anagram032800
(click on the
pictures 2 see them fullsized)
these first pix are me on sinbad's vibe show from a few years ago. ya, i know
my teeth are yellow. in fact after that show i guy wrote me, " because
i love u so much, i have to tell u that your teeth are not as white as they
could be! i have noticed that other stars have far whiter teeth. " thanks
dude.
i was barefoot on the vibe show because i couldn't find any shoes that matched
the dress! i found the dress on the lot of warner brothers ( or some huge
mogul ) gigantic warehouse where they put the costumes from from every movie
or tv show ever made!
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here are some
mailing list messages and posts i've made in the last few days. i would type
more but i don't have the energy 2 go further on this subject at the moment.
i think i'll go outside today. it looks like it's gonna be gorgeous out and
i need some air. i am slowly working on the 180 val-UN-times! i have them
all addressed finally and stickers on the envelopes. now the BIG part, which
is stuffing them full of grovy stuff :) if u are an ana2 memeber and u haven't
given me your snail mail addy 2 be a part of this, send your address 2 me
at ana@voog.com
i'm listening 2 the pixies and boiling eggs. after getting this up and eating
eggs, i'm gonna go outside, which i think will ake me feel a ton better!
------------------------------------
i don't really have the energy to type, but i'm going to try to find the strength
to do it. it's been an intense last few days.
firstly, on saturday, jason played at future perfect ( www.futureperfect.org)
he started a project named alpha61 with his friend paul horn , who was in
the band Ousia with him. u can go to jason's website ( www.fetik3.com ) for
a link to paul's page, as well as links to a lot of VERY cool websites! and
u can also hear some of jason's music on there :)
the alpha61 set was absolutely amazing! everyone was very captivated! it was
all happening at the weismann museum, which, i think, is the coolest looking
building in all of minneapolis! it is a very avant garde shiny metal building
that whips off into a million strange angles. i guess a lot of people find
this building very ugly, but i can't see why.
the magic lantern traveling light show did the lights for this entire event.
they are incredible...all the old spinning oil lights from the 60's...the
whole 9 yards. it feels like u are right back watching pink floyd from their
first 2 records. not like i was THERE, but i WISH i had been and i imagine
that the lights were like these!
to have these two guys come and set up their equipment and do lights for any
event u want, it's SO cheap, only about $200!!! sometimes more or less depending
on your event. i cannot tell u enough good things about these guys and their
light show. if u want something truly special and unique at your event give
them a call
richard tatge: 612 827 3228
chuck schlensig 612 729 9978
tell them "the singer from the band, The Blue Up? sent ya :)
they did lights for
my band, the blue up?, at our last few shows we ever did and he remembered
this :) i was the crazy girl who did my shows topless and made spirals all
over my body with permanent magic marker :) i didn't have my breast implants
then, i was as flat as a board. and after i had my breast implants put in,
people thought i wouldn't be able to "get away with" doing shows
topless anymore. but i proved them wrong :) although this was used against
me later when i was signed to radioactive because then they tried to FORCE
me to do my shows topless and it got really sexist and gross and ugly. because
i did not ALWAYS do ALL of my shows topless, i just did it when i felt like
it. just as guys get to. my aim was to get people used to the idea so after
awhile it was no big deal anymore. and i did finally get it to be that in
minneapolis. people just got used to that i did that and it was no big deal,
so it was very cool. as u can see, i still do this with my webcam! so my "topless
idea" has been a longtime thing with me. it didn't just start with my
cam. i just think women should be able to go topless wherever and whenever
they want. that we have to hide out breasts is the stupidest thing in the
world. especially since before i had breast implants, lots of guys had bigger
breasts than i did. and now that i have breasts, they aren't even real..so
does that even "count"? it's just really silly. and i guess u can
get away with being topless legally if u cover your nipples. which is REALLY
silly, since men have nipples, too! what's UP with that? WHO CARES?
once a guy called the cops on me at one of my shows because he was offended
that i was topless. i cannot imagine anyone ever being OFFENDED by my nipples.
it is obviously just a power trip.
