anagram 09.01.99

here is something i wrote to my mailing list today:

i can't believe it's september. totally weird. time alludes me. every september i play david sylvian's song "september" and coompare/contrast each september i've had when i've been listening 2 that song. it's from "secrets of the beehive" cd. i highly recommend getting it. it's one of the most beautiful mellow, luscious and sensual meloncholy records ever made! it's super hot outside. i went to the store 2 get a new battery for my watch, and they looked at me like i was going to shoplift ot something. or maybe i'm just paranoid. this one woman wouldn't even help me, she just sat there sllllllloooowly rearranging the watches. anyway, that's over and done with and now i know what time it is. i don't know why i need 2 know what time it is so much, i don't have a schedule. but it weirds me out 2 no end to not know the time. i'd like 2 go outside some more today, but i think i'm going to wait until it cools off a bit first.

i'm having someone come over here on tuesday to try to figure out why my new computer won't recognize the dsl or the hub or whatever. so hopefully they can fix it, and then i'll have the streaming video on tuesday sometime *crosses fingers*

my lastest obsession is sooo baaaaad. i have discovered this place on the net where u can hear people's cell phone calls! this guy has his scanner hooked up 2 the net. i am definitely going 2 go buy a digital phone now...now that i know anyone can listen in! holy cow! scariness everyone get digital!

i have been feeling rather blah and uninspired the last few days. a feeling of discontent. sad that the summer is ending. i tried to think today of what it is i would most like 2 do if i could do anything. and what i want to do is just sit on a lawn and listen to music in headphones. i need a lawn or balcony. a place that has some nature or outdoor air but is enclosed and safe. then i want to sit there and sip iced tea and get my thoughts and plans in order for the coming fall and winter.

i need 2 go clean the thing room so i can get in there and start recording on my little 4 track. it's been two years since i've written a sing 'cause my former record label made me almost hate music by the end. but i feel some music stirring in me again. i hope that what comes out will be good! i am always scared that maybe i will never be able to write a good song again. but i think it'll be ok. i think i'll ease myself back into recording by doing some cover songs 1st. i have lists of wonderful songs i'd love 2 cover :) i'm going 2 get another video card and put it in my 1st computer i ever owned..then i'm gonna connect a cam to it and point it out my window...but not have it connected 2 the net. that way i'll have saved lots of cool pix of the outside world that i can put in the archive when i finally leave from here. isn't it weird that being a camgirl is actually a dangerous profession? isn't that sad? i think it's really sad :(

i did an email interview a few weeks ago for a magazine that the minnesota orchestra puts out. they were asking local musicians how classical influenced them. then about a week passed and all of a sudden they asked me when they could take my picture in my musical setting. well, right now i do not have a musical setting, all my stuff is packed up. and i don't play live right now either. and i am so not in the mood to get my picture taken it's not even funny. i didn't know that there was a photo shoot involved with this interview. i was bummed. and i procrastinated writing back 2 them, not knowing what to say...without sounding like a prima donna weirdo. anyway, i finally wrote them back and here's what i wrote them:

"thing is...when i was asked 2 do this interview it was never mentioned to me that there was to be a photoshoot involved. if i had known, i would have most likely declined as i'm really photographed out and i like to see the portfolios of who is going to take my photo because i have had way too many bad experiences with photographers i don't know and then seeing the picture they chose later and just being horrified as to how bad i looked! i know that sounds rather prima donna-erque of me...but you'd just have to have walked in my shoes to know what i mean. but that isn't even the biggest reason, it's more that i don't think that anyone could take a photo of me that would capture anythng "musical" since i do not have my musical space around me at this time. and taking my picture with my laptop somewhere also does nothing to convey what i do musically. plus, i am a multimedia artist, not just musician, so when i do music...the visuals that go with it are just as much intrinsically entwined with the notes as the lyrics are. and i don't wish to have my image presented in a way that i think might not portray accurately what i'm about. i've just been so burned out my the major label music industry that now i am at a point where i wish to control my image and my sound together without anyone elses interpretations of what they think i should look like or sound like. it would take a whole day to get ready for a photoshoot, and then being in a situation with a photographer i'm not familiar with taking pictures of me in a place i would never go...just makes no sense to me. when i do music, it's on the net...and the pictures that go WITH the music are on my webpage, that is the only accurate way to portary who i am and what it is i do. if u are still open to using any pictures there, u are still free to use them. i know u wanted a cohesive looking photo session, but i'm not about looking cohesive. i like my photos to be different, because i am different :) i don't know if that makes sense 2 u or not..but that is where i am at right now in my creativity. i would like to get my personality across accurately to the audience, and i think the only way to do that is to use the photographs on my website. if u are still interested at giving them a look they are at: ../simp/Documents/presspix.html or look in arcana at http://ana2.com/private sorry if i have cause u any undue stress :( ana

