anagram 05.06.99
today
was an intense day but a good day. jason was at his parent's mostly all day.
I mostly posted in anarchy about this guy who sent a suicide note 2 this email
list I'm on. I'm just going 2 include the posts that went on in there for today's
written part of this anagram. there were a TON of fantastic posts about people's
extraterrestrial experiences, and lots of outpouring of love and concern for
daniel. go 2 the public anarchy 2 read it all. I'm including selected postings
from today. here it goes:
I wrote:
Posted by anaANA on May 06, 1999 at 12:14:03:
ok, here is the story so far. i am on this mailing list called "the confederation
of light" ( it's a very weird new agey space alien list, u can subscribe
2 it by going 2 www.spiritweb.com)
this is an email that was sent 2 the list:
From: "Daniel Ryan"
To: Confederation of Light List
Date: 6 May 1999 00:07:17 -0000
Subject: [conflight-l] Good Bye
Reply-To: "Daniel Ryan
I just wanted to let people know that the dark forces have won... I have
taken my web site offline, I am canceling my web service... at this point I
am planning on leaving this world... No joking around... I am through with
this... this 23 year old just can not handle his life and he is being forced
to do something drastically to stop his madness... I couldn't do it... I wish
you all well on your journeys... i offer you the hope I once had... for I no
longer hold onto it within myself... Don't bother responding... I am already
unsubscribed from these lists...
Thanks People...
I have to go now...
there is no other way.. I was wrong...
I am leaving this world
Good Bye
Daniel
--------------------------------------
this could be a joke or a true cry for help.
i don't know. but it sounded serious to me.
here is his email:
dryan@jps.net
here is his ICQ:
10028114
here is his web site:
http://members.tripod.com/~DiamondLight/inspired.html
drop the "inspired.html" and the directory of all his old web site
is still there.
tim found out this information by doing this:
"I figured the web site he mentioned would have a link to that mailing
list he posted
the message to, so I boolean searched for his name near "light list".
Found a site linking
to his first (http://www.luisprada.com/cosmic.htm), then his site."
so...if u would please email this
guy and send him some light, if he is still alive.
hopefully it was just a joke or hopefully it was just a stunt for attention.
I wrote:
i called it and it was a machine. but i left a message for him 2 check his email!
if he is even around. it feels so eerie.
the machine left a message saying "leave a message for us" so he has
a roommate most likely.
maybe i should have left a message 2 his roommate saying that he should go check
up on daniel 2 make sure he is ok.
i'll bet if he hears that he's gonna go " how on earth did this mysterious
person get my phone#!"
I wrote:
he emailed me back!
here is what he wrote:
From: "Daniel Ryan"
To: "ana c voog"
Date: Thu, 6 May 1999 12:28:27 -0700
Subject: Re: did u write 2 conflight?
Ana -
Yes.. I am the one who wrote to the list.. I will be alright, I will be
writing a formal apology at some later point today.. If you can, take that
notice down off of your site with my email address.. I have already caused
enough trouble. That is a very interesting web site which you have, do you
put on shows ever?
Thank you for your concern
Sincerely,
Daniel
From: anacam@juno.com
To: dryan@jps.net
Date: Thu, 6 May 1999 15:05:00 -0500
Subject: Re: did u write 2 conflight?
god, i'm so glad u r still alive! :)
i don't take suicide notes very lightly, as i have been suicidal during many
times in my life so far.
please let me know why u felt at that moment that u had no hope, i am very curious.
are u on any medication, like prozac? during my times of great depression, i
found that antidepressants are very effective in helping u
2 sort of see your situation from an outside perspective, so u can come up with
logical ways 2 solve predicaments that seem hopeless or pointless.
i found what u were writing about re: the reptilian races very interesting.
i used 2 be a member of conflight when all of that "hale bopp" thing
was at it's peak.
and i remember getting really excited by all of the ashtar command stuff.
and at that time i was totally convinced that an alien race of some sort was
going 2 appear 2 us all and make themselves totally known.
but that never happened, at least in my "reality"
so now i wonder if i just shifted 2 the reality where that didn't happen, OR
i was totally warped 2 think that whole thing was "real"
do u know what i mean?
so i rejoined conflight 2 see what was up on the whole interplanetary thing
again...