anyway, the cops came and actually stayed and watched my show then cam eup
to me afterwards and told me what a great show it was and they shook my hand
and left! :)
so fuck u mister offended guy and the horse u rode in on
now it's raining. it's been very windy lately and usually when it's very windy, i can "feel" that change is in the air. however, this time i did not feel it beforehand because i've been really out of touch with myself lately. and i was thinking how odd it was that i felt stagnant actuallly, and i did not feel a big shift in me happening, which usually i feel a lot when it's very windy. it's weird, but i almost always feel exactly what the weather is like. or maybe it's the other way around :) who knows who influences who! it's probably both. it's all connected :)
well, NOW i know what the wind was about. a big change DID happen and it was pretty fucking intense and i'm still working through it.
it will be hard to
tell this story, because it was very hard to even tell it tp jaosn because
it is very embarrassing. it SHOULDN'T be embarrassing, but it was.
i don't think i feel embarrased anymore because i moved through that stage
and it surely was an eye opener. now i know what women mean when they are
too embarrased to tell the cops they were raped. i never knew why they would
feel embarrassed since it is obvious that it was not their fault. period.
it's the rapists fault. a woman should be able to be as naked and as sexual
as she wants to be in every situation she wants to be. no one ASKS to be raoed,
and if u feel that i am wrong on this, i feel very sorry for u. and i feel
very sorry for me, because i have to deal with this utter bullshit every day
of my life and i can tell u it's really pissing me off.
i never used to be a "radical feminist" or whatever u want to call
it whenever a woman is rightfully pissed off.
i didn't want to "scare the guys away" or have them look down on
me as being difficult or "man hatiing" or god forbid "hysterical"
funny that the word hysterical comes from the root word" hyster"
which means "womb"
that blew my mind when i found that out!
now i really could give a flying fuck if guys will get all freaked and offended
because of my anger over what is a WAR against women that happens each and
everyday. every second , every moment. so silently, so secretly...and sometimes
NOT very silent at all. still, women aren't allowed to really express their
anger on this or we will be labeled into that "hysterical DIFFICULT radical
man hating feminist" category.
and NO woman wants to be in that category because to be there means that
YOUR PAIN IS DISMISSED EVEN MORE
the second u "go there" people just switch off draw a little frame
around u and put u in that "difficult hysterical CRAZY" category.
well, fine. put me there. but i know i'll be busting that frame up and staring
u straight in the eye.
and u know i'm right. u know it. that's why u can't deal with it because deep
down u KNOW it's true and it's just too much for u to handle.
i should just go and
take my "don't be a bitch to my husband" pill, as one of my friends
calls her antidepressant she is on.
well, maybe we are a bitchy for a good reason? duh.
anyway...i am an idealist and a romanticist, in case u hadn't figured that out :) and i create my own little utopian ideal in my apartment and then i spread out my energy through the internet because i have found this way to be the most appealing to me because not only is it SAFER but it's nice to communicate with belgium in my pajamas :)
side note: the other day an accident happened. a plastic bottle of ketosis sticks went down my toilet! i flushed the toilet then went 2 brush my teeth and my hand knocked the bottle off the counter and right on the last whirl of the water going down the bottle went down! i tried to grab it, but it was too late. so the maintenance guy was just over here, and he told me that tomorrow he is going to have to rip the toilet out of my bathroom and take it down to his shop and turn the toilet upside down to get it out! so now i have to clean a path in the hallway so that sucks.
now the rain has turned
to snow, and i'm listening ton david bowie's new cd and i'm frying beef in
the wok and the dogs are very excited
the maintenance guy is really bummed out about my toilet :( i told him i was
sorry and he never did say "that's alright" or anything. he just
seemed really pissed and bummed out even tho he was smiling and i wonder if
any of my neighbours belong to this mailing list are reading this.
the maintenance guy sees all
i wonder what he thinks of me and my very cluttered house. i wonder if he
watches me. i wonder if he know what i do. i wonder what he says to other
people.
we always smile at each other and we are very nervous around each other. i
cannot tell if he has a little crush on me or if he just thinks i'm a total
freak or both.
maybe he is just a really shy guy or if he is just like that around everyone.
i wonder if anyone in this building gets to hear all about what he thinks
about everyone in this building. i love stories. i wish he would tell me some
:)
-------
which brings me sort of roundabout to what this entire email has been leading up to....
