June 6th, 2003
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2:53am

i think that the misogyny among women
may be the most damaging type of misogyny.

discuss.

 

12:00am

 

i like to save pictures of me sleeping because i never can see myself sleep. so it's weird to me still. some of these are saved because the dogs are cute, or they crack me up...or the position i'm sleeping in is funny to me or interesting...

it's just nice to remember...and see what goes when when i'm sleeping :) how i sleep and i how the dogs sleep.

the dog's special wake up call
	look at sebastian's face!
look at sebastian staring at me!

 

a rant i made to an asshole:

:06am

RANT
i just have to get this out of my system.
this post is not to YOU. it is a letter to assholes.

dear asshole,
you know, i'm bloody sick to death of feeling like i have to somehow apologize for trying to advertise my site/my art. like somehow i am doing people a disservice or ruining people's day by just saying "hey...you know what? if you liked the photos i've shown you for free, you might also like 50,000 more photos of mine that i have over in ana2".
you know what? it's my LIVING. if i don't let people know what i have for sale, I DON'T GET TO EAT OR HAVE A HOME!!!!!! do you fucking GET IT????
i'm not doing it to PISS YOU OFF. i'm not doing it because i am a devious person who is trying to TRICK you into giving me a few measly bucks for my ART. my ART which i work REALLY FUCKING HARD ON. MORE FUCKING HARD THAN YOU KNOW!!!!
sure, YOU think it's easy to make as many photos as i do? you think it's EASY to be live on a webcam for SIX FUCKING YEARS??? and make a LIVING from it???
how many other people do you know who do this as i do and make a LIVING from it??
how many?
ONE. and that one is ME. and it's not some sort of ACCIDENT. some sort of fucking FLUKE. my site isn't successful because i am "just another camgirl posing in front of a camera to be trendy". for ONE thing, and let me get this record straight with you, i STARTED the trend.
i'm not doing this for my HEALTH. and i'm not doing this for my VANITY. this isn't some sort of POPULARITY CONTEST.
i'm doing it for ART, as pretentious as that sounds. AND, yes, i DO hope to make money from it. WHY? BECAUSE I LIKE TO EAT AND HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE.
it's what i DO. I AM AN ARTIST!!!
i'm not trying to be fucking arrogant. i'm just stating a fact.
the fact that work my ASS off to make my site as interesting as i possibly can. 24 hours a day 7 days a goddamn week. and it's NOT easy.
and even if it WAS easy, i STILL have every right to make a living.
*I* don't get a vacation. *I* don't have weekends.
SURE, i DO love what i do. but THAT is NOT the point!
the point is is that what i do is a LIVING. a LIVING which is JUST as valid as "working for the man" or "whatever the fuck else".
it's my BUSINESS. and i MADE it. and it's an ACCOMPLISHMENT!
and if *I* want to put a fucking link at the end of one of my photos to help advertise my site i fucking WILL!

because, what i am i? STUPID???
do you think i am NOT going to advertise my site?
do you think i am suicidal???
WHAT other business DOESN'T ADVERTISE THEIR BUSINESS??
who in their RIGHT MIND would NOT let people know that their business was OPEN???

what..i don't have that right? because i'm an artist. oh..and artist who gets NAKED sometimes...i don't have a fucking right to put TINY links at the end of MY photos to help me make money?? yes. MONEY.
oh look...the artist is trying to make MONEY. what a WHORE.

what? i should just HOPE that people PSYCHICALLY know about my business??

YES, i want to make money. WHAT IS THE FUCKING SHAME IN THAT??

WHO DOESN'T WANT TO MAKE MONEY AT THEIR JOB???
at their JOB people!!!!!
a job?
do you do your job for FREE???
yes, i LOVE what i do...but it's my JOB and it's my BUSINESS.

and if i want to fucking advertise it...I FUCKING WILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

god, some of you selfish selfish selffish people make me ILL!!!
who the fuck are you to deny me my right to make a living???

when i put my photos in other communities...YES I AM hoping that people will click over to my journal which in turn will perhaps interest them in checking out my free site which will in turn , hopefully, interest them in joining my pay site

my pay site which contains in MY ENTIRE LIFE'S WORK, mind you.

it's not all part of some devious trick conspiracy plot to get your money...
it's JUST ADVERTISING. PLAIN AND SIMPLE.
and it's COMMON SENSE for a BUSINESS!

i have a PRODUCT for sale. do you want it? if the answer is no, then FINE! move on! or peruse what i have for free! what am i...putting a gun to your head? and if you would LIKE my product...may i please ring up your sale? and THANK YOU! I LIKE GROCERIES!

i'm not making pop up banners fly all over your screen. fuck, i don't even have a BANNER. just a tiny itty bitty LINK!

i don't see anyone complaining about what devious tricky selfish whore's salon.com are for giving people some stuff for free and making the rest pay. you knw why? because there isn't some NUDE chick running it.
because you are so PREJUDICED and STUCK in the frame of mind that somehow NUDE CHICK=WHORE and WHORE=WORTHLESS PIECE OF TRASH WHO DOESN'T DESERVE THE RIGHT TO BE A HUMAN BEING.

well FUCK YOU and your DARK AGES PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT MYSOGYNISTIC WAY OF THINKING!!! OPEN YOUR FUCKING EYES/SOULS/HEARTS and WAKE UP!!

JUST because i show my photos in other communities and HERE and i HOPE that, perhaps, some of it will help me make a living, DOESN'T mean that i ALSO just love to share this stuff with you for free, too!

what, i can't do both...want both?

why can't i want to be part of communities because i love to share and be part of communities AND i hope to make money, AS WELL??
i want BOTH.
BOTH!!!!!

i do it out of the goodness of my heart AND i want to make money.
and yes, those two things CAN live together.

and you know what???
if you are an artist. they HAVE to live together.
I HAVE NO CHOICE IF I WANT TO EAT!!!!!

i don't have the LUXURY of posting photos PURELY out of the goodness of my heart and that is ALL.
THIS IS WHAT I DO. I AM AN ARTIST. THIS IS MY BUSINESS.

would it be easier for you to understand if i had some sort of manager/agent/record label whatever doing this for me? taking 90% of my money? would THAT be a good thing??? would i then finally be deserving of those PENNIES on a dollar they would so graciously grant me?

it makes me HAPPY to share with you what i CAN for free.
it makes me even MORE happy when you want to see more and join my site.
because I LIKE FOOD and a ROOF over my head.

so you know what?
HERE is a link to my site:

http://www.ana2.com

shoot me.