anagram 080502

DAVMO and GUS FINK [23 Jul 2002|02:44pm]
my hats are now for sale on ebay :)

getting all the ebay stuff sussed. feels good.
still working hard to get ahead of all the things i need to do.

my two fave artists on ebay:

DAVMO and GUS FINK, check them out :)

tonight is crochet night at eebomb's

i'm working on a new anagram and eating candied ginger
2 comments|post comment

making a living [23 Jul 2002|05:35pm]
why i charge $199 for my hats:

$199 - $50 for material
= $149 profit

the government will take 40% for taxes leaving
$89.40 left for me.

the hat took me 8 hours to make so i get paid about $10 an hour to make the hat

that is how i came up with the price.....

but actually i need $120 a day to live i have figured.
if i want to make my living making hats, and if i work 8 hours a day on hats and give myself $25 an hour i can make it work. of hat $25 an hour the government will take 40% which leaves me with $15 an hour.
15x8= $120

so really i need to charge more for my hats. unbelievable really. oh wait...and i haven't figured in the percentage that ebay takes when i sell and then the percentage that paypal takes when someone gives me money that way! plus the insertion fee for ebay. i have to figure that in. glarb.

anyone know on the top of their head what ebay takes and what paypal takes?
26 comments|post comment

anna-gram [23 Jul 2002|10:25pm]
first she wants an "annacam" and now...
from E!online:
"Anna Nicole Wants You...
...to get her free Anna-Gram!"

i just discovered it and what it does.
what i did with it is i made it so that ANYONE can reply in my journal ( not just registered users ) and then i made it so that the anonymous replies are screened by default. which means only i will be able to read them.
SO...if anyone has anything to say to me personally that you do not want anyone else to read...you may do so by posting anonymously (of course it will HELP if in the reply you tell me who you are! )
and now people who don't have livejournals of their own can also reply!

i haven't gone to bed yet...so i am going to do that now :) my schedule is SO whacked.

31 comments|post comment

[24 Jul 2002|10:31pm]
i got some really delicious slippery soft fuschia eyelash yarn today. it cannot really be described. it's very feathery and slippery and the colour jumps right out at you!
and i got some cream coloured mohair :)

it's raining and thundering and lightning out.

i'm getting ready for bed. my mind is whirling with ideas.

[25 Jul 2002|01:41pm]
i will have to look into the prices of things more. maybe my car is not worth 5,000. i thought it was but...
gah. blarg.
i am depressed today. overwhelmed. everyone is having financial difficulty. this is a hard time for everyone.

[26 Jul 2002|05:27pm]
i'm still really overwhelmed by everything and this is causing me to be really depressed. i can't get anything done. it's hard for me to even move.
jason is going to take me out to sushi. maybe that will help my mood.
i'm at least going to take out the garbage now. i have to do at least that.

[27 Jul 2002|05:45pm]
i'm feeling a bit better today. jason is helping me with things. i cleaned the house more. tonight we are going to see minority report and i'm very excited to see that. i think i'm going to take all the yarn i bought and crochet the weirdest blanket in the world. their is a free form "scrumbling" crochet convention happening in australia in august of 2003. i am going to do everything in my power to go to it. i must start saving NOW. i have a year to get it all together to go. i am so excited about it, i'll bet it's all i will think about for the next year. i am so happy i am able to be excited about things because that means i am not as depressed as i think i am. i also really really want a subsription to nest magazine. it's things like this that keep me going. it's things like this that keep me alive and full of hope and dreams

the fine art of nude crocheting? [28 Jul 2002|01:55am]
perhaps

today i am on the sally jesse raphael show [29 Jul 2002|02:40pm]
it's going to be embarrassing. i thought i was on a show about online diaries. i was totally set up. but i was dumb enough to be on this show in the first place so, c'est la vie.
28 comments|post comment

sallyjr....the scoop [29 Jul 2002|04:24pm]
ok, this is what was SUPPOSED to happen...

sallyjr co. called me up and wanted me on their show. they said i would be the ONLY one on the show and it would be ablout people that were against me having a cam and online diary. my x boyfriend, cris, said he would be on the show with me as the person who would disagree ( even though he doesn't disagree ).
we decided that what we would do is talk about my online diary and how i write about my physical and emotional abuse i experienced from cris when we were going out 15 years ago. cris would talk about how he feels uncomfortable that i was putting all of our relationship that we had into an online diary for all to see. i would say that i was doing it because i felt that abusers should be held accountable for their actions and that women should feel they have the right to speak of their abuse and not hide it or be ashamed of it and hold it all inside as a secret. i would talk about how online diaries are wonderful things for people to write and to read so that people felt less alone in abusive situations and greater dialogue could be had about this issue and other issues that needed to be discussed.

in the end...cris would see my side of things and agree with me and both of us would reconcile and have a happy ending.

the sally show also said that they would put my name and url on the screen when i was speaking. they didn't. all they put up was "ana".
i asked if there would be any talk show "psychologists" on...because i did not want any on. and they said that was fine and they would not do that. but they did.

AND they said they would reimburse cris for the 2 days of work he would miss to be on the show. AND THEY NEVER PAID HIM EVEN THOUGH HE LEFT NUMEROUS MESSAGES WITH THEM FOR MANY MONTHS!!!!

that was what was supposed to happen. but instead i walk out and i am on a show with a bunch of strippers and the topic of the show was "i'm a stripper, deal with it"

i WAS a stripper for a short time 15 years ago. but jeez.

anyway...
live and learn. as you know, not every single one of sally's shows are COMPLETELY evil and i thought i was on one where i could spread the message out that people should not have to live with their emotional and physical abuse being a secret. that one could empower onesself through online diaries.

c'est la vie.

i'm just glad her show was cancelled. she is a completely hollow evil exoskeleton.

i couldn't write about this at the time because i was totally drained from the experience.

but now, i'm fine. seeing it now, finally,...i think i really held my own pretty damn well and i'm happy with the way i carried myself.

i spoke to cris on the phone and he said i kicked ass :)
tomorrow he and i are going to get together for coffee and have a good laugh! :)

i can't believe i can actually say i was on the sally jesse show! what a trip.
23 comments|post comment

mobile homes [29 Jul 2002|05:02pm]
since i have been on the sally jr show...
i can now move into a mobile home and go back to eating hotdish. mmm :)
( i come from a poor background where this was the case, so i say this with great affection! )

now i really am compltely serious whe i say i am looking into buying a mobile home :)
and i have searched and searched online for any indication on how much these cost..but all i can find is those type of mobile homes that look like houses.

i want a single wide one...one that you can connect to a car and move if need be.
i don't want it to look like a house. and i don't want the kind that IS a truck.
i just can't find any info on these anywhere on the net! there is so much about people selling one used, or where to find communities...or where to rent land...or where to buy ones that look like ranch style homes...but no info on the kind i want.

can you help me?

then i need to get some leopard sheets, so glow in the dark religious icons, and a lava lamp and a "god bless this mobile home" sign :)
weee haa!

bookmarks (part 1) [30 Jul 2002|04:15am]
here are some that i have. many of them probably don't work anymore. who knows? these are the bookmarks i have in my "etc" folder. i have a BILLION more bookmarks to put up here! this is the first bunch of them.
but now i have been awake all night again..and the sun is coming up...so i must sleep!
i don't even know where 99% of these lead to! and they probably fill in a lot of info on me that doesn't get said inmy journals, art, and campix! eek!
happy surfing!