The Thing That Happened To Me After Jason's Show:
after his show, around
midnight, jason was exhausted so he went straight to bed. i was really hyper
and in a good and social mood nad the dogs were hyper, too. so i went running
around in the hallways with my dogs. i do this sometimes 'cause the dogs get
really hyper at night and they want to run and going into the hallway at night
is perfect because everyone is asleep and everything is quiet.
first i ran into two women who looked at me like i was a freak as i had my
red hair and was wearing my red slip and was barefoot with my two weird looking
hyper dogs. i waved at them and said hi, hoping they would be friendly to
me...but alas, i did not win them over...
then i ran into a neighbour
that i see often and we smile at each other but never say much. he seemed
eccentric and nice and he caught me in a good mood and when i was feeling
social and when i actually had time 2 talk. it's hard to not give any information
on him that would give his identity away.
anyway, he invited me up to his apartment and i agreed to go. i mean, i've
seen him around now for almost 2 years and i know some people who slightly
know him, so it seemed like an ok thing to do although i'm always a bit scared
to meet new people 'cause u never really know WHAT is going to happen. plus,
everytime i leave the house at least 1 to 5 guys will hoot or hollar at me
or whisper or leer or stare. saying things like "ooo, looka that! hey
blondie! hey hey hey...hey i just wanna ask u sumthin...mmmmm" then when
i keep walking i get , "oh it's like that? it's like that? bitch..."
i mean , just the other day when i went out 2 eat with my mom...this guy was just STARING at my mom like some sicko the whole time she was eating! i mean STARING. it was gross. and my mom was all embarrassed and uncomfortable and i said to her," let me tell him off!" and she was like" no no...i am embarrassed" HE is the one who should be embarrassed! so i finally convinced her to switch seats with me so that he couldn't see her and he could see only me....and then i stared right back at him like , "WHAT???" and he got so flustered he dropped his fork and quickly stared at his menu even tho i know he wasn't reading it. then finally he got the nerve to try to stare at me so i would stare right back and make stupid faces at him and he would look down. if i wasn't with my mom i would have gotten up and walked over there and yelled at him. what a jerk.
then on the way home a whole group of kids yelled at me about my hair and yelled very loudly that my hair was nasty and i should go home and take that wig off.
and people think I'M the one who's weird 'cause i don't go outside much!!!
god, get a clue.
wow, it REALLY pouring out! and the windy is whipping around! i guess i am
in sync with the weather again..or vice versa
ok, i know it's taking me along time to get to my point. but it's all related
i will say another thing before i say the big thing. there are more and more people in my building who know what i do. i told the wrong guy what i did and he told everyone , it seems. now i get strange looks and there is a group of guys who hang out and say stuff like , "there she is!" and then i say "miss america!!!" back at them. it seems all in good fun, but who can tell anymore. it takes me a long time 2 psych up to get my mail. i feel like i have to out this sheild around me just to go get my mail.
now i am listening 2 the Raincoats cd, "moving"
it's perfect.
anyway...so many people just have no sense of boundries. none.
so...going back to the eccentric man...
i went 2 his house.
my dogs and i
1st thing, he did not like my dogs. that should have been my first clue
then he offered me
a variety of drugs and i said no, i was fine
although later on i did take a percocet he offered me 'cause i had such an
awful headache, i had had one all day and it was driving me crazy
the percocet totally worked and i was really grateful
he smoked two joints. people who do drugs don't really bother me much. but i wouldn't want to be around anyone doing cocaine. i still have never even SEEN cocaine, which is a miracle since i have been in the music business for so long. not like it's only in the music business...i've heard it's everywhere. i just have never seen it. not even a mirror, a razorblade..not a line. no remnants..nothing. a bloody miracle it is. cocaine sounds like a total drag. and anything u have to SNORT up your NOSE..it's just so...not cool. it just sounds nasty. and herion..forget that! i don't even like to cook! what a huge pain in the ass, not to mention it will fuck up your entire life
i have had lots of things stolen from herion addicts. that a whole nother ball of wax. once i found out that one of my landlords was a herion addict. god did THAT suck.
