anagram 11.12.99

k, i'm feeling a lot better now from my night of debauchery! jeez! alcohol! it can do strange things 2 u!
it is my least fave drug 2 b sure! i watched lots of tv, i watched alphaville, and monty python, and the movie "the big lebowski" was very good :) now it's 12:30pm and at 5:30 jason and i are leaving 2 go out 2 dinner with jason's family because it's hi mother's birthday :) well, actually we'll have 2 leave earlier 'cause we have 2 buy her a present. it's nice and sunny out again today, which gives me some energy. i'm drinking diet pepsi, trying 2 limit my sugar intake a bit more.
i got the results done from my taxes finally! i didn't do taxes for the past 3 years 'cause i just cause i had no money, made no money,
couldn't deal with the stress of it. i was way below poverty level as far as income. but i did save all my receipts
just in case. so i had an accountant try to figure it out, which was a nightmare to him, i'm sure! it was also a nightmare to me as i had to get all this crap dug up and written out and explained to him. heaps of papers and receipts and bank statements, etc etc.
i had NO idea what the outcome would be. i didn't THINK i'd owe anything 'cause i really didn't make any money but the fear
was still there that maybe i was very wrong. so it weighed on me for years!!! well, now it's finally over! and i really don't owe much at all, just as i thought. the big money i owe is to the accountant, god bless him, for 900 bucks. so that's about how much extra money i have ( for the first time )and so i'm glad i can pay it and be done with it and have that weight lifted from me! yay!
now the next big weight is to get my credit better. i need to get that all sorted out then get one of those credit cards where u just charge against the money u sent in until you've proven u are reliable. i had one of those before, then i was 2 months late on one payment, and that was that. the end of my one credit card i ever had. i love money, but really dislike having to deal with it in
any other way other than spending it :) i don't have a retirement plan, i don't even ahve health insurance. i haven't the faintest
idea about stocks, nor do i think i'd find a joy in investing. i don't even like 2 play monopoly, it makes me nervous. i pretty much hate
all games where there is a winner and a loser. i have just always been so nervous about that. pretty stupid when u take a game like checkers too seriously or something! once i actually start in on a game, tho..then i go.."hey, this isn't so bad" . but to invest REAL money..i just shudder at it. it's all so easily erased in the blink of an eye. it's just zeros and ones zooming through cables.
one wrong button and it's all deleted. who knows? plus i have this radical new agey idea in the back of my head telling me
that there isn't going to be money as we know it by the time i retire. what good is gold when u need some pure water?
but there's nothing i can do about that either. i'm not gonna start hording stuff or making bomb shelters. just whatever happens happens, and i'll deal with that then. the universe will hold me in it's gridlike hand...i hope :)

here are some posts i made:

Date: Thu, 11 Nov 1999 11:44:53 -0600

i hope u made a wish at 11:11am, if u didn't u still have time at 11:11pm, unless you're in russia 'cause then you're asleep already :)

please go here and vote for me as the best webcam site! ( puh-leeeez :) i have no shame :)
oh shoot, i just looked and there is a fee to enter a url into the contest :/ ack. oh well, ....umm...subscribe to ana2.com instead!
hehe :) if ya wanna take a look at it here's the url:

http://sxsw.kdi.com/inter/web_comp.shtml

but i'm going to get to be on a panel about "cyber art" at the south by southwest thing :) yay!

and i have some questions to get into the biggest daily
newspaper in Latvia called Diena! i'll let u know when that comes out :)

and hears some word about the MPR ( minnesota public radio ) thing i'm in :

" Well I just found out my story will air next Tuesday, 11/16,
during All Things Considered (from 3pm-6:30pm). It could air anytime
during that stretch. In the Twin Cities, you can listen on KNOW - 91.1FM.

The story will be on the web at the following address probably on that day,
or on Wednesday, 11/17 at the latest. You may just have to keep checking
the page...

http://news.mpr.org/features/199911/15_newsroom_privacy/index.shtml

and here is an EXCELLENT quote that a fellow list subscriber sent to me:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and
fabulous?
Actually, who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small doesn't serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't
feel insecure around you.
We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically
liberates others."
— Marianne Williamson in her book "Return to Love"

ok, carbonated liquid sugar refreshments are calling my name, beckoning me from blocks away to come to them and buy them then drink them with utter delight while i decide what on earth to do with myself today!

here is a parody of jennicam that i thought was creepy:

http://www.nationallampoon.com/nlbs/voyeur/

and here's what has been happening in our buddy" the turkish stud"s life!!! new updates!

http://members.xoom.com/_XOOM/primall/mahir/
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Posted by ANA on November 10, 1999 at 17:16:42:

can you separate yourself from your past?
or will it "haunt" you forever. memories popping up out of nowhere. memories of bad sexual encounters while on a perfectly nice day. it's just like u never get a sing u LIKE stuck in your head 80% of the time.
is getting free of memories the same trick as detachment? acceptance?
how about amnesia? or selected remembering?
blurring the details/ skewing the actual memory...making it fit into what u want to believe, what u want to remember.
blocking out memories that are too painful. or boring.
how does one take control of memories instead of them taking control of u? little mini movies stuck in loops popping in like advertisements for pain and awkwardness.
don't u just hate that?

i have NO idea why i posted "so there u have it" on the public bbs last night, i was so stinking drunk it was not funny. i went to see robyn hitchcock at 1st ave and had some jaegermeisters. i guess my tolerance is NOT what it used to be! plus i did it on an empty stomache. it's strange because i've never "blacked out" before. no matter how drunk i can always remember everything ( mostly )..but this time...i have NO clue, thank god the blacked out part started as we were walking to the car to leave. and i didn't even get sick, which , in a way is bad, 'cause if i had just thrown up i'd feel a lot better today. i am SO dizzy, just now ( noon ) i can finally walk without fear of fainting. unreal. stupid! yikes!
so today i'm just gonna stay in bed and recover. a lost day. my extensions smell like smoke. yuck.
i will read all the new posts in here when i can focus better!