Bookmarks

! Best Mattresses, Adjustable Beds, & Sleep Equipment, Etc.

偳偙偱傕偄偭偟傚

+ glitter goddess +

++zapp

=^_^=..No KopyKats!..=^_^=

リングワ〖ルド¨ インタ〖ネット

100% Sandwashed Fuji Seamless SILK Sheets-IVORY

2538 Sundown Drive, Los Angeles, CA

Acting Technology Reality Syllabus

AddALL Used and Out of Print book search

Adel Rootstein

Ai Ren Toga Ningyou TIC

Alesis A6 Andromeda� 16 Voice Real Analog Synthesizer

Amphigory

analog search engine

Alibris - Books you thought you'd never find.

Allard Engineering

Alta System - Clothing Displays

AltaVista - World - Translate

amputee webring

Amrather Home Page

An Overview of Fashion History 1940's to 1950's

Ana Voog's Conversation With Tori

bad art for the few, mediocre art for the many!

Annie Sprinkle Post Porn Modernist

ball

Anton Gustavsson

apps2

Arcata Pet - Pet Supplies

ASCOT World Wide Picture Image Site

AT&T Wireless Services

Atlus Dream Entertainment Products

Audiograbber, CD-ripper for windows 95-98-NT

aurora.dti.ne.jp-~mikimiki-

AUSTRALIAN LIVE STREAMING WEB CAMS & ONLINE RADIO

Balthaser Studios

ARTIFICE

Axfords Home Page and Corset Catalogue

AXIS 200 Network Camera Product Page

Bed Pad and Mattress Cover

Dermablend Corrective Cosmetics

diarist.net diary-l

BADDAS - The RetroActive Audio Sampler

Bill Viola A 25-Year Survey

Dome Manufactureres, Vendors, Consultants

Domes International - 1-888-454-7390

Duct Tape Double

EarthStation1 The Internet's Media Museum - The History of the Media Age in MP3 Wav Audio, Photos & Video Images

Engaged

eYada.com

傾僀僪儖俿倁僱僢僩

Female Objects of Semantic Dehumanization and Violence

FlickTips

Fluxus Online

Foot Traffic - Specialty Tights, Socks and Hosiery - www.footraffic.com

Four Designs Company

GreatSpot.cc

Handmade-Glass.com Navigation Page

hoobalaboobala

http--www.gl.umbc.edu-~rabzug1-sewing-plaster.html

Index of -mp3

Index of -shout-

Italy - Jewelry - La Nouvelle Bague - Poesia Visiva

JCCARE

Jones on Bookbinding

LILEKS (James) Gallery of Regrettable Food 2.0

Lindholm~Studio

Links

Logical Solutions Inc.

LUCIFER'S TOP LIST! ABSOLUTELY THE DARKEST SITES ON THE WEB! Lucifer Rules! Lucifer Rules! Lucifer Rules! Lucifer Rules! Lucifer Rules! Lucifer Rules! Lucifer Rules!

M A C A S T - Amplify Your Life !

Mannequins-View & Reviews 01

MegaBall from BodyTrends.com

Michele Serchuk Photography

Midgard

Mind Aware Website

momoko

Mosquito Netting, Nets, Canopies and Repellants

mosquitonet

MP3.com - sebab

mp3

mp3it.com - home

MRP

MYPORN.COM Sexual Resources Gay-Lesbian-Bi

Omniglow Commercial Fishing Products

Reuse Program

RingWorld Society and Culture Lesbian, Gay and Bisexual

RINRINRIN

round beds!!

round beds

Siamdutch Mosquitonets

Starkers! Custom Corsetry and Dark Romantic Clothing

straight synthetic

Susie Bright Full Exposure

Sybergen Networks

tarepanda1

Technical Data-xdz125t-2

THE DOOR The Door is America's pretty much only religious satire magazine

The Estate

The Genuine Haiku Generator

The Maxx Home Page (unofficial)

The Official String Theory Web Site

The Open Diary

The Sex Education Web Circle

The Web's Best Place for Writers Who Have Been or Want to Be Published - TM

Three Commentaries on Gender and Electronic Discourse

Timothy McSweeney's Worldwide Fondness Story Begins Below

TOGU-B銵LE - Gebr.Obermaier OHG

Trojan Room Coffee Machine

Turbonium

Welcome to Lyra

Welcome to my home page ! Kiss you !!!!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to my home page ! Kiss you

Welcome to Vixen Creations

Women and Gender Studies Videotapes in the Media Resources Center UCB

www.rsub.com

www4.justnet.ne.jp-~mikimiki_fan2-sozai%20shop-index.html

Xing Technology Corporation

Xplanet

ZEN

Home

SilverSmiles, a braces fetish place...

The Museum of Questionable Medical Devices

Feng Shui Ultimate Resource

http--www.madonnaextreme.com-erotica-sex28.html

Official #Monitor Web Pages

Rebecca Martin and The Independence Project

Shih Tzu Connecting Point

MkzdK feedbackmay97

Haiku

LONG NAILS,NAILBYTES, NAILS, LONG NAILS, LONG FINGERNAILS, LONG NAILS CHAT, LONG NAILS MESSAGE BOARD.

Silent Source Supplier of coustic foams, sonex, whisperwedge, profoam, tecnifoam, fireflex, cutting wedge, barriers, baffles,

BDSM - SM - S&M - D&S - BONDAGE - SPANKING - POWERotics BDSM Network

bits and pieces

bofhcam menu

Mattress Covers,hypo-allergenic,waterproof,dust mite proof,allergy proof cover,allergy proof mattress cover

Healthye featuring air filters, water爁ilters, lighting, and non toxic products.

