Friday, September 8th, 2000

2:18a me hungry. me go hunt in kitchen for tasty treats :)

Current Mood: hungry

2:47a mmm, i just ate a ton of strawberries ( organic ) i have been FAMISHED today. i can't stop eating!

3:58p was getting ready to go out and get some errands done, and get some walking in.
it's in the high seventies today. nice and sunny.

i feel so AUGH lately because 15 pounds have crept onto my body and will not leave. i know i am still skinny-ish, i am just morer curvy now, which is kid of interesting and fun to play around with in a marilyn monroe kind of way. i am glad i have my big breasts to match what has adhered to the lower portion of my body. it's one of the reasons i got them..so things would "match" better, in my mind.
still, i do not feel confortable at 110 pounds. i just don't. i like to be 95, and that may be too thin for some, but that's where i feel happiest.
so i need to get out and WALK every day. i need a treadmill. just a cheap one, for the wintertime...any suggestions? i don't want anything fancy, just a basic treadmill. that would make me happy.
i should get one asap cause i really love to walk, it's sucha nice trance repetive movement that soothes my mind and body both.
and i could watch tv while i do it :)

it takes me so long to get ready to get outside. i still need to find my walk man anbd decide what music to put in it. i need a new walkman , too

i need to make myself the ultimate REM compilation tape

Saturday, September 9th, 2000

12:26a i've heard that tori named her baby girl: Natashya Lorien Hawley
i wonder where the Hawley came from?

7:14p today was a lazy day of tv watching. i watched a documentary about australia. then i watched "where are the now? " , rocky horror picture show, spinal tap
and i watched part of "meeting people is easy which is a documentary about radiohead. then i thought big brother was supposed to be on, but it's the us open...and tennis is one of the few sports i actually enjoy watching.
now i am going to go for anice walk into the dusk with jason , then we might go out 2 eat and stuff.

i got your videotape of your show, shannon kringen :) and i watched that and thoroughly enjoyed it :)

that's all for now , i hope your saturday was pleasant, too :)

8:29p jason and i went on a walk with the dogs and it was SUCH a nice temperature and really windy. a warm wind that made me feel happy and i like the way it swished under my slip :)
gonna go eat now, i'm sooo hungry!

11:08p i am stuffed to the gills with food and cider.
time for more sloth-esque adventures in bed with the remote control :)

Sunday, September 10th, 2000

2:23p everytime that msnbs shows me on tv, my cam is totally boring!
murphy's law :)

8:57p i've been antisocial today, cam-wise, as u could tell. but i'm in a good mood. i watched the movie speed, finally. very cool :)
it's been a nice lazy sunday

i saw curtis at the emmy's..his prize ( the guy from big brother ) it would seem they are not going to walk out en masse on wednesday. i wonder what changed their minds?

i wish they 'd walk out. i think that's be very ORIGINAL :)

Monday, September 11th, 2000

12:39p big brother, indeed
here is a good article/update on how the rebellion at big brother was squashed:
http://www.salon.com/ent/tv/feature/2000/09/10/bb_revolt_flop/index.html

the salon is a really good place to go to read a lot of things about big brother.

except that they hate chiquita, the pug :( and also it seems that they WANT the houseguests to be mean to each other, for our entertainment. which is what big brother wants.

i agree that drama is , for the most part, more entertaining than regular ordinary days.
but i have to say that the almost total lack of drama at the big brother house is also intriguing to me. i think it's interesting that the houseguests have remained to keep the peace in the house no matter how much big brother tries to get conflict going.

why is a house full of diverse people being friends a disapointing thing as opposed to a house full of diverse people ripping each other's hair out?

i guess THAT'S why i find the show "refreshing", even tho other's do not. the amercian big brother tv show did NOT "go as planned", and isn't THAT the crux of what "reality tv" is supposed to be about? REALITY?

i am really disapointed in the big brother show that they have repeatedly tried to make this all as fake as possible, and have changed the rules as they went along.
they said there was to be no outside contact....but they keep bringing in outside contact to sway the show to the way THEY want it to go ( i.e. bringing in brittany to tell josh a ton of stuff about what is happening in the outside world )

and then finally the other day, the household was going to walk out en masse on wednesday to make a statement that friendship rules over competition. and that dignity rules over money. and i thought that KICKED ASS!