now the sun is shining. what a weird day.
so...this eccentric
guy...he was on the make for me from the get go
i thought i could diffuse it by just being very honest about that i was NOT
interested in him in tha way. and i tried to diffus it with humour. i thought
he would let it go. but he justr didn't. i tried to get into his REAL side...i
tried to cut through the bullshit. but it seemed that everything he said was
pretty much just a line to try to get me to trust him so i would have sex
with him. i would see his real soul poking through sometimes. i always fall
in love with people's real souls..their potential...i see them inside shining
and crying to come out. but all the hurt and insecurities keeps the bullshit
trying to cover up their souls.
it's so sad. i could tell this guy was really very cool underneath. i could
tell he had many stories...and i love stories. i go through a lot to hear
the stories. i go far into things to get to the stories because i love to
hear about new things and new perspectives. i was a groupie for many bands
to hear their stories. i don't regret that at all....i got to lay in bed with
The Pretty Things and hear them tell me all about acid on the 60's in swinging
london and ready steady go and taking syd barrett's guitar that was covered
in rubberbands off the stage. i mean , can u IMAGINE? i live for this stuff
:)
and now they are my friends and it's been a very wonderful thing. so sometimes
stepping off that ledge can give u many beautiful memories and stories. and
sometimes it veers off...badly...u just never know
so this guy...i guess he had had a crush on me for over ten years and i dodn't even know! he would come into ragstock, this used clothing store i worked at for ten years, and ask about me. i guess my band even played with his band. it's funny how everything is connected and threads u don't even know about can unwind in front of u after ten years...
this guy is very interesting. we had a very wonderful conversation for about 3 hours. but it was interspersed with MUCH weirdness.
as u know, i am not
shy...i am open about things. i never bullshit. i'll talk about anything openly
and honestly.
somehow we got onto the subject of my breasts and that they were implants.
i like to talk about them, as u know...because the whole experience has been
so fascinating and intense
a big portion of our society revolves around the subject of breasts. i like
to demystify this whole thing so i'll talk about it with anyone almost
i am not shy to show my breasts to just about anyone, as u know. if someone
has a question about them i'll just show them
it's just no big deal to me...because i live in my little eutopian ideal with
my dogs
i guess i was trying to get everything in the open and demystify myself for this guy. i could tell he was really hung up on trying to fuck me, and i was trying to cut through the bullshit going, "ya..hey...see...hear are my breasts..it's NO BIG DEAL...we can talk about this subject in a NONSEXUAL way...they are just another part of my body like my elbow!" i thought if i just kept being really matter of fact about all of this he would finally just calm down and i could get over this sexual hump ( no pun intended ) and move on to better more interesting subjects
-----
it's gone from super sunny back to rain back to snow again. now it's windy
again and snow is everywhere...just 5 minutes ago it was sunny. it's so bizarre
and si fitting!
-----
i am watching oprah
and it's all about people who love their jobs because they followed their
hearts to do what they loved
it's very cool and i'm glad i have this joyous show to balance out this day!
-----
it has taken all day 2 type all this...hours have passed
-----
so....
i think now , possibly,
how the subject of my breasts came up was that we were talking about piercings,
and i don't know how that subject came up
and long ago i had my nipples pierced and i don't anymore 'cause they'd never
really heal
god...i just cannot get to the point.
i am trying 2 explain.
let me tell u that i was not at ALL being flirtatous. i did it in a matter
of fact way. like science.
it went against my instincts...but i showed him my breasts so he could see
what i meant when i was trying 2 explain to him how they were done.
now, right at that point...i'll bet a bunch of u are saying , " god,
you're stupid, what did u expect after doing something like that?"
which is why it is hard to say this. because i feel so stupid. but i was in
my happy utopian ideal frame of mind. aside from my headache i was just in
a really joyous mood. i saw a lot of my old friends at jason's show and i
was feeling good about the human race again.