Blacklight Volleyball fluorescent & glow-in-the-dark products.

Welcome to TokyoQ

CDW Product Overview

Women's Retro Shoppe

Blue Gardenia Vintage Patterns and Jewelry

Features

L D Fashions

Elizabethan Petticoats

Blooming Grove Studio- 9 Star Ki Astrology - Feng Shui - Macrobiotic Network

Bored.Com - Have Some Fun On The Internet

Bridal Slips with Bouffant and Drawstring

Call for Papers for Psychology of Men and Masculinity

CHEESE HOMEPAGE

Complete trips near your ideal times

contents8k

BIODOMES

Clear geodesics domes, awnings for decks, patios, and spa enclosures. Clarity Domes by Applied Geodesics, Inc.

Dome Construction and Geodesic and Monolithic Domes

Dome Page

Domes Northwest

Dynamism.com - Sony Vaio GT1

Earthship Biotecture Buildings

Earthship Biotecture

Econ-O-Dome Information and Pricing

Emmett's HomePage

English-Estonian Dictionary

Epoxy Seal Heavy Duty Sealer and Cladding

Flowbee�

FunFan fan!

Furniture & etc. Frame

Greenbuilding Mailing list Archive for February 1998

Han Time

Harness Boots

HealthyE - Product 'Austin Air HealthMate Standard'

HealthyE - Product 'Countertop KDF-GAC Water Filter'

HealthyE - Product 'SAD Lite 10,000 Lux Light Box'

holme

Hot Boots!!! A site devoted to a man's love of boots.

House of Wyatt's LINKS

http--www.ibmpcug.co.uk-~irdial-enigma.htm

Index to Harvard University web sites

Isabella Costumiere Catalog

Kits & Prices

Ladies and Mens Biker Boots

Nature's Miracle Stain & Odor 1 gal

OCA Home Page

On-Line Catalog

Order Form

Oregon Dome, Inc. For Sale

Pacific Domes - Geodesic Dome Shelters

Patterns from the Past

Pet Supplies, Pet Vitamins, Pet Toys, Grooming Products, Deodorizers, Disinfectants, Accessories, Cat Toys, Dog Toys, Cat Treat

Post to Post - I am from 2036

Price List

Pricing for GEODESIC DOMES

Radio China Index Page

radio.sonicnet

Request a Free Estimate from Dome Contractors, Inc.

Sensational Han

Sewing Patterns for Sale - Vintage, Old, Discontinued

Short Wave Espionage

SPNN - Saint Paul Neighborhood Network Contact

SpyNumbers.com

steve keene

The Beach Dome on Topsail Island,

The Conet Project Info, Ordering and Links

The CuttersCrew links page

The Dome Calculator

The Free Radio Network

The Invisible Dome Home

The Listening Post - Shortwave

The New House - Main Menu

THE STREET HARASSMENT PROJECT

TUK Gripfast Punk Shoes and Boots

Ultimate Frequency List

Ultrasonics Ferroelectrics Frequency Control

Uncle Matty's Dog Training Center

vera little

VideoNET Video Message

Welcome to my garage

Welcome to TheFetus.net

Worldwide Utility News

Quietpc.com for a Quiet PC - Silence the noise!

Salon.com Technology Online and underground

WebReference.com - The Webmaster's Reference Library - Web Authoring Tips & Tutorials for Developers

Overview PC Access without a Mouse

Interestssdf

dl

The Bodum online shop

Full Veggie Date Profile

Search Harvard University

Roy Stuart

AtomFilms Get Into Our Shorts�07

Tonos [ Collaboratory - Continue Your Access ]

Tonos [ Collaboratory - TC8 ]

PL500 Product Information

The Great Gate of Plasticville

http--www.btinternet.com-~quinnster1-hair-hair.html

http--www.venusbitch.net-

ROBOTGIRL.NET

Underwater

velocipede

-MINd ..... six(point)zero

-{ Pandora's Psyche }-

ColorQuiz.com - The free five minute personality test!

welkin's journal

tattered dress

Applied Geodesic Domes, Inc.

Choose A Region - PDA

Shareware

Long Island Staylace Association-Laced Corsetry & Stays Site

Sanrio's Hello Kitty shoes by Nana

http--www.1avenue.com-lysaghtc-DiaryofaMadman.html

http--netsys.com-~cameo-one-stacy-stacy_drama.png

Read Comments

Karmaloop.com; the Source for Online Fashion

Stacy Review Comments - www.ezboard.com

I.K.U.-com

Untitled Document

2www.lip-service.com Lip Service Clothing...Fashions for Fashion Freaks

Radio Station Guide

http--www.jesgrew.org-wake-mmfwrc.jpg

ENTER THE ENEMY

ViewCast Software & Driver Download

http--www.le-ciela.com-A-B.html

穎dfgfgf

members.jcom.home.ne.jp-antique-

where i grew up

chameleon hair

Riser legs will raise your bed creating closet size storage and beauty in your bedroom

Plushies

Dita Von Teese - Main page and What's New

http--www.orb8.tv-images-anarchy_big.jpg

http--www.fsinet.or.jp-~sokaisha-rabbit-rabbit.htm

Schema Browser

Schema Browser2

Anarchy[1] BBS

Dave NavarroTrustNoOne

Dave NavarroTrustNoOne1

DGM Robert Fripp's Diary Archive

Wasp Creations

MATRIX INTELLIGENCE AGENCY

Dialing by Theresa M. Senft

American Red Cross of the St. Paul Area

explodingdog

[SonyStyle Computers & Handhelds]

SONG FIGHT!

Welcome to the Dollhouse's LiveJournal -- Entries

Sybian for Sexual Gratification - Overview

Jane's Information Group

Welcome to CounterPunch

ANOTHER GIRL ANOTHER PLANET - a film by Michael Almereyda

MP3.com Artist Community Page

Screen Edge - nothing like hollywood

Selected Personal Introduction

GROUNDING THE HUMAN BODY TO NEUTRALIZE

Hatsuboku (Splashed Ink) Landscape by Kano Tsunenobu

Lycaeum Leda

Amazon.com -zShops Pagan Fleshworks The Alchemy of Body Modification [Paperback] by Mercury...

http--www.geocities.com-kittiedonna-

LostBoi's LiveJournal

Stephen's Never Never Land

i want u yer so BIG n HARD uve got such a BIG COCK's journal

Transsexuality

Fujisan.com-Japanese On-line Super store-Japanese Books, Magazines,CDs, Movies, Drugs, Calendars, Pokemon Toys, Gundam Models

The Birth of Venus - Articles and Information

buy.com - Product Information

Plastic Tubing, Rubber Hose, Fittings, and Clamps - NewAge Industries Products

Pink Mouse's Image Organiser

Pink Mouse Productions

PIXELSURGEON news

curency converter

firstVIEW Womens Collections List

fur suit japanese

Gingatetsudo Enterprises Inc.

