anagram 070101

about tori's new album [01 Jul 2001|12:39am]
http://thedent.com/latimes070101.html

i hate poetry. [01 Jul 2001|12:49am]
there. i've said it.

anais nin vs. madonna [01 Jul 2001|12:53am]
i just don't see her writings as being that liberating for MYself.
maybe i am missing something...
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perfect summer breeze
mmmmmm :)
and the dogs are rolling around chewing my shoes...
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i wanna see madonna on her next tour SO MUCH! i have never ever gotten to see her in concert :( she is one of my complete inspirations and word has it this is her last one.
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ok, i admit, i've only read one book of anais' poetry...i think it was called "litte birds", but it really disturbed me. maybe that was the point. someday i'll read more stuff she's written...i really haven't given her a fair chance.
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don't mind me...i'm just thinking out loud...
off to bed i go...i've been sorting through campix all night for a new anagram

which are u more afraid of? [01 Jul 2001|03:59am]
1) possible monsters under your bed
2) possible monsters in your closet

day 2 of atkin's [01 Jul 2001|03:12pm]
i'm depressed, i need a hug. i need to get outside. i don't know why i can't get out there. ever since i went off of prozac it's been harder for me to get outside again :/ i hope that this will pass.

blech. eggs and water. i need to get to the store to get some sort of variety. i am super low energy. i lost 3 pounds, tho...of water, of course. so that is a really nice feeling. i was at 122 lbs. now i'm at 18.8 lbs. and 33% bodyfat.

it's SO much nicer weather today! 65 degrees! yesss :)
allison is coming to get my air conditioner at 6pm before she goes to see Air at 1st ave. it'll be cool to see her. i'm gonna show her the wuzzlers :)

jason is over at his parent's today working on the roof.

my dreams have been so vivid lately, i feel like i'm always still stuck in them halfway even when i'm awake. and it makes me feel uncomfortable and awkward.

so far when i want to eat something i cannot eat right now because of the atkins, i just think that COKE or those VELVET PANTS. velvet pants win.

please don't give me any dieting advice...unless you just want to post it here for others, but don't do it for me 'cause i know what i need to do for myself. thank you :)

buy stacy's spycam for cheap! [01 Jul 2001|04:42pm]
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=1251762071

guilt [01 Jul 2001|05:07pm]
ok, i give up feeling guilty about laying on my bed, feeling at all unwell for not enough of a good reason for too long periods of time deemed by society, not having anything super positive to say, not having anything interesting to say, not doing anything, doing things the wrong way, not going outside, being affected by my environment, not cleaning my house, not excercising, not stretching, not getting any projects done, complaining, feeling anxious about what others may think of me, not following through on things, being wishy washy, taking things for granted, watching too much tv, sleeping too much, laying on my bed and staring at the ceiling for hours at a time feeling depressed for no good reason, not wanting to explain anything or justify anything, being lazy, being a slob, feeding into my own pathetic state of affairs, not giving my "all", not trying hard enough, trying too hard, being too nervous, not be able to explain things well

look. i'm just not a joy to be around today. and that's all there is to it. i might be this way for days. i might snap out of it in an hour. my entire universe might crumble before me. i might make exceptionally stupid decisions. my cam might be boring for the next 20 years. i may never clean that dang thing room. i might grow into a slovenly drooling heap of joyless embarrassment. i might be like watching roadkill. i might be throwing my life away and wasting every minute of my life. i might be in complete delusion always and forever. you may never want to come back here again because i am the ultimate in boredom. my 15 minutes could be up and i could start doing cheap porn to survive. i may lay in bed until they drag me away. i may become homeless and unrecognizable.

or maybe not. u know...i've been through worse...so. whatever. i just want to let go.

brain chemistry [01 Jul 2001|09:10pm]
i'll be ok. it's my brain chemistry that's off and my body trying to adjust. little phantom bottles of coca cola are swimming around my head. my head hurts. i'm anxious and nauseous. it goes in waves. all of a sudden i'll feel quite happy for 1/2 an hour and 2 seconds later i think that everything is meaningless and pointless and i want to throw up. i'll be ok.

jason and i went out to eat. i had some chicken wings. then we went to the food store and got more protein stuff (tuna, salmon, string cheese)...but i threw in some dill pickles. i probably won't last at this, but who knows. i'm an experimenter.