so i was just trying to be open and friendly and do what i always do, which is just to be myself with no shame.
so i did that. i am
working through it...i go bcak and forth about how stupid i might be
my back is hunched over and i'm trying to breathe. as i type this the sun
just came out again and is shining on my fingers as i type this. i'm sipping
ginger tea out of my hello kitty glass and listening to maxwell's urban hang
suite. boy do i have some gossip on HIM that i wish i could tell u. what a
dysfunctional person.
augh, now that i remember that...i think i have 2 take this cd off and put in something else. so much music is ruined for me because i know underneath it all , i know they are mysogynists. led zeppelin , for instance. i knwo one seems to grasp how deep my pain is about this.
now i'm listening to tori's " from the choirgirl hotel"
ok...so here's the hard part of this story...and again...no pun intended
so he wanted 2 show me part of his anatomy in return. u can guess which part. oh how typical. how fucking disappointing. how totally fucking utterly disappointing.
.
so he starts taking his pants down and i'm like , " no ...that's ok....that's
ok...i don't need 2 see that."
but he keeps going...smiling at me his head cocked to the side...slowly pulling
his pants down...
"no..that' s ok...i don't need to see that..."
"but i want to show u something in return"
i don't need that. i don't need THAT in return u selfish bastard. i try 2
show u that u don't need 2 be afraid. u don't need 2 say that. u don't need
2 act like that 2 me. it doesn't have 2 be this way. can't we just be FRIENDS?????????
his pants slowly slip
down and out comes his big fucking hard dick. BIG FUCKING HARD DICK.
BIG.
FUCKING.
HARD.
DICK.
he says , " so what do u think of that? "
sigh fucking sigh.
how goddamn disappointing can it get?
"well, it's BIG. too big for ME...please put that away...you're making me nervous...sit down...put that away you're making me nervous...please sit down....put that away...you're making me nervous..."
"why?"
"because i don't have the happiest of memories from seeing a big hard dick"
him smiling. his head
cocked. he wouldn't put it away.
head cocked.
smiling.
head cocked.
smiling.
me in my head , " u stupid fucking girl, what did u EXPECT? u let him
touch u. u let him touch u. u stupid stupid girl."
it's all gone horribly awry.
i gotta grab the steering wheel and take charge of this situation.
i can be a tough punk
girl when i have 2 be. i don't even blink. i don't show fear. i act like it's
no big deal.
i've seen a million big hard dicks. i've had them inside me. i've had 2 face
worse.
fuck, i've been butt naked except for hig heels on top of a table and stoned
with 50 deer hunters all decked out in flourescent orange staring at me in
the middle of winter in the middle of wisconsin in the middle of winter in
such a small town it wasn't even on the map. i danced and got them all to
sing along to the doors joyously.
it's hard for me 2 write this. i don't know how 2 explain.
i got him 2 put it
away. why didn't i just leave then? why did i stay?
i was stubborn. i wasn't gonna let a stupid thing like that get in the way
of finding this man's soul to get a real connection.
there was no malice in him. it wasn't evil. what he did was evil. what he
did was STUPID.
he was stoned and stupid. he didn't know any better. he didn't know any other
way to communicate with a woman. he had no other options. maybe this is why
he was such a drugged out freak. i felt sorry for him. always on the make.
everything a line of bullshit just 2 get a woman in the sack.
well, i haven't told
u everything. i cannot think about this anymore today. jason came home and
i just want 2 crawl underneath his warm soft skin and stay there.
i'm gonna go watch dexter's laboratory with him on the couch and snuggle...
more later...
