anagram062301

she loves me. she loves me not. she loves me. [23 Jun 2001|12:09pm]
i am seriously curious.
how do u think one would go about being friends with me?
do you think i have different categories of friends?
do u think i have an inner sanctum of friends?
if so, what do u think are the requirements to get there?
do you think that if you call me by my legal name, that means you are in the "in" with me more?
do you think my "real" friends' call me by my legal name?
do you think "ana voog" is a persona?
if so, what is the ana voog persona and how does she differ from the legal name me?
do you think my legal name is "the real me"?
do you think fame has changed me?
if so, how?
please give concrete examples.

it has always said in anatomy/about this of anacam, this:
"i read EVERY SINGLE ONE of your emails and enjoy them more than words can express!, but i RARELY write back due to the fact that it would be a full time job to reply to my email. so if you don't receive a reply, please don't take it personally! but i read it ALL! it gives me energy to persevere! thank you thank you thank you! i hope you can understand. "

what do u think that means? do u think it means anything other than what it says?

do you think this statement applies to my friends?
do you think this statement applies to you?
when do you think this would NOT apply to you?

if i do happen to write you back an email...do you think then that we are friends? and then do you think i owe you even more email?

do you think i should stop writing email to people all together evenly accross the board as to dispell all doubt as to how i tick when it comes to email?

how do you think i should go about being friends with people?
does this differ to how you perceive i do go about being friends with people?

how does my fame factor into this, if it all?

do you consider me your friend? if so, why?
if not, why?

at what point to you feel i should give you my home address?
at what point do you feel i should give you my phone #?
if you give me a present by your own free will, do you think i am obligated to do the same?
if you write me an email by your own free will, do you think i am obligated to do the same?

how long do you think you'll stay?

if you stick around do you think the chances increase of you becoming my friend?

if you are not my friend, is being my enemy the second best thing? is being noticed by me in any way better than not being noticed at all?

what does this say about how YOU view fame?

if any of this pisses you off. why are u here?

(if i have ever banned you from my journal, i am not interested in your reply. please stop making more journals so you can reply. i am NOT interested in reading your point of view HERE. i think i have made that more than clear)

-----------
much much more later......
104 comments:

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ok, friendship bracelets for EVERYONE! lol :) [23 Jun 2001|03:51pm]
how do i go about making them? :)

various purposes on this earth plane, maaaaan [23 Jun 2001|05:53pm]
nadja:
"I also consider the possibility of being your friend remote, but not for that reason. Just because there are too many people who want to be your friend, and I don't think I could make myself stand out among them. Better for me to pursue friendships with people who I perceive as being on the same level as me...because I don't want to settle for being a sycophant."

ana:
"see, i think it is interesting that u see yourself as not on the same "level" as me...that is merely your perception...and may likely not be the reality of the situation.
also interesting that u see others who try to be my friend "sycophants". ...i am confused on that.

because u consider yourself not at my level, and because you consider those who try to be my friends , sycophants, ...is the reason it will be most unlikely we will ever be friends...
it won't be because u AREN'T at my level and it won't be because are yourself an automatic sycophant if u tried.

do u see what u mean? your own perceptions are the walls...not any "level" nor how many people are trying.

in fact, contrary to popular belief, i DON'T have many people that are sincerely trying to be my friend (that AREN'T fearful that they are being a sycophant or are somehow afraid that they aren't at my "level").

because so many people around me think as u do...it only furthers my alienation and furthers yours and makes the world all the more a lonely place....

at least for me that is the way it is...

i think that is why so many famous people also stick to famous friends because there isn't any, "are u still going to talk to me when you're a 'star'? will u still be my friend even THEN? "

it's exactly that sort of thinking that makes me move farther apart from that person because i don't need to put through any "tests" in regards to my genuity as a friend. anyone who is truly my friend would have never asked me that question.

i am the same person i have always been (of course evolving)...i'm gonna get a lot of shit for saying this HERE...but i have said this to my friends IRL and they know what i mean which is: i always WAS "a star". since the day i was born i never doubted that i wasn't. so when i received any amount of notoriety it did not make me MORE a star...and likewise...if i never get ANY amount of notoriety...i am STILL a star.
that doesn't mean i think i am any better than anyone else. i don't think "stars" are any better than any other purpose in life.
by a "star" i mean something that shines light. that is my purpose in this life...to shine light. that in itself is quite a broad term. shine light on WHAT? etc.
just as i could have been born a person who emanates peace, or a nurturer, or a dreamer, or a builder, or a planner, or an organizer, or a healer...i am a "light shiner"
i am proud of my purpose in this life and it is no better nor worse than healer or mother or deconstructivist or stablizer or peace keeper.
we all have our place and none of us could survive without the other.
it's just that being a person who shines...i get a lot of attention. i still have yet to hone my energies, obviously. and my cam site is one learning tool that i have to help me be a better light shiner.
i am not saying i AM the light..i am a piece of the light, as all of us are.
my purpose is to shine it..and sometimes i shine it upon my own faults...almost hourly.

the people i let into my life to be my true friends are people who see that i am that, and support it and don't want me to shine any less bright than i want to. they don't say, "you're too bright, too flamboyant, too obnoxious, too noticeable, too pretty, too ugly, too BIG, too small"...

being a light shiner, i can be overly anxious, flaky, fearful, too sensitive, prone to sickness and nervousness, i can fly off the handle, wear my heart on my sleeve, be overly empathetic...

i am the grand "show and teller"...i say "hey! look at this!" hopefully, it is a fun thing...sometimes it is not...i am still learning...my mistakes are just brighter and start on fire much more than others. i am an easy target.

i have learned to have to be very very grounded to be like a lighthouse. i still need to work on that A LOT. but at least i realize it is something i need to do in order to be at all effective.

my friends are who help me with this. they hold my hands to ground me. i am the kite and they are the people who hold the string so that i don't fly away.

it's all symbiotic. then for my friends who are too grounded...it's up to me to build a bonfire and start a nice firedance for them.
it all works out nicely, usually. we complement each other.

sometimes i choose not to be CLOSE friends with people because we are TOO much alike and will only end up causing an entire forest fire if we were around each other too much. but i still totally love them and support them and it's good to give each other advice on how to move our eleectrical currents this way or that and make sure we do not burn out.....which i am now at the very edge of doing to myself...

anyway...
there u have it."
51 comments:

http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid=5720937

the key to simplicity... [23 Jun 2001|06:14pm]
(from what i can gather so far)

...is to concentrate on only one thing at a time.

it doesn't have much to do with how much stuff you own or where you live, i don't think...

[23 Jun 2001|06:52pm]
i'm going over to jason's now to watch movies and ground myself!
i think i've overextended myself a bit tooooo much!