anagram 060402
red crochet hat part 2
next below: put mouse over picture
crocheting
live show [30 May 2002|07:30pm]
ok, i have a weird idea that might be cool and i want to get your opinion.
not that if u all hate it i wouldn't do it anyway..but..you know :) i like
to know what u think anyway :) and i'm not sure if this idea will stick with
me..'cause i just thought of it and it's not planned out. it's only an idea
i've thought of for about 5 minutes...but here it is...
i would do i live show in which the first thing i would do is teach everyone the basics of crochet. just the first few basic things..enough to let everyone be able to make at least a circle or a square. i would pass out crochet needles and yarn to everyone. then, as everyone worked on their little crochet project...i would sing to them while rocking in a kick ass glitter rocking chair..and i would have beautiful faeries serve everyone tea. by the time the set was over, everyone would have hopefully made a little crochet thing they could take home with them ( or at least have good tea!). or i could take what they made if they wanted..and i would knit together the pieces into a larger piece...that i would then bring with me to the next show...so we could keep making it bigger.
i think that might be a fun mellow thing to do :)
[30 May 2002|07:45pm]
raspberries are freaky cool little things
trying to
stay awake until 9:30pm...then i can go to bed
i want a rocking chair [30 May 2002|08:06pm]
i want to find a really cool rocking chair. i either want something really
antique and worn or something really future...like made of clear plastic or
something. it would be very cool to have something made in the old style...but
made of futuristic materials. i can see one i want in my head that pobably
doesn't exist..then again maybe i'l get lucky.
know of anyplace that might sell really cool rocking chairs?
i'm gonna
go to jason's house and watch tv with him now , before i fall aleep
i'm home now. i spent the night at jason's. i thought yesterday was friday so i thought i wouldn't be able to call my dr. but today is friday so i got a hold him just now. i have to make an appoinment with him and see him for him to taper me off AGAIN and go on something else to help me with the paxil withdrawal. i told him how i had tapered off and he told me that I HAD TAPERED OFF EXACTLY RIGHT. which i knew i had. he was very surprised that i had those symptoms and he seemed almost in disbelief, but he said he was sorry i had had that happen to me. i don't think he understands at all what i went through. when i see him i will print out all the stuff i've read on the web and i hope to god he takes it in. i think he was being especially cautious in his choice of words to me because he didn't want to get sued or something. i'm not going to sue him so he has nothing to worry about. he is always very distant and cautious with what he says. but i've been seeing him for 17 years and i like him anyway. i know he is a good doctor. anyway, now i have to call back to make an appointment. i was hoping he'd just call something in to a pharmacy without me having to see him so i wouldn't be charged another $120. but it's maybe illegal for him to prescribe me something new over the phone.
what's the difference between a fruit and a vegetable? [31 May 2002|10:01am]
i used to know, but i've forgotten.
i got up at
8am again today. so that's kinda cool :)
[31 May 2002|11:44am]
does anyone know of a place online where i can find information about the
history buildings in saint paul, minnesota?
the motherlode of cool futuristic rocking chairs! [31 May 2002|11:47am]
http://www.designboom.com/rocking/selected.html
now if i could just find something like this to BUY on the internet!
[31 May 2002|12:46pm]
i'm looking on the internet for that clear plastic bubble chair that kelly
osbournes has. i found that chair over a year ago on the internet and bookmarked
it..but i have so many bookmarks, i cannot find it...
ah! i found it!!! [31 May 2002|01:08pm]
this is my fave chair in the ENTIRE world:
eero aarnio's bubble chair
drrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooooooool:
http://charles.sixdifferentways.com/becg2.html
oooooh, eebomb! [31 May 2002|01:22pm]
i found where i can order a bubble chair..and it is $3,336! youch!
http://www.themagazine.info/index.asp?spage=psearch&pid=187238
[31 May 2002|08:13pm]
ooo, jason and i went food shopping and i bought tons more fruit and other
yummy things! :) i'm gonna go over to his house and watch some tv with him
before he goes to bed at 10pm. i'll be back then. isn't it weird how i returned
back to normal when i took the paxil? it's like night and day. creepy! it
freaks me out that i am such a hostage to the chemicals in my body!
