anagram 050201

sadness!!! [26 Apr 2002|10:03am]
Lisa 'Left Eye' Lopes dies in car wreck! :(

[26 Apr 2002|11:09am]
http://www.voog.com/thelittlesong.wav

[26 Apr 2002|12:45pm]
today i'm trying to rid myself of fear and hate

[26 Apr 2002|01:31pm]
gonna keep my braids in. maybe sonia5 from hairpolice can turn them into bonafide dreads when she is here in the twin cities again :)
i'm bleaching my roots. still thinking i might dye my hair pink...or fire engine red.
can't get enough of red :)

death/rebirth [26 Apr 2002|01:34pm]
it's weird to think that as i go through my day...eating..dancing..cleaning...staring...thinking...lisa lopes is dead...somewhere, her body in a mortuary...and her soul...who knows where? where is she? what is she thinking/experiencing in her next "phase"...beyond death?
maybe she will visit my friend, amy...and amy can tell me why she left...

have you ever been visited by the dead? [26 Apr 2002|01:41pm]
like...you feel a dead person's precence in some way...
maybe in a dream...
maybe like they are in the room with you..
maybe like they talk to you or communicate to you in some way...

contest winners, hello! [26 Apr 2002|01:56pm]
to the contest winners who won a free 1 day pass ( but i stretched it to 2 days ), i'm glad you enjoyed your stay! thanks for all your positive feedback! :) i'm so happy that you loved the 4 year archive, all my songs in mp3 format, and my "mini movies" especially :) i really worked hard on those sections :)

[27 Apr 2002|08:27pm]
cold/rainy/snowy here. hanging out with jason :)

[28 Apr 2002|07:08am]
it's just FREEZING in my house *shiver*
post comment

[28 Apr 2002|11:32am]
super cold super grey day. i wish i hadn't taken the insulation off my windows but i thought that 91 degree day was at least a HINT that winter was over. you'd think!
i have a winter hat on and a scarf and a sweater and i feel like putting another sweater on. brrrrrrr. *shivering*
they turned the heat off in this building 'cause they thought spring was here, too.
i have my oven on 500 degrees and open but it's still freezing in here.

all this makes me want to stay in bed. hibernate. god i wish it was glorious out and i could go for a walk in warm breezes , not freezing drizzle. i need a long brisk walk.

i found my ID, tho, last night! yay! it was on top of the dog's blue space capsule in the kitchen. now i don't have to go get ANOTHER ID. and tomorrow i'll go buy some food!

now i just need my debit card, which should have arrived by now. and i need it NOW 'cause ebay is trying it's second time to get 14 bucks off of it and it won't work 'cause i needed to cancel that old debit card when i lost it. i hoper i don't get thrown off ebay. i hope my debit card will be here tomorrow!

tomorrow i go see my accountant at noon.

nothing really to say. it's been a pretty mellow last few days

[28 Apr 2002|01:28pm]
i hate days like this.

[28 Apr 2002|03:58pm]
i'm going through all my photographs from my whole life and i'm gonna scan them to put in anagrams. a big project!

[29 Apr 2002|10:55am]
i'm getting ready to go see my accountant. he is a really jolly fellow :)
hopefully some of that jolliness will rub off on me! eebomb is giving me a ride, god bless her soul :)

i am really nervous and i hade a really shitty sleep. at 6am i started waking up every hour and when i'd go back to sleep , it wasn't very deep at all.

today i'm starting on the atkin's diet again since i have gained an inch on my thighs since i started on my new medication. maybe it's the paxil that i am gaining weight from....maybe it is the sinequan....maybe it's both :/
plus i'm gonna have my period any second here...so i know that's contributing to it. P 2 tha M 2 tha muthafuckin' S.

it's SUNNY out right now. i hope it stays that way. i need it!
nope...i just looed at weather.com and it's gonna rain. but at least it's gonna get up to 60 degrees, they predict.

[29 Apr 2002|05:45pm]
i am a major sleepypo.
seeing my accountant made me feel a whole lot better :)
i forgot i had chocolate ice cream in my fridge...so i will start the atkin's thing tomorrow instead of today :)

i am waiting for the gilda radner special to come on. i loved her!

did anyone see that movie with tom green called "freddy got fingered"?
i was watching the first hour of that the other night with jason and i was pleased that it didn't suck as much as i thought it would and it had a lot of very hilarious moments!

ben and jerry's chocolate fudge brownie kicks ass over hagaan daas's chocolate w/ peanut butter swirl [29 Apr 2002|06:16pm]

