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Monday, July 3rd, 2000

11:37a a strange thing a person put into a search engine and found anacam , "when do k-12 grade schools open in california"

i just woke up. groggy. jason is not here. i wonder if the trolls took him.
greyish out. humid.

4:18p funny day. floaty. scattered enerhies, but i don't mind. gotta get this paint out of my hair. bubblebath time soon. haven't eaten anything yet. need a fizzy beverage. neurontin is an interesting medication. i want 2 know more about it. and that seroquel or whatever it's called. why would u prescribe an anti seizure med for nervousness, etc? how does it work? very interesting.

5:34p going out 2 eat with jasin. the cam is pointed in the thing room, in case u were wondering what all that wonderful mess was :)

8:10p pretty soon all our favourite shows are on. strangers with candy, upright citizen's brigade, and the daily show :) i had a salad at dinner and it was really gross. i bought some bottles of white wine and the bottles are blue :)

5:44p jason just realized that the music we are broadcasting with the streaming video is not going out in stereo! so u are missing out! we will try 2 rectify this soon by getting the right cord! :) i'm getting ready 2 go 2 a bbq now. so happy 4th!

12:29a hi, i'm home from the fireworks :) i went 2 a party with many healthy young people. i had my tan from a bottle. a new thing for me. ban du soleil makes a good one. fireworks=good. everyone was thankful i bought insect repellant. got caught in traffic. dogs are glad i'm home , running around with treats in their mouths. jason is horizontal on his belly in bed. i guess i'll watch cartoons.

12:45p i had a crummy sleep. all anxious. bad dreams about going on a journey through lots of polluted water. didn't know where i was going. it was gross and treacherous. so when i woke up i watched tv 2 try 2 get it out of my head..but i was watching a horrible movie about murder. not good. so finally i have made it into the living room and i am listening 2 calm music. very humid and grey again. i need 2 get a lot done today. and errands outside. and jaosn is having friends over this evening to watch "american movie" i feel off kilter. i have been feeling off kilter all week so far. nothing feels "right",exactly.

10:52a i am still feeling anxious and depressed. when i wake up, i'm disappointed because i don't want 2 be awake. part of the definition of being depressed is that u lose interest in the things u love most 2 do. i certainly have. i feel utterly bored. and i'm never bored. there is nothing i want 2 do. ( except sit on the beach by the ocean which is not possible). and i feel guilty that i'm having this lull and i have the streaming vid with sound and i'm doing not much with it.
jason starts work on monday at his new job and he's nervous. i think i am picking up on that quite a bit, too. but thta's not the whole reason i am so anxious and down. i hate being nervous AMD depressed at the same time. a horrible combination. it's not REALLY bad...on a scale from 1-10 it's about a 6..or 7. uck. i should go outside for a walk. i should do this i should do that. i have so many interviews and stuff sitting in my inbox. i can't find my cheques 2 write out bills. i lost my keys. i need someone 2 go on a walk with me and take me out for a salad. i am so disorganized and i don't have the frame of mind 2 get organized. at least i finally have all my ebay stuff straightened out..i hope. now i know never 2 bid on more than 3 things at a time or i will get totally confused.
maybe in an hour i will feel better. i never know when i will snap out of things like this. it could last hours, it could last weeks. hopefully it will be only hours.
i was feeling really happy, pretty much, up until yesterday. and i gotta go lug that streamcam out of the bedroom. it's SO heavy, it's nuts and it's on SUCH a long cord, it's really a beast to drag around.
i feel like such an idiot just to sit on the couch again and have this cam streaming that. at least u can listen 2 the pretty music while nothing is going on :)

11:24a i am still in almost inertia...but i am pulling myself forward as if i were in tar. i feel 10% better than i did when i lost wrote. so that's a good sign. i'm getting dressed 2 go do some errands. when i get home i hope i will clean a bit. part of my depression is the dissarray of my house. overwhelming. but in my mind i am already making some shifts to a more mobile state of mind. and i'm going 2 see roger waters tonight

11:30a i forgot about my lavendar oil spray, that makes me happy :)

5:28p i'm in a better mood. i can't type now 'cause i must get ready 2 go see roger!

1:09a look, a subject line :)
thanks 2 tufchoice again :) the 250K stream is back up now: www.anacam.com/stream
and roger waters was very cool except the 4 tripped out drunk as fuck frat guys in front of me that looked like they were going 2 puke any second and kept waving their cigarettes everywhere. my god. ok i must sleep now. tomorrow i go to the doctor at 11am, then i talk at noon with this woman from london who wants to do a documentary about surveillance. then i'm getting together with my friend charles albert z. and he might take my pix and stuff. but mostly we are just gonna hang out and talk. i saw bobby z and his wife vicky and their kids at the show tonight. they were on the main flooor second row! we were to their immediate left about 15 rows up. jaosn spotted them below. we didn't get 2 say hi, they didn't see us. gonna go tuck the dogs in now and then tuck myself in :)

2:11a ok, i'm not asleep yet :)
funny things people have put into search engines and found anacam:"www.ruger arms.com winchesterarms.com m .com", " i want to buy a heart rate watch in uk "," watch bands "