anagram032802

[27 Mar 2002|06:45am]
i got up to pee...and have the song "mr. bojangles" in my head. WHY???
i made a new anagram.
now i'm going back to bed

[27 Mar 2002|11:15am]
i hope this day go smoothly. i just need a nice normal day.

[27 Mar 2002|01:55pm]
i don't think i can do anything today except lay on my bed and stare.
this seems to be the only thing i want to do, when i think of all the things i could do today...the only one appeals to me is that one.
so....i'm going to go with it...and see what happens.

[27 Mar 2002|06:25pm]
ah, i made it through this day in one piece. and i didn't do anything self destructive ( except guilt myself out for laying in bed ). which is better than where i HAVE been lately. so...one day at a time towards mental/emotional/physical/spiritual wellness.
but i still feel closed. on all levels. my heart is closed. my sexuality is closed. my creativity is closed. but i am healing. so this is probably normal. although it's totally frustrating.

jason is coming over soon. we are both being very gentle to each other and giving each other space to heal. it's awkward, but that's normal, too. and we are making it through that one day at a time, too.

i am going to have him watch the amazing race tonight. he hasn't seen it before.l i hope he will like it as much as i do :) and then there is the new southpark.he is also going to bring me some food which is so wonderful because i don't have any.

to my friends that i am not communicating with very much today...or this week...i'm just not much in a talking or even emailing mode. but thank you for your love :)

i realized that i haven't really had a day off in forever. a day where i don't clean, do anacam stuff, or analyze my entire life or work on myself in some way. i think what i would like to do is rent a ton of movies and just watch movies for a few days and give my brain a rest.

but right now i must go break down a bunch of cardboard boxes and loads of junk and bring it to the dumpster and also get outside to buy food and mail off all the rest of the books and a bunch of polaroids from the polaroid project and perhaps make it to the bank. i must do this.

today i feel more even and normal than i have in awhile. the whole jason thing really through me for a loop and then some....but we are getting along very well lately and i feel really happy with our progress...so i feel some sense of stability on which to garner some strength to go complete these tasks.

i just about got caught on the couch with the dogs all day. but thank god that daytime tv is so godawful it repelled me off the couch...so off i go into my day of errands....

[28 Mar 2002|02:03pm]
ah cool, after work jason is going to take me to the movie rental place and i'm going to get a ton of movies and have a nice long movie watching spree which i REALLY NEED! my brain can take a break. this will be soooooo nice. all my fluffy things in my bed with all my fluffy dogs and lots of fluffy girly movies :) YES!!!!!!!!!!
just thinking about this gives me goosebumps all over my body :)

beautiful precious treasures coming to fruition [28 Mar 2002|02:50pm]

ooo! OOO! i went to jason's house to get some pizza out of his fridge that we had ordered last night so i had energy to do my errands ( i have no fridge ), and i went and got my mail ( not the po box mail ) , and i received all 6 jim woodring toys from japan because i have a friend who has a friend in japan who went to the vending machines they are in and kept putting money in until we both ( my friend and i ) had the complete set of 6! HOW COOL IS THAT??? they are these toys you can see here:
http://www.e-timecap.com/
click enter then click on jim woodring
anyway....i am SO LUCKY to have these. i am so lucky to have friends that would do this for me! these are SO PRECIOUS! each one comes in a plastic egg and they are made very well and painted beautifully and can be assembled in different ways :)and then each one comes with a little booklet that explains each mysterious creature...and the explanations only make it MORE mysterious :) i will scan the booklets for u :)
and take lots of pictures of these precious precious toys. they are SO surreal and delicate i am completely over the moon about them :) this absolutely makes my entire month. after the long haul of such a crappy month....one of the worst...if NOT the worst month i have EVER had in my entire life...to receive these now at the end and next month is my birthday and last night i dreamt that i found some of my old chiming silverware under the water by a tree bough that a friendly lady was sitting on. i believe these to be good omens of serendipity to come :)
these are symbols of beautiful precious treasures coming to fruition. tiny little multicoloured newts in plastic eggs from japan....
my sense of wonder returns....just like that.

btw, you can see mine on my cam right now :)

[28 Mar 2002|03:53pm]
i haven't moved an inch. i've been sitting here basking in the intense sunlight listening to bjork's vespertine and pondering the wonderment of these woodring toys. watching the sunlight move across my walls, making patterns as it moves behind clouds then back again. drinking sugary carbonated beverages and finally feeling a sense of wonder and joy again. i'm so thankful for this moment

[28 Mar 2002|07:42pm]
ok, i went out and rented:

zoolander
startup.com
swordfish
mr. rice's secret ( which has david bowie in it )

not exactly GIRLY movies, but i'm excited to watch them. i'm going to watch zoolander first...after survivor is finished :)