[29 Apr 2002|06:27pm]
i got to play with eebomb's 8 months old son today!
babies really freak me out and i don't even know how to hold one...but eebomb entrusted me to hold him sometimes and it was such an amazing thing! a tiny human!
and such a sweet little guy who loves to laugh :)
i vote for this baby to be "best baby in the world" that i have ever met
she came up to my apartment with him and the dogs were just freaking over him! they didn't know WHAT to think of such a strange little human being :)
i told her i would even babysit for her, which is an unheard of thing coming from me!
this baby looks and acts a lot like the baby that plays "the sun" on the teletubbies :)

my great discovery! [29 Apr 2002|08:37pm]
oh...and btw, i discovered today that when you're holding a baby, guys don't give you the time of day! IT'S AWESOME!!!
i think i may have to get myself a baby doll for when i go outside! and put it in one of those things you carry babies in that looks like a backack but it goes in the front :)

[29 Apr 2002|10:04pm]
i have moved 12 times in my life so far. how many times have you?

[29 Apr 2002|10:38pm]
i like to watch tv with the captions on 'cause they screw them up so many times. todays caption screw up is from david letterman. when the guy that introduces david letterman said," a man that needs no intoduction..." the caption read, " a man that needs no intro ducks so..."

[29 Apr 2002|10:45pm]
do you consider yourself to be a bitch or an asshole? and if so, why?

[29 Apr 2002|11:27pm]
do you love money or hate money?

[29 Apr 2002|11:34pm]
coke, pepsi, dr. pepper or fresca?

[29 Apr 2002|11:41pm]
would you give up all your money for unlimited amounts of sex?
or give up unlimited sex for unlimited amounts of money?

[30 Apr 2002|12:05am]
a terrorist has a gun up to your mom's head and your dad's head.
you have to choose which one of your parents will live and which one will die. you have 30 seconds to decide. if you don't decide, both will die. who do you choose to live and why do you choose this?

( if one or both of your parents are already dead...then they are all alive again for the purpose of this question )

it's a free for all! [30 Apr 2002|12:10am]
post whatever you'd like to this entry :)

[30 Apr 2002|12:36am]
black or white?

[30 Apr 2002|10:23am]
did your first love break your heart?

as an experiment, for the month of may, all my journal entries will be in ana2.com only [30 Apr 2002|10:58am]
why? it's an experiment to see how i feel about that

[30 Apr 2002|11:33am]
nah, forget that...that would suck.

[30 Apr 2002|11:45am]
i think i'll start typing my old journals in here. i'm up to 1990.
you can read what i've typed so far here:
http://www.anacam.com/analog/

it's at the bottom of that page under "book: old journals"

[30 Apr 2002|02:21pm]
i'm so tired, and i just got my period. i'm going to take a nap, then watch oprah. i had some liverwurst with mustard for lunch. i have a slight headache.

prayers for MAW [30 Apr 2002|02:27pm]
please keep my friend, maw, in your prayers as he is in the hospital recovering from a grueling back surgery!

[30 Apr 2002|03:05pm]
too restless to take a nap. bah.

[30 Apr 2002|05:55pm]
i thought i'd feel good about typing out some of my old journals. i thought i'd feel i had gotten something accomplished today, but instead i just feel exhausted from the process. it was such a terrible time in my life...to go back there and feel it a bit more on the detailed side has made me feel icky all over.

and typing out the dreams makes me feel especially restless. i get quickly bored by them, which i find interesting. (lol at that paradoxical sentence)
when i read about my life...it takes me right back there..but when i read the dreams...it is one more step removed from life and i feel detached from them but i can more easily see the meanings now. in fact, quite a few of them were actually a bit too much like real life LATELY which was very scary! too twin peaks like for me!
i LOVE twin peaks...but i don't want my LIFE to be like that tv show. it's creepy how much my life DOES emmulate that show in it's overly uncomfortableand surreal dark style. the only thing that's missing is a dancing midget.

i think buspar is making me twitch. i was looking up the side effects of my medications today. and buspar can make a person twitch. and i am twitching. it feels creepy. i hate it.

and now that i have neither xanax or klonopin i am sleeping like shit and i'm so much more nervous. but even though i'm nervous, my desire to drink has almost been illiminlated. i think that is because the last time i had a drink, i became so freaking nervous afterwards when it was wearing off i wanted to jump out of my skin. and i have no xanax or klonopin to help with that now...so it's just not worth it for me to drink. there's no benefit. there's no pay off. drinking would help my nerves as long as i'd stay drinking...but when it wore off i'd feel three times as nervous than before.

i think of mysef now as a "normal" person who had a bad bout with drinking due to nerves and took on all the traits of an alcoholic for a period of time.

and that's all i wanna say about that at this period in time.

