anagram 07.25.99

these are misc. pix from the last few days. yesterday all I did the entire day was lay in bed. I had no energy whatsoever. it wasn't really bad or good. it wasn't really anything. I think today will just be "a day" too. so I haven't much 2 say. it's just been really hot and humid. here are a few posts and emails I did from the last week or so..they are pretty old and not even very relevant anymore…but I'm putting them in now 'cause I was too lazy 2 put them in when they were relevant!

July 18th:
hi :)i won't be doing an erotic show tomorrow as i feel totally the opposite of erotic.i have been struggling with how 2 ever do a "show" even one hour a week.i thought it'd be good 4 me 2 kick myself in the ass and make me do something new and have the discipline 2 make myself 2 something at a specific time. but i am just so not like that, which is why i have my cam in the first place, so i can do what i wanna do when i want 2 do it.a few of u were quite confused as 2 why i would even do that..think that if i did an erotic show that somehow that was degrading 2 myself or something, which is just silly. there are many things in life that are pre-planned things 2 do with erotic things...but now all of these things are degrading. in fact, lots of things that have nothing 2 do with eroticism are degrading.. like RETAIL for example. LOL :)some said " i thought u said your cam wasn't ABOUT sex? "well, it's not. it's not ABOUT anything...and it's about everything. it'sabout my life. my life contains erotica sometimes. anyway, this was the equivelent of me going out 2 do a musical show at a specific time. yet...whenever i did a musical show no one ever screamed out that it was degrading or "not what i was about" or that it was "fake"because it was pre-planned or whatever. this was a SHOW...it is not necessarily "real" that's what a show is..a SHOW. :) like a movie or a play :) k? doing a "show" one hour a week does not make me a fake person nor does it make anacam fake.if i went out and did a musical show at a bar. .this does not all of a sudden make anacam "fake" . lol :)i hope u can understand the analogy! however, i don't do musical shows anymore because i can't stand workingmyself up into an emotional state that i do not wish 2 be in if i don't feel like that at the time. like a lot of my songs were angry at one time...and if i was in a happy mood it was a real bummer 2 "make myself"get in that bad mood in order 2 sing the song "right" in my mind. i think this is somewhat what kurt cobain struggled with. anyway..i still DO want 2 put on shows..i am just working out HOW....so what i'm gonna do next is try putting on shows spontaneously when i'm in the mood 2 do it...like how i do with my cam if i feel inspired 2 do cool photography with my cam.i think i will set up an icq network system or something like that 2 let people know when i'll be on the streaming 2 do " a show". sometimes it will be erotic, but maybe not in the way that most people are used2....because i have a lot of strange funny ideas that are pretty much a parody of porn, too :)i'll see what comes out of me :)i'm going 2 work on getting a computer that is solely dedicated 2streaming that i can turn off and on when the mood strikes me. and also my sound/radio ideas .thank u everyone for your WONDERFUL emails that sent me from my last email i sent u!! i have saved them all 2 reread a few more times because there was so much good stuff in there :) u make me feel so much better and are really such a beautiful gift 2 my life. thank u everyone for"being there"i have so much more 2 say....but i'll say it later 'cause right now i want 2 go stretch and maybe dance around the house a bit because i'm feeling sluggish .i want 2 say more later on the MoMA exhibit that i am part of and how i think it sounds really disappointing from what i've heard of it so far :(and please send your love/light out 2 jennifer from jenicam.org as she is super sick right now with some sort of stomache ailment. go read her latest journal entry 2 get the scoop on that. i feel stupid for even being upset about my zits and stupid stuff like that when so many others are in serious pain. still, we all have our own crisis that seems like the center of the universe sometimes...more on that later..i could go on and on..and u KNOW i do :)tonight robyn hitchcock is playing at 1st ave and it's gonna be totally packed and sold out 'cause he is also playing with sebadoh and the flaming lips....and i feel too gross 2 leave the house..which is pretty hysterically ironic 'cause here i am on my cam with thousands watching me.but if anyone knows of anyway 2 tell him hi from me, please do. he doesn't know yet that i've changed my name or that i have this website, I don't think he knows anyway. .i think he'd get a kick out of it. he put me on the list for a couple of his shows a few yeas ago but iwasn't able 2 make it because once i was in nyc and the other time i was eally sick.i know him a bit because i used 2 date his tour manager long longa go...back when i was 19. i ended up going 2 england and i saw him there and when i was in The Blue Up? we played with robyn hitchcock and the eqyptians quite a few times. i adore his music almost more than life itself sometimes. he has SO many records i couldn't even tell u where 2 begin buying one...and he has had so many different styles he has done...from his early days with his band The Soft Boys up until now .i'll write more about him later because there is SO much 2 say. EVERYONE should own at least ONE of his cds! ok.. maybe i'd recommend "element of light" 2 buy...just at the top of my head....i haven't heard his latest cd...anyway, there are SO many stories 2 tell there...but it'll have 2 wait cause i MUST go move around now before my body turns into a gelatinous blob