-ana
-----------------
well, i did receive
quite a variety of responces from "my , god! i hope u are ok!" to
"u flaunting slut , what did u expect?"
the public forum exploded with 400 messages in one day! i am pretty exhausted
from it, so i don't knw how much i can write today about, although therre
is much i feel passionate about that i wish i could just magically type with
mind power rather than two-fingered-typing power.
the thing a lot of
people wanted 2 know was...did i get raped?
no, i was not. i diffused all those potential rape situations pretty well,
but there was a few seconds in there that i thought i might be.
to explain why i sayed, is very complicated. maybe someday i will be able
to articulate that.
let me also make it clear that he asked to see my my breasts and he SEEMED
, at that moment, to be in a cool and scientific frame of mind.
i did not ask to see his penis and i told him in no uncertain terms to put
it away and that he was making me nervous.
plus, breasts are not sexual organs. here, i will just post to u all my posts
i made yesterday in the forum...if u want 2 find what i was reacting to ,
or who reacted with me, do 2 the form.
here are some posts
i made:
Posted by ANA on March 28, 2000 at 12:49:10:
just 2 say that for
the record.
just because most men get a boner from looking at breasts does NOT meanthat
they are a sexual orgam.
so showing a man breasts in a scientific way...just 2 show him the scars of
how they put the breast implant in is NOT akin to whipping a a big HARD dick.
a penis does NOT equal breasts. just because i guy gets hard looking at them
does not mean thati am going to "get hard" looking at a big hard
dick in return.
when will MOST guys get it through their head that breasts are NOT a sexual
organ???
HELLO?????
heck, if my neck is kissed that will turn me on 100 billion percent MORE than
if my breasts are kissed.
and i don't have 2 cover my neck do i???
most people can not get it through their thick skulls that just because they think/feel/experience something that that automatically means that everyone else is thinking/feeling/experiencing the same thing they are!
so some guy gets hard by looking at my breasts, and u had 2 be there ( and i wish u had been ), but i was NOT showing my breasts in a sexual way AT ALL.
heck, my WRISTS are more of a sexual organ to me than my breasts!
and i cannot AGAIN type it all out about how when u want 2 o DO look differently that doesn't mean u are "asking for it" and should just go wear a potato sack.
----
Posted by ANA on March 28, 2000 at 14:19:19:
In Reply to: THE definitive
and FINAL word on this subject posted by Edward on March 28, 2000 at 14:05:36:
ed, i am not going 2 ban u. there is a BIG difference between u and her.
i hardly think u are a sycophant. that u would think that i want that really
insults me.
dev was never my friend. i never considered her my friend. she was RARELY
ever friendly 2 me.
that is why i banned her. it's not about WHAT she thought it's the WAY she
expressed herself. there is a huge difference in this and i hope u can see
the difference.
----------
ah, actually so many posts were made yesterday that a lot of mine are now
deleted, so i'm going to include some ones that fetik3 made because he is
so eloquent:
Posted by fetik3 on March 28, 2000 at 11:34:57:
In Reply to: ana's boobs posted by garo on March 28, 2000 at 11:19:19:
Man, you really miss the point.
The point is that it's completely fucked up that people *DO* have this reaction. This is the whole idea of "women taking back their sexuality". To just stand by and say "duh, people are going to react that way.. what can you do/what do you expect" is an unfortunate attitude.
I could imagine this same sentiment being expressed during World War II: "Well of course the Nazi's are going to arrest and kill you if you wear a yamuka, what do you expect?" I've heard explanations of BIOLOGY used to justify those types of reactions too, so "don't even go there."
The point is that women
should be able to develop their bodies in any way they see fit, and not have
to fear that their personal expression is going to be misinterpreted to the
point of having emotional/physical violence forced upon them.
----
Posted by fetik3 on March 28, 2000 at 12:06:31:
In Reply to: Re: ana's boobs posted by garo on March 28, 2000 at 11:41:29:
Right. Let's change this around a bit.
Let's say that a guy wearing long hair is obviously a sign that he is either gay or on drugs. And all of society looks at it this way. So what do you do, cut off all of your hair to "show them?" Or do you grow it long IN SPITE of this attitude to show that their premise is wrong, that their attitude is fucked up, and you aren't going to stand by idle and let it happen.
It's the same thing with the breast situation. To simply (well obviously not so simply) cut them off would be more or less to say "Ok guys, you win. I can't reclaim these breasts, they're whatever you decide they are, so I guess I may as well give them up."
Instead, Ana did the
brave thing, and got the implants, which would be akin to growing your hair
long in the example above.
