anagram 04.22.99

I have 2 much 2 say and I'm too tired and impatient 2 write it all down. I've been cleaning ALL day..moving everything of mine that was in the bedroom, into the "thing room", then moving everything that is jason's in the thing room to the bedroom. that way I can have a place that is just mine to create in. but it is so jam packed full of stuff in there now that I cannot even move around ( a bit like my old apartment, but worse!) so i'll maybe have 2 move some of my stuff out into the hallway by the thing room and get another shelf 2 put it on! I wanna try to get my old computers working again so I have a monitor to see what pictures are going out..and I have 2 get a longer cord somehow so I can get my camcorder all the way in there. lots of stuff to do and arrange. I'm all dirty and dusty and need 2 take a shower.
last night at the minnesota music awards I won two out of three I was nominated for! I won for best electronic artist, and electronic recording ( anavoog.com). I didn't get artist of the year..that went 2 semisonic..which I pretty much knew would happen. :) it's cool 'cause I've been nominated before lots of times for female vocalist, songwriter, alternative band, new band, album of the year..i think? I cannot remember all the nominations, but I never expected I'd actually ever win one! so, that is a nice extra bonus and good way to end the whole anavoog.com ordeal :)
then robyn robinson from channel 9 grabbed me and I said a thing live on her segment called "the buzz" during the news hour. I didn't know it was live and I wish I had a copy of it! I hope I didn't act too goofy.
I dyed my hair red instead of pink for the occasion. I'll go back 2 pink later. :)
I put the awards on top of the tv for now.
then today, the st. paul pioneer press had a blurb about me..it said:

"Two-time winner Ana Voog had one of the funniest acceptance speeches: ``I'm happy I'm free from the label that put out my record, because they suck. I'm going back to making homemade records and putting them out myself.''

so that was pretty cool :)
so today I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned and I have so much more to do, I'm totally overwhelmed, but at least I got a ton of it done.

in other news, I was just totally bummed out by the mass murder in littleton. no words I could say could really express. but I did write this I the public anarchy about my feelings on that. here it is:

i was teased ( if psychological torture day in and day out for years can be called 'teasing')
in junior high and high school.
it was beyond terrible and humiliating.
i was pretty much an A to B student ( speaking of grades), but i dropped out of high school three months before i graduated because i could not deal with the abuse from my classmates any longer.
thoughts of terrorism and revenge often went through my mind, even years after i'd left.
their is still a pain in me from it.
thankfully , i am not "psycho" enough to act out my violent fantasies. but it is a thin line.
i could never and would never do anything like what those two boys did ever ever ever.
but it doesn't mean i didn't THINK thoughts like that towards my school.
i was in a big school to, it probably had about 2,000 in it. ( stillwater high school)
i hated the jocks. they were the meanest of all.
my school was obsessed with sports.
i was not good a sports, i feared them more than anything. i could go on and on about the humiliation i endured in gym class.
ONE thing i think that needs to be changed, is that there should be more SMALLER schools.
my school was too big to pay any attention to one individual. my teachers were oblivious to my pain. in fact, sometimes the teachers were worse than the students, humiliating me like a square peg that wouldn't fit into their round hole.. the teachers had no TIME for anyone who was in the smallest way "difficult".
if u were not a machine prepared to memorize facts and spew them out on cue...u were just lost.
ignored to "die"
it's truly sick.
thankfully , i had the sense to just LEAVE my school instead of blowing it up.
people think that to get teased in school is just par for the course. that it really isn't a big deal or something. that one should be able to just take it lightly.
no fucking way.
school was one of the most emotionally ( and sometimes physically) abusive situations i have ever had to deal with.
it beyond time that someone should take "children's" pain seriously. and not just something that will "go away"