anagram 10.10.99

saturday or sunday i leave for jenni's party i HOPE. the tori people said that it "probably won't be a problem" to get me tickets to there then nyc then back home. but "probably" is making me nervous. ack. i pray to zeus everything will work out smoothly. i am so nervous about it all. i wish i could stop thinking about it. airports make me nervous. being away from home makes me nervous. and doing these things alone makes me nervous. and i'm a nervous person already! i don't even have all the questions to ask tori written out. but a few are getting solidified. oh, my stomache just churned when i typed that!

i finally finished the book "do androids dream of electric sheep" and it was better than the movie! and bladerunner is my favourite movie! so that's saying something! wow, when i finished the book i was just OUT of it. i was still stuck in the book for the rest of the day feeling odd. it was a very intense book!
i think i'll read "mona lisa overdrive" next.

i finally also made it outside today and went on a walk with the dogs for an hour so that made me feel a lot better. if i just had someone to walk with me i'd go on walks everyday. most things i like to do alone but walking i mostly like to do with a friend. jason would go with me but he has been so busy. he is working plus reading all these books to become a "microsoft certified systems engineer". it is 9 books each the size of an encyclopedia he has 2 read, then he goes somewhere and takes this big test after each book. so today he had his first test and he passed so he is really relieved :)

i can't get tori amos songs out of my head. songs from her new cd "venus and back". i have definitely played that cd too much and need to take a rest from it! over and over and over they play and after a few weeks the little bits that get stuck in my head drive me crazy. and especially when i'm nervous my mind becomesa ton of little loops of sounds and pictures and thoughts. over and over and over. augh.

and before i go to nyc i want to lose 5 pounds tops. oh, i know i know..i'm skinny. but hey..it's my body and i just like 2 weigh 95. that's where i'm comfortable. that's where i'm happiest. that's what it has mostly been my life. and that's where i want it to be when i go to nyc. so...i have been doing the "eat only protein" diet. my first time ever i've done a fad diet of any sort. call my crazy, obsessive..whatever. but hey..i'll try anything once.

mostly i just miss coke. realllllllllly badly. i have a bad coca cola addiction. ohmigod. i think about drinnking it every minute. nice cold fizzy sugar. oooooooohhhh. it's been 4 days since i've had any sugar and i'm going nuts. i wish this craving would go away. if anything, maybe this diet will break me of my sugar addiction. but somehow i doubt. there is just NOTHING better than a coke for breakfast. ahhhhhh. *deep sigh*

when i get on the airplane i'm having a coke !!!!

the leaves are past their peak here. all it's gonna take is one cold and windy night and they'll all be gone. i'm pressing some leaves in the dictionary that i'll scan later.

i gotta clean out the frog ecosystem box. it's the tiniest frog! but i can't get the lid off the box! and in the other box with the three tiny fish, my snail had some baby snails! but now they seem to have disappeared. did the fish eat them?

ok, that's all for now. i think it's time to watch MOVIES! :))