but i might go to a C to fix it, i just don't know yet.

and how i came up with the $ is when i got signed to radioactive records, i used the $ i got to get them. i had to pay for them all up front ( no pun intended :)
i think it was 5,000.
then i went in later for a second surgery to try to fix the ripples ( that didn't work ) and i had to pay for the anesthesiologist which was 1,500 or something. ( gadzooks )

my breasts were the ultimate reason why i was dropped from radioactive because after i got them they didn't know how to market me as i wasn't an "androgynous freak" anymore..i was a "woman" and they already had a few of those. ( ya, the record industry is SO mysogynistic u can't even BELIEVE )

so, my breasts actually "saved my life" by getting me off of that evil label. otherwise i would've been marketed as the androgynous freal anorexia poster child ( they wanted "mother anorexia" as the single , and said that because i looked anorexic, this was a great selling point...when i got the boobs i didn't look anorexic enough for them for that to be the single, thank GOD )

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 14:01:40:
In Reply to: Re: lets make a deal posted by goofygrape on November 29, 1999 at 12:23:14:

man, men! enough about penis size!
MOST women do not even come from the actual intercourse! ( me being one )
what really matters to me is what u can do with your tongue and fingers!
plus my actual favourite part of sex, to me, is KISSING! i'll take a good kisser any day over a guy with a large penis that doesn't know how to kiss! ( well, BEFORE i had jason, k? )
anyway, if you have a woman who really wants to/needs to be "filled" then there are things called strap on dildoes! :)
which i suppose i man wouldn't want 2 use because he would consider it an insult to himself perhaps...
but i just think if men could see beyond their penis during sex, sex would be a lot better for a lot of women. just from my personal experience!

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 14:48:25:
In Reply to: well.... posted by SpAnKy on November 29, 1999 at 14:37:42:

i think 5 inches is average...at least that what i've heard. but does that average say anything about how many women are satisfied? no.
it is just some how assumed that having an average or above average penis size will ensure u to be a great lover.
well, that's SO not true.
average or no average..penis size has nothing to do with how happy a woman will be having sex with u. it's TECHNIQUE!
if penis size mattered, that wouldn't really explain how many happy lesbians there are!

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 14:51:03:
In Reply to: Re: the penis question posted by BrianLee on November 29, 1999 at 14:25:13:

well, we all know that breast size doesn't have anything 2 do with whether or not a man is satisfied from sex! ( unless he has a thing for breast fucking..and that's the only way he is satisfied )

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 15:20:43:
In Reply to: Re: the penis question posted by BrianLee on November 29, 1999 at 14:57:22:

men, do seem obsessed with breast size...even ones who like them small. because all my life SO many men feel COMPELLED to comment on the size of my breasts...whether they were big or small.
when mine were small...i heard about whether or not that was cool, now that they're big, i hear whether or not THAT'S cool. LOL. like i CARE!
i think the biggest reason that i wanted big breasts was because my mom had great breasts, imo.
as i grew up i just couldn't WAIT until mine looked just like hers ( hers were a C ). i'd see her getting ready to go out wearing all those beautiful bras and dresses and neat cleavage things..like wearing a necklace that dangles right above the cleavage..i just love that.
well, i never DID get any breasts so i was sad.
but eventually i grew to love my little ones. i was very streamlined..feline...i loved looking like bowie! it was very faerie. and i didn't have to worry about ever wearing a bra or being uncomfortable ( now that i have them , i still don't need a bra..'cause they don't move! and i'm not uncomfortable either )
i don't think i got my breasts because of men...i think i got them because of the crushes i had on women who had big lushous breasts ( not that i had a crush on my mom! ack! )
i STILL am not satisfied because my breasts are not smooshy like i wanted. i just wanna smoosh some breasts dammit!
( and i didn't get breast fed either..i was in an incubator the first 2 months of my life and my mom wasn't even allowed 2 hold me! maybe that's where this stems from?)

good thing i have an android fetish too...'cause my breasts are very android!

i think i'll just have to order some big silicon implants that i can smoosh in my hand to get it out of my system! lol :) i'll carry them around in my purse and smoosh them when i feel nervous ( which is always )

my dr. did say that everyone should have one to smoosh! that it'd be a less tense world!

i dunno, i collect all things orb..globes..marbles..my silver balls...super balls...glass grapes...ball bearings...
all my life!

at least i'm consistent in that respect :)

no one smooshes my breasts more than me even though they are not very smooshy! so i've gotten good use out of them! i've even actually gotten turned on by smooshing my own breasts! so...i think i got them for myself! i'm constantly fussing with them and jason just laughs at me!
he actually prefers smaller breasts. i'm actually the breast obessed person of the household!

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 15:41:30:
In Reply to: Re: the penis question posted by BrianLee on November 29, 1999 at 15:31:23:

ah, that wasn't aimed at u ..i didn't mean to insinuate that u said anything wrong! :)
i was just explaining myself to everyone...lots of people ask me questions about my breasts...guys are constantly emailing telling me that i've butchered myself and that actually i'd be more attractive ( to THEM, like i CARE ) if i'd left myself natural.
but then i do get lots of compliments on them, too. people have lots to say about my breasts...but i have the most to say, LOL :)
seems breasts are some sort of political battleground in this day and age.

the neck! ya :) actually my neck is one of my biggest errongenous zones! if i get bitten on the neck in the right way i get goosebumps all over my body! oooooo :)

Posted by ANA on November 29, 1999 at 15:55:22:
In Reply to: Re: the penis question posted by BrianLee on November 29, 1999 at 15:44:46:

ya, the sexiest thing in the whole world is CONFIDENCE! it really IS all about what vibe u project.

