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this is an EXCELLENT post by whorlpool [31 Aug 2001|10:27am]
http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=9802890&nc=2
[31 Aug 2001|11:56am]
damn. i want to connect my scanner to another computer so i can see if it
will work that way. and now i cannot find the cdrom for it :/ argh. 'cause
i have some artwork i want to put up for sale, but i want to scan it first
so i have a copy of it for myself in that form.
i'm tired and dizzy and wired. jason and i had a terrible fight last night, but we made up. but i'm so exhausted and so is he. i feel like an idiot.
today i'll do the errands i said i'd do yesterday. i didn't get to do them because the maintenance guy came right when i was about to leave. then, when he finished, it was too late to do errands.
i can't believe it's noon. i don't know what time it feels like, but it doesn't feel like noon.
deiter and sebastian are playing. i think i need to put on some happier music.
i'm going to go to some art stores today to see how i could possible mount the japanese screens onto my walls in a very gentle way
i just realized that i cannot find my lomo cam or my action cam :/
5 comments|post comment
[31 Aug 2001|12:36pm]
ya, i can't believe i am missing an entire box of things that had my lomo
cams in it and just a whole bunch of other stuff that i really NEED right
now! how could it just disappear? and if someone stole it...who did? and why?
because it was mostly full of paper stuff that looked very uninteresting.
god, this is really frustrating!
ok, i've looked everywhere now. and because i have been organizing my house
so much..there is just no way i could have overlooked this very important
box. i seriously literally pray i find it
post comment
[31 Aug 2001|01:05pm]
ah, i found out why my scanner does not work. the drivers are not compatible
with windows Me. so...i'm fuct. whatever. at least i know now.
9 comments|post comment
[31 Aug 2001|04:03pm]
i don't know if it's because i am out of my serzone or what...but i have the
feeling of hopelessness and pointlessness again. i can't seem to make myself
go outside to get the things done i need to. going for a walk would surely
cheer me up, i think, if i could just get out there.
the fight with jason last night took the last ounce of energy out of me. i
have none left. i am totally hollow. all i want to do is lay on my floor and
hopefully just drift away somewhere where i can just feel nothing or maybe
not even exist at all.
i found out last night that i have a lot of anger in me that i did not even realize i was suppressing. i mean, i knew was i was angry...but not to that extent. jason and i have really damaged each other in a lot of ways. so much so that i don't know if it's possible to even be around each other anymore without causing further damage to both of us.
it's the saddest thing on earth. he is my best friend. i want to make it through. but i am so damaged and so is he. and this makes me even angrier because it's really the stupidest thing on earth. stupid that we are so damaged. just fucking really tragic.
i love him more than anything in the world. and he feels the same way about me. i don't think that is enough though. i don't know if love can cure all. i've really never witnessed that it could. if we break up i'm not going to go out with anyone. i'm just going to build myself an android. i can't take this fucking pain and anger and sadness and fear anymore. i can't take one more single speck of it.
i really released so much anger last night. now i feel sick from it. i don't feel better having released it because i released it in a bad way and now i just feel it all around me suffocating me and making me feel crazy.
sorry i can't tell you what any of this is even about. you have no reference point or knowledge of anything that has transpired between jason and i over the last 3 1/2 years except for the casual thing here and there.
please don't give me any advice. i just wanted to write this out. and i really will do ok. i always do. i seem to make it through everything somehow. and there's really nothing more i can say about this in here. that's all. and i guess even if i could i wouldn't because i just don't even have the energy to talk about it. i just want everything fixed and healed immediately.
i want to lay on the floor and have it all be gone. i wish i could somehow
get outside. i don't know what's wrong with me. i feel like an idiot.
[31 Aug 2001|05:49pm]
i took a nap and i feel better
5 comments|post comment
[31 Aug 2001|07:38pm]
somewhere there is a box that has my lomo cam and my action cam and my disposable
underwater camera and a bunch of film to be developed and a bunch of other
stuff that i need. it will drive me crazy until i find it! but i have looked
EVERYWHERE. i have scoured every single box, bag, drawer....this is SO weird.
if you want to find out about the lomo cam it's here:
http://www.lomo.com
and they even have a new camera called the super sampler
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