then i thought that wasn't totally true so i wrote:

ok, no scratch that last email. th ose are parts of why i don't want my picture taken, but i'll go deeper than that. this will probably make u laugh that i'm explaining it this much! i guess i don't want 2 come across as some sort of prima donna, or that i might be ungrateful for the oppurtunity to appear in your magazine. because that is far from the case. i am very grateful. it's hard to explain, but basically it just makes me too nervous to get my picture taken right now by someone don't know. i'm just not in the kind of mood where i feel i'd be very "into" getting my photo taken. because i take photography very seriously...i think about what i'll wear and how i'd like it to be for days. then on that day i spend the entire day getting ready. this is because usually i love getting my photo taken, and it is my life. i have so much fun with it. that's why i do it now for a living with anacam :) i am not one of these people who just sits there and gets there picture taken...i get into photography as much as i do music. and i'm just not in a creative mode to put that much energy into a photoshoot with someone i don't know. i am not feeling at all social right now. in fact, it's a gorgeous day outside today, and i know i should go out and enjoy it, but i just don't want to. i want to stay inside and listen to kraftwerk :) i can't even deal with a traffic light right now, let alone a human being taking my picture. it would just feel too incasive to me right now. i feel really vulnerable or somethiung lately. i feel i just want to stay inside and cocoon myself and think about that. i have no energy to go get my picture taken. the thought of it just exhausts me more than i can explain to you. like i just had the magazine Yahoo Internet Life over here taking my picture and it lasted for 10 hours and it just exhausted me so much it took me days to recover. and i was so totally not into it that i know that when that issue comes out with those pictures in it...they are going to be the worst pictures i ever did. augh. then there was the star and tribune last summer...this woman took my picture and put it really huge and in colour in the variety section, and i don't think she could have picked a more retarded photo of me. what a bummer, but i had 2 laugh :) it's because taking the photo is SO important to me that i don't want 2 do it....not that i don't care. i care too much, actually. i know this is a weird letter , especially since u don't even know me :) but there u have it...i pretty much spill my guts 2 the world every day for a living...so why not u , as well :) i just wanted 2 tell u that i i'm not ungrateful about the article, it's that i care a lot about the photo and i know i can't force a good photo when i'm not in the mood to get my picture taken it's just that i'm a bit of an eccentric neurotic freak :) i hope a fraction of that makes any sense 2 u :)

peas, ana

---------------------------------

ok, so i never heard a word back after that. i probably sounded too weird. but there u have it. :) whatever. life goes on. ACK so...because they said they would not publish my interview without a photo done by their photographer, here is the interview that i sent to them ( i think i might have put this interview in an anagram awhile back...so sorry for the repeat if i'm repeating!):

