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I've been having such intensely vivid and dense dreams lately. and of course, they're weird..that's nothing new. I wish I had had the motivation to write them down. but they are all replaying still in my mind and even in my body over and over again. each one laying on top of the next one in my body..replaying on a loop. the quality of these dreams are different from the normal more etherial quality. these dreams are dense. they aren't just in my thoughts they are in my body. like I really have the physical memories of the wood and the metal and the snow. the way the walls smell. the textures. the basements. the oil spilled on the highways. the smell of cold wet metal steering wheels in fluffy snow. the decay of the wooden panelling. the smell of the women's skin when I pass by them. people huddled together in a crowded wooden restauraunt. the warmness of it. the uncomfortableness. the smell of frying food. holding a heavy cup. rummaging through heavy wire coat hangers. wool. meat. staircases. I fee the memory of it in my body. and I'm visiting a new neighbourhood. kind of rundown on the outskirts of town. it's always dusk or winter. tiny dollhouses with crooked floors. I remember the dresser. I could map it out. it's so thick. I'm changing my dreams or they are changing me. I'm in scary situations but I'm not as scared. I'm faced with uncomfortableness but I face it with a strength I haven't known before. solid. still it could go horribly awry. but I wrestle it to the next corner. and turn it. it's cool. something in my is changing. I feel more solid even in the midst of chaos. my body bloating seemingly beyond my control. organicness. disgusting. fascinating. feeling resolve. technical yet emotional. overly emotional but not in a depressed way, but like something unthawing and coming 2 life. fluids releasing. tears. energy. floods still stuck in my body pushing out but knowing it's gonna come out in the end. I feel pregnant. I feel sick. I feel excited. I feel disgusted and aging. I feel like I'm dying. I feel like patti smith in new york bloated in the polluted river. but ok with that. I can't explain it any more than that.
by the way I'm not pregnant. it was an analogy. yet my body takes on the symbolism in a physical way.
ya, the symbols becoming physical. I'm creating a reality that is on the edges of solidness. a building is sticking out of the sticky embryonic fluid. bricks are cutting through my skin. cobblestone streets are trying to drip off my tongue. there's a trolley in my gut.

and isa helped me get the emulive and ichat onto ana2. just click on "anamate" in the menu or click on the picture of my head in the cam menu that i just made at ana2.com/private 2 get there. u can chat any time in there, even if i'm not streaming. u just go download the software. there's a link 2 it on that page :) if u have any questions, post about it in anarchy2 and i'll help u out :)