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day 4 of atkins [03 Jul 2001|12:50pm]
woke up with a terrible headache again, but i feel A LOT more normal today and my headache is slowly going away 'cause i took some excedrin. rotten dreams again. lots of dreams about loss lately. losing my teeth, losing my rings, losing my dogs, losing my house, losing my freedom. i hope it's just anxiety and not a prophecy. i think it's anxiety.
i only had less than 12 grams of carbs yesterday, but today i weigh 120.4 with 33.6% bodyfat.
i'm pretty sure that as long as i'm taking neurontin i won't be able to lose much weight but i'm still going to try. i probably won't have to take any neurontin today since i took a trazedone last night...i hope.
tonight at taste of minnesota , the go gos are going to play :) if i feel up to it, i might go. jason bought me the new go gos cd the other day and i've only skimmed through it fast one time since i was too nervous to listen to music...but it sounds like it's a pretty good album :) i've always loved the go gos :) they were who inspired me to have an all female band, one of the best decisions i've ever made :)
oh shit...i just realized i MUST get to the bank today. so...that's the plan so far.

i love to watch pooka sleep :) [03 Jul 2001|02:06pm]
i just HAVE to make a movie about my dogs.

[03 Jul 2001|03:23pm]
well, it definitely IS my medicine that is behind my whole weight gain thing because i've been doing the atkins now for 3 1/2 days and i am not in the LEAST bit in ketosis (the state your body goes in when you burn ketones which is burning fat...i can tell by taking this test with ketosis test strips). the last time i tried this for a few days i went into ketosis right away, which was before i took neurontin. so i KNOW that it is neurontin. as soon as i go off it i know i will lose the weight. augh. maybe trazedone makes u gain weight, too...i'll have to look it up on the net and see.
so now for 48 hours i am going to have ZERO carbs..and then if i do not go into heavy ketosis at the end of those two days i will know without a shadow of a doubt that it is neurontin that is the cause of all of this...which i guess then it's nice to know that it's that and not just my body itself slowing down metabolism-wise. i mean, i know it's slowed down a bit since i was 22, but i know it was a bit weird that it changed THIS drastically.
what i need to do, if i still cannot curb my anxiousness without medication, is that i need to get in to switch to a different medication.
the thing is , is that i have absolutely no money to see him right now. i think i will call him and ask him if i can see him anyway...in fact, i am going to call right now.
to choose between xanax and neurontin to take for anxiety..i would definitely take xanax because there are no side affects with it , for me...whereas neurontin has a million and it's 500 billion times more expensive. 30 bucks vs. 180 bucks!
but i'm sure he will prescribe me something completely different. i'm not going back to xanax now that i finally got off it.

--------ok, update:
yes! i got an appt to see my doctor this friday at 1pm! wow! usually i cannot get in until the next month! so it was meant to be! i feel i have hope now not to have an entirely horrid july! and i will lose weight! and i will feel SO MUCH BETTER!!!!!!!!! ohmigod, i am so happy!!!!! friday friday friday!!! hope hope hope!
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well, i ate that damn mango since i'm not even in ketosis anyway :) mmmmmmmm :) sugar :)))))
ok...i'm starting over again now...