i have a very close friend who is abducted all the time by the grey aliens.
just like that book "communion" by whitley streiber.
although i have never witnessed any of that firsthand, i truly believe they
are "out there"
and it is a confusing issue 2 me, because it does not seem right that they can
do that 2 people...terrorizing them and abducting them.
i also remember this amazing incident where a bunch of people got together in
the spritweb chat 2 help with the "energy" or something 2 help some
race of aliens land or something. i went into the chat out of curiousity.
then just a matter of hours later, a "ufo" was seen from the coast
of california and it was about 7 miles long.
people said this it showed up on the governments radar. and there are places
on the net where u can access this stuff.
now i can't remember where those are..but i remember doing searches on all of
that stuff on that day, and all of those pages from the government were taken
down. and there was a big government thing happening in some state where the
big "space stuff" is dealt with. i'm sorry for being so lame in describing
this stuff. i just can't remember the proper words for these places and things
right now.
anyway, the government was blocking off roads and acting like their was an emergency,
according 2 people on a bunch of lists who lived in tha area.
then, in my city, minneapolis, the air raid sirens went off and a woman reported
seeing about 20 black triangle ufos around a government place here.
all of this stuff happened in one day...and no one believed me what i was trying
2 convey 2 them.
still, even if i tell this story 2 people..they do not comprehend it..it's like
it goes in one ear and out the other.
then it was so weird that the list was talking about shape shifting reptilians
and then today, i saw a sci-fi kids movie where there were shape shifting reptilians
in it! i was just telling my boyfriend yesterday that of anyone would want a
sci-fi script for a movie, al they'd have 2 do is join the conflight list and
it practically writes itself right there!
i mean, it is just like star wars or the x-files right on that list.
it's hard 2 know if movies like star wars exist because this stuff is TRUE,
or if people think this stuff is true because of movies like star wars. do u
know what i mean?
anyway, i'm just writing 2 u all of this stuff because i was wondering if somehow
this situation was perhaps making u feel; insane or disillusioned in some way.
like either u r maybe so disappointed that none of this "big stuff"
is happening...
or it IS happening 2 u , and it is so stressful that u felt u wanted 2 die because
u felt so confused by it because your brain couldn't handle it?
OR perhaps u are depressed by something "normal" like a girlfriend
or boyfriend broke up with u, or perhaps u were just really drunk as u wrote
that.
god knows i have acted completely suicidal and insane when i was drunk.
maybe it is none of these things and u just want 2 tell me "none of your
business!"
but i'm just writing 2 u all of this stuff 'cause..well..u basically sent a
suicide note 2 me..whether u knew that or not!
anyway, if u feel up 2 it, please
write back....'cause i'd like 2 know your thoughts.
or please do come into my bbs and post and say hi 2 everyone, because everyone
there wants 2 hear from u and see how u r doing.
u can get there by going 2 www.anacam.com
then in the menu click on "anarchy"
or go 2 the url : hello.to/ana
2 access the bbs directly.
i have had my can for almost 2 years. and i do not put on "shows".
i show my life as it unfolds and i document my life the best way i can through
using my cam like a photographer would.
so sometimes i make "art" with my cam, and sometimes it's just me
sleeping or watching tv.
it's a pretty intense and extremely fun thing 2 do!
i've even gotten on "hardcopy" because of it! which totally cracks
me up :)
please please, post in anarchy
:)
peas,
ana
p.s. and don't b embarrassed. and u haven't caused any trouble. life is just weird and confusing....we all weird stuff when under stress! :)
I wrote:
the only ufo that i ever saw was a black triangle in the sky moving very fast
and silently.
i have heard that the government makes planes that are black triangles, but
i don't think many exist, and i don't know what it would be doing over minneapolis.
the whole thing happened so fast that the experience seemed kind of lame for
a ufo story.
it was just like "oh! did i just see a ufo? or what?"
i have a lot of dreams where i see ufos. where a huge mothership comes out of
the sky and i point up at it and say "i KNEW they were real!"
i also have had several dreams where i was the mediator/diplomat between a group
of aliens( who had just landed) and the human race.
it seems totally crazy 2 say, but i just feel that could really happen someday.
i know there have been a lot of times where an entire city has seen a ufo..or
several.
