anagram 06.18.99

not many cool pix this time..but this time I wrote a lot in the last few days. seems I'm either visual or verbal but rarely both in the same day. I made this page 2 explain on one bbs about my love for bodypainting:
../simp/Documents/bodypaint.html
u probably already saw the pictures in there before.
and here is all I wrote in the various bbs' and things:

Posted by ANA on June 15, 1999 at 17:33:06:
i've had another idea...i know i have a lot of ideas that haven't yet made it on my site..but i am still working on them ( like anadoll, ana dream..and the thing where someone makes a picture then sends it 2 someone else and they change it and send it on to yet another person..and then when it's made it's last round i post up all the pictures and everyone can see how the picture started and what it ended up like and all the stages in between. i'm still going 2 do all of that)
but i have ANOTHER idea, too and i want 2 see how many people are interested...
the idea is 2 have a page with livecams on it but ONLY of people sleeping.
each pic would be small..160 by 120 or so, so i could get a lot of cams on there.
then i would tile them up and the people could have a password protected place where they could turn their cam on when sleeping and turn it off when awake.
so it would be a sort of "universal sleep station"
i could have the picture link to the people's homepages who participated. or perhaps some people would like 2 remain mysterious and anonymous.
there would be no advertisements and no cam would be shown if it wasn't a person ( or animal or SOMETHING sleeping) :)
whoever wanted 2 participate, i would grab the url of where the picture was off of their server. i couldn't afford 2 host it, not yet anyway :)
i think this would be interesting, funny and surreal...to have a whole page of people sleeping around the world.
i might have it be just sleeping, no explanation.
or i might explain why sleeping, imo, is very important...u know how this society thinks that sleeping is a waste of time..well, i highly disagree :)
i MIGHT perhaps put some urls 2 various political things i think need more attention, like the plight of the women in afghanistan.
the political cause would change every week or month.
it would be kind of a "sleep for peace" thing.
OR, just no links anywhere..just sleeping..no reason ..no explanation
if u or anyone u know would be interested in being involved with this sleep project, please email me at:
anacam@camgirl7.com

Posted by ANA on June 16, 1999 at 12:59:02:
www.geeksquad.com
they fixed it in 2 seconds flat by sticking a paperclip into the "reset" hole!! LOL:)
AND they dress swanky!
they look like the men in black :)
i'm glad i remembered i saw that paperclip in the hallway way in the corner :)
the fixed the rolling stones computers the other day, too..u should check out their site and see the cool geek squad cars they drive :)

Posted by ANA on June 17, 1999 at 02:49:45:
sorry i'm so depressed and blah. i'll snap out of it eventually..maybe even tomorrow.
lots of stuff in my head. sorting, sifting, organizing, thinking, sleeping, staring, laying there feeling hopeless, getting insight, getting clouded again.
reeveluating, analyzing, brain explodes..sleep or watch tv to wash thoughts away.
thinking about writing music..why..how...where..when...
writing painting reading books reading email chatting in irc surfing..seaching...stuff...

Posted by ANA on June 17, 1999 at 19:54:01:
kinda feeling better i think. I'm not sure how long it will last. i feel like i could cry or laugh any minute. i feel so emotional then sometimes numb. it's weird i cannot explain it. maybe u know what i mean.
i went to some water today and watched it swirl around and the sun shone on me and the bums drank in the corner and didn't bother me. and haikucoo sent me this fucking amazing new rasputina cd that i'm listening 2 right now and it comes inside a book like i've always wanted 2 do and i can't believe they have managed 2 stay on sony and i was dropped but it wasn't my fault it was because my a&r guy got fired but still. and i was listening to the undays a lot lately, the last record they put out that i know of and her voice is so perfect like a flute it hurts it is so beautiful so then i listened 2 spool forka dish afer that 2 compare and it is still just as good just in a different way and i was such a good singer then 'cause i sang so much then and now i am really out of practice and i feel i might be having music slowly coming to life in me again but not yet because i totally refuse to write a song that is how i am angry and stupid people in the music industry so i am waiting until i am over that to write a song because i refuse to make any tribute to that anger because they don't deserve it. and emmett sent me his old connectix black and white cam and so now i have that hooked up as the third cam and that was such a sweet present and haikcoo sent me also a beautiful card with pooka dogs on it and i feel so blessed today yet i could cry or laugh and i also received another present from an anonymous person that pretty much blew my socks off as i was listening to this great compilation tape i made in 1994 for a person i had a crush on , more like obessed with, but i never sent it to them because i was too obesessed but it's a great compilation tape and it made me happy today and i might buy a pink bicycle next week with the anonymous present so i can go biking with jason. my last bicycle was picked apart by thieves.
so much i cannot say...so much...pieces of the past future present converging contrasting comparing.
like the lyrics in my song "capture this"
if anyone has those..that is how i feel
now i'm gonna go lay in bed and watch tv because that is my zen
appreciate all of u so much more than u know,
ana