1. Describe your earliest exposure to classical music. Did you discover it, or were you led into it?

first of all, let me explain that I'm going to use the term" classical" in a very broad sense..to include pretty much everything that is played by an orchestra, or quartet, etc. including in there baroque and expressionistic etc. my boyfriend, fetik3, pointed out to me a few months ago that "classical" did not entail everything played by a violin! god, it's embarrassing to admit I did not know that! but there you have it. I'm not much of a stickler for the facts. I just like what I like and listen to it and I don't try to define it or find out it's history very often. so , in using the term "classical" in that way, I was exposed to it since birth. that was the kind of music my dad loved most, so it was always being played around the house. and we had a piano and my dad would play it quite well. I loved it most when my dad would play some of bach's 15 two part inventions. in fact, I still can play a few of those rather poorly. I figured out how to play them by looking at where middle c was, then counting up how many notes until the next note. and so and and so forth. then memorizing that. I always loved playing the piano. I never took lessons. then in 6th grade, my family moved closer to the twin cities and a woman came into our class one day and told us that we could learn to play violin if we wanted to. and I completely freaked out! I had come from a very small town with about 800 people in it, so I had never even seen a real violin before! I thought of it as this very expensive untouchable instrument. so I signed on to take lessons and be in orchestra. I couldn't believe I could have and hold my very own violin! it was an incredible feeling.

2. What orchestral instrument(s) inspire(d) or excite(d) you most? Least?

well, you can tell from my answer above, it is the violin. actually now in retrospect, I love the viola more because of it's lower rich sound. I also adore cello, but I don't feel like ever trying 2 tackle that. it's too large and I am a tiny person. my least favourite instruments are pretty much all the wind instruments, but not because of their sound, but because I loathe how they have 2 drain all that spit out of there after they play. I just think that is so disgusting, I could never do that. I know that sounds weird. but I think it stems from that my brother when a child chewed and drooled on all my toys. and now I have this great aversion to spit ( except when kissing ). but I'm starting 2 like wind instruments a lot more and I like them all, sound-wise, pretty much equally. I don't think I'm a great fan of the oboe, though. slide trombones kind of crack me up :)

3. Did any particular composers or styles influence your musical development?

yes, definitely. I love the composers who have melodies and counter melodies and it's like an escher drawing in sound. I love when it is so playful like that and not just a big grand "1812 overture". anything that is the OPPOSITE of the 1812 overture. I love haydn, bach, vivaldi. and that is just the ones I remember a lot because they are so often played. there is so much I never sought out 2 buy. I'd hear it on the radio then I'd never find out who it is. there have been pieces that just made me cry, but I have no idea who composed it. tragic. I wish I could give u specifics but I can't! I love messian ( sp?) "le musique pour le fin du temps" (?) I'm sooo bad at remembering the names of things. in my last cd "anavoog.com" is a song by me called "gone", and if u could hear that you'd be able to hear how "classical" music is all over in me :) the only thing is that I could not afford to have real violins play it, so it's synth violins and I shudder ever time I hear it. I hope to rerecord that song with real violins in the future. I also love john cage and phillip glass, but I know they are not at all classical. but can I just throw them in there anyway? heck, they use violins sometimes!

4. Do you have specific recollections about seeing live orchestral concerts? Especially any by the Minnesota Orchestra or at Orchestra Hall? If so, describe your lasting impressions of the place/event.

yes! and it has nothing to do with the music, but since it's such a funny story I'll tell it anyway :) the 1st violinist from the st. paul chamber orchestra came to my school once to show the orchestra class I was in some stuff which was wonderful! I think I was in 9th grade. well, pinchas zukerman was the conductor of the st. paul chamber orchestra at that time and I had this wild mad passionate crush on him! he was the first person I was ever a total groupie for! when I learned that he was moving here and was going to become the conductor I pretty much fell out of my chair in excitement. then when this violinist from the chamber orchestra came to my class I saw this as my golden opportinity to meet pinchas zukerman somehow. so I want up to the guy and starting spouting off how much I ADORED pinchas, and he took this as a sign that I was obessed with playing my violin. so he told me he would put me on the list for the next st. paul chamber orchestra concert and introduce me to pinchas zukerman! wow! so I did that and afterwards the guy brough me backstage and I was able to shake pinchas zukerman's hand. I was just SHAKING! heaven! then I found out that the harpsichordist for that orchestra was a member of my church I attended ( or some sort of connection like that ) . so I called up that guy, and he was very gracious and told me that since he is in the orchestra he has season tickets but never uses them! so I got on the list again and this time when it was over i walked backstage by myself and i remembered where pinchas zukerman'' dressing room was and i knocked on it and he answered the door and i handed him this note i had written him and he politely took it and said thank you. I wish I could connect my brain with your brain right now and just show you how it was..because these words are making it sound so lame. argh. anyway, I had written him this love letter about how he was even cuter than robert redford and why had he shaved off his goatee? I loved him in that goatee. I was like "mission accomplished! now I have announced my love!" and he actually DID write me back! he wrote "thank you for the very nice note." and signed it. I have to dig around and find that and scan it and put it up on my website! ( www.anacam.com ) *sigh* ok, the 2nd most memorable because of the MUSIC ( and yes, this was at orchestra hall ) was when I saw messian's ( sp???) musique pour le fin du temp. now I'm looking all over my house trying to find that cd to get the spelling correct on that, but I can't find it because I still haven't put them in alphabetical order. *sigh* seeing that piece played live was riveting ( ooo, RIVETING..i never have had a time or place to use that word before..but now that we are talking about "high culture" perhaps riveting is a good word! or maybe even compelling! hehe :) I love dissonance.