i think they are so common in mexico city that everyone there just is like "duh!
of COURSE they're real!"
i'll never forget a few years ago the national news reported that a group of
aliens had landed in a small russian town and had peacefully walked among everyone
and talked.
so the town was very excited about this and contacted the news.
and the news just made fun of it.
but i thought..WHY would a WHOLE TOWN make up something like that?
a WHOLE town?
i mean why would they want 2 make themselves look silly 2 the whole world if
it had not happened?
i just think there is ridiculous amounts of evidence to show there are aliens.
i mean..several thousand people all saying they saw the same thing?
hundreds of times? around the world?
and crop circles! u cannot just explain that away no matter how much u try.
sure SOME of them are hoaxes...but those incredibly elaborate ones where RADIATION
is emitting from it...it's like "hello? DUH!"
not 2 mention the hundreds of
women each year who become pregnant only 2 be "sucked up into the sky"
to return to earth and NOT be pregnant.
then the doctors just tell the women that they must have aborted it and been
so hysterical about it that they blocked out of their memory the whole experience
of losing their child.
how cruel can u b?
so not only do these woman have 2 go through the trauma of losing their pregnancies,
but they can't even grieve for fearing 2 look insane!
i know this, i've seen the psychological damage my friend has gone through as
she has been repeatedly impregnated.
i could go on and on....
ana
daniel wrote:
Hey Peeps...
First of all, I wanted to apologize to whoever may read these words who has
become aware of the email message which I sent out yesterday. I was in a state
of great despair yesterday for a couple of reasons.. On one level I found out
that a very soul connected friend who I dearly love and had stayed with last
summer but shattered things in between us... has gotten engaged.. I was sorta
hoping for a second chance with her.. that pushed me over the edge... The second
reason was that I was under some sort of extreme energetic attack by forces
beyond what can be perceived with our physical eyes.. this was apparently in
response to a posting I made to the Confederation of Light email list regarding
'Reptilians' ... the energies I was experiencing were twisting my feelings about
myself into this contorted disfigured mass of darkness and negative energy...
It was not my intention to alarm anything, I am not exactly sure why I sent
out that email... I have been suicidal before, and have even attempted when
I was younger... last night I was at that point... I have probably received
over a hundred emails already... I feel extremely foolish, I wanted it to be
clear that I am both apologetic and appreciative...
Ana - Thank you for writing to me... somehow I am going to have to make amends
for this situation... Now if that kind of movement over the internet could be
focused in a more positive direction.. that would be cool... I am responding
to as many of the emails which people have sent me that I can... I will also
make a formal apology at some point...
I just wanted to Apologize for clogging up your message board an disrupting
the flow of your lives... I have definitely learned my lesson... Something of
this nature shall not happen again... if I am dead serious about killing myself..
I will just do it, not tell anyone... More than likely it will not come to that...
Thanks Again...
I will stay in touch
A Slightly Warped 23 Year Old..
Daniel
daniel wrote:
Posted by Daniel* - 209-239-221-213.stk.jps.net (209.239.221.213) on May 06,
1999 at 16:28:13:
Well, since I have caused the trouble which I already have... I figured I would
go ahead and post on this board a description of an experience which I had in
1995... its a long story from that time up until now... Once again, I am both
apologetic and thankful for Ana's outreach as well as the postings of the individuals
who visit this space... After the description I have included part of a letter
response from a physicist I wrote to at: http://www.etheric.com
Light and Love
Daniel
Here is how it began: I was in
my bedroom, and that is when i closed my
eyes {working with merkabic/omni~dimensional gyrospectrum lens scopes} I
became
like this pulse beacon in this higher dimensional communications structure.