------

and here was a post a few days ago in reply to the beautiful morgaine and her poor broken heart :(

Posted by ANA on November 27, 1999 at 13:07:51:
In Reply to: goodbye posted by morgaine on November 27, 1999 at 12:41:03:

kaela, u know i care about u very very much! and i really think it would be good for u 2 stick around! please?
i know this will not ring true for u right now and will be meaningless, but i want 2 tell u anyway that u will not die. it FEELS like u will. it feels exactly like u are in so much pain, how could your soul NOT float out of your body?
i know what it's like to just wish to be dead and for it to hurry up when in that state. that your heart will seriously just explode or implode from the pain. that it is inevitable. that u cry so hard u feel like you will puke out your guts and all your constricting shaking muscles will literally push your soul out of your head, and that would be a welcome relief. i know what it's like to be certain that will happen because there just is NO way on earth u could tolerate one more second of the pointless and emptiness and excruciating yet dull pain that covers you like an infinite amount of lead. i know what it's like to lose interest in absolutely everything. that even taking a breath is too much work. i wouldn't even eat and had to be fed one grape per hour by my mom, because that's all i could bear to eat without gagging. i'd ponder whether or not i should kill myself or commit myself into a hospital to stop myself.
the first heartbreak is like that. because you've never gone through it before u know for certain u will die. first heartbreak is such a fucker. there is no word for it. it is a loss of innocence...the utter disbelief but utter reality that someone u loved so much and who promised u would never hurt u or stop loving u ands up being the worst fuckhead you've ever met. he hurts u worse and loves u the least. utter betrayal. it's as if your mom came up to u and all of a suden said "hey, i'm not really your mother, i've just been fucking with your head the whole time, and NOW, i'm going to shoot u and laugh while i do it, you stupid person to ever believe in me!"
and i did feel like the stupidest person EVER on TOP of all that pain and betrayal.

but i SWEAR to u on all i hold sacred that u will not die and there will be a time when slowly u start being interested in things again. and u won't be the same person you were before, but you'll be STRONGER. and you'll be glad u didn't die because that sonnuvabitch wasn't worth to die over. and you'll go, fuck..i thought that'd never end! but it did! and in a weird way life will seem even brighter and coole than it ever did because you'll be waking up from your emotional/spiritual death to see it again in a whole new way.

but it takes time. it took me three months to really be able to function again. that was the first time i went on antidepressants, and they helped a lot..in a way that is hard to describe.
luckily, i had twp roomates at the time who were really kind and they'd take me with them while they did stuff like play mini golf and go watch a terrible mariah carey concert. i got hooked on soap operas because it was all i had. i had no attention span at all, so i couldn't read. i could barely even watch tv. each day i'd be upset to wake up cause how was i going to pass away another day? i did end up reading "the roadless travelled" which was good because it had extremely short and digestable chapters.

truly, even in one month u WILL feel differently, please, i know u don't believe me and u probably don't even trust anyone anymore...but if u could..just hang in there any way u can and writing in a journal helps. just write write write anything that comes into your head. or just stab the journal with a pen sometimes. you'd be surprised how much time u can pass away just writing. maybe just write the same wor over nad over sometimes, u just scribble in a big dark blot. but it can pass time away and make u understand things better sometimes..later.

hang in there, kaela, 'cause you are a very precious being to me! and u have to survive anyway, 'cause pooka and deiter really want to meet you too!

love,
ana

-----

and i just have 2 include this, my reply from mahir, the "i kiss you!!!" guy from turkey!:
Posted by ANA on November 23, 1999 at 23:29:09:

From: "Mahir CAGRI"
To: "ana c voog"
Date: Sat, 20 Nov 1999 21:07:35 +0200
Subject: Re: interview request

Thanks we can be friend
may be we can chat later
Iwant to come USA may be I can come
I need digital video and notebook
I belive we can be friend

Adress:379st. no.24 35090-Camdibi-izmir-TURKEY
+90.532.3123530 mobile

-----Original Message-----
From: ana c voog
To: ukoad@yahoo.com
Cc: mahir00@yahoo.com ; mahir01@yahoo.com

Date: 06 Kasým 1999 Cumartesi 04:12
Subject: interview request

>hi :) my name is ana voog,
>and i have a webcam site www.anacam.com
>have you heard of jennicam? i am like her, in that i live my life on the
>web 24 hours a day , 7 days a week for the past 2 1/2 years.
>a webcam takes my picture every few minutes and posts that to the net
>for the world to watch my life. it is the most amazing and fun experience
>i have ever known so far!
>i have been on television and newspapers all over the world and millions
>have visited my website! :)
>
>
>i like to interview people i come across that i think are interesting and
>unique and then post the interviews on my website for everyone to read.
>i was wondering if i could interview you. you seem like a very cool
>person and i'd love to ask you about your travels all over the world and
>your interesting stories of your life :)
>
>would you be interested in doing an email interview with me?
>
>
>come into my chatroom and say hi , if you'd like:
>http://santaclara.ca.us.warped.net/irc/java/analove.html
>that is the url to the javachatroom.
>or come by my forum ( bbs ) and say hi:
>www.fetik3.com/bbs/ana.html
>infinite blessings,
>ana voog