Marylen Costumes Main Page

Possi's Contortion Site

The Modulus Fashion Lab

top4

goldsmith

Hi-Realism Mannequins by Guy Louis-XVI SFX

toppage

A_R_T_I_C_H_O_K_E_index

Triptonight

The Star Archive - Ana Voog

The Thin Page

IASHS

Astrology World News - Moon Phases

Heather Kleinman's Cosmetic Connection

Welcome to Lush Fresh Handmade Cosmetics- We are always fresh

N-courage Health Network

Harmony Central� Ampeg Reissues Dan Armstrong Guitars and Basses

bookmarks (part 2) [30 Jul 2002|06:47am]
here's yet another batch of sites from my "beautiful sites" folder.
happy surfing!

Bookmarks

Evolutionary Media - Streaming Video

...aegri somnia...

Jonni Nitro

The Digital Landfill

Welcome to Holo-X

Let_Freedom_ Burn

Blind Visual Porpaganda ( s o o n )

Shockwave

p1

Insight-Unseen

WOP

HotWired Animation Express

theLINKZ - The macromedia Shockwave Resource of resources !

Enter the world of spiff

data poetry

Exhibitions by description of the work and icon

abandon.org{v4shutterand I will see you in my memory}

http--www.kapelica.org-stelarc-

100 Trillion Haiku - The Genuine Haiku Generator

where Internet culture begins - fez.com

bomb pop productions

Link

Space1026 presents Reed Anderson

http--idt.net-~mumbles1-mumbleboy-4WOP-WOPmenu.html

INTERNET MOVIE CHANNEL 5.0

dolls of Hans Belmer

www2u.biglobe.ne.jp-~shio-x1-top.html

TOKYO COSPLAY GIRLS

Photo Meme

Cosplay Ring

傝傫偔

cute site2

Cute Girls Interface

love love pink

p l a s t i c

www4.justnet.ne.jp-~mikimiki_fan2-

http--www07.u-page.so-net.ne.jp-yd5-raimu-naka.htm

CHESKY DOM

gyrl.friday.fonts

http--www.gerl.org-fonts-

ucho

baby art 2000

siteSakamoto - A Ryuichi Sakamoto Web Site

lol.dricas.ne.jp

Sha Sha Higby

fuse-b.com-top.htm

Getty ArtsEdNet Home Page (Getty ArtsEdNet)

GIF Rabbit's Carrot Pavilion

dead doll's playground - broken toys and shards of glass

Girls In Swimcaps

madjunk.x0.com-

asahi-net.or.jp-~yu3m-ymmt-

webcutie.pos.to-mikuro-

vets.ne.jp-~usagi-toy-index.html

shibuya.cool.ne.jp-sora19-mennba.htm

マユマユ徊裁の票塘たち

偨傟摨柨

## LOVELY ALGERNON ##

ww1.enjoy.ne.jp-~lastshow-natsu.html

www4.plala.or.jp-capsule-

osaka.cool.ne.jp-ryoko6-

偙偘傁傫

pinkpinkpink

pedrowear incorporated

roshi's LiveJournal

CALPIS FAN

calpisvideo

HOMEWRECKER.plus

Willing To Try

V-MATIONS

l3sli3.com

DHKY

ARCHINECT - pimpin' architecture since '97

http--www.depart.at-norbert-

eyestorm.com - architankture

http--www.kalx.com-

glowingbox

Kaliber10000 { The Designer's Lunchbox }

04

%20Wrong

DACAFE. photograph.

Untitled

feedback

nowhow designservices

golan levin homemade tidbits

anonymity

Vote!

Welcome to K'n'K! - video.ch

JEZEBEL the somewhat daily ditty

WebSite

nobdesign.com-da-uhauha-

PuriKura Page

drama`s grave

drawing nano-Ray

nanoRayspeX SeXualoverotic S private -SXS-

... dethany.com - subluminal communications - ...

bookmarks (part 3) [30 Jul 2002|07:10am]
it'll take you years to get through all this stuff...just like it took me years to collect all these bookmarks!

Bookmarks

Locked Diaries

Police Scanners

Anagram Genius www.AnagramGenius.com

In The Zone

Dame Darcy Comics Reviews and Links

Infiltration the zine about going places you're not supposed to go

R Sharah

The Etchinghill Studios Whiteboard

thenvelope

The Communion Homepage

Pseudo 6.0

Global Eco-village Network

Logical Solutions Inc.

Salon Urge Strap-on epiphany

..JumpCut..

Airbrush & Body-Painting bei Jannys ART

ALIVAR - Official Web Site - Home Page

Bilumen

card.21 - for most effective Internetmarketing

colette eshop

Dynamic Drive DHTML Scripts- Elastic Trail Script

Fears and Kahn

Fish Design Pesce Ltd., NYC 212.941.0164

Flash 3 Tips & General Questions -- Virtual-fx.net Tutorials

Gopf Furniture and Interior Design

Gremlins in the Garage!

Hot Links

How to I use Server Side Includes

http--www.idonline.com-imdr00-idreview.html

ImageStation - Free Online Photo Albums, Email Greeting Cards, and Digital Picture Storage

indexfred.jpg

Infra-Red FAQ v1.10 (96-10-19)

Made in Design - Cadeaux et objets originaux de grands designers - Alessi - Kartell - Philippe Starck

MODERN ARTIFACTS Online Store

Objects by Philippe Starck Sommaire Monde

OTHER LOMO PRODUCTS - ORDERFORM

Pinhole Photography

plasticratic

Puces & plus Antiquit閟-Brocante-Design d'occasion-Prestations de services informatiques

SCP Products Furniture Product Category

The Free Site is the best place to find freebies, freeware, free stuff, samples, games

The Outsider Pages

The Universal Currency Converter(tm)

Totem Design

Ulead Systems Innovative Multimedia Solutions

Un percorso nel design del '900 modernariato oggettistica design

USM Modular Furniture

Welcome to CHRISTOPHE LEMONNIER

Ambientedirect.com - home of modern living

ANATOMIQUE

Anfy Paint

ArtMolds LIfecasting Resource Center and Lifecasting Sculpture of the Human Figure By lifecaster sculptor E.J. McCormick

Bee KANNO Doll & Photo

Bookbinding Information and Bookbinding Supplies from Gigabooks

Bubble Chair -- inflatable furniture that blows up like a bubble!