i think i'll take a bath now...
my house is such a pit. i have NO desire to clean it.
ya, typing those journals has put me in an icky mood

who would you like to see a tv show about? [30 Apr 2002|06:46pm]
ah, jason put me in a better mood. i love his voice :)
he is driving home from workand he's gonna get me some ice cream :) so i guess i will start my atkins TOMORROW :) hehe :)
i am so glad i am not where i was in 1991. that at 1992 were just THEE worst years for me only to be equalled by last summer until now.
i don't feel completely out of the water yet....i'll give it 6 more months until i feel reasonably "safe" from life again.
and tonight it's another episode of the osbourne's! woo hoo! i'm going to be so sad when it ends. i wish so much that they had decided to do another season!

i wonder if any other famous people or rock stars will run with the torch when the osbournes are done?

who would you like to see a tv show about?

[30 Apr 2002|07:19pm]
frontier house on pbs is pretty damn amusing :) when did that thing start?
so many reality tv shows now! who knew?

[30 Apr 2002|07:47pm]
i'm watching nova on pbs and it's about how the towers fell from an architecutal standpoint. i swear i will never get over seeing them fall. each time i see them fall i feel the same feeling of absolute awe and just "HOW???" huh?? i cannot wrap my brain around it at all. it's all so "wrong" and my mouth gapes open at it.

when i saw laurie anderson play here a week ago, she brought up an interesting thing which is that whenever we see the towers fall, it never conveys how LOUD it was. we see them fall in silence maybe because it was so loud that the mics got distorted?

how loud WAS it? i cannot even imagine how loud!

[01 May 2002|08:46am]
this is darn cool:
http://journalinfime.free.fr

i want my site to look like that :)

thanks to camisole for the link
and thanks to orb8 for poijnting me to camisole :)

[01 May 2002|09:45am]
i feel really sickish today. i woke up with a headache and slight nausea and feeling sweaty and cold :/ i hope this feeling goes away soon!!

[01 May 2002|10:11am]
as u can see, i screwing around with the look of my LJ again and i don't know WTF i'm doing!

[01 May 2002|10:27am]
i'm in a white mood.

but..i cannot ever decide which is my fave:
white text on a black background
white text on grey background
pink text on black background
black text with white background
grey text with white background...

[01 May 2002|10:33am]
whoops, i'm doing my journal in the exact colours meredith has!

[01 May 2002|10:37am]
ok, orb8 gets my vote as coolest LJ style!

AND go here:
http://www.orb8.com/captures/000706.shtml

and look how when you put your mouse over the pictures it does that "thing" way coooolllllll!!!!!

mya mya mya!

i am looking here now:
http://www.ozones.com/

for neato javascript things things :)

[01 May 2002|01:37pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

i feel positively yucky today :(
i'm gonna go lay down

bjork is 5 months pregnant! :) [01 May 2002|04:54pm]

[02 May 2002|09:08am]
i still have a headache which it makes this day 3 of having one. grrr.
and i am just so so nervous now i don't have either xanax or klonopin. it's exhausting.
i hope this will level out at some point. i'm so uncomfortable.

i forgot that i taped x files last sunday and haven't watched it. so i'm gonna do that today
post comment

First Ousia CD Review... [02 May 2002|09:18am]
The first review for the latest Ousia CD:

Ousia - Face the Robot (CD, Mutant Music, Ambient/electronic)
Another solid release from electronic experimental artist Ousia. The blurred, abstract cover artwork perfectly compliments the heady music that is featured on this album. Note that this is not dance/trance music. Instead, these compositions are sometimes experimental and accidental...sometimes well-planned...and sometimes simply landscapes of electronic sound. This stuff is for listeners who enjoy being propelled into another dimension through music. The eleven spacey compositions on Face the Robot heighten the senses and give the listener the impression that he/she is either dreaming or evolving into another dimension. Trippy, surreal, and often hypnotic...Ousia tunes are the stuff that dreams are truly made of. Our favorites: "Face the Robot," "Binary Sort," "Sound Check," "Solar Limen." This is an excellent and absorbing album that is certainly over the heads of most listeners... (Rating: 5+++)

Ousia Sound Files @ mp3.com
Order "Face the Robot" from Amazon.com

[02 May 2002|11:00am]
it's really really windy here! my head hurts hurts hurts.
how are you?

[02 May 2002|11:04am]
http://www.nature.com/nsu/020429/020429-7.html

[02 May 2002|05:26pm]
'cause my head was hurting i took a long afternoon nap. my head feels better now..but i'm super groggy.

i'm so glad survivor is on tonight!

i'm gonna go now get a case of coca cola and food from the little store...