---------
Posted by ANA on March 28, 2000 at 13:14:02:
In Reply to: Re: BREASTS
posted by Dev on March 28, 2000 at 13:10:11:
ya, and u could say the same thing about furniture.
but i shouldn't have 2 hide my table in case some guy might come in and come
all over it.
--------
Posted by Fetik3 on March 28, 2000 at 14:37:18:
In Reply to: technical question posted by Diva on March 28, 2000 at 14:07:34:
Yes, I do have the ability to ban people from a page, a directory, or an entire site. However it's actually pretty difficult to permanently ban a person since the main method to do so is based on IP's, and most people have dynamic IP's.
On apache based webservers all you have to do is set up a file called .htaccess, which allows you to specify which ip's can and cannot access the directory specified. This is also the common way people set up username/password based access.
So that's the technical answer, the philosophical answer is that I feel banning is an absolute last ditch effort for people who just don't know when to stop.
Typically the people I can are people who come in with malicious intent, such as trying to write code to screw up the board (I *think* I've written fixes for most of those problems at this point), or write hostile/threatening messages. Using my favorite, and probably over used example of a home, it's like setting up a security system to keep the scary people out :)
It's actually a rather frustrating topic for me, because I have such difficulty expressing my feelings on this eloquently. I believe, like most "freedom of speech" enthusiasts, that disagreement is necessary in acheiving greater goods and truths. The problem that I see on here, is that some people hide behind these disagreements to simply lash out and attack. They then act as if their whole reasoning for being obnoxious was simply because they weren't "kissing ass." I usually let them continue, and will at times engage in the debate with them. Most of the time, this works out fine. People express their opinions, and either the parties learn something new about the issue being discussed, or they remain more grounded with greater certainty of their original opinion. This is clearly where disagreements work out best, and these types of discussions are more than welcome here. Unfortunately what happens in a few cases, is the person who brings up the debate, begins to engage in unnecessary stabs, becoming increasingly rude. This happens to most everyone at some point, however for those who have been on the board for a long time, we start to recognize a pattern in the process... And from this pattern, you start to realize that the issue isn't really what is being debated anymore, but rather it is just a thinly veiled excuse to attack. This BBS, as both Ana and I have mentioned numerous amount of times is an extention of our home. Once we recognize that we're being attacked, we ask this person to leave, or start exhibiting some manners. If they refuse to leave, and continue attacking, it is at that time that I will ban the user. I realize when I ban the person that it is far from permanent. There are many easy ways that a person can work around a ban. However, it's as strong of a signal that I can give to say "Hey, your attitude is not welcome here."
If they come back, and work around the ban, it simply proves my point. We aren't dealing with a problem of disagreeing opinions. We are dealing with an asshole. And assholes are not welcome in our home. Period. In fact, look at your posts Diva, you expressed many disagreeing points, but you weren't attacked, and you weren't banned. Why? Because the opinions expressed aren't the problem. It's the assholes expressing them that are. On a similar note, I'll ban someone who might completely agree with me on all subjects, but acts like an asshole unwarrentedly to another user of this BBS.
So yes, it is possible
to ban, and I have done it, but it's an absolute last resort. At this time
I have 17 bans in place, for 10 different people (some use multiple ip's).
That's all that has been necessary over the last 2 years, which isn't too
bad.
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Posted by fetik3 on March 28, 2000 at 13:54:08:
I had just written a really large post regarding freedom of speech, but realized it's just stupid... The issues here are very black and white.
Kissing ass is not necessary at all. But if you are just constantly going to be irritating, you are not welcome to hang out here.
Start your own BBS.
This wwwboard script is free, and there are plenty of free sites where you
can host it. But use some common sense. If you want to debate about some issue,
try to do so without being obviously rude and provoking. There are, believe
it or not, ways that you can express your dissenting opinions without being
rude OR kissing anyones ass.
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Posted by fetik3 on March 28, 2000 at 18:17:23:
In Reply to: Ana: you're
banning me too? posted by Jelly on March 28, 2000 at 17:32:46:
Actually Jelly you did attack her.