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:43:31:
i'm am looking for information on men who get plugs drilled into their head that are snaps..so their toupees can snap onto their head.
because i want 2 get little metal horns on my head, maybe, using this method. i can't find any information on it on the net...having a snap imbedded into your skull.
i don't want a snap though..i want a screw thing..so i can screw on attachments :)

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:44:10:
how many of u women have experienced an orgasm via the g-spot?
and how many of u have experienced female ejaculation?
and if u haven't, do u want 2?
i've been reading about this. whenever i have touched my g-spot..if in fact that was what i was touching..it just felt like i had 2 pee...but supposedly if u just keep rubbing it and get over that initial sensation u can orgasm from it and also ejaculate, plus the orgasm is much more intense.
does anyone have anything 2 say on this subject?

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:50:22:
i was up until 7am looking at www.bme.freeq.com
then i posted all the posts about metal horns, toupees, why i hate the music industry, and the g-spot.
so i hope u have fun discussing all of these subjects or the subject of your choice today as i sleep in til god-knows-when :)
i think i will eat some cold french fries from the fridge now and go 2 sleep..i hope...

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:55:41:
see the happy lion at:
www.ana2.com/private/anatest.html
it looks like pooka when he is happy and runs around the room and gets all smiley ( and then his tongue sticks out and curls..my mom thinks pooka's tongue is scary. my mom is weird )
thanks 2 emmett 4 the b&w quickcam :)

From: anacam@juno.com
To: anacam@blank.org
Date: Thu, 17 Jun 1999 22:33:03 -0500
Subject: night time

the universal sleep station idea is getting made. i'll keep u updated on it.
those of u who are interested still send me this:

your name, or name of your site if you'd like the picture 2 link to u...
the link u want me to link to...( if one at all)
the actual url of your campicture that will be seen in the sleep station.

just so i can get an idea of who is really serious about this and ready to do it. :)

i am leaning towards not having any political statement behind it and perhaps very little explanation.
it's just going 2 be a peaceful surreal page of people sleeping..but as it evolves..who knows? :)

OR perhaps instead of your campicture linking to your page, you'd like it to link to the political cause of your choice?
or perhaps something non-political.just something you u think deserves more attention that it gets..an alternative lifestyle..
alternative energy...a specific person who needs some support because they are ill..etc
what do u think of that? that idea popped into my head right now. that might be really cool. :)

