anagram 11.08.99

it's was gorgeous here yesterday..in the 70's and it is again today. i'm going to try to get outside right after i put up this anagram. yesterday i wanted to go outside, but then the sunlight inspired me to make these pictures..and i was torn over what to do..so i made the pictures 'cause if i feel inspired, then i just want to go with that. i would've made more, but then the sun started going down :( it goes down so early now :( and then last night i woke up with a headache and went into the living room and stared out the window for a few hours, until 6am or so..and then sun didn't even come up! i hate that the days are so short, but it's really cool that it's so nice outside. even if i don't go out there, i open th windows and deiter loves running up the black chair by the window and looking outside. he looks out the window a lot, i don't kow what he's looking at when he looks out there, because he looks out there at night, too, and there just isn't much to see! nothing that is moving anyway...but i like looking out my windows, so i guess it makes sense athat he would , too. it's funny how pooka has no interest at all in looking out the window. he hates to be put on the windowsill ledge, he gets scared. but deiter loves to climb up on everything. deiter also watches himself in the mirror a lot! but pooka never does. deiter also looks at stuff that is not even there. sometimes i wonder if he sees spirits or something..not that i've ever felt that my house is haunted or anything. like one night deiter just sat there for a long time looking at something and backing up, jason and i were trying to figure out what he was looking at. at first i thought it was the round mirror, so i turned it against the wall to see if he'd stop looking at whatever he was looking at. but he kept looking. then i thought maybe it was my computer monitors, so i turned those off, but he kept looking at something very intently as if someone were in the room. it was really strange. i didn't feel any weird presences in the room. who knows...maybe he can see beings from other dimensions or angels or something. i've always wanted 2 see an angel..but never have...that i know of. i used to jut talk to angels, asking them if they would PLEASE appear to me. but i never saw one appear. i'd buy books about angels, and stories about people who have encountered angels. in fact, i have a great desire to add a section to anacam that is just dedicated to people's angels stories. i intend to do that sometime soon. i am so fascinated with angels. it would seem they are for real from all the angel stories there are. i find it really comforting. if u have an angel story you'd like 2 send me, send it to anacam@camgirl7.com i also want 2 have a section about alien encounters. who knows, perhaps angels are aliens? i mean, that some aliens are angels. i believe there are many different races of aliens. perhaps different kinds of angels , too?\

ow, i burned the roof of my mouth on pizza yesterday.

i've been listening to prince's best hits and b-sides 3 cd set lately a lot. it goes well with the sunshine :) i can't believe it's so warm out. in the 70's! global warming! scary.

i'm going to be in san francisco for new year's eve! just bought tickets and surprised me! if anyone knows of any special new year's parties or events in san francisco for new year's eve please let me know! i wonder if anyone will even be watching my cam when the midnight hour strikes? somehow i doubt it! but i'll bring my cam just in case :) at least i'll keep the pictures 2 show later :)

i received a video cassette yesterday of my conversation/interview with tori amos! i was scared 2 watch it. but i really was ok. i was calm and didn't seem weird, thank god! i will have to watch it a few more times before i comment on it!

and i received all the edward gorey books i ordered! i got: the epiplectic bicycle, the water flowers, amphigorey, amphigorey too, amphigorey also! i want everything he ever did!

and i wish dame darcy's book would come out! i have all her "meatcake" comics, and she is suposed to have a book out at www.heck.com..it was supposed to be out spring 1999, but nothing ever happened. i wonder what she's doing? i want to know how to get a hold her her because i want to order all her records, videos, and a doll. she makes her own dolls.

i am going to make an ana-doll. i have been experimenting with polymer clay. if anyone has any knowledge of this stuff..on how to make mold from it to make dolls, please let me know! each one will be hand crafted and painted and accessories....i have so many ideas for them i can't even write it all down.

i also am looking for a place that has dress forms that i could custom order to my measurements, i don't want to do one of those make-it-yourself duct tape kind. i don't have anyone to help me out with a project like that.