[01 Jun 2002|02:26am]
i need someone to help me dye my hair red at the ends...in a perfect straight
line...kind of like terri nun from berlin in thta video where she had the
tips of her hair black...but i want mine red
[01 Jun 2002|02:35am]
Ahh, you are
"Velveta Shells and Cheese". You are expensive, no
denying this, but its the price you pay for quality. You
don't even require other food supplies. Water and a pan
is all you need to get by. That silver bag your cheese
comes in looks like something out of the 23rd century, but
it's cool! And those crevices in the shells hold the cheese
so well... You Rock!
Take the What Kind of Macaroni and Cheese Are You? Quiz
cherry wine making [01 Jun 2002|11:36am]
how do you make cherry wine? i'm seeing i need pectic enzyme and yeast and
something called "campden tablets".but what are those? there has
to be an easier way. how did they make it 100 years ago?
i saw them
make wine on big brother 2 just by squashing fruit then letting it sit. and
i don't want to add sugar and stuff. ah, ta heck with it. it sounds like too
much of a bother...
i love you, too, jason!!! [01 Jun 2002|11:49am]
hehe :) jason just changed the random word thing above my cam to say "
i love you ana". i thought it actually was a real random until i saw
it not changing and was going to post about this too cool random! hah :) *meow*
:))))
i love you
jason!!!! you are my creature! :) xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox!!
the creative process for me [01 Jun 2002|03:27pm]
ideas come to me really easily. i have so many ideas it would take me several
lifetimes of constant work to get them all realized.
getting myself INTERESTED and STAY insterested to see a project through is
another matter entirely. that where the blood , sweat and tears part comes
into play. seeing a project all the way through to the finish, for me, is
grueling. there are days when i feel totally up to it and days where i could
care less about it. that's the journey. some of it's so much fun...usually
the fun parts last shorter than just the grinding away part to progress...but
the fun parts are SO fun that i live just for thsoe precious moments. it definitely
takes discipline. and i find the more i do it, the more i want to do it and
the less i do it..the less i want to do it. like it feeds on itself either
way. but i defintely need to take BREAKS from it and do something else for
periods and then go back to it...or i'll go nuts. the trick is not to stray
from it for too long, or i lose interest and by the time i come back to it,
the project isn't really about what is interesting me at the moment or what
i want to communicate..because i've moved on.
of course
when i lose interest in something i was interested in...i totally freak out
and think "ohmigod i'll never create again!" and this scares me.
and i go through that almost hourly.
and sometimes, even if i moved on from a project..but i still need to get
that project done..i will still work on it until it's done because i love
the satisfaction of completing it. that's what albums are like to me since
it's such a long process to make one. that why i hate playing live, because
after i've recorded those songs i am so over them . and i'm like " you
are KIDDING me that i have to sing this song for 2 more years! ack! "
also you never know for how long dry spells can be. sometimes years. you really just can't push it. but then sometimes , almost all the time, it's hard for me to determine what is a dry spell and what is laziness on my part. i think about that hourly also. it's a constant battle for balance that i have to keep monitoring all the time.
i've also found that if if i'm not feeling creatively balanced..it is because something else in my life isn't balanced either. if you feel creatively blocked...ask your self are you feeling blockages in your physical life/body or spiritual life, emotional life, sexual life..those are the four for me: physical, sexual, emotional, spiritual. all of those have to be balanced for everything else to work.
could be you just need to get laid, or stretch, or get some air, or sleep, or connect to the universe and remember your not alone, or to be thankful, or maybe you need to clean the house, or take a break, watch tv, meditate, be with others, be alone, have something to eat, have a good conversation, remember what is really important and get priorities straight, take care of something else, pay attention to how much you are giving and how much you are taking...especially how much you are giving and taking to your self.