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:29:25:
some guy wrote this 2 me:
Wow. This may not be what you want to hear, but I have a few observations
about this post. Let me start off by saying that I have been a fan of your
site for a little over a year now. Once I got past the "oh this is a
naked-girl cam site", I found that you and fetick have some really
interesting art (music, literature and imaging). I have been in the music
industry for some 15 years. I have worked with artists ranging from Stevie
Wonder to Xymox and Mother Love Bone to Poe. Most of this time was spent
predominately in radio promotion and artist management, so my view though
objective is through that perspective. I vaguely remember your Radio Active
release. I remember my impression was based solely on the artwork as I
never got past it to discover the music. I believe this was the same
impression held by national radio. You see generally when packaging looks
to be gimmick in nature, generally it is commonly regarded as such to hide
lack of content. Wherein having the unique vantage point of your "flow of
consciousness" writings, I have the hindsight to say maybe we all missed the
point of your the imaging. Missing your point was indeed unfortunate as I
truly enjoy your music and it is unfortunate that many did not allow
themselves the opportunity to do so. I am not sure you are familiar with
John Peel. He was a jock in London. I think through the 60's and 70's.
The whole premise to his show was to unveil music with out the forethought
of marketing. The whole idea was to play acetate before it was packaged.
This gave his audience no vantage point but what they heard on the air.
Many bands were discovered by this means and generated the now famed Peel
Sessions. My point here is that when you come to terms with your anger for
the record industry and release another record you should give your music's
presentation much consideration. As an artist you face an incredible
challenge that few of your peers will ever aspire to. What I mean is, and
this is simply my narrow view, you are a poet that uses music as a vehicle,
or maybe a musician using poetry as brush strokes, oh and a graphic artist
and a technological artist and a communication artist and and and.......
The challenge I speak of is focus. It is not necessary to make you music
releases the platform for your "its just nakedness, its natural get over it"
statements. Rather, you should use them to illicit discovery of the pure
poetry and music that fills your head to cramping. If you give people (the
record and radio industries included) the opportunity to discover this
talent and to be touched by it you will open the channel for any platform
you deem worthy of expression. But first you have to get your record into
Kmart. Now the obvious self defense mechanism here is "If they don't like
me for who I am fuck them". If this is as Zen as your response gets, then
you are betting more on Bill Gates's market share value than yourself as an
artist. That is, for you to touch people without conventional methods you
are gambling that computers will eventually be affordable for people in
Great Falls Montana to buy and that when they do, they be net savvy enough
to find your website. I suppose my best example of this would be Xymox or
the Cocteau Twins both who I had the pleasure of working with. I use them
as examples as their music is similar. As their record guy it would have
been easy to sell the sexuality of either Cathy Dennis or Elizabeth Fraser.
However, leaving the packaging simple and artistic in nature, left the music
to its own devices and developed and audience of discovery. You are
pioneering the convergence of artistry and internet technology as they did
music and computer technology. It would be a shame for you not to overcome
your disdain for the music industry and keep your talents vaulted to people
that are hip enough to find your website. In my not so humble opinion, I
think that when you decide to release another record, you should keep the
packaging as brilliant as the impressionistic artwork which is the framework
of your site and no more. Let the music speak for itself and use your
website as the platform for your statements about social constraints and
visualization of your technical artistry. Of course being that my comments
were not solicited and probably the exact opposite of your expectations of
this post, you could just tell me to fuck off :-)

