anagram 06.03.99

oh no it's almost 5am again. how did that happen? I was very feisty in the public bbs today ripping rude people new assholes. :)
but I was in a good mood all day! a very good mood! dunno why! :)
I bought this squishy thing u squish to build up muscles in your hand or something. it's the weirddest texture. I can't stop smooshing it! I love it! it's my new nervous habit! :)
I got a phone call from a guy who worked for hardcopy before and who was in charge of getting together my segment on that. but not he has moved on to other tv projects and he is putting together a show on cyber celebs and he wanted me 2 b on it too! sweet! yay!I'll let u know more on that when I know anything. :)
I decided to, on a whim , put up a postcard of mine and sign and and kiss it with red lip stick. the bed on it so far is 147.50 !!! I am FLOORED!!!!
persis made this funny cam test and u can take it here:
www.persis.org/test
it's so hilarious!
I talked a lot in chat today, too. here are the emails I sent off 2 my list today..and after those is the email of the day that I received from some mysterious person. one of the BEST emails I have received !! I hope this person isn't a member of ana2 who will read this and kill me now! but there's no way anyone could tell who this person is..so they are safe. I would never post anything from anyone that I received that had any references in it to who that person may be.
oh, and here's a link to my astro chart
and here's a link 2 a pic of me with little breasts ,nipple rings, and painted blue and silver.
that's richard sharah next to me, he did the make-up!

here are my emails then the mystery guy's email:
ok, here's the deal...
i'm selling an ana postcard that was a promo thing 4 my cd :) it's limited edition ( 'cause they aren't making any more of those )
i've signed it and sealed it with a kiss ( S.W.A.K. ) in red lipstick ( viva glam by mac if u MUST know :)
it's the first and perhaps the last "ana lip imprint" 2 ever be auctioned! ( lol )
the winning bidder also get a few xtra surprise gifts..( i'm tellin' what )

go here 2 bid on it if u want:
http://cgi.ebay.com/aw-cgi/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=113222565

what else have i got 2 do on a thursday night ? :) hehe..ok, lots...

i did some scans today , too.
...from august of 1994 during my photo session for my cd "spool forka dish". i am standing by richard sharah, the fabulous man who did my make-up and also the make up for david bowie's famous "ashes to ashes" video! ( and steve strange from visage if anyone remembers him :)
thought this picture was cool 'cause:
1) i love richard sharah! australian x-drag queen lion creature extraordinaire! the don of body painting/art!
( he's the one who inspired me from the very beginning
2) i love the make up he did!
3) i loved my nipple rings in that picture *sigh*
4) look ma! no boobs!
5) i just bought a scanner thanks 2 thee wonderful creatures of ana2 who got me gift certificate for a scanner for my birthday in april :)
6) u can see how tiny i am in comparison 2 humans!
go here to see it:

../simp/Documents/images/sharahandvoog2.jpg

i scanned my astro chart today, too..for any astrologers on this list :)
here is the url to that: www.ana2.com/private/simp/Documents/images/anachart.jpg

i'm especially wondering about my neptune in scorpio in the 4th house.

and for any numerologists out there:
my birth name is: rachael lynn olson
(my name now is ana clara voog)
birthday 4-18-1966

according to this book on numerology and the divine triangle ( which i love )
these are some of my #'s
life lesson: 44/8
soul: 26/8
outer personality: 45/9
path of destiny: 71/8
power #; 115/7

the authours of that book are faith javane and dusty bunker and i am looking for an out-of-print book by them called "13 birth or death?"
because they say that the number 44 has something 2 do with 13..so i'm interested 2 find out.

another thing, does any one know why the number 22 is the number for a circle?
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email of the day:
First off, I apologize for this whole thing profusely. Second, I apologize again. This whole thing will be me venting some of my loss in a weird sort of way to you. I know that this is a weird sort of thing to do, simply because you are a person whose existence is tenous at best. I am just feeling groundless at the moment, and this leaves me so hollow. It is too late to call anyone I know, and I think that my roommates wouldn't really care to hear it. So in a way I am using you as a sounding board. It is strange to watch someone's life and never to make comments. Running comments on the environment. It seems natural to touch things around you with words and look at them. I don't know. I am just wandering around right now, packing things up, going home I guess for a while. Books are going in boxes, and winter cloths are going back to hang on shelves forgotten for a few months. I am working my way back I guess. Listening to James talk about catching love. Hoping to hold onto mine. I found a good one for a while, she makes me smile like I am on fire. Lights up my day, but she might run away. I don't know, but there isn't anything I can do. I could try to hold her ,but she knows how I feel, and if I kept her by my words I feel like she would already be gone. Once someone wants to go, they are gone already, usually before they have said anything at all. SO I am here, reading Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters and Seymour an Introduction and thinking. I wonder why I am whining to you. Do people do this to you all the time? You would either have to dismiss them all or you would drain away. Emotions from all of these people all the time talking to you and throwing things at you. I apologize for the third time, but I don't think that I am going to stop just yet. I don't know I just need to think I guess. I don't even have anything useful to say at the moment which is the saddest thing that I could say I think. There is something about emotional encounters that makes you speechless. Takes all of your words and makes you forget everything. I have 7 yards of grade C canvas to play with though which makes me happy in lots of ways. I am going to paint a nice wall hanging for myself. I don't know what yet but I have something in my head. It may be too dark though. Suck all the light out of the room. How horrible would it feel to be full and then empty. Could someone really just one day look at it all and see only the empty. Like someone threw smoke all over the sun and wanted you to remember what the sky looked like. All you can remember is that someone knocked the blue out and put in all of this horrible sound. It would leave your skin gritty to think about it. It would make the top of your heart fill up. It is funny how we all play this little death game when someone you love might leave. You kill them in your mind before they can do it for you, try to numb something. It doesn't work, but you can't bear to have the hurt hit you cold. It would push you over. I have to run away now. I am going to lose myself in books and music, try hiding behind a tree and not look. Maybe things will be fine, but now I am scared. That is all I know. End transmission. Sorry again for the fourth time. Thank you for holding my hand for a moment.