anagram 031401

2 dreams i had [10 Mar 2001|06:02am]
1) i was washing my hair when suddenly i was transported back to 1991, so then the restauraunt i was going to meet someone at didn't exist and i didn't know what 2 do!
i went back to where i was working in 1991 and freaked them all out and told them which shops would close down and what would open up on that street. and i couldn't decide if i should tell them that there was no apocalypse in the new millenium

2) everyone was ambivalent.no matter what anybody did to each other...no one got more angry or more happy, thye just stayed completely ho hum about it. the whole dream was two men in this room with shag carpet doing things to each other then asking the other how they felt about that. they were even ambivelent that they felt ambivelent, but they knew that it was a strange thing and they wondered how that happened

i'm still badly shaken up from yesterday but
stacy's new entry makes it so that today
can be better.

all my dreams centered around it last night
going over and over and over it
and dreams about my mom and terrible dreams about
me in an airplane with all my dogs and everyone else lets their dogs loose so they are all wandering around scared to death. so i hold all my dogs and everyone else's dogs as much as i can and try to comfort them and keep them all in one place, thne the plane lands and i have to transfer planes so i can get home. all the dogs scatter and i try to find pooka and deiter and sebastian, then my mom and dad are there and some creepy minister couple come up to us and try to blow in our ears and smile and do all this really creepy goofy stuff that is supposed to be cheerful and comnforting but it just creepy as hell. so i tell them all to get lost and fuck off and go away...so they do, and my dad is impressed by this because he didn't know what to do with that situation. i
m trying to find the plane and my dogs and deal with my mom and dad and i realize i can't find sebastian and when i find him he has a big piece of skin missing and i know i must get him to a hospital right away. so i rush out of the airport to try to find a vet and i'll miss my plane and i don't know how i'll get back, and i don't know where a vet it and it's just a total nightmare and my parents are following me everywhere totally lost as well.

there is so much more to this but it's all turning into garbly gook in my brain, which is fine with me, because i don't want to think about it anymore.

gonna watch the snow, watch it turn everything pure white again like a nice fresh coat of paint. let's start all over, but differently this time...

it's good that each day ( each new millisecond ) is a time to start anew

[12 Mar 2001|12:32pm]
gonna go walk in the snow to the diner where this cool woman is going to give me her grandmother's coat because she doesn't know what to do with it. i wanna look around my house first to see what present i could give her, too :)
t

[12 Mar 2001|02:49pm]
it's slush city out there. i could barely walk, i was slipping all over the place! i just about wiped out several times!
this coat is goegeous and smells like sandalwood, i think it's from the late 40's? it's 3/4th length light brown mink!mint condition!
i guess it's TRUE that people give me mink coats for free :) voila!

[12 Mar 2001|03:00pm]
oooo, and jacqui sent me godiva chocolates in tbis big royal cushy valentine box! and i got a spa kit from the angel in the east :)
ooooooooooooo :) today is MUCH better than yesterday! ooooooooooooo :)
thank uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu:))))))))))))))))))
i gave the first two picks of the chocolates to the man at the post office.
he seemed like he was kind of depressed today, when usually he is very cheerful. chocolate seemed to cheer him up quite a bit. he said i lovvvvvvvve chocolate and i've never had godiva. he picked one that had a peanut butter crunch middle and one that was a cherry cream. they are all so beautiful i don't even want to eat them, but i will :)

[12 Mar 2001|03:47pm]
i ate 5 yummy chocolates, i like the dark chocolate and the white :)
i have had a headache for 4 or 5 days now. i need a good soak in the tub
yesiireee
i hope the acrylic paint in my hair comes out

[12 Mar 2001|08:06pm]
jason and i bought some cheap champagne and we're watching bad movies on cable :) wuzzlers and snort beasts are roaming freely, snuffling. does life get any better than this? i think not. :)

[13 Mar 2001|02:18pm]
i accidentally spilled champagne all over my laptop, and now it is broken :(
so the mobilecam has switched over 2 the thing room cam until i get it fixed

[13 Mar 2001|02:29pm]
today is another cleaning day. gotta get all my stuff into the thing room so that when jason moves out, the hallway is clear and he can get out the door! i'm going to do a ton of jason's laundry today, too...so that can not weigh on his mind anymore.

[13 Mar 2001|03:32pm]
going out 4 food
t

[13 Mar 2001|05:20pm]
i'm all sleepy from yummy food...but i shall continue 2 do laundry!

[14 Mar 2001|11:05am]
some uninformed person thinks that this picture shows that i have giant clitoris:

http://www.anacam.com/simp/anacamarchive/anacam101.jpg

i mean, i wish! lol :)

it's called LABIA, honey, LABIA

PMS as a tool for clarity [14 Mar 2001|11:26am]
marco: http://www.livejournal.com/talkread.bml?itemid275046

me: hi :) i hate it when girls blame their "hormones" for giving an opinion

marco: hormones ? :)

me: ya, lots of the women on their before saying their opinion said " well it might be just because i feel hormonal..but..."from that LJ url u sent me

marco: yet it's true that for a lot of women it does make a difference...

me: i hate it when they blame it on that...do u see what i mean?
like a woman can't have an opinion unless she has pms? then she blames it on the pms so her opinion has no "credibility" therefore.that's sad to me

marco: that's not what she said...

me: " I'm hormonal today too so perhaps my opinon isn't exactly objective..." starlazdaze

me: and: " Sorry, this is probably hormonal. But sometimes I hate men for not only never having to go through being in a woman's body, but driving the stake through when they dog us on our own."

marco: maybe she means that she's too emotional and angry at the whole world cause she's pmsing that she can't give a very calm and thoroughly calmly thought advice ?

marco: yeah i see what you mean anyway

me: what i'm trying to say is that a women that are "pmsing" CAN give out well thought out logical advice. we have been taught to believe this isn't so. i think women are more APT to give their opinion while pmsing...and people don't like "controversial" opinions or even any opinions from women ( on the whole, from a world perspective )

me: ...so people have tried to discount it by blaming it on pms. there are also a lot of women who abuse pms by saying they can be as bitchy as they want because they have pms. and those women suck

marco: yeah i know what you mean and I agree yet you have to agree that pms does affect moods and