however ,
as you know, when you're in "the zone" creating...none of this stuff
even comes to mind. i don't even give it a second thought. i'm just so happy
"being". and wouldn't it be great if we could be there all the time?
those are the moments when everything makes perfect sense...or even if nothing
makes a damn bit of sense...i really don't mind. i think my impetus to create
might actually just to be "there" "in the zone' all the time.
red crochet
hat ,so far... [01 Jun 2002|04:32pm]
i was going to make it really long but it started getting weird and bubbly.
sometimes i like that...sometimes i don't. i wanted to put something over
the bubbly parts and i've been thinking a lot about dreads and tubes..so i
decided to make a tube o it. i hadn't done that before, but i figured it out
and felt really good about that :) when i first started making the tub it
looked like a moon crater! so i'm gonna make more moon craters. the tub is
too wide than i would have liked, nd the yarn is acrylic and stiffish...so
it holds the shape well. i wish i had gotten the tube less bumpy. i flared
it at the end like a nostril trunk. when it was smaller it reminded me of
a sea aname (sp?). i have NO idea what direction this hat will take next!
but i do know that i want to make more hats with more tubes, dreads, moon
craters, horns, ears, antennas and sea creature-like formations!
i wish i hadn't gotten a picture of this hat that wasn't so blurry! the lenses
are dirty, it seems from the inside, or something...
it's sooo hot in my house i'm starting to melt...
[02 Jun 2002|10:20am]i slept overnight at jason's. i worked all day yesterday on my hat and i can't wait to show u what i've done! it's kind of aborh hat...if the borg were a hippy :) i've figured out how to do some pretty cool things :) i have to get ready really fast now because i'm going to go out with jason and his dad to see lord of the rings and also out to eat. i should be back around 4 and if we still have energy we are going to go scootering. i hope it doesn't rain. it's grey out there. i had dreams about killer monkeys.
10:42 update.
oops! i forgot my nig importnat tax assessment is tomorrow at 1pm, and so
i must use my afternoon to prepare for that! augh.
red crochet hat, so far... (part2) [02 Jun 2002|11:17am]
by putting the hat on a head, i can work with it more...keeping the shape
i want. i crochet circles on it and these hold it's shape together! i'm going
to add more circles and some of these circles will become more tubes, which
i will connect to the hat like i did the first one! i am so proud of myself
:) i feel like a crochet surgeon :) when i get done with that stage, i want
to add yarn of a different colour highlighting things..and also i want to
add some beads :)
the feds [02 Jun 2002|12:51pm]
tomorrow at
this time i'll be facing the feds. what do i WEAR for such an engagement?
i will let you know all the gory details when it's over.
i feel weirdly calm about it. i think because it's so out of my control, whatever
is gonna happen is gonna happen and so what can i do about it? i feel like
i'm facing death or something.
i hope it all gets over soon so i can adjust my life accordingly and move
on.
i think i feel almost happy about it. i think because this will all make me understand how to organize my money better (duh times infinity). there will be no question about it. there will be no wondering about that ever again. i feel a great sense of stability and peace and closure from it. i am going to pray that they help me, not hurt me. i really do need their help because i don't understand this part of it at all.
i , weirdly, have a very good feeling about this.
of course...i
might be utterly insane...
[02 Jun 2002|05:14pm]
gah. i cannot find my 97 and 98 taxes that were done. fuck. i keep EVERYTHING
and i cannot find these two very important things. i can find EVERYTHING else.
why why why?
[02 Jun 2002|06:08pm]
i want my hair cut in asymentrical chunky avant garde layers...each layer
dyed a different colour...with extensions in there, too!
i'm gonna take a bath now..eat some food. then at 8pm it's the season finale
of 6 feet under!