5. What do you see as primary difference(s) and/or similarities between contemporary pop/electronic music and classical music? (Could involve composition, presentation, audience, cultural importance, etc.)

hmmm. they are just totally different in almost every aspect. it might be easier to say the things that are similar. like both styles are "composed"( at least mine is anyway ). you'd really have to compare/contrast between specific composers. I couldn't get into that speaking about it in such broad terms. pop music is such a wide term. and the way we are using the terrm "classical" is also too wide to be about to compare/contrast anything. I mean..like stereolab and phillip glass are a lot more similar than the flaming lips and mozart.

6. What and when do you listen to classical?

I wish I was in the mood to listen to a lot more classical than I do. I guess I don't listen to it very often because I own only about 5 classical music albums ( all with pinchas zukerman on the cover! ) when I want to go out and buy some more that I like, I get too overwhelmed because I can't choose from the wide selection and cds are so expensive. lately, whenever I turn on ksjn they are playing that sappy ballet music kind of genre. ( sorry ksjn , I'm sure I'm just tuning in at the wrong times, for me! ) so, I don't listen to it very often. I haven't been in that kind of mood for a few years. I should go online and see if there are some cool radio stations somewhere who would play some things I'd be interested in buying. which composer I would play at which times depends upon my mood. bach is more for bubblebaths or dusting the house giddily or maybe even speeding down the highway..but I wouldn't know that since I don't drive nor own a car. some composers are good for when it's dusk or nighttime. some would be better for the morning. some are good to calm your nerves. some are good to make you more nervous. some is good to put on when you want your company to leave.

7. Can you give me an update on what you're doing these days? Writing? Recording? With whom? For whom? If you have any background stats you'd especially like to stress, you can share those too, but I'm already pretty familiar with your work. And if you have a URL for the latest and greatest Ana Voog promo photos, please pass it on. what am I up to these days?