i also am thinking of putting together a new wave cover band. if u or someone else u know would like to
be a part of that, write 2 me. i'll be more specific later. :)

also, i want to find a plaster mold kit. i had one bookmarked before, and now i can't find it!

also, does any one live in the twin cities who would teach me how to crochet?
or does anyone know of and video cassettes that are good for instruction?

ok, here are some posts i made at that weird enneagram bbs:

http://home.wxs.nl/~breej000/

Posted by ana voog on November 05, 1999 at 19:43:20:

i did a search on my name in altavista and came upon this page. i am a 4 or a 5...what??? you are all dead wrong about me. it is hilarious how people think they can figure u out. what on EARTH??? i am not afraid to apeak to people face to face at all. i just prefer to be alone. it's very simple. i love to communicate but i like to do it in my own time from my house. it's nice to be able to talk to people from all over the world at 4am in my pajamas. it sure beats getting on a bus and dealing with traffic etc. i don't NEED attention. all sorts of things i could say..but how an i sum it up? i think u CAN'T sum up a person into a number

In Reply to: Some knowledge in psychology would prove you wrong posted by Cory on November 05, 1999 at 20:19:05:

i would like to understand this further. do i have to buy a book, or is there somewhere online that explains this? i've looked around jan's site, but can't find a very thorough explanation. maybe i am just looking in the wrong spot?

it was just so strange to me to come across this bbs and have all these people picking me apart in the same forum as analyzing star wars characters. it made me feel strange, like a bug under a microscope. it sounded so cold. i didn't feel like i was being talked about like i was real.

do u know what i mean?

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Posted by ANA on November 06, 1999 at 14:45:47:

In Reply to: ANIMALS AND PSYCHOLOGICAL ARCHETYPES - ANTS posted by Jan den Breejen on November 06, 1999 at 08:53:24:

you're really an android, aren't u? :) confess!
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Posted by ANA on November 06, 1999 at 16:04:37:

In Reply to: androids posted by ANA on November 06, 1999 at 14:45:47:

ok, sorry about that..that was really bratty of me. i am just hurt that u were psychoanalyzing me in such a cold way, then i come in here, into your forum, and u completely ignore me..not even saying hi, and just post above me about ants. if i was just someone who u had never been talking about in a big giant thread, then i wouldn't see it as rude that u wouldn't acknowledge my existence. but since u had been picking me apart i would think it would just be polite to at least just say "hi". that is all.
:(

ok, i'm off to do errands...then watch dvds. we just got a dvd player and all the monty python episodes so i'm pretty excited :

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Posted by ANA on November 06, 1999 at 15:01:37:

so what do u think of her? i think she rocks. i love her to pieces :)
so many men are irritated by her. but my mom is irritated by her ,too.
but i don't know why. she is so strong and kind and brings up so many interesting subjects. i think she is a great example that iof u follow your joy that will bring the ultimate sucess. i think that deepak chopra is a good example of that , too. and dick clark, for that matter.
i love people that just love what they do so much that their joy rubs off on u and u feel inspired by that to move forward :)

does this site bring u joy? i am interested in why those of u who are on here are drawn to this site. how did u find it? does it help u to make more sense of your lives?

i'm sorry if i appear to be a bit hostile. i guess i am. i guess i am just so sick of people assuming things about other people. projecting. i learn a lot about projecting from my site. i've found that my site isn't about me at all, but it's just a mirror projecting back the psyches of others. people see in my site whatever they want to see, whatever they've been conditioned to see. i find that fascinating, but ultimately irritating that most people cannot see this. i think that is one of the hugest stumbling blocks of humanity.