,.,.,.,.,.,.,.,
Posted by ANA on July 19, 1999 at 10:50:17:
i know i shouldn't feel this way or something...and i REALLY love jennicam and hereandnow..u know i do...so i'm not mad at THEM at all...but i am just REALLY irritated with this whole MoMA exhibit and fucking sucky it seems 2 be according 2 the things i have heard back from people who went and saw it and Dev sent me a little newspaper thingie from the actual exhibit ( fame after photography...thank u dev! ) and not even a MENTION of my cam in it..and i KNOW i should be happy and grateful that i'm even IN the exhibit..i feel guilty for even being angry...i know i know i know...i'm TRYING not 2 be ungrateful...rrrrr )
then i see this url 2 this article mentioned in jenni's bbs at moes
(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-srv/business/feed/a14394-1999jul19.htm)

and i dunno..i'm just ERKED...that the press is mentioning jennicam and hereandnow as "modern art" when..rrrrr....u know....
not even a mention of me...nada..zip..nothing....
I KNOW I KNOW I FEEL AWFUL for even being angry..i should be THANKFUL that i'm in the exhibit...i REALLY hate it when it get all pissy like this..but i just HAVE 2 say it! okokokokoko i DO want the credit for saying that the webcam is art FIRST, ok? maybe that is REALLY petty of me...it's not like NO one else can be art who is on cam..not that at all...but but i KNOW that jenni does not consider herself as art...and i WENT and SAW hereandnow and...argh....
i'm not even going 2 say what i really want 2 say because i feel too guilty and petty for feeling this way...
so i'll just say it in this small little way right now...that...argh...do u know what i mean?
i'm afraid 2 say what i really want 2 say for fear that someone will cut and paste this and put it out of context somewhere and then people will think i'm a petty bitch. argh.
do u know what i mean? :(

Posted by ANA on July 19, 1999 at 12:24:13:
In Reply to: Re: jealousy or something posted by eris on July 19, 1999 at 11:38:36:
well, i don't think i'm being cast aside. i know that it is no one's deliberate decision 2 "keep me out of things". i mean..i'm not even out..i am IN the exhibit. it just irks me how the press works. how the press just copy cat says what other press says. how disinformation gets so easily spread. it's not deliberate meaness by anyone...it is just laziness on the part of "researchers". people who research for art or for press or whatever. so little research is done. and not much care is taken 2 get the facts straight.
for example, howard pyle..the guy who put together the moma exhibit showed me his thing he wrote up about what the show was about..and in one section it said that jenni had been on oprah.
i pointed out 2 him that she had never been on oprah, she had been on leezah.
and he said..basically" oh, i just put that in their because that is what i heard"
but then...there is his thing he wrote right up there on the moma exhibit webpage...saying that jenni was on oprah. which is REALLY not a big deal. BUT..it's little stuff like that that starts the whole distortion of facts going.
and jason worked his ASS off getting anacam all zipped up 2 get there. i mean, u had 2 have been there 2 see the stress level of it..meeting their deadline.
and then the link 2 his page doesn't even WORK at the exhibit. it's just so LAZY, imo.
i mean, if u are going 2 exhibit something get it RIGHT, y'know?
if i had a sculpture there that the point of it was that it moved with a motor..but they forgot 2 plug it in..or didn't install the motor part...then that would be misrepresenting the sculpture.
museums are , to me, about history, documenting, getting the facts STRAIGHT...going there 2 be INFORMED...and if lots of little "minor" details were left out of a lot of things...well..that's just screwy and kind of defeating the purpose of a museum, imo.
it's hard 2 put into words yet. i am just sad that even something as huge and prestigious as the MoMA is really no better than a "trashy tabloid" and works in about the same way as my major labels i was on worked. it's just disapointing 2 me 2 see such negligence at all levels.