I was shown so much after these experiences with the ships and dream
visitations. That night, I was in my bedroom just feeling like I was this
Antennae and Pulse Beacon. I had to use the bathroom but my sister was in
there. So I went out in the backyard and relieved myself off the edge of the
deck... it was dark outside... I sat down in a chair on the deck. This is
near Sacramento California {I dont live in this house now}. I just sat there
and there is this humoungous oak tree that is right on the other side of the
fence. It is in a residential neighborhood. There is an Aerojet and two Air
Force Bases right near here McClellan & Mather {although I think one might
be closed now}. {also ~ 3 other direct flyovers, each with witnesses ... one
during daylight with a friend... this one was completely silent, platinum
metallic colored, triangular shaped... it had three yellow lights ... one
in each of the corners in addition to a red light in the center pulsing in a
very strange manner ~ my friend could confirm this ~ I think it was summer
of 1995}
Anyway I was sitting on the deck and there were crickets in the
backyard chirping away with their zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz sound. Our dog and cat
were on the deck next to me when all of a sudden, I swear to god this aerial
vehicle flew maybe 150 feet up in the air above me almost overhead and right
over to the left.... I mean this thing was close. It was flying slower than
I have ever seen anything in my life fly. Also it had this strange lighting
configuration, and created this whirring vibrational hum that I could more
feel in my being that I could hear. It sounded like some sort of
anti-gravitational/electromagnetic/crystalline propulsion drive or
something. The sound it made was like oscillations cycling in both
directions back and forth simultaneously meanwhile creating a higher deeper
wider octave harmonic overtone like wound through the cycling oscillations.
All the crickets in the backyard became completely silent, and I swear that
the dog and cat
literally started turning in circles; I felt like I was paralyzed to the
chair, I thought I was seriously going to start levitating or something and
they did some sort of DNA Scan {i did not see any beams}, it also seemed
like a serial number or rank designation {that I was not yet ready for
direct face to face physical contact and that I would be processed through
their computers}.
The weird thing was, afterwards I was projected some of
the most profound feelings of love I have ever experienced. At this point,
it flew over the tree which I mentioned previously; then I stood up as it
flew behind the tree {there is quite a large church parking lot - and this
house/location was adjacent to one of the main thoroughfairs}. I could see
this vehicle in between the top of the fence and where the branch of the
tree arched up. It was perfectly framed as I stood there hovering for maybe
15 seconds. All of a sudden it lit up brilliantly and completely
disappeared. I sat back down being pretty much in shock and then came inside
and told my mother. She did not believe me, and I really did not believe it
myself.
After that I began to receive information in holographic visual form that was
highly detailed; this was close to non-stop.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From Paul LaViolette:
{Snip}Dear Daniel,
Your aerial vehicle experience sounds quite interesting. Your description of
how the propulsion beam felt to you sounds very plausible. Your report that
you felt the propulsion drive vibration, rather than heard it, checks with
reports others have made of close encounters. I believe that the US has
developed such vehicles. But this does not necessarily mean that you
encountered one of ours. Your description resembles the type of vehicles
that were repeatedly sighted in the area of Brewster, New York in the early
1980s. I have written a bit about electrogravitics in one chapter of
"Subquantum Kinetics" and in a paper about the B-2 that appears in
the book
"Electrogravitics Systems." However, the vehicle you cited uses a
different
type of propulsion from what I describe there.
{snip}
I wrote:
thank u 4 sharing your story :) and i'm glad you've come in here 2 say hi :)
what makes u think that the ship u saw was from the zeta's( grey beings)?
because u just saw the ship, but not the entities, right?
i wonder this because i have never heard many loving things about the zetas.
they seem more cold, logical, the hive-mind sort of thing.
be sure 2 concentrate on raising your vibration higher as 2 not draw 2 u , as
u call it "the dark forces"
even just doing silly things like taking a bubble bath or listening 2 the cocteau
twins can "raise" your vibration level.
i know it seems hard 2 get out of the downward spiral once u start on it.
seriously, though...just go rent some funny movies tonight and just take it
easy.
don't even try 2 figure anything out.
just relax and vedge, u deserve it!
ana
daniel wrote:
The craft which I saw in 1995, and was described in the post I made to the conflight
list and now here... I do not believe that it was a Zeta Reticulan ship... I
have had many different types of dream visitations and I have worked with many
energies.. {this is one of my main purposes for being here at these times..
its a long story... when I put my website back online you can check it out if
you have never.. anyway, I work with the higher dimensional or off planet aspects
of a couple of the different archetypal intelligence/energies within the human
species collective consciousness} I do not have any sort of recollection of
ever having been physically abducted.. although I did once wake up with a perfectly
round circle shaved into my left legs hair... there were no scoop marks or anything..
but I woke up and noticed it right away.. was pretty crazy .. I told my mom
and she tried to tell me that my sister had probably shaved my leg.. I do not
think so...
