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[29 May 2002|06:05pm]
god, i'm really flipping the fuck out. i just threw 3 pieces of furniture
across the room and scared jason and the monkeys. i didn't think i was having
the symptom of "violent anger" which is one of the symptoms of withdrawal
from paxil. fuck. fuck fuck. this is crazy. i don't feel at all in control.
the smallest thing can set me off. noises are driving me crazy. it's unbearable.
i'm going to call my shrink tomorrow because this is absolutely not acceptable.
and i have to go to my accountant tomorrow and work all day on tax stuff and
then that tax assessment thing happens on monday and i am SO not mentally
able to deal with that AT ALL.
i'm trying to calm the fuck down and go out for a walk and try to get this
adrenalin out of my system.
i was dealing just about fine until i felt the effects of my sinequan wear off that i took last night. then that zappy feeling started at 4pm and i started feeling really shaky and horribly volatile.
here are the
symptoms i'm having that are listed at:
http://www.quitpaxil.org
insomnia
extraordinarily vivid dreams/violent dreams
confusion during waking hours
fear of losing your sanity
feeling of existing outside of reality as you know it (referred to as depersonalization
at times)
memory and concentration problems
Panic Attack
severe mood swings, esp. heightened irritability / anger.
a unconventional dizziness/ vertigo
the feeling of shocks, similar to mild electric one, running the length of
your body
an unsteady gait
headaches
profuse sweating, esp. at night
muscle cramps
blurred vision
breaking out in tears.
hypersensitivity to motion, sounds, smells.
abdominal cramping, diarrhea
chills/ hot flashes
speech problems / inability to use or find the right word
grinding of teeth
violence
yelling at people
all this and
i was only on 5mg a day for a month and 10 mg a day for one week.
[29 May 2002|10:03pm]
well, i took a 5mg paxil and now i feel completely normal. so now there is
no doubt that it is paxil withdrawal causing me to completely wig out.
i'm just going to take them until i see my dr. and get on something else because
i absolutely cannot be like that. especially when i have this very huge tax
assessment thing coming up on monday and i have to have my shit together.
please tell me your paxil story! [29 May 2002|11:09pm]
email me your personal paxil story and what it did to you in detail and i
am going to print them out and give them to my doctor when i see him! he must
be educated about this so he warns others about the risks before he prescribes
this medication to anyone else without warning them first!
( all names will be gone unless you want yours on )
you can also just post your paxil story here so that others may read it, which
would be good!
my email is: ana101@hotmail.com
here is paxil's
company saying:
"Paxil...Your Life Is Waiting" and "The Power of Balance"
not ONE single
mention of withdrawal at paxil.com
not ONE.
i'm finding
out now that a lot of people start feeling withdrawl symptoms a week after
they go off...which would explain why i thought i was fine then a week after
i started feeling weird and was confused by that!
also...then the symptoms for many people get worse instead of better as the
days go by! which also explains why mine esculated as the days went by.
also another side effect is heart palipitations which i did feel in myself
but didn't know if i was just imagining things.
here's a good
site to:
http://www.paxilinjurylawyer.com
[30 May 2002|08:14am]
god, i really want to call my doctor...but how can i if i'm at my accountant's
all day?? this sucks!!!!!!! i'll be there all day. til 5 , most likely.
i'm getting ready now.
i'm back on paxil. fucking fuck. after i took one yesterday ( 5mg) i felt
perfectly normal...then 6 hours later, when it was time for me to go to bed...i
was hit with such a huge panic attack! i thought i was going to pass out and
was so scared that i took another 5mg to make it stop and so that i could
get to bed. i was so dizzy and my heart was racing a mile a minute. GOD I
HATE THIS SHIT!
(however as
stacy says:
"while i feel that paxil has unfortunate and fairly serious side effects,
i hope this discussion doesn't turn into a blanket bashing of antidepressants.
i don't think phrases like "sugar pills better than antidepressants"
are helpful, because for many people (myself included), antidepressants have
literally been lifesavers. yes, there are problems, but don't throw the baby
out with the bathwater. i'd much rather go through paxil withdrawal than lobotomy
or electroshock, and we're not that far away. psychopharmacology is evolving
rapidly, and unfortunately, there is going to be a certain amount of "guinea-pig-dom"
on the part of psychiatric patients as we strive to find cures for what ails
us. it's been worth it for me: i'm still alive, and without this medication,
i might very well not be."
i'll be back
home around 5 or 6
[30 May 2002|05:48pm]
i'm home. super tired. gonna take a little nap perhaps, but it's so hot in
here.
my accountant bill so far is up to $1,200. major bummer. understatement. he
said if he did all of it his bill would be $10,000...so....ummm....that is
not good. he is $150 an hour and he is VERY good at what he does and he specializes
in the entertainment industry. i feel safer in his hands than any other accountant.
however, i can't afford $10,000, y'know? 'cause that a third of what i make
in a year. i'll see what happens. all i can do is one day at a time.
i'm going to print out a book type thing with a variety of campix in it that shows what i do on my cam so that the tax people are able to understand more clearly what it is i do. i hope that will help. so, that is my project for this weekend, and then on monday is the assessment. and then hopefully i'll know a lot more of what i need to do. i think this will drag on for another month at least.
i'm feeling as close to normal as possible since taking the paxil again. i feel like my body is taken hostage by this thing. i can't believe i have to go through al that withdrawal shit all over again later. i didn't get in touch with my dr. today. i'm going to send him off an email this weekend...hopefully he'll get back to me soon. he costs $120 an hour, which is one of the reasons i didn't see him yet. i still owe him over $500 from previous times seeing him so i feel pretty guilty seeing him and i don't want my bill going up and up and up. but there is no getting around this. i have to do what i have to do.
i hope ALL this stuff gets settled SOON so i can just move on and enjoy the summer!
i'm crocheting
a red hat. i ate today vanilla yogurt and corn flake cereal with dried cranberries
and vanilla rice milk, later on...a caesar salad and lentil soup
[30 May 2002|06:53pm]
just saw a bit of the ceremony at ground zero today. so sad :(