anagram 072200

Wednesday, July 19th, 2000

6:28p jennifer from jennicam.org and i are going 2 be talking for an hour tonight on rex's rants at www.gaybc.com at 7pmPST

6:38p on the hereandnow site where there is a picture 2 see what i am doing beforeu click on my stream, it is a picture of me in the bathtub from last week. i don't know why.

i have A LOT 2 write about soon. but it is being well perculated 1st. i am going to go for a walk now and then buy a bottle of wine, then i have the interview.

it's a very intense day. cloudy. 65 degrees. i really wish a big thunderstorm would happen, but i doubt it will.

9:59p going for long walks...cooking up ideas and sentences...

1:53p i have too much 2 write down, then i don't write it 'cause it's too much.

11:14p i'm in my chatrrom irc.warped.net #analove

1:23a yikes....so much 2 say! but i said it all 2 stacy on the phone! ....i am fading now...must drag the cam into the bedroom and light some incernse

1:51a 10 hours until my pap smear . augh.

1:52a happy happy happy 27th birthday 2 my boyfriend/mate, jason/fetik3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! typing thses words fall so short...so it's a good thing i can go into the bedroom and hug u instead :)

5:57a ack, stayed up until the sunrose again. it was a happy night fiddling around and lisening 2 old cassettes as i painted my toenails :)

3:58p i canceled my apointment with planned parenthood 'cause i was too tired. in an hour i'm leaving 2 go 2 dinner with jason and his family for his birthday :) my right eye is wigging out like i have sand and soap in it, but i see nothing in in, and i put visine in it three times and it doesn't help., it's totally red and watering and hurts whenever i move it. it's so miserable. augh.

2:12p fuck. i had two fish. now i have one. where did the other fish go? gross!

2:42p i still have a lot 2 say , i'm just not saying it yet. my brain goes round and round. a lot of it is about jennifer and that talk show we did. i go back and forth betwee wanting 2 write about it, and then just wanting 2 let it die and move on. the way that show went on really bothered me. i know they cam eup with that alien topic to stop all discussion about dex. i had not a chance to talk about it. i didn't want 2 discuss it in a mean way. but i did want 2 discuss it. i had every intention to. but then i saw they would give me no choice. so i just went with the alien subject, something i knw a lot about anyway and feel very passionate about, even tho they thought it was a joke. i did have a good time talking about aliens, but inside i was very distressed. i drank 6 ciders just 2 get myself out of the intense anxiety i was in before the show started. i didn't know what would happen. i told jennifer to call me afterwards but she didn't.
i guess this is all i will say. i will move on now and just leave her alone. if she wants 2 talk, she has my # or my email. *sigh* there is nothing more i can do.

2:42p
i'm listening to www.audioparagon.com
there hereandnow site seems to be pretty overloaded with jennifer's stream up on there now. i can't get any of it to work. i did have her stream up for a few minutes...i heard her looking for places to rent. that made me happy 'cause i'd like courtney to be able 2 move back into her old house and neighbourhood so she doesn't have 2 lose everything.

i know the frame of mind jennifer and dex are in. it's the "them against the world" thing. when u first fall in love. it's the best feeling ever.it cannot be penetrated by anything.

i went on a 3 hour walk the other day. i was in such a vile mood. it took me three hours to get it out. finally at the end i was damn happy llooking for treasures. cool rocks. flowers :) i was listening 2 mazzy star in my walkman, and also the throwing muses's the real ramona. it was perfect. i wish i could write 2 u more about it but 2 do so would give away too much info on where i live. and that just sucks. i wish i could tel u because it's really cool and magical out there. so much about my life u do not know. it's so frustrating. ut i do know i need to get a camcorder that i can take on my walk and make pictures from the video. there's a lot of cool things i can show u if i make it abstract...like the rotting crow...in a few months i hope i can go get it's very cool fragile skull. i made note of where it lay.