Another time I woke up and there was a small triangle shaped scab in my left
upper ear lobe... it was 3 pin pricks in a triangle shape that went all the
way through my ear... I noticed that when I woke up as well...
Yeah, I will probably try and chill tonight... I have caused enough serious
chaos waves over the internet for the time being...
I will definitely stay in touch...
I have a lot of things I need to straighten out now.. one of them being how
I am supposed to respond to the hundred or so emails I have received...
Sheesh..
I could have thought of a better way to get some attention...
Light and Love
Daniel
I wrote:
In Reply to: Re: UFO's & Everyday Life Experience of A Greater Reality posted
by Daniel* on May 06, 1999 at 16:54:58:
i don't see at as that u have created any havoc..maybe within yourself u have...
but it's good 2 get things stirred up sometimes so u can shake the things u
out of u that you'd like 2 get rid of..2 make room for new things :)
it's sort of like u forced yourself 2 clean the house by almost blowing it up
and getting rid of everything at once :)
out of chaos becomes rebirth and new ways of looking at things. u were shaking
the dust out of your soul and perhaps made some new friends and got to know
YOURSELF better as well.
also, pat yourself on the back for having so much courage and strength to start
2 rebuild yourself.
so many people fear change...but u have taken this as an opportunity for new
ways.
we all do embarrassing things that in the end serve us to "wake up"
and start things from a fresh perspective.
and i don't mean that all of a sudden everything is now "fine" for
u...it's confusing and messy, sticky and weblike.
but you're doing a fine job :)
what did u mean by:
"I work with the higher dimensional or off planet aspects of a couple of
the different archetypal intelligence/energies within the human species collective
consciousness} "
that sounds incredibly fascinating!
edward wrote:
Thank you for sharing your experience with us. That sounds WAY too damned close.
One comment I want to make about your feeling of love that you received: I have
experienced that love and admiration can be felt as a flow of tangible energy.
I wonder if the UFO could generate such mechanically? That sure would be a crackerjack
way to impress the rubes and ensure the cooperation of primitive native peoples
(US!). Therefore perhaps you shouldn't ascribe benevolent intentions to them.
It sounds to me like you were "cooked" with electronics. Sorry.
I wrote:
wow, that's an interesting and scary theory!
i would hope it would not be so that u could manufacture love with a machine.
but maybe u could manufacture something that SEEMS like love?
that is freaky 2 think about.
i mean, it seems u can raise your vibrations to "love" just by ingesting
certain chemicals.
that certain chemicals can somehow alter our "vibration" to at least
magnetize "love" or "joy" to us. and i think it IS real.
do u know what i mean?
it's hard 2 explain
edward wrote:
What suddenly occurred to me while reading Daniel's message was that a it would
be quite useful to spacefaring people to have a device that would project a
very invasive and overwhelming sense of being loved. What better way to get
technological primitives like ourselves to do whatever they want????
It's a very disturbing thought I had.
daniel wrote:
Edward -
That is an interesting speculation which you have made. I definitely do not
think that it is beyond of the technological scope of whatever force or beings
were inside of this aerial vehicle that flew over me. In reality, I am not so
sure this is the case though... After these experiences, and over the past 4
years since it occurred... I began to constantly receive information in crystal
clear high level resolution full color digital movies... this was in a meditative
state with my eyes closed... for the most part without the assistance of any
sort of chemical sensory extension... I have been within this awakening process
of quite a while now...
I work through my oversoul source of spiritual guidance {he is a representative
of this Council of Elders - they speak on behalf of the star civilizations}.
Since March 2nd, I have been working with an energetic field I am understanding
as being an 'Andromedan-O'rion-Draconian' alliance... It is a long story...
much of it is difficult to understand unless one has opened their perceptual
field and mental constructs to a point where they can experience multi/omni-dimensional
sensory input...
I would be more worried about the US Governments involvement in the development
of covert technologies including EMF Pulse Weaponry and other sorts of energy
manipulation devices... I am quite confident that the energies which I deal
with on a daily basis are not here to take over the earth or anything of that
nature... I know one must be discerning within realms where there is only a
rough framework laid out.. many pathways are opening up within the collective
consciousness which have not been activated for many thousands of years...