THEN JENNIFER REPLIED! YAY!
here is her post:
Posted by Jennifer on July 19, 1999 at 14:39:00:
In Reply to: jealousy or something posted by ANA on July 19, 1999 at 10:50:17:
What boogers! I saw that too in the Washington Post Business whatchamajiggy. I agree - whether or not JenniCam is art, it's not meant to be. Your site is totally art, and always a creative inspiration to me. Whenever I start feeling dry, I visit AnaCam.com and get my inspirational boost.
Don't feel bad for being pissed, it tweaks me too that you didn't get ANY credit. Maybe you and I should book a trip to New York and go to the MoMA and tell them exactly what we think. In person.
And if they continue to be boogers, we'll just go in and crash all their computers. Maybe remove some .dll files when nobody is looking. :) Then we'll get some hot dogs and sit in Central Park and make fun of people until you feel better, okay? :)
Actually, scratch the hot dogs. Everything else is still humbly offered.
In the meantime, remember this - more people visit AnaCam every day than the MoMA. Tell them to put THAT in their pipe and smoke it.
Peace, love, and sweet revenge ;)
-- Jennifer

then I replied:
Posted by ANA on July 19, 1999 at 15:04:23:
In Reply to: Re: jealousy or something posted by Jennifer on July 19, 1999 at 14:39:00:
jennifer, u just made my ENTIRE day good now :)
( somehow that sentence structure doesn't sound QUITE right! )
i am now smiling for the first time all day :)
i'm gonna get OUT of the house now and go 4 a walk! aaaaahhhhhhh. *shakes cobwebs from soul from too much internet inbreeding or something*
and i gotta stay the hell out of moe's too.
too much bbs bs for 4...time 2 start walking , reading a book...
no more bad talk shows or bad bbs for me now for the rest of the week i SWEAR! *argle gargle*
i'm looking 4 my oxy 10 and a big ol pair of kick ass boots 2 go explore in outside...gonna go look for happy surprises in the cracks of the sidewalks then come home and scan them :)
*sigh*

{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}
supah supah luv

and zuma said:
Posted by zoom on July 20, 1999 at 04:30:18:
In Reply to: Re: Re: Re: jealousy or something posted by Astroboy on July 20, 1999 at 02:53:32:
i agree, jealousy sounds inaccurate. (but then i always subscribed myself to kerouac's dictum; 'first thought, best thought'.)
MoMA sounds a matter of 2 items to me.
1. -like Ana said, museums have great responsibilities. And I thot MoMA was one of the highest in terms of such integrity -an erroneous presumption, apparently, those rat slackers.
2. -recognition, accurate recognition, is our most important coin.
What bothers me is how many layers of understanding are not gleaned by media types superficially 'whiffreading' the whole anacam entity.

and I said:
Posted by ANA on July 20, 1999 at 10:58:13:
In Reply to: Re: Re: Re: Re: jealousy or something posted by zoom on July 20, 1999 at 04:30:18:
ya, that's it! :) thank u zuma for stating it so much clearer than i was. i was so fuming that i could not communicate correctly!
and
yes, i know :) i got a little hung up there on a very unimportant thing :) i plead temporary insanity due 2 too much impoding !!!