maybe i am projecting onto "all of you" now. it's funny that i am fascinated yet irritated with projection. i guess i started out my site as a way to make things "clear" . to break stereotypes. being in the entertainment industry for so long, i was sick of people trying to compartmentalize me into a neat little cartoon. "the angry punk girl" "the goofy new waver" "the radical feminist" "the bubble-headed fake blonde fake titted girl". i like to become the icon, then do what the icon should not do..like be smart...make serious art...be both the priest and the whore at the same time...then i like to shatter the icon. i want to show that conflicts and paradoxes are within us all. it doesn't always make sense. and that's ok.
but anyway....i've found that the more information i give anout myself..the more that just becomes are more intricate inkblot for others to project upon.

os when i come across a site like this, as much as it intrigues me and i love "tests" and psychoanalysis...it just irks me too.

i hope u can understand that. i hope i'm being clear. maybe not.
i don't know if we can ever be clear. frustrating.

anyway, i guess i've veered off the subject of oprah. :)

In Reply to: Re: Oprah Winfrey posted by Jan den Breejen on November 08, 1999 at 06:24:51:

ah, no, once again u have it all wrong :)i am not masochistic in the least. i am SO not masochistic it's not even funny! i dislike pain and do not seek it, but at the same time i will not shy away from risks(life) in fear of it either. and yes, i get hurtful comments sometimes, everyone does..even oprah. but that is wayyyy in the small percentage. i'd say 1% of the email i get is negative, while the rest is INCREDIBLY supportive and loving! i love my cam more than anything, it has been the most positive and completely fulfilling experience :) it makes me feel so good that i bring so many people so much joy, and return i receive back joy tenfold and then some! :))
it doesn't mean i still don't get irked when i get hurtful comments, as u can see, i totally do. but 99% of everything i have experienced from my cam has been joyousness in infinite degreees! :)
and i have met so many incredible people! it is inspiring :)
if there are people that pity me , then they are in the minority, at least from my experience. if anything, it is the opposite, i receive so many emails each day from people thanking me for inspiring in them to be more themselves and to play more often and to be creative and take risks :)

the only thing that makes me sad about my life is 1) being a woman is not easy in this world..for one..i wish i could go out for walks at night not in fear of my life! and 2) i wish people were not so judgemental of me at first glance
and i think those are two pretty understandable things

i do put myself out there for people to analyze..but i DON'T do it to be treated like a bug under a microscope. there are ways to analyze and still be kind and have tact. it does not have to be a cold experience. i don't think anyone should ever have to expect nor "take" unkind treatment from others no matter how "in the public eye" or not. i hope i get that through to some people...i am showing a human experience, i am trying to show a kind experience. i wish for kind communication in return. there are many ways to approach analysis without having to make any feel like a bug!
do u see what i mean? what kind of world is it that you are saying that if we open up our lives we are wishing upon ourselves unkindness? are u advocating that that is ok behaviour...to act unkindly to others who open up and share things?

i don't see myself as the polar opposite of oprah at all...i am not SUPER a lot like her...but in many ways i am. and she inspires in me more to be those qualities i so much admire in her. strength, honesty, courage, openness...a joy for living :)i don't see her as being competitive at all. where do u get that? she is one of the #1 talk shows, but i don't think she competed her way there..i think she got there by being herself and doing what she truly loves and letting that shine through :)

i don't think you've really thoroughly explored my site, you sound like one of those drive-by pop-psychologists spouting off sound bites after whisking through my site for 5 minutes to go hurry and make a bold splashy statement for USA today. my site cannot be taken in or understood in such a flippant manner. it moves slowly, it is full of subtle things, even in the not so subtle. there are many layers.

and i think that is why my site is NOT much of a niche-thing...millions have viewed my site. tens of thousands per day still come on average.
people from housewives to truck drivers to 18 year old boys to lesbians to senators to people who work for nasa to waitesses to huge coorpoate businesmen, to shy girls, to artists, actresses, rockstars, travelling salesmen, bricklayers, psychologists..etc

everyone from age 16-85! i am astounded! i am honoured! :)