I enjoy the presence of my friends who are not from around here.. they have
been kind enough to show me what I feel are some potentially significant things
dealing with what is not only underway upon this world.. but within ourselves..
just allowed myself to become super unbalanced yesterday.. brought me into a
state of severe duress..
Once again..
You have my apologies & thanks
Daniel
I wrote:
In Reply to: Interesting posted by Daniel* on May 06, 1999 at 17:07:52:
this may sound incredibly naive,
but i just don't give the government credit to be "smart" enough 2
deal with these sorts of energies.
i mean, ya, some very incredible things can fall into the "wring hands"
so 2 speak...but if u are "negative" i just don't believe that this
knowledge can effectively or properly used by organizations like the government...
because i believe that the "key" to make these little "toys/gifts/knowledges"
work..is through love.
it's like aleister crowley. certainly the guy knew A LOT. but his negativity
was the one thing that stayed in his way from actually taking his knowledge
and making the "toys/tools" work.
he ended up dying in total poverty a very ill man, for example.
because the thing that unlocks these tools is a sheer state of love/joy that
i just don't see "the government" as having.
man , there is SO much i'd like 2 type out here right now... all my "lives"
going on right now...
that i am aware of ..just..i cannot put it in words..which i'm sure u understand..it's
just too much to type out and it can't be explained in words very much.
i guess the biggest question i have right now is "am i crazy to think these
thoughts/feelings/rememberances i have are REAL? or am i letting my imagination
run a bit too rampant?"
i have rememberances of a life of being a "lightbeing" thing for example,
then i think a reptillian race of some sort overtook my planet. which was quite
a shock since we didn't even know there were other races in our universe!
i remember playing in a sort of "kindergarten"
being very peaceful and joyful playing with a kind of holographic sacred geometry
3d puzzle i was making with my mind, when the other race crashed in and took
us over.
they tried to extract the knowledge from my mind 2 use it for their purposes.
i then took the part of me that knew this knowledge and seperated it from myself
then that fragment went and "hid" somewhere to keep what it/me knew
safe.
so i'd like 2 go find that fragment of me and reconnect it up so i could remember
what i knew.
so now a lot of u think i'm completely off my rocker :) but that's ok :)
so i'm PRETTY sure that i didn't just "make this up" and if i didn't
how feasible is it 2 find that part of me wherever i hid it?
or maybe i do not look for it because i do not trust myself that i could "keep
it safe" again.
but maybe i don't need 2 keep it safe because no "negative" person
could use it because the "fuel" it takes to work is joy/love.
u can't use it 2 have "power over"
darkness is just things that are not "in the light" . darkness is
real, but it seems tha darkness is just "ignorance". light= knowledge,
darkness=stupidity.
like aleister crowley seemed 2 be quite a mysogynist...saying things like "women
should be brought 2 the back door like milk"
and this lack of knowledge of "the other half"
stopped him from being truly "successful" with his 1/2 knowledge.
u cannot ignore the other 1/2 ( femininity ) and still make those tools work.
saying "femininity" is far too simplistic, but i'll just let it be
simplistic and hope u are catching my drift.
i'm sure that this is kind of like silly for u, because it's just rudimentary
knowledge..but even though it is still simple..i think my own insecurity/fear
stops me from truly "going for it" and taking these tools and really
applying them 2 my life 100%.
i don't know why i shy away from something like that.
i don't know what stops me from just going full force.
i guess i AM afraid that perhaps i AM too naive and perhaps once i delve in
to the other "dimensions" i might run into "hurtful" entities
again.
and i know i should have that problem if i am emanating light, and nothing can
hurt me unless i let it...but still i fear anyway.
i , so far, have not "hooked up" with any guides that i know of to
help me. i would feel a lot better if a guide would just let itself be known
to me so solidly that i would not even question it's validity of being real.
it's hard 2 do this alone...so i throw all of this "out there" 2 u
right now , i guess not only in the hopes of helping others , but also 2 search
for someone 2 help me out here and stuff. 'cause i feel a lot like delving into
it is like throwing myself into the middle of the ocean with no support system.
i don't know if any of this is helpful 2 anyone or even if i'm making any sense.
maybe the sheer act of writing this down will magnetize 2 me a guide or helper
of some sort.
'cause i know i'm capable of so much more in my life if i were just not so fearful
:)
I wrote:
In Reply to: Re: Glad you're still with us posted by chris on May 06, 1999 at
16:52:21:
i believe that each person has their own personal "vibration". and
this vibration is like the weather..constantly changing...
it's like how it is proven that by watching certain things ( or even colours,
etc.) can change your mood and this also corresponds to a change in your chemical
make-up at the time.
like adrenaline would be one chemical, for example.
that is how "the birds of a feather flock together" thing happens.
like oil and water...people with the same vibration..or harmonizing vibrations
are going 2 be friends and such.
we are physical beings ( our bodies that is) and just general rules are going
2 apply...
like if u heat water it will change and eventually turn 2 steam. and this will
effect the things around that water getting heated.
and it has been proven that what we eat also changes our chemicals..which in
turn changes our mood..or the other way around.
which came first the chicken or the egg thing?
are we a slave 2 our chemicals or do we control our chemicals?
i know that when i get into a depressive state ( or angry, anxious, sad) that
i seem to attract more angry anxious people around me, and the nature of my
thoughts changes..i start thinking more "negative" thoughts. it's
like creating a little storm in yourself.
but just with thoughts( creative visualization, thinking or doing the things
u love, watching an uplifting movie) i can change my mood/body/chemical make-up/thought
patterns which in turn affects the world around me.
it's all so intrinsically entwined it's absolutely fascinating. and i am trying
2 get a grasp on it so that i am the one in control of it and it isn't just
this random thing that "happens" 2 me.
i hope that made any sense 2 u :)
daniel wrote:
Wow...
I don't know what to say... All I can do is apologize, I have just finished
reading through the postings ... I can not believe that people would go to the
lengths which you did to find out information about me ... *sheesh* ... I feel
very awkward and can only express how truly sorry I am ... It seems I sorta
set something in mothion which I had not clue would reach so widely...
I will be all right... once again.. I can not express my sincere apologies enough
for having caused this disturbance.... I have just had a very crazy life...
I will be alright... I have so many emails in my box I don't know how i am gong
to respond to them all... thank you for your concern...
Sincerly
Daniel
I wrote:
just wanna tell u again that there is no reason 2 b sorry, however i know how
u feel.
i have been in a similiar situation as u put yourself in...and so i know how
awkward it can be.
but no worries...
the universe holds u in it's hand protecting u :)
and here's another post I made in the private anarchy:
Posted by ANA on May 06, 1999
at 12:48:37:
i left another post about the suicide note in the public anarchy, if u want
2 know how 2 get in contact with him 2 try 2 persuade him from killing himself,if
he is still alive.
i hope it was just an overly dramatic email 2 get attention.
i got lots of sleep 2 make up for yesterday. there are still more things 2 clean,
but i don't have the gusto cleaning vibe that i had yesterday, but i wish i
did 'cause i want everything in order so it's not on my mind anymore.
jason got a call from the job telling him 2 come into work on monday, so it
looks lie everything is a-ok on that front.
it's gonna be so weird and sad 2 see him leave in the morning and be gone all
day. i hope that our schedules will not be so opposite that i'll never get 2
see him much. i know it was like that when we first met, but then we lived apart.
jason is really happy cause now he can pay back all of those student loans so
we don't have that hanging over our head.
his expenses are so much more than mine. student loans, insurance, car, credit
cards...
i guess i have big bills 2 pay back, too...
i know i owe the government a few thousand in back taxes from 1994 or something...that
was when i was signed 2 columbia and got a big advance, but i didn't think about
taxes and when it came time for that, i didn't have the $ 2 pay taxes. so i
just ignored it.
so i'm sure i have huge fines up the wazoo.
it sucks tax-wise, to be self-employed because u have 2 pay twice as much social
security.
like i'm EVER going 2 see THAT money.
then i owe zachary vex still around 14,000, i wrote about that in the anagram
a few days ago.
then i have that damn ambulance bill that is over a grand.
but other than that, the only money i need is for rent and food and utilities.
and of course i'd like 2 save and finally get health insurance. heck, i'd just
like 2 get good credit so i can get a credit card..so i can get a loan, so i
can get a house!
my biggest dream in the whole world, besides turning anacam into a virtual world,
is to have my own house that i can draw on the walls or do whatever i want with
it.
i'd like 2 have an entire lawn of dandelions, but i wonder if that is illegal.
i just can't understand why people hate dandelions. they are so pretty and they
survive everything!
but if i don't get my house, then i'll still have the house online i'll get
built. i wish i had the $ 2 pay a professional vrml designer. or i wish i had
the knowledge 2 make it myself.
i know i could learn it. but i want 2 take it in classes.
i watch jason teach himself with books ,it is so amazing of him. but even he
gets so frustrated by learning programming languages he practially throws hiis
computer out the window in frustration. so i KNOW it'll be twice as hard for
me 2 learn, because i do not comprehend math-like things simply because i find
it usually so utterly boring.
but i KNOW that it's NOT boring..'cause their is al the cool stuff i wanna know...like
sacred geometry and stuff.
if i could just get over my fear of equations, i could kick some ass in that
department.
but then when it comes 2 right brain thinking, and seeing how everything fits
together energy-wise and things i cannot put into words. that is where my strength
lies.
see, even the not being able 2 put it on words is right brain..i think?
i see these grids in my head. like 3d holgrams of how everything is one..all
the layers..time...everything.
like once i saw very clearly in my head how all of our thoughts were connected.
and i saw really clearly the "pipeline" between all of us. and a that
time, my manager was super angry with me because i went 2 a big record industry
get together schmooze fest and i got TOTALLy ridiculously drunk at it because
i didn't eat anything before i went 2 it and i was very very nervous 'cause
this was at a time that i never left the house and this was my first public
appearance in almost a year and i just didn't know how 2 deal with all of the
energy of a crowd at that time. so i just drank and i'm so embarrassed about
that.
anyway, bobby got so angry with me, and he never gets angry at me but this was
like he was so pissed he almost was going 2 tell me that he didn't want 2 b
my manager anymore.
i was so freaked out by how stupid i was and how serious of a predicament i
made for myself. i was beyond embarrassed and sorry. i knew it would be awhile
before i proved myself as reliable again 2 bobby and he would trust me again.
but i saw this pipeline between us, and i sent him the intent and feeling of
how sorry i was directly 2 his center. and i knew for certain after i did that
that he had received it and understood and forgave me. and it was true, 'cause
right after that i could tell that the rift had been healed and we were totally
together again.
i never told him that story, 'cause it's just so weird. plus i didn't even want
2 bring up anything 2 do with that night because i was so utterly embarrassed.
i wish i knew exactly how i was behaving that night..'cause i know that people
were talking about it.
i just remember someone handing me a cell phone and i remember talking about
all of this weird energy stuff i believe in 2 the guy who gave me the cell phone.
he then emailed me later saying he found the owner of that cell phone, and i
got it back 2 her.
god,it was a weird night.
i hate getting that drunk. the kind of drunk u get where u become hysterical
later and try 2 call your friends but u keep not being able 2 dial the telephone.
i think actually divine intervention happened that night, 'cause i KNOW i tried
2 dial 911 quite a few times and it wouldn't go through..which just made me
all the more hysterical...i thought it was some sort of conspiacy against me.
i was COMPLETELY out of my mind at that moment.
than god, i did get through 2 myt friend zachary vex that night and he came
right over and patted my head and sang me "you've got a friend" by
james taylor or something.
he didn't judge me or anything. he just sat with me until i fell asleep.
i don't know if any of u have ever gotten that out-of-it on alcohol, but it's
a pretty bad drug that way.
i know other friends of mine who have done the most outlandish things while
drinking.
i can't believe alcohol is legal an pot isn't . it makes NO sense!
i don't really like alcohol the way i used to.
i think it has something 2 do with getting older. it just makes me feel like
shit mostly now.
except for some reason cider is still ok. i love cider :)
man, i cannot even TELL u the embarrassing things i've done while drunk. i mean
i get REALLY REALLY out of control. no boundries. total insanity.
some of it asre funny stories. and some of it is stuff i'll never tell, not
yet anyway.
some of it i hope just dies away and no one will remember it. shit that would
make the jerry springer show look tame in comparison.
yuck
ana