then i wrote this:
are u saying u didn't listen 2 my music because u didn't like the cd cover? or????
what artwork are u referring to?
if that is what u meant..then...well...i just don't understand where u r coming from.
i loved my album cover...it was not trendy to me, i am very proud of it. i love 2 paint my body and that is that.
if u are maybe referring 2 something that my cam and my music were supposed 2 go together..well, that is not true and was never my fault. my record co. tried 2 combine the two constantly and kept trying 2 make my cam some sort of promotional gimmick. that is one of the reasons i hate them. my cam was separate from my music. they never had any say in my cam. it was two very separate projects as far as i'm concerned. i never started my cam as a promotional gimmick.
and my music was not about "i'm nude, get over it"
although some of my live shows were. i have done many topless shows for over a decade when the mood struck me, because i love 2 paint my body and the top part of me is a large canvas and if every guy in the world can take his top off then i don't see why i can't.
but that was never reflected in my music except for perhaps one song on my album "spool forka dish" on columbia.
i think the reason it didn't do well on radio is because radioactive picked the weakest song on the record and remixed it by some dorkwad who was stuck in some sort of bad disco timewarp. they didn't promote it AT ALL. and they took TWO years to release my cd !! they are total idiots.
of course i like 2 pay attention to my music's presentation. and if they would have given me ANY control over that..things would have been a lot better.
do u think i had any say? why do u think i hate them so much? they wouldn't even TALK to me! do u think i had any control whatsoever with what they did? god no. why would i EVER want to be on another label again? i don't even get to own the rights to the recordings after. i get paid like 7 cents or record or less after they recoup all their money. WHY on earth would i want to be in such a STUPID business arrangement as that? i was just totally naive.
the music business, for the most part, will fall in on itself from it own bloated weight some day. i am delighted to be free of such an evil mysogynist greedy life-sucking non cooporative, uncaring, unfeeling, clueless, pathetic, conceited, blind, disgusting, retarded, unsupportive , creative-killing piece of shit that is MOST of the music industry.
so as u can tell it is now my way and i may never have my cds in target but i REALLY could care less at this point. because it IS the music that is important to me. and i will make music again, of course. but music is also just one thing i do. i'm very happy just as long as i can be creative in any way.
i suppose u didn't expect this rant..and usually i never write people back..but it's 5am and i've been drinking a lot of carbonated sugary beverages and looking at bme.freeq.com
i just don't see where u get off saying:
"The challenge I speak of is focus. It is not necessary to make you music
releases the platform for your "its just nakedness, its natural get over it"
statements. Rather, you should use them to illicit discovery of the pure
poetry and music that fills your head to cramping. If you give people (the
record and radio industries included) the opportunity to discover this
talent and to be touched by it you will open the channel for any platform
you deem worthy of expression.
i have 2 swear here. just what the FUCK are u saying? are u trying 2 tell me what i should be conveying through my "poetry" or whatever?
what do u MEAN it's not necessary? isn't the oppression of women a VALID thing to write about? and even so, if u think that is what my album was about, then i guess u just didn't get it.
do u think i did not give someone the opportunity to hear my cd??? do u think i had CONTROL over that?
what was i supposed 2 do??? walk over to every single radio station and hand them my record? i don't even own a CAR.
isn't that the RECORD companies job??? what the fuck were THEY doing? nothing!
they put in ONE ad in ONE tiny magazine that said "anavoog.com go see her 24/7"
anavoog.com wasn't even where my cam WAS. can u believe how pissed i was????
my cd cover was not artistic and simple in nature? WHAT????
it's a simple tasteful headshot. what ..because i've got spirals on my eyes makes it appear that there isn't worthwhile music behind it??
tell that 2 david bowie..tell that 2 little richard for that matter..or mick jagger..or just about anyone ever fucking cool, imo
do u think i didn't want them to use conventional methods???
do u think i WANTED my cd to be "internet only" for WAY too long????
fuck no! i didn't want to be their little internet guinea pig!!!
all they did is sit on their ass and hope my cam would do all the work for them. it was completely sick.
yes, i love john peel. i sent him my 1st full length record called "introducing sorrow" and he played it on his show long long ago.
u can download the mp3s of that whole album in "anamusiq" in the menu.
but anyway, that aside...now i AM interested in exploring combining internet and music AS WELL AS convention methods.
because i like to do new things. i DON'T want to play live anymore because i've done that for 15 years, and frankly, i never liked it. i think it's archaic and boring. i can't even read in the car during 10 hourtrips from city to city because i get car sick. borrrrrring. then u don't even get to SEE the city your in. STUPID.
and lugging around all that equipment . YUCK! and it all makes me very nervous. i had to have 5,000 jagermeisters just 2 calm my nerves. i've always been a nervous person ever since kindergarten. that's just the way i am. i don't like large crowds . i am very much an introvert. and also when i write sings it's like i'm making a movie. once i've written in, i'm done with it. i don't want to rehash the same old emotions over and over again for god knows how long. it's draining and boring and just plain awful.
i'm just through with that. PERHAPS someday i will play live in a physical space in some sort of context, but goddammit i need a BREAK.
u just have no CLUE what i have gone through.
and i know u were just trying 2 be helpful and thought your advice was good..but no..it is not for me. and i hope i brought at least some things to your attention as to the reality of what is happening to THOUSANDS of bands on major labels and even indies right now. it's not just me. it's thousands. just ask aimee mann for one. because if u are going to be involved in that industry i think u need 2 open your eyes and not just see things from a marketing perspective but see the PAIN that THOUSANDS of people are going through getting squashed by that music biz machine. it is NOT good.
there are probably some exceptions to the rule out there...but i'm not aware of them.
maybe u work for a really cool company or something.
ok, i'm done with my rant 'cause this subject just gets me REALLY angry ..as u can see

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:43:07:
In Reply to: huge rant full of swear words posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 04:29:25:
that email from the guy was posted in the private anarchy too. i didn't see that. i replied this to him in there.
i don't know if any of u can follow this...but if u can..then..well...good?
so here is my reply to him to..
gadz:
oh, i did not see that u also posted this in here as well as sending it 2 me 2 my email...so a huge violent rant in reply 2 this is out in the public anarchy.
i was most likely extremely too harsh with u, and if i was, which i cannot discern right now, then i apologize. i am not able 2 be completely rational when it comes 2 this subject as i feel exactly like i am trying to get over and heal from an extremely abusive relationship from a boyfriend. it was really traumatic. more than i can say. i mean, as u can see out there i am still very hysterical. my anger has just finally started subsiding by about 2%. what i went through was complete emotional abuse and torture and then some.like in clockwork orange when they give that guy that treatment then he gets sick whenever he hears beethoven's 5th.
i can't even explain it.
i'll post this out there, too...then i'll post my rant i posted out there in here.
kind of confusing...but what can i do.

sun's coming up again.
damn.