so what does the show do? well, u can read about it at salon at that url above.

big brother IS the perfect name for the show. absolutely.

i can't wait to hear what these houseguests will feel about their decision to be swayed by big brother not rebel...after they have left the house and they find out the whole story.

and when they have big brother 2, it will be very interesting to see what kinds of people they pick to be in the house as opposed to who they picked this time around.
and how those people will be more aware of the disinformation that big brother is willing to give them in the name of entertainment.

i wouldn't be surprised at all, if , for the next one, they picked some actors of their own just to make sure the house will be full of action packed turmoil

1:17p i am WAY too amused watching all four cams at once of the big brother house on high bandwidth !
my entire day..i know now what i will be doing! ack!

so far i have not watched big brother on the internet because the sound was so cruddy. but now , with the high bandwidth version, i am totally hooked! my oh my...jason will be so thrilled (jason hates the big brother show)

2:24p i am not in the mood to focus on my own life AT ALL. which means my cams are just sitting there. which makes me feel uneasy and guilty. but i stick to my guns about not doing anything interesting out of fear. i can't force it. i made cool pictures 2 days ago and i was happy that i had rekindled my creative spirit. but it was shortlived.

today is grey and humid, and i am very happy and satisfied to just watch movies and big brother and putz about the house doing not much in particular.
so i will follow what feels right and the most "going with the flow" thing i can muster.

i also got my period today and my face is all broken out and i'm all puffed.

i had a weird dream that i had a baby, and my baby was a paint marker!

curtis and cassandra and learning to juggle in their backyard. i guess it's very very hot there today.

the chickencam is hilarious :) and the studiocam is eerie.planes keep going by at big brother saying mean things.

so does anyone know what eddie said to the others about his night at the emmies? i haven't heard a peep about that.

how many days exactly are left of this show? does it go on into october?

there are a ton of interesting looking links at www.bigbrotheru4l.com

it could keep me busy for awhile :)

i might take out all my extensions today. they are getting too frazzly and yucky.

i have yummy butternet squash soup i might eat soon :)
or maybe later on tonight when it cools down.

2:49p www.rodmantv.com

dennis rodman tv? what the fuck? 30 bucks a month.

2:57p lots and lots and lots of "reality tv" stuff here:
www.orwellproject.com

it's spreading like wildfire. it overwhelming!
and here's lil' ol' me and me 30 second refreshing webcams :)
hehe :)

but i like it cause i'm in control, not anyone else :)

it is going to be a VERY interesting day indeed, when streaming with sound is available to everyone and EVERYONE has a tv show :) i can't wait!
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3:31p why are organic eggs brwon and nonorganic eggs white?

and what is L-Lysyime? ( sp? )

i am finally ripping yself away from the computer to fry myself some eggs. and hopefully take a bath and get outside for a few errands.

it's a strange day. it could be very happy nad peaceful if i would just succumb to it's flow and not fight it

3:45p al gore on oprah!
eating eggs with tobasco sauce and watching al gore on oprah

5:18p mmmm, toasted almonds dipped in honey :)
gonna take a bath now with lavendar oil in it. smells sooo goood :)

can i rip myself away from the computer? aaa!

----minutes pass..many minutes...
the sun is out. my bath is getting cold

all i can hera is airplanes airplanes airplanes on bigbrother

shane from interotique.com got me streaming video on ana2 going :)
i am using emulive
the url 2 get there is "under the bed"

i will work on getting sound going, too :)

Tuesday, September 12th, 2000

10:35a i am sorting through campix 2 make a new anagram

i got in a horrific fight with my mom last night. it keeps getting worse and worse between us. she hates my cam, she hates what i believe and what i do and what i am trying to achieve. she thinks my site is disgusting and promotes rape. she thinks my site is the kind of site that rapists go to to get all jacked uo before they rape someone.

this hurts me more deeply than i can express. i feel shattered and heartbroken

i had dreams about her disowning me. she told me that all her family in canada has now called her expressing that they feel so bad for my mom because if what i do. and she says all her friends say this, too.

i will write about this more. but right now i need to get more centered and try to process the entire argument and....something

i am so exhausted and so sad. so today i will work on the anagram to at least try to keep moving forward