3 more hours til i'm there. still can't find taxes that were done in 97 and 98. called my accountant to see if he has them. haven't heard back yet but it's still early. but i do know that i made very little money in 1997. radioactive was giving me 500 a month for about 1/2 that year at the most...i don't even know if they did THAT..it might have started the next year for a few months they gave me 500 a month. anyway, so i basically made no money that year. i started anacam in august. i lived off of selling my stuff and food from friends. 1998 i started ana2, i think in feb or march? but i didn't see any money from it until way way later...i wish i could remember. anyway...97 and 98 i didn't make much money. they can go ahead and search for any money i made then, and if they find anything it won't be much. just a few thousand perhaps. under 5,000 i would guess. if i'm remembering correctly..which i may not be.
i'm going to go look for those taxes one more time tho. i can't believe i can't find them. it makes no sense. i keep EVERYTHING and i've looked through EVERYTHING.
everything
will be ok. everything will be ok
[03 Jun 2002|11:34am]
i'm glad i didn't get a pink mohawk this summer. i'm wearing my blue dress
with little white polka dots from the 40's and my white rosary. i have my
hair pulled back. i look so norwegian and swedish. i'm even wearing clogs.
no make up except a tiny bit of red lipstick. i look plain and dowdy. i'm
ready for mass.
[03 Jun 2002|11:56am]
ok, i'm gonna wear my red crochet hat, too. dizzam!
[03 Jun 2002|02:20pm]
i'm home. i think it went ok. they have all my tax stuff and receipts and
whatever and are xeroxing it all off and then i guess they get back to me
in a few weeks and tell me what the damage is. dunno what more i can say or
do! it feels good to get this stuff done.
[03 Jun 2002|02:34pm]
it's only 54 degrees here. feels and look like fall. grey.
gonna have some food then crochet and clean. ya, both at the same time!
[03 Jun 2002|02:42pm]
is there a thing online where you can have your own personal calendar? it'd
be cool to have one on the internet that you can access like hotmail so you
can check your calendar from anywhere.
[03 Jun 2002|02:46pm]
i'm on my streaming talking right now about everything if u wanna know..actually
i'll start talking at 3pm CST to give u a few minutes
songs i want to cover [03 Jun 2002|03:42pm]
i'm gonna make a big list, but here are some so far:
wendy and
lisa: everything but you
flock of seagulls: space age lovesong
roxy music: bittersweet
wire: outdoor minor
ultravox!: i want to be a machine
pete shelley: homosapien
bill nelson: flaming desire
lene lovich: new toy
missing persons: destination unknown
wings: let 'em in
yoko ono: i'm your angel
plasmatics: want you baby
the normal: warm leatherette
pink floyd: comfortably numb
kate bush: army dreamers
tori amos: happy phantom
blue oyster cult: don't fear the reaper
robyn hitchcock: i'm only you
prince: if i was your girlfriend
prince: i wonder u
patsy cline: sweet dreams
morrissey: now my heart is full
jeff buckley: grace
syd barrett: terrapin
the cure: the perfect girl
the cure: just like heaven
the psychedelic furs: sister europe
david bowie: heroes (german version)
depeche mode: blue dress
happy birthday ducky! [03 Jun 2002|06:32pm]
go wish her a happy birthday!: duckydoo
[03 Jun 2002|07:59pm]
i did some MAJOR cleaning today! wow does that ever feel good! i have SO much
more to go, but i really did so much! i moved a lot of stuff out of my livingroom/bedroom...of
course, now it's clogging up the hallway...but it's so nice to have floor
space again! i even danced around a lot and i haven't had the energy to do
that in AGES! god, i really don't want to go off paxil because it's so GREAT
to feel normal right now (compared to when i was in paxil withdrawal). i so
son't want to go back to that negative mindframe i got into when i was going
through paxil withdrawal. fuck, if i weren't so scared of this drug and it
didn't make me gain weight and it wasn't so damn expensive, i'd just stay
on it. i see my doctor again on june 28th. if, i lose weight by then, maybe
i'll just stay on...i can't fucking face that withdrawal again. i just want
to feel NORMAL for a minute. gah. i dunno. i'll take this one step at a time.
from what i went through, i really have even more empathy and sympathy for
those who have worse chemical imbalances than i do. chemical imbalances really
can make you "not YOU". and do things and think things you would
never do or think if you weren't chemically imbalanced.