wow! so much it's gonna be hard to summarize! first I'll try to tell you about about my history. I was the lead singer/composer/guitarist for the all-female art/pop band The Blue Up? for 11 years. we made 4 records: "now", "introducing sorrow", "cake and eat it", "spool forka dish". then I decided to delve into electronic music because that was my first love as far as genres go ( and I didn't want to have to tune my 12 string rickenbacker ONE more time! ). you can go download "introducing sorrow" for free at www.anacam.com then click on "ana musiq" in the menu when you get there. that will tell you even more history, like how I got the name ana voog and all that. and if you email me at ana101@hotmail.com I'll tell you where you can download another record of mine. the rest of The Blue Up? didn't want to do electronic music so I was on my own for that one. it's a cd called "anavoog.com" there is nothing at that website anymore because I am GLEEFULLY off that label. and it's anacam.com that is my website, not anavoog.com. a few people get that confused so I wanted to clarify. and also let you know that anacam.com is for people who are 18 years or over because that is my cam project where I am documenting my life online through a photo taken every 30 seconds, and occasional sound and also written word. so if you catch me online I might be *gasp* naked. because it's summer and it's very hot in here! I don't know if you have seen the movie "a clockwork orange" but I feel a bit like the villian when he was "cured" but then also got violently ill whenever he heard beethovens 5th. I have been feeling sick whenever I delve deeply into music because the major label recording industry has disgusted me so with their infinite stupidity and infinite lack for anything that has feelings. so I have not written a song in two years. but I can feel a few songs incubating in me right now getting ready to pop out into the world. and when I release them I'm going to give them to ana2 members (www.ana2.com) for free via mp3, and u will also be able to buy them. I'm going to go back to making vinyl singles with homemade covers signed and numbered. I want to get back to the girlish fun I used to feel before things like "marketing strategy" ruined my spirit. I'm not going to be making any more "big records that will define who I am for the next two years". at least not for awhile! I can't describe what kind of music it's going 2 be, I just FEEL it right now…kicking in me. I'll see what it is when it comes out. but I know it will definitely have acoustic piano in it. it will be very raw, because I'll be recording it on my trusty little fostex 4 track from 1982 :) i also will be collaborating on many musical things with my boyfriend, fetik3 ( www.fetik3.com ) basically what I do every day though, is make "anagrams" which are daily visual/written diaries which u can access at www.ana2.com. I've always been a visual artist more than a musical one. I picked music because it was hard for me to do and drawing was easy for me. I wanted to challenge myself. but now I've gotten back to the visual more which is my peaceful core. I create everyday 24/7 so I feel very satisfied and fulfilled. now I am looking for a way to combine the two. my visuals and my music. ( which is what I wanted to do when I was in my band..make videos, but I never got to do one! *cry*) it's all a very expensive thing..the things I want to do..merging sound/music with moving and/or still pictures. so it might be awhile before I can realize what is in my head and heart at this time. I know I could look for grants and sponsors, but due to my semi-nudity once in awhile…I fear that will scare sponsors and grants away( isn't that ridiculous???). however, maybe I should try anyway. I'm trying 2 think of a way to put microphones all over my house and also catch what people are saying in my chat room with a speech synthesizer and incorporate that into it…then somehow feed all the noises into various machines that could cut it up randomly, put various effects on it then broadcast this back out to the net. so it would be a random noise symphony that would go along with my other idea of having at least 9 cameras on all the time tiled up like a moving mosaic. I could incorporate sounds from other people's house, too, or cams from around the world and turn it into a random spontaneous live worldwide noise symphony. so that is one of my goals, to get the money to achieve that. and I would like to make a vrml world where concerts could be played in fantastical scenarios and everyone could download cool little instruments and play along! how cool would that be? it might sound awful! it most certainly would crash your computer! but ya! it must be done! I am also procrastinatingly in the process of writing a book and transcribing my heaps of diaries filled with too much too much self evaluation and whining about past horrid boyfriends and hellish experiences in retail :) no really, it's a lot better and worse than that , actually :) and I have a billion paintings in my head, a billion things to sew that are like sculptures you wear. and I have 2 other books that are kind of in the edward gorey vein waiting in the wings. one called "the violent alphabet" and another is a series called "the king and the snake" will I EVER do any of these things?? or will I just sit on my couch wearing the same pair of stripey pants thinking up more fantastic things to do as thousands worldwide watch and wonder "why?" may i add 2 my list of projects i am working on? just stick this paragraph in there somewhere :) i am also working on my project "the universal sleep machine". what this is is a place where u can go onn the net ( www.voog.com ) and watch people sleep. so far 30 people are participating and more and more join each day. they log on and off depending on when they are planning on sleeping. i started this because, curiously, i found that a lot of people find it a peaceful experience to watch me sleep. and since i am usually sleeping a lot during the workday ( in the usa ) because i am such a nightowl, a lot of people watch me sleep while they are working. so i decided to make a "station" where u can watch many people sleep at once. and i am working it out as to how to add a "soundtrack" to that. maybe there will be several soundrtracks that the listener cam choose from. also, part of the point of it is that i'd like each sleeper's cam picture to link to a poltical cause of their choice. so it's kind of a "sleep for peace" thing. i guess you could say it's rather like what john and yoko did when they did "bed peace". but it's the internet equivelent :) if you would like to participate in this project please email: sleepstation@hotmail.com

ok that's it! well! and here i thought this was going

2 be a LITTLE email! yikes!!! :))) luv, ana