I might be mistaking you with some other poster, but it seems to me that you went completely off, and felt attacked when a discussion about the validity of welfare came up. If this wasn't you, the example probably won't hit home, so take it hypothetically... Nontheless, I'll continue as if it was you. Even though you weren't singled out as the problematic welfare recipient, you still felt attacked and lashed out at everyone. Now this was a situation that wasn't even directed at you, yet you felt attacked. Imagine if it *WAS* directed at you. Imagine if someone just posted:
Jelly, whatever, you are just like every other person that goes on welfare: a lazy person with no work ethic that is leaching off of my tax dollars!
I'm guessing you would be even MORE mad than you were with the original general post about welfare issues, that DIDN'T single you out. You would wonder how the hell does some poster on this BBS who doesn't know you, doesn't know your situation, feels they can dictate exactly what your state of mind is, what your work ethic is, and what your reasoning is for going on welfare.
Well that's exactly what you did to Ana. You stated, in quite an angry manner, that Ana was NOT brave, and got breasts for the same reason your mother got breasts. That is a blanket, incorrect, and attacking statement. You are applying value judgements where you really don't have a right to. And even if you feel you do, it is completely tactless to express it in the manner that you did. You are not Ana. You obviously do not know what was going through her head, and the situation at that time, yet you feel you know with complete certainty that Ana was NOT brave in her decision and did it for reasons of vanity, because your MOTHER did it for those reasons. Ana is not your mother. Diminishing the pain and bravery that Ana dealt with in getting the implants is an attack.
A more appropriate way to have expressed this opinion would have been to discuss the idea that you feel most people get the surgery for vanity. You could cite reasons and examples to back up your theory. You could express it in a way that wasn't attacking and rude.
Another thing everyone has to realize is that Ana just went through a pretty horrific experience, and is still emotionally dealing with that. She was brave enough to share this with you, and in return, she's being attacked even more (no not by everybody). Everyone has their breaking point, so she had enough. She finally told a few people on here who have been rude for some time now to fuck off.
Jesus Christ people.. Ana is one person... how would you handle being attacked by people after going through an experience like she did and trying to share/work through it?
Some people have no
fucking tact or clue.
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Posted by ANA on March 29, 2000 at 14:10:23:
and then i will post
some more. i don't know when.
thank u from the bottom of my heart 2 those of u who consoled me and did notv
attack me. it means the world 2 me and it gives me the energy to keep on going
:)
there are definitly some dear and wonderful people on hereand i'm sorry if
yesterday i honed in only on the negative posters, and not on the posters
who were kind :)
please accept my apology for not recognizing u sooner. u give me light and
love and energy :) than u times infinitty for that :)
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so there is a bit of it...kind of dusjointed 'cause u have 2 see the whole
conversations that were happening.
just click on "forum" on anacam 2 read it all, if u dare :)
----------
i'll try to write more about that particular night and also try 2 explain
the many layers it had and also what i think of peopl'es responses. but i
don't know if today is that day. i might just go out 4 a walk today! it's
51 degrees. i think i need a walk. that always helps. that and bubblebaths.
one of my camcorders is on the blink...the dogs tipped it over, which is why
u do not see the bathtub cam much lately :(
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and please vote at
mtc on my friend, scott bateman's flash animation:
go here to vote:
http://www.mtv.com/mtv/tubescan/rw9/
it very east to do, they don't need your email addy...all u do is click on his animation 2 vote!
it's called "the hair thing" and it's very funny!!! :)
it's nice and yummy sunny today! i better get ready 2 go out fats cause it's be dark in an hour!
also as my present for the people who voted for me, i am thinking about making
th refresh tarte faster on anacam for one ot two or three days :)
i am also considering
an option for ana2 members, that if u join ana2 and u give me your snail mail
addy, i will send u one postcard/letter for life :)
what do u think of that?
i FINALLY have everyone's address and my return address written on all 180 envelopes and now that hard part to stuff then all full of goodies! :)
ok, time 2 go out and listen 2 the la's. i wish i had a zmbies cd, 'cause i really need 2 hear the zombies right now!
smooth round stones and frankicense,
ana