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 14:28:10:
In Reply to: a short story somewhat related posted by greg on June 18, 1999 at 10:55:00:
i totally agree. i am very proud of that cover and i fought for over a year 2 have it! i will not tame down my visual element just so i don't freak people out or so they can then not be distracted from the music. this may not make sense to lots of people who think that the visuals and the music are separate. for many they are very separate things. lots of bands don't even care about the cover because they only care about the music, and that is just fine. but i would say that i am a visual artist FIRST before music even. the cd covers are the SKIN of my child, which is the music. my children are not complete without a skin..which is the visuals.
taking the visuals out of my music, to me, would be like taking the visual part of a movie out...and only leaving the soundtrack. i am not saying that my music is the soundtrack for my visuals, though...i am saying they are entwined. i don't even really like printing out my lyrics with my music..because i don't want my WORDS separate from the music because they are not meant to be separated. they are not poems. i am not a poet. i don't even consider myself a musician as i hate playing instruments for the most part. the reason i decided to be a "rock star" is because i saw the opportunity to include my entire vision i had in me...sound/vision/words/dance/movies/books/posters/paintings/bodyart...all rolled up into one.
what i do is all of these things. it does not mean i am not focused..they all go TOGETHER :)
i still haven't gotten it all out because i never really got 2 make a music video. i mean, i as MADE for music videos. whereas many musicians resent "having" to do them..because they feel it takes away from their music and they want everyone to imagine their own thing with the music..i am not like that.
in fact, i work entirely backwards from most people. most often i have the cd cover and title done for the record FIRST :)
then i come up with the song titles, then i SEE the videos and i FEEL the emotion behind the music at the same time, then i write the music to convey what i see/feel...then i write the lyrics that most suit what the music is also trying 2 say.
if i had had the money..there would have been video cd roms that come with each of my cds..or a slideshow..or at least a book filled with imagery.

anyway, so when i realized that the music industry was not going to let me do my WHOLE vision..and that they saw everything as separate pieces and i was getting my "babies" taken away from me...then it really defeated the entire point for me as 2 why i thought i wanted 2 be signed in the first place.
thank god i DID get the cd cover i wanted for the last record..bu spoolforkadish cd cover is sooo awful. they did put some of my artwork inside, but sort of in this cut and paste way of like "oh..and here are some drawings she made" the whole layout was so so wrong.
anyway...the cam is MUCH MUCH more up my alley than the music industry because it allows me to create spontaneously without interference 2 a worldwide "audience" and THIS is where i will now expand into sound and movies, too.
i have found my home, my niche, my medium, i am pretty darn focused. i mean, read the story in "ana musiq". heck, i lived in a house with 5 drunk guys, worked 15 hour days as a stripper , came home, wrote my songs and on the weekends recorded it playing all the parts..then the next day went back 2 stripping to get more money 2 record! if that's not focused, i don't know WHAT is :)
i have made 5 records, and that's just part of what i've accomplished. i think i'm doing pretty darn well :) i am not willing to compromise at this point. in the past, with record labels i have been "forced" to compromise..and if i could have done it differently..now..i would've never compromised. but that was a learning experience for me and i learned a lot. if people want 2 write off my music for how i look, or write off anything of value that i might have for them because of how i look, then that is their loss. i do not WANT fans who would like my music or listen to it if only i looked more "normal".
part of my "mission" in life is to SHOW that u can express yourself visually in any way one chooses and STILL be a valid artist in whatever area.
i could never possibly tone down any area of my life as a compromise without it ultimately hurting my soul. i have 2 be what i am fully no holds barred because that is who i am. :)
i am extremely flattered that some people see me as a good role model for their children. it is the highest compliment that one could ever make!
although i think i can also serve to be a role model of what u DON'T want to do/be as well...:)
not that i am saying i'm BAD..i'm saying that u could say wow..i see how much shit she gets for what she does..i certainly wouldn't want 2 take her path..because my soul has a DIFFERENT path than that ..and 2 be OUT there like that would detere me from my "mission". or something like that.
i hope i've said everything coherently and not TOO bludgeoningly hostile. it's just that from the age of 16 onward people have been repeatedly trying 2 repress my expression with how i choose to look/be. and so i have quite a spiky reaction to the subject of my visuals.