Castings

CenturyModern

Contre-Jour, Boutique virtuelle

Design Within Reach

Earth Henna by Lakaye Mehndi Studio, featuring the Earth Henna Tattoo Kit, mehndi made easy!

Eckhart Interior Design Group the source on european interior design for home + office

evansandwong catalogue vol.1no.5

evansandwong

exhibitors

firstVIEW Womens Collections List

FlashTV Unofficial Shockwave Site

Form + Function - Modern Furniture on the Web!

FormDecor - Mod Links

Foundation NY

Herman Costa - Ricco-Maresca Gallery 212-627-4819

Hi+LoModern - 20th Century Artifacts

home.html

http--www.hidden.nl-hidden.swf

http--www.milkyelephant.com-mumbleboy-imagefolder-4WOP-MBbanner01.gif

Industrial Home

jane's mehndi sketchbook pages

La Galerie Moderne

Luminaire - Modern and contemporary European designed furniture, lighting and accessories.

Mehandi...Bodypainting with henna.

Mehandi...Patterns and Pictures

Mehndi Henna Body Decoration

Mid-Century Modern Living

milky banners

milkybanner2

Modern Auction

Modern Furniture Designs

Palazzetti - HomePage

Paper Dolls Page Homepage

Personal Works Thumbnails

Plaster Master - Industrial machines, foam, tools, machinery

Poly Ring

Polyamory Headquarters - Loving More, the Magazine of Polyamory, Polyfidelity, and Expanded Family

Polymer Clay Express

Portfolios Online Illustrators Fiona Smyth

PROFORM ...furniture for architecture

Raw Vision Magazine

RSharah

Rusty Zipper Vintage Clothing

Salon.com Technology Online and underground

searcher's outsider art quest links page...

So, What is Mehndi

spacify

Stained Concrete Photos

The Big KiSS Page - Paper Dolls For Your Computer!

The Henna Page - How

Tribu-Design Mobilier et Design - Furniture 1900-2000

unica home online catalog

Welcome to Yum Pop! ...by Cosmic Debris

Culture News from Wired News

Internet Society (ISOC) All About The Internet History of the Internet

List-Managers Mailing List Archive

Phenomenal Women Of The Web

Publicly Accessible Mailing Lists -- Index

Revolutionary Association of the Women of Afghanistan (RAWA)

W3C - The World Wide Web Consortium

Adult Body Painting Links at AdultBodyPaintingLinks.com

Behemoth's ASFR Lair

CENTURY Women from birth through 100 years of age.

DeMask Online

Erotica for Women at Scarlet Letters A Journal of Femmerotica �

Extreme body modifications- Implants

Gynoid Gallery - The Home for Fembots on Film

i n f i n i t e _ b o d y _ p i e r c i n g

Keith Alexander. Expert Piercer. NYC-USA. 212.337.9744

L.A.TEX Website - Fetish with Style.

ManneQueen

Mannequin Lovers

New Stories - Legacy of Timeless Beauty Archive

One-Shots - Mannequin Suit

Rings and Things - The World's Finest Body Piercing Jewelry in Stainless, Gold & Niobium

Shop@ssistant

SKIN TWO Online - Clothing Catalogues

Stuckfast Productions

The ASFR Master List

The Living Mannequin Circle

The Medusa Realm - Home Page

the point

Welcome to Design-Machine.ComIf you can fantisize about it, we can build it!

Amazon.com buying info Polaroid Transfers A Complete Visual Guide to Creating Image and Emulsion Transfers

Calumet Photographic. The online source for photo equipment and supplies.

Camera reviews at Photography REVIEW

CANON CAMERA MUSEUM - Camera Hall

Digital Cameras

evilmind.com

George's Polaroid SX-70 pages

island of idiots

jm3.net p x l - 2 0 0 0

Michael Going Gallery of Altered Polaroid SX-70 Photographs

Nintendo Game Boy Camera

Pixelvision

Polaroid Image and Emulsion Transfer

Polaroid Image Transfers--Book

Polaroid SX-70 Camera Review

Polaroid SX-70 Manipulation

Polaroid Transfer & SX-70 Manipulation Resources - creative uses of Polaroid films

PolaroidWork

PXL2000

scrap paper

SX-70, SLR680, SLR690 Polaroid Cameras and Accessories

The Internet Movie Database (IMDb).

Tony Nelson Photography

VB101

Welcome to Cress Photo

WQV-2-1 - Wrist Camera Watch

X10's Amazing XCam2 Wireless Camera!

Yahoo! Clubs kaospxl2000erotica

AstroCybernetics--Astrology with John Woodsmall

Distant Healing Network Home Page - Reiki, distant healing, absent healing, spiritual healing, alternative healing, free healing service, global healing

Earth Changes Update

Reptoids

ROSEMARY ALTEA

SETI@home Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence at Home

The Charlotte King Effect Web Site

The Reflectory - Free Reiki Distance Healing

Nudes Masked Home Page

Pregnant Bellymasks

bookmarks (part 4) [30 Jul 2002|07:51am]
these links are of dolls, things about webcams, music, art supplies and other things i can't remember. it feels good to get all these things off my computer and to a place where i can share them and still have access to ththem but not have to scroll through all of these every time i look for something!

Bookmarks

Toy Manufacturers of America, Inc.

Cot� Plastics & Machining Customer List

dotcomcardz page 1

Hoyle(R)

http--209.98.224.502049-cgi-bin-setup

http--www.arachneweb.com-NewHouseShelter-

McKechnie Tooling & Eng. plastic molds injection.

Millennium Plastics

National Tool and Manufacturing Co.

Playing Card Manufacturers - The House of Cards

Product Detail

Product Search

projects

PROMOTIONAL ADVERTISING and ADVERTISING SPECIALTIES

The Plastics Network Where Plastics People Do Business

(Including Complete Book Manufacturing, Prepress Services, Printing, Binding & Materials)

Toy 'n Joy Products

Toys from Archie McPhee Online

ToySource -Toy related trade associations and organizations around the world

Uniques 1-800-948-9060 Promotional Advertising Products for the New Millennium!

!Utrecht Art-Canvas!