but right now i'm NORMAL. and i'm going to thoroughly enjoy this! and i'm
going to get as much done as possible!
i have been losing a tiny tiny bit of weight since i've been eating a lot
of fruit and a lot less refined sugars an i'm eating complex carbs instead
of white flour type things. and now that i have some floor space, i hope that
inspired me to stretch and excercise more. i just ate some delicious blackberries.
jason is getting
out of school soon, then we are going out to dinner.
gnomes? [03 Jun 2002|11:08pm]
in regards to psychiatric meds....how many people have had "experiences"
with gnomes...either dreaming about them or seeing them...from side effects
or withdrawals from psychiatric meds? or other "otherworldly" beings..like
faeries?
like DMT is
supposed to cause interactions with faeries. but i have heard from a few people
now, myself included, who have had "visions" of evil gnomes from
the withdrawal of SRRIs such as paxil. or feelings that "evil" was
around?
[03 Jun 2002|11:22pm]
it's thundering and lightning! what a perfect end to this day :) it feels
goood :)
deiter watches the thunderstorm [03 Jun 2002|11:29pm]
oh, here's
another "spanky the clown"
http://www.keene.org/dad/sex/spanky.html
yet another male clown dom
oh man, i
forgot about this page!
http://creepsnewsroom.tripod.com/clownlinks.html
[04 Jun 2002|03:12pm]
53 degrees and rainy. gonna make tea. yesterday i had an incredible amount
of energy. i don't know what the deal was! i was able to deal with the feds,
help a friend who was having a bit of a nervous breakdown, and also clean
my house for hours. and STILL at the end of the day...i think could have jogged
a few miles! now , if i could just feel that way everyday i would be so on
top of things!
today i plan to do all my laundry and wash all the dishes.
i really need to sell something, too, because i am screwed in the money department. i bought my dad a ticket to go to cirque du soleil in september with me , jason and his mom and dad. i got it for his birthday...which is in june. and i bought the very super expensive $170 buck VIP one which is so so so worth it because the cirque du soleil are, for me, one of those things that you just HAVE to experience. i get tears in my eyes each time i watch them. and when i brought my dad with me last time i went he was totally blown away by them...and it's not very often i get to do something for my dad like that. if my dad can go, it'll be the first time one of my parents has met jason's parents.
and my long distance is shut off again...but that isn't very important to me. plus i have a phone card. i need to pay rent by tomorrow and pay my server fees. i'm scrambling. oh ya, and my streaming video fees.
i'm making good earth chai tea. today i have blueberries and strawberries and nectarines to eat. as well as butternut squash soup.
another thing that has really dug a whole in my pockets is going to the whole foods store and buying fruit. that is SO expensive. i spend over $100 a week in food and i never do that. last year i didn't eat any fruit and i'll be damned if i'm going to miss out on it this year. my body NEEDS fruit. it's screeeeaming for it. it pisses me off that when you don't have money for food you have to eat like crap...and to eat well to keep yourself well is SO expensive. it shouldn't be that way. it's so wrong. eating well is a preventive from getting sick...which will save money in the long run. and health is priceless. however, when you are poor...you just don't have a choice.
i wish i could own an organic farm and give all my food to the poor. that would give me so much satisfaction.
i so much
want to move to the country and have a garden and a couple llamas. and i'd
love to be a smalltime breeder of japanese chins.
[04 Jun 2002|03:58pm]
anyone know where i could get one of those mannequin heads that has hair on
it that hairdressing students practice cutting hair on? i need a new one 'cause
i want to cut it's hair how i want my hair cut so i can bring it in to someone
who can then see a 3d model of what i want, so they won't screw it up.
[04 Jun 2002|04:35pm]
i want a chest of drawers that i can fit into
[04 Jun 2002|05:01pm]
is plain vinegar good for anything besides cooking? i have two bottles of
it i never use.
[01 Jun 2002|05:00pm]
don't forget to laugh today. at least once. it is imperative. that is an order.
hop to it.