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 15:55:59:
In Reply to: THE BIG O posted by hammerhead on June 18, 1999 at 15:45:07:
yes, i have that problem a lot. i get 2 insecure that it will take me too long 2 orgasm and then i can't do it at all. because i have this horrible insecurity that i'm taking too long to come and poor jason is down there feeling really bored and fatigued. it wasn't just with him, though..i always had that insecurity. so then the LONGER it takes me..then the LONGER it even becomes because i get more and more insecure as the minutes tick by.
i think it is also because i have had so many guys just "get off" on/with/by/on/in my body while i felt like i was just this THING for them to get off with that i am so replused by that now that if i even for a second "let go" i connect my letting go as somehow selfish and i connect that with the horrible guys that basically jacked off in me. and i SO much abhore that ...that i cannot hardly ever "be selfish" to just enjoy sex without wondering how my lover is feeling at the same time. am i making any sense? it's really hard to write about and decribe.
i never want my lover to ever feel like he is just a tongue...and 2 let go and just feel it makes me feel like maybe i am being a total selfish pig like those other men.i know that is ridiculous..but that's what i go through.
i wish i could get over it and find some peace with that.
i hope jason isn't all embarrassed 2 read this when he gets home :)
it's no reflection on him!

Posted by ANA on June 18, 1999 at 19:04:15:
In Reply to: Re: pROsTATE posted by MarkW on June 18, 1999 at 18:25:02:
pineal gland is in your head.
it's the prostrate gland.
why are are most men ( from my experience ) terrified of being penetrated anally???
it's like this REALLY BIG fear that i have experienced from almost ever man i know.
imo, i think that all men should be penetrated analy by something the size of their own penis because i think this would be REALLY beneficial in understanding/empathy of what the woman goes through.
it is such a vulnerable wonderful thing to be done with someone u trust.
i think a lot of people would be a lot less "uptight", literally emotionally ( or physically ) constipated if they would experience penetration.
i'm not meaning this in an angry way like "all men should be fucked up the ass because they deserve it the insensitive bastards"...
i mean in as it would be very beneficial to the WORLD i truly believe if men would "have the guts" to be penetrated. when i say men..i mean MOST men..from MY experience only.
i think that perhaps a lot of men who will read this will not understand an inch of what i'm saying and just be like "i don't want 2 know ANYTHING about that..and why SHOULD i?"
of course no one should ever HAVE 2 do something they don't want 2.
but GOD, i wish that guys would just TRUST what i;m saying and just DO it 2 see what i mean.
( of course u have no reason 2 trust me as u don't even know me...)
it's just such an eye opening ..even spiritual experience.
there is SUCH misinformation about how 2 even HAVE anal sex.
like..it should NEVER hurt..u have to take your time..sometimes an hour or MORE 2 relax enough and u can never use enough CRISCO! :)
but..(butt?)
i wish i had a way to fully express and explain what i'm trying 2 convey here that would not be weird or threatening.
i just think it's kind of ODD that most men are so gung-ho about penetrating but yet...they fear penetration and don't understand it if it were 2 turn the other way.
i mean...it's their favourite thing...but it is the WORST thing u could "do 2 them" WHY?
does this go along with that a woman is "clean" until he "dirties" her with his own penis??
i mean...2 me..a guy who penetrates but has never been penetrated is kind of like a massage therapist who has never experienced a massage!
how would a massage therapist know what to do REALLY to be GOOD at it unless the massage therapist experienced a massage?
it realy makes no sense 2 me. aren't MOST men REMOTELY curious as 2 what penetration feels like? i cannot imagine going into sex so "blindly", imo.
ok, that is my big feminist humanist controversial weird rant of the hour.