1www.lip-service.com Lip Service Clothing...Fashions for Fashion Freaks

AllBrands.com Sewing Machines

Alphachair egg-shaped stereo chair

American candle waxes

Appliances.Com Irons & Ironing Equipment Department

Attar Herbs, Spices & Essences - Herbs & Botanicals

Big 4 Fabrics - Jobbers and Wholesalers of Fake Fur & Stretch Textiles

Bodypaintingshop

bug - the latest collection of products from Craig Morrison

Carol's Zoo, Fur Order Information, Carol's Zoo site of stuffed animal patterns, fake fur, and notions, catalog

catalog

Choice Hair Extensions

Colinette Yarns, hand dyed textiles.

Contact four

Cornerstone Special Effects punky color lariche jerome russell Gothic Punk Hair Dye, bleach streaks Cosmetics, Jewelry

fabric8 online shopping for urban clothing, music, and accessories

fabric8 finery Penitent Sweater by Phobos & Deimos

Fabrics.com

Fetish Kitten - The Definitive Goth and Fetish Retail Guide

furrylegwarmers

gadgetshop.com - gadgets and gifts.

Glow Punk Tops

HCN00638 - White Sewing Machine #8800

Holey Skrim

https--www.aleenes.com-cgi-bin-Aleenes-Shopping-catalog.plACTION=CATEGORY15

http--www.btinternet.com-~quinnster1-hair-hair.html

http--www.monkeypaw.net-catalog-product.aspID=49

http--www.panix.com-~aqn-tailoring-

Incredible Stuff at Unbelievable Prices American Science & Surplus

Karmaloop.com; the Source for Online Fashion

Kundalini 2000 Collection

Leica Camera Homepage

longsleeved

Mehron - Boundless Creativity

Oddballs @ firebox.com - gadgets games boys toys - where men buy stuff

Piedmont Feather Boas and Hats!

Pin Up Girl Signature Line

Punk Tops

ragdoll weave co

S N U G I N D U S T R I E S

Sanyo Digital

Special Effect Contact Lenses

SUPPLIER DIRECTORY

Synthetic fur fabrics for teddy bears.

Tinker Toys - Jumbo

Translucents

Transmuters - Boots with Attitude!

Tropical Hawaiian Flowers and Leis Online

Welcome

www.lip-service.com Lip Service Clothing...Fashions for Fashion Freaks

...[]...

穌d

唵� 唵�

3dcg.ne.jp-~kaizoku-dollcircus-

aoi iro no sakana

Art of the Doll - Mann Gallery

CalendarGirl

Doll as Art

doll gallery

DOLL HOUSE

doll.mda.or.jp-%7Enaruto-

--DOLL--

Dollhouse Noah's Gallery

Dollikin Dolls

Ecole de Simon 98 Spring - eyedia.com Doll Gallery

eyedia.com Gallery Welcome!

Fembot Home

Frame - eyedia Link

Hanna And Me

Home in English - eyedia.com Gallery

http--www.cty-net.ne.jp-~angel-2-

http--www.jade.dti.ne.jp-~miwadoll-

http--www.robotgirls.com-join.html

http--www43.tok2.com-home-innocentdoll-innocentdoll-index.htm

K1 web infomation

Kayuli Hiina _index

links-top

MAKING A CLASSICAL MARIONETTE

Mannequin Lover's Japan

maskframe

Mixed Media Figurative Sculpture Art Dolls

Moses Branson Home Page

MPEG movie - the birth of a characterdoll

O'Rattagyn

SPICE

SuperM - the history [part 1]

The Figurative - Featured Artist - Christina Bothwell

The Figurative - Featured Artist - Kazuyo Oshima

The Modulus Fashion Lab

tsuki_mikan

Virtual In The Pocket

von DESTROYER's doll haus a home for wretched dolls

welcome to fi-doll.homepage.com

Welcome to Real Doll

ZRnet

...all is full of love

A Dent In The Tori Amos Net Universe

A Realm of Mp3's [Tori Amos]

AIU A Yoko Ono Box

ANTENA PHOTO GALLERY

Anthem Links to Toyah in the Web

Astronaut Wife

Audio Dregs

Bj鰎k Selmasongs

Bj鰎k - The Ultimate Intimate

Bjork Remix Web

Blade Runner Bootleg

clock din

Dave Navarro is God-house version bedroom

David Sylvian - Trophies [Everything And Nothing]

drum machine

Fairy Tales... A Tori Amos Homepage

fegMANIA! - Robyn Hitchcock News and Info

Fuzzbox Mirrored!

Gaffaweb - A Tribute to Kate Bush and her fans

Gateway to Entertainment

http--www.geocities.com-SoHo-Square-7646-lyrics.html

Instant Karma!-Yoko Ono Lennon

Interocitor Beta

Jeff Buckley links

koband

k-rad _ electronic computer music

Lyrics Grace

Lyrics HQ - Your Music Lyrics Headquarters

Main Music Page

Mike Connor

Moocows Get A Taste Of Your Meat

MP3 Search

MP3.com - alfredson

MP3.com - Dan Fioretti

Native Instruments - NEWS

Nina Hagen Electronic Shrine

nine inch nails

Pink Sunshine- The Fuzzbox Home Page

Pink Sunshine

plaza.harmonix.ne.jp-~h-maru-normaltop.htm

pretties

RAD4 Fuzzbox

Radio K

Radio Station Guide

RADIOHEAD AT EASE or AT EASE [a radiohead site] ... www.ateaseweb.com

RioPort Home

RobynHitchcock Home Page

Spidery Music

SWANS OFFICIAL WEBSITE

TCL SPECIAL ORDER IMPORTS

The Deep Listening Home Page

The Prisoners

The Unofficial Robyn Hitchcock Virtual Cone Museum

The Yoko Archives

Tori's Beauty ..and a gun

Toyah's Shadow

UBL The Pretty Things Links, The Pretty Things Biographies, The Pretty Things CD's, Tapes, and more.

visionary activist - caroline casey

w w w . m a y t e . c o m

WebSense - Bj鰎k

Welcome to BowieNet!

Welcome to my World...

Welcome to the Dame Darcy Shrine

Welcome to the World of VinylVideo!

Wendy Carlos HomePage

We've Got A Fuzzbox And We're Gonna Use It! - FUZZY MEDIA !!!

Within Without - an unofficial Mark Hollis and Talk Talk homepage

_______puce_________

3Com Video - Home

8798.org's Phasenkamera Piece

A Webcam Resource - Over 2,000 webcam resources updated daily!

