anagram 09.16.99

From: ana c voog <anacam@juno.com>
To: anacam@blank.org
Date: Fri, 17 Sep 1999 19:58:26 -0500
Subject: [anacam] from ana 091799

it kind of hit me for the first time today that the year 2000 is in 4 months. not that that matters much. it just sounds cool. i don't have any plans for hew year's eve. i THOUGHT i wanted to be living in L.A. for new year's and that i'd tape the people going crazy with my cam. but that was over a year ago before my boyfriend at the time turned psycho on me. actually even referring to him as a former boyfriend makes me sick. so i'll drop that subject.

i want 2 make a new anagram today but i am so tired but kind of in a mellow good way. it was summer again today and it made me feel like i was going backwards in time or forwards. i was reading "do androids dream of plastic sheep" i haven't actually FINISHED a book in ages. that's the book the movie "bladerunner" was based on, my fave movie. i've never read a book that a movie was based on so i never got to say "oh, the book was SO much better". just like i haven't gotten to say yet "oh, the parties after the oscars were SO boring". but i hope to be able to say that someday with total conviction.

deiter is playing with the fleece squeaky toy elephant that morgaine got him for his birthday. i'm amazed it still squeaks.

sun going down now. i gotta order that 300 dollat winproxy thing but i'm putting it off because i'd rather go to jenni's "jennicon" on that 300 bucks *sigh* total quandry. business or pleasure?

well, actually my business is total pleasure..except when i have to buy huge expensive pieces of equipment. although i kno it'll be totally worth the 300 bucks once i get the streaming going cause that will be so much fun. then u can see deiter squeak the elephant in motion :) oh the joys of modern technology :)

i went out to lunch with my dad today and told him all about alien abductions. he said it sounded too much like a movie. i said "well, where do u think they get their ideas from anyhow?" all u have to do is join the confederation of light mailing list on spiritweb.org and you'll be right in the middle of a star wars movie times infinity!

yesterday was one of the best days of my life and i've been contemplating it all day and i've decided i just can't put it into words yet without sounding completely insane. so i think i'll let it perculate through my mind and body for awhile longer until i can distill it or something. but it basically boils down to i got to see and talk with tori amos yesterday again :)
i got to meet her first when she played here at first avenue and conrad , who was guarding the door to the backstage, kindly let me slip past into there.
that was during her little earthquakes tour. i saw her first on much music in canada while i was visiting my grandparents.

then there is just so much to say in this part it would take me thousands of words to explain the wonderfuless!

so..long story short...i got to see her play a special little concert she had at the recording studio that i recorded my last cd in. this was at noon. she was super happy to see me again and i was super happy to see her, as u can imagine!
and then after her show later on that night i went backstage and i got to talk to her for the longest time i've ever been able to talk to her because she didn't have to rush to get to the next city! i think i might have been back there for an hour! time was suspended :)
so i told her all about my cam and she thought it was just wild!

that is the skeletal structure , sort of, of this animal of a story!

i hope someday to put it into words. i just can't type it out when i'm this tired because i want to do it justice.

and one of the highlights of the evening, of my life for that matter is she wrote a song into the lining of my jacket! a song that is off her new cd that isn't out just yet but will be on tuesday. she wrote down the notes and their coresponding words underneath..singing it in her perfect pure voice as if she were knitting the sing into the fabric of my jacket! i swear i almost cried it was beyond special and i am deeply deeply honoured :)

so today i have been kind of walking around my apartment in the haze of a tori love cloud. it feels quite like being in love when u find out that the other person likes you back just as much :) she feels like to me..kind of a sister a never i had but i wished i had. my cooler than shit crazy older sister that i admire and adore and i want to go bury myself in her closet and try on all her clothing :) which would fit me just fine cause we are exactly the same size :)

*sigh times infinity*

so i feel odd, weird, cool, floaty, tired...

then reading "do androids dream of electric sheep" just added again to the weirdness factor. the empathy box in that book..the way it is described...it was so totally spot on to things i have experienced but are too surreal to put into words. i felt odd that someone else had experienced that, too. which is even funnier since my experience with reading that was kind of what that part of the book was about.

circular.

a day of small quiet epiphanies and growing pains.

tomorrow might be winter again. i am both happy and sad this day is ending because it is such a jumble of strange but mostly totally cool feelings and thoughts.

i realized a few months ago that i'm past the whole "who am i ?" phase and i'm into the "what am i doing and is it what i want to be doing? and what is the purpose of doing it?" phase.

sort of.

mostly the answer to that is just "be joyful"
so simple. so difficult sometimes.
whatever...blah blah....

:)

maybe i'll go look for a movie 2 watch on tv now. i never get sick of stories
maybe i'll go try to figure out how to work todd rundgren's "interocitor" thing. i subscribed to it, u can to it's at:
www.tr-i.com

i think i'll send this off then go pop into my chat channel for awhile ( irc.warped.net #analove) while i ponder what to do next...