anagram 06.13.99

a day can sure have it's ups and downs, eh? i have a lot more pictures from yesterday and things 2 say.but i'll put it in the next anagram. i am drained and confused and frustrated about a few things. u know how it is. thank u everyone who sent me a kind email, it really did help. it means a lot 2 me, thank u. i am very lucky 2 have such kind and generous people around me. even those in irc who were typing 2 me..i saw it but i just could not respond at that time. but just that u were there was comforting. maybe that is part of what i am 2 some of u , as well. we're all just kinda here hanging out. it's comforting. here's 2 a better day tomorrow :) oh and if you're wondering why the pic changed 2 black and white, it's cause my nose turns red when i cry and i hate that. i know it was petty and ludicrous 2 do while in the middle of crying....starting 2 fuk with the cam pic 2 make myself look better..but hey...it got my mind off of crying after awhile and then i started taking some pictures of words from magazines until the sun came up which was a good way 2 cheer myself up. well, not cheer myself exactly..i didn't get cheery...but it stopped me from becoming hysterical and do stupid things.

ok, no wait..here i'll cut and paste a bit of what a wrote in an email 2 someone 'cause by the time i make another anagram i won't want 2 talk about 2 days ago. and another thing..my laptop fritzed out on me so i have 2 bring it in somewhere 2 get it fixed. it was a real trooper staying on 24/7 for a year. so now cam2 is what cam3 was. cam2 is in the thing room and has limited mobility. thank u for your patience and understanding. here is a little bit of an email explaining my day yesterday:

i had a really depressing day today that started last night. jason went 2 this coffee shop 2 improvise ambient noise musiq with some people. usually not many people show up at these things, not 2 mention it was in a really bad neighbourhood. so i took my cam and thought i'd find a table 2 just b mellow at and take pix. i found a notebook that was for people 2 bid on the artwork that was displayed there. but i took it over as my doodling pad :) and i ordered a double mocha coffee so i was very happy. but then my cam would not connect there, the cdpd modem was having trouble so only a few pix made it through. and mosquitos were flying in from the open doors and biting me. mosquitos love me more than anyone i know. i'm totally neurotic about them by this point. a big reason i want 2 get out of minnesota. then lots of people started arriving, with their children. and everyone was asking about my cam and when i am going 2 play out again and how many members do i have and when is my next record coming out and children were crowding me and moving my cam and making comments about my drawing like "what is that?" and just having no sense of boundries. and the coffee kicked in and i started getting nervous and itchy and drained. and carrying all that equipment to the car etc. i just felt drained and tweaked when i got home. and the next morning i was supposed 2 get up and go 2 this place called valley fair that is all rides..rollercoasters, etc...with jason and his family..and i just didn't feel up to being really social right after the night at the coffeeshop. so today all day and i went into the bedroom and watched some really great movies..one on showgirls and burlesque and the history and then after that it was one about sideshows and freaks. this was all on the learning channel. i have a great interest in both of those things i can so much relate 2 it and love it. i must have been a sideshow freak in some past life. i do remember one where i was an elephant girl but that was in about the 1400's or something.

but not much of that has 2 do with why i was depressed or crying. that is something that shall remain private.