Advanced LG - webcam watching and reviewing freeware

AllCam - Webcam Editor's Choice

Alxpoll.com - Create a Poll

Amazon.com buying info 3Com HomeConnect PC Digital Camera

Amazon.com buying info Sharp VNEZ1 MPEG-4 Internet Viewcam

Apple - Products - QuickTime VR Authoring Studio

AT&T Wireless Services

atomcam!

Atomz.com Search Engine

AXIS 200 Network Camera Product Page

Bathtubgirl

beautifultoxin.net --

Big Tool Software

Black Box On-Line

C A M C O N N E X I O N............. GET LIVE ON THE WEB!

Cam Fan Questionnaire Intro

Cameras Accessories QuickCam Tripod

Cameras Accessories

CamSwitch - Automate your cam!

Capturix Products

CarlaZone WebCam and Thoughts

ChillCAM filter hints

ChillCAM Operation Page

ComCom

Creative Labs Products WebCam Video Blaster WebCam Go

CREDIT CARD BILLING, LLC

Digital Camcorders, Video Capture & Image Scanners

Digiweb, Inc. - Internet Presence Provider

Download CU-SeeMe 1.0

DragonWorks Software

Ducky Cam

Dynamic Drive DHTML Scripts- Top Navigational Bar II

Emulive Imaging Corporation

Free Counter and Statistics Tracker - Site Meter

GeneriCam - Free LiveCam Templates - Leech at Will

GO-Expulsion Policy

HitBOX.com - HitBOX web site traffic counter and analysis tool - WebSideStory

Homunculus

Hot Little Therm - RS-232 Serial Port Compatible Digital Thermometer for Computers

http--surveyorcorp.com-webcam32help-images-imageCycler_diag.gif

http--www.acshutt.com-

http--www.hereandnow.net-x_test.html

http--www.linuxcam.com-

http--www.lisagoddess.com-

ICQ Plus Home Page

Image Cycler Settings

IrfanView - Freeware Graphic Viewer

Isabella

ISpy WebCam Software

JARS.COM The #1 Java Review Service

JASBITS Top Five NetCams! - NetCam Committee...

JenniCAM LIVE

Jeppcam - The Jeppiest webcam there is

KringCAM www.shannonkringen.com

Legal Info

LifeCams

Little Sister - A CCTV Drama

LiveJournal Friends Color Palette

Logitech Announces the QuickCam

M1 Monocular

Macromedia Dreamweaver - Support Center Overview

meredith doeksen

NAB99 QuickTime 4

NerdGirls Web Cam Ring & Irritation Station

Oculus

PCSC - Extranet - Dealer Network

Peeping Moe CamGirl Exchange

Peeping Moe's CamDB Admin Tool

Photonut's Photography Links

Pink Mouse Productions

Play Incorporated� Products� Snappy� Patch files

Products Color Video Camera

Products Videum USB PC Video Camera

rainercam

Real Life Cams.com

Robotic Camera Mounts

s u r f r e e . c o m, 爄 n c.

sacredwhore.net

Salon.com Directory Big Brother

SMARTHOME.COM� - X10, Remote Security, Video Controls, Wireless Systems

SnapComputing & InternetInternetNet CultureWeb Cams

So, You Don't Want Links Underlined, Huh

StarDot Home Page

StarDot Technologies Home Page (Digital Cameras, Webcams and Remote Cameras)

StreamBean

SXSW Interactive Panels

Tampa Tribune Florida-Metro story

The German JenniCam Tribute Site

The Official JenniCam Archives

The Peeping Moe's JenniCAM Fan Page

The UnOfficial Big Brother Fan Site

Translucent Computer Cases, Cases, ATX Cases, PC Cases, Laptop Cases, Chassis and Cases, Tower Cases, Color Computer Cases, Ser

Vista Imaging Inc., Home of the ViCAM!

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WebCam World WebCams Directory, WebCam Help,... first and biggest WebCam Portal!

Webcam32 - The ULTIMATE Webcam software

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Webcam32 Camera Cycler

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Welcome to webGRRLS - TwinCities Chapter!

WinFiles.com Windows 95-98 FTP and Archie Clients

www.anaiscam.com

XYBERNAUT Advanced Knowledge Delivery Systems

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ZDNet News Startup claims digital photo breakthrough

PictureTrail

SoundTracks - HomePage

a little piece to call my own
ok, there is a mobile home that i have been looking at in north dakota for a month now that i have talked down to $4,500.

i asked them if i could pay them $1,000 a month for it and i hope they say yes.

then what i would do is move into a studio apartment in THIS aprtment building i am already living at. and i would move most of my things to this place in north dakota that is only 12 hours away from me.

then i would always have a place where i could get away from it all, or if times got really rough i could live at. peace of mind.

i have always had this fear that i will go completely crazy and have to be hospitalized or something. or at least i might have a nervous breakdown or something. and that has already happened to me anbd the thought of being hospitalized and going into even further debt because of it is enough to drive me crazy at just THAT!

now i would have my little sanctuary to go to where i could lay on the grass and watch the sky and heal myself. and the lot is big and totally fenced so the dogs can run around to their heart's content.

it's 600 square feet. the lot is 100x100. the mobile home was made in 1975. propane heat. sattelite dish. air conditioner. public sewer and public water.

it has two bedrooms, a livingroom and a kitchen. it looks pretty nice :)

a vet owned it before but he is moving out of state now.

please pray that i get this cool little place that i can turn into my little space capsule home! and then i can save my money and improve my credit and maybe even build another house on this lot. a dome house :)

how are mobile homes insulated?
here are some pix of it...
now you have to imagine this home being voogified :)
imagine it PINK and imagine the inside all done up in silver paint and tin foil so it looks like a groovy space bachelor pad :)
the furniture even comes with it...so i would take some of it out and i would take the couch and sew leopard print fake fur on it :)all that panelling would be turned into happy silver :)
get all those gross things out of there! imagine the pupsters running in the yard :)

remember how my bio has always said:
"biggest dream: to live in a monolithic dome house in the desert and watch lightning storms "?

well, this isn't the desert but it is flat like the desert and i love that :)

imagine me on the roof crocheting...watching the clouds go by. or watching the stars!
it would be sooo quiet! i can meditate and crochet and paint and go for long walks in the prairie collecting sage for a little fire to melt marshmallows on :)

it looks like it is in the middle of nowhere, but it is just on the edge of town in a town called Portal. which is an EXCELLENT space name :)
it is the town you have to go through if you want to get to canada. so pretty much everyone works with customs. so they are used to a lot of different people. i called up the motel there and asked them if they would accept a weird artist girl, and they said yes :)
you get your groceries 6 miles away in a town called Lignite. all the old people car pool and they said that i could catch a ride with them, no problem :)

