anagram 05.02.99
hi :) the dishwasher
is going, the clothes washer is going, court tv is on in the background. I'm
drinking a mountain dew. it's super nice outside. I wonder if I will make it
outside today. jason is off being tested for drugs. he has 2 do it 4 his new
job so that is a bummer. I am totally against testing 4 drugs because I think
that as long as it does not interfere with your work, then it's none of their
business. I think it would make more sense 2 take a psychiatric evaluation than
a drug test. I mean, u could b an alcoholic sociopath and still get the job.
but if u smoke one hit of pot, then you're fuct. I think it's ridiculous. jason
is totally NOT a pot smoker, tho, btw..in case anyone is wondering. he really
hates the stuff. he says it makes him feel stupid. it doesn't make me feel stupid,
but it does totally make me lose my train of thought!
jason just came home now. he told me that the drug test was a urine sample,
not a hair sample.
I bought a scanner yesterday from the gift certificate that u all got for me 2 go 2 comp usa! I am just floored by it! I scanned pooka's paws and he acted like it was the worst thing I could do 2 him! the resolution is so high that u can see each individual piece of fur like it is magnified by a high powered lens! I've included it here, in this anagram. his paws are so cute! he kept moving his paw, so that is why there are two paws scanned on there and each one is not perfectly scanned. I scanned a ton of stuff last night, stuffed animals, the empty plastic wrap 2 a pack of saltines, some photos from a photo booth from the last few years. most of the photos are from around the early 90's. I have SO many photos 2 scan! I have had so many "loos" in my life! I scanned this beautiful photo of my dad from the 50's. and when I took the photo out of it's frame, I found a photo of him as a baby underneath! it is those black and white photos that they colourized afterwards. I LOVE those old photos. I want 2 get my picture done with that sort of process. my dad is so handsome :) the photo booth photos I saved accidentally as a .tiff instead of a .jpg, and when I look in the folder that I'm taking the bits and pieces that make up this anagram with…with the dreamweaver programme, it won't "see" that I've put the photo booth photos in there. I know that sentence structure was totally fuct. I hope u got the drift of what I was trying 2 say there. I'll put links at the bottom of this page 2 get 2 these photos if I can figure it out or if I can get jason 2 show me how. he is talking on the phone right now.
here is a post I posted in the public anarchy about masturbation. I'm just sticking it in here 2 save it. :)
the post:
on the public anarchy bbs of anacam, someone brought up the subject of masturbation,
and what were people's feeling on it.
it's a pretty interesting discussion, go skim through it if u have the chance.
anyway, i just posted my feelings about masturbation on there and i decided
it that i'd send it off to this list, too...
'cause it's a weird story how i discovered masturbation. and i just wanted 2
know, what is your story?
do u feel guilty doing it? are u just totally fine about it? what do u think
about when u do it? or maybe u don't think about anything at all.
i am particularily interested to hear from the women on this list :)
ok here was my post in anarchy:
the first time i ever found out what the word "masturbation" meant..my
mom mentioned that she was at work ( she worked as a nurse in a closed psychiatric
unit) and this woman was acting exactly like in the excorcist. she was screaming
and swearing and writhing and masturbating and she said that the room was icy
cold..in a paranormal sort of way. my mom truly believed she was possessed by
a demon.
so, i asked her..what is masturbation?
and she told me..
and then i realized that that is what i had JUST discovered and i thought i
was the only one who knew about it. when i first discovered it ( with this neighbour
girl who came over and showed me how to hump..she said she would be the guy
and i would be the woman..and since i was the woman i was too frail to see these
sorts of things..so she would blindfold me. i wonder what on earth her upbringing
was like!).
so she showed me how to "play sex"... and it was so innocent. i had
no feelings that it was wrong at all. then we'd do it and i'd have to stop because
it got to be "too much". i didn't know that the "too much"
feeling was the start of an orgasm. i was afraid of it. the feeling was so intense
i thought i might become engulfed in it an die or something. but one day my
curiousity got me and i just went past that too much part just to see what would
happen. well i had an orgasm! i didn't even know the word for it. i was so astounded
and pleased! i wanted to tell EVERYONE because i thought this thing i had discovered
was too cool to just keep it to myself. so i would walk up to all the neighbourhood
girls and give them instructions of how to do it and that they should go try
it right now because it was such a great thing!
but then i heard my mom's demonic story and i thought..ohmigod, i'm acting like a sick deranged person who is possessed by the devil! and i vowed to never never do that again.
but of course then i did anyway after a few months.
but ya, it's not something i like to get "caught" doing. i still have weird feelings about it that i cannot define.
then when i got my cam, i had no problems masturbating on cam, but i would always put the cam on my face, not on my genitals...i think i did that because the face conveys the actual pleasure of it..while a crotch shot is really super boring to me. so i would show my face because that made better pictures and conveyed more, not what i was DOING, but how i FELT.
but then, when i started to fall
in love with jason, it just became a thing i wanted to share with only him.
i didn't mind sharing it with the world while i didn't have a boyfriend, but
when i fell in love i just felt differently.
he never told me to stop doing it. i don't think he would really care one way
or another if i did it again because he knows that i am for him and he just
isn't very jealous,which i love that about him sooo much :)
but i just stopped on my own. falling
in love changed it and maybe someday i'll resume it, but i don't think so.
the only time i like to show it on cam is if he is the one causing it, because
i do love to show the world how much i LOVE him :)
maybe someday if he gets less shy it'll be on cam more. but not for now :)
anyway that's my story in a nutshell.
i recommend every single woman to
buy a hitachi magic wand. i had never had multiple orgasms until i discovered
this device of ultimate wonder!
i once had 44 orgasms in an hour from that thing.
and let me tell u, after that many, it DOES reach this other plateau of spirituality.
some zen thing happens and it's like i'm high. i can't explain it. but it's
really fascinating :)
oh, and I STILL have that darn cold!
it's ALMOST gone, but it just sapped me of all my energy. all I could do was
lay there and stare or sleep. I am just finally getting my energy back. that
cold was SUCH a drag, and now jason has it. but even though jason is exhausted,
he still gets a lot done 'cause he's just way more driven than I am in his own
way. when I'm sick, I don't even try 2 push myself 2 do anything because I want
2 get well as fast as I can.
the jenny jones thing is on court tv. the lawyer that is working for the side
of the family who's son was murdered is reallllly annoying. he was also kevorkian's
lawyer, which I think is bizarre somehow. I don't think the jenny jones shoe
can be blamed for that murder. I think that to blame the show is totally ridiculous.
anyone that goes on those sort of shows should know to be prepared to be embarrassed
or something.
ok, here are the links 2 the things i've scanned so far, they look VERY big on your computer, but that's just so that if u printed them out the quality would be very good. i scanned them at the highest quality:
some of my drawings from long ago:
BREAKUP(this is how i felt after ed broke up with me when i was 21)
SELF PORTRAIT 1990 (i drew this on a piece of cardboard on a slow day while working at ragstock)
SELF PORTRAIT 1991 (i drew this at ragstock, too, on another piece of cardboard)
FINGERPLAY (this is from about 4 years ago, just doodling and collage then taken to kinko's and colour xeroxed in negative)
THE KING AND THE SNAKE (this is my first and only drawing of the king and the snake, two characters that i will to make into a comic book series someday kind of a dark comedy surreal comic like edward gorey )