1/2 an hour away is a city called estevan, in canada! pop: 10,000
think how cheap i can get everything if i buy all my stuff from canada!
( although you pay something to bring it back over the border? )

i need nature. i need peace. i need my little sanctuary.
if this place is meant to be mine, then it will be :)

god, just to know that in my lifetime i will NOT be homeless is worth 4,000!
talk about a priceless thing!

i think i will collect many metal spoons and tie them with wire to the fence. wouldn't that be pretty cool?
or how about a fence of egg beaters?

there are no tornadoes in Portal. i asked :)
there are only special doorways to other dimensions there...and some buffalo :)
oh, and i think an outback steakhouse might be built there soon. lol :)

"so please please please...let me...let me...let me...let meeee
let me...get what i want..this time..."
---the smiths

PICTURES HERE: http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?journal=ana&itemid=861739#cutid1

my other option [01 Aug 2002|05:06am]

ok, probably a better option since it is only 2 1/2 hours away is my little doll house in the town where i grew up. i wrote to you about this one a few weeks ago. it is 17,500...a sum a cannot afford. but my dad said he would help me. my dad will only help if he approves. so i hope he approves. i asked my dad..i said 1) i didn't go to college 2) i didn't get married 3) i've never asked for any money ever 4) i didn't even ask for anything in his will

please pray that my dad will approve of this house and help me. god, i just want a home so badly ( can you tell? )

i wrote to those people and asked if they would take 10,000 down and then 1,000 a month for seven months. my dad said he would lend me 10,000 for a house.
this house is actually 100 sq feet SMALLER than the mobile home...but it has cathedral ceilings so i could build a small loft to put my bed and have more space..
26 comments|post comment

[01 Aug 2002|06:34am]
i can't sleep.
4 comments|post comment

[01 Aug 2002|07:09am]
[ mood | depressed ]

fucking fucking fuckity fuck.
i'm trying to stay positive. but it's just so damn hard.

11 comments|post comment

[01 Aug 2002|07:19am]
detach detach detach
breathe breathe breathe
crochet crochet crochet
1 comment|post comment

[01 Aug 2002|02:29pm]
today will be a NONthinking day. i am absolutely totally sick of thinking.
*brain off*
15 comments|post comment

i'm moving [01 Aug 2002|04:25pm]
ok, on august 29th i am going to pick up the keys to my new apartment that i am going to move into. IN THIS SAME BUILDING. if i sell my car i will save 520 bucks a month (having the parking space here for my car costs 60 bucks a month). i will be paying 835 a month for rent instead of 1,355. so i save 520.
it is 1/2 the size *cry*, and no spectacular view *whimper*.
BUT i won't have to deal with these crappy drafty windows (that are the curse and the blessing of this place) that neither open nor close (barely). and i will not have to deal with this horrible built-into-the-wall airconditioner heater thing that makes SO much noise it hurts me and it barely even works anyway.
and i will not have...the...sun...pouring in....arrgghhh.

i will not have my red floor anymore *sob*
and my apartment won't be AS sound proof as this one is.

fuck...i feel like talking myself out of it now. augh.

but i will save $520. i was excited until i started typing this and now i feel rather sick again.

everything is making me depressed.

i have to get rid of 1/2 my stuff.

one of the ladies who works in the office is thinking about buying my car for $1,500

this SUCKS.
is this a GOOD thing???

whether it's a good thing or a bad thing i just have to do it anyway 'cause this is what i have to do?
---------------

in happier news i received a VERY FUN box from duckydoo filled with yummy things! THE YUMMIEST BEING A SILICON G SPOT ATTACHMENT FOR MY HITACHI MAGIC WAND!

i will write about this box more later and i must write her a huge thank you email!

[02 Aug 2002|06:48pm]
my mom called me a week ago and wanted to talk with me. against my better judgement i called her and told her about my house.
*yoda voice* not a good idea it was to call her. :/

she still doesn't understand why i don't want to talk to her. she doesn't understand at ALL how she is mean to me. she thinks that it's "transference" that i feel that.

so i said fuck it and hung up on her. whatever. i tried.

i'm going to try to get back to my good mood again. i'm not going to let her ruin my happiness.

BOXES with LIDS

i need to get boxes to pack my stuff in.
i want boxes with lids. i want to buy new ones because i want to keep a lot of my things in these boxes...i have so much fabric and art supply stuff that i need in boxes anyway. if anyone knows of a place who will ship you boxes with lids, let me know :)
14 comments|post comment

fence [02 Aug 2002|07:45pm]
how much would a 70x100 chain link fence cost, do u think?

orange monster and tire swings [03 Aug 2002|10:19pm]
valleyfair was fun :) for those of you who don't know what valleyfair is...it is a huge amuzement park with lots of scary rides :)
jason won a HUGE stuffed orange monster for me! what a yummy boyfriend thing to do!

now i need to get to bed because i'm getting up at 10am and then jason and i are driving to go see my house. i'm really excited!
if i get this house i will have so many more pictures to take because there will be so much new stuff to show you!
maybe i'll streak through the cornfields :) go explore old grain elevators! maybe someone will let me ride their horse! i'll see if one of my trees is big enough to make a treehouse or at least a tire swing :)
i'll be taking lots of photos tomorrow to show u :)

at least i'll be moving to a smaller apartment so i can have less rent.

going to jason's to watch the anna nicole show :)

and anyway...i *should* be able to deal with not being as attractive as i was...i hate that *should* word. but man, everything i have been fed from childhood on up that fat is the worst thing that can happen to a woman...these thoughts and beliefs are hard to break as they are the opposite of everything society is saying and has said.

i go AGAINST practically everything society deems as correct and good that you would think i would have no problem with this one. but there it is. maybe that is the reason it is so extra hard for me...i practically have NOWHERE to fit in that the LEAST i can do is be thin so at least i don't have to deal with the belittling on that one.

i guess i am way more insecure in this department than i thought i was. and i'm trying not to beat myself up about it....but then i have to realize that to be fat and be unapologetic and fine about it ...on a 24/7 cam...when i used to be very thin...is a normal way to feel in this society.

still, that doesn't make it any easier.

anyway....despite my fear...i really am going to try to make a huge effort to be on cam more. because this is destroying me and making me so so so depressed.

and if you make fun of me for the shape of my body...then fuck you...we are all going to end up ugly in the end. that is just the reality of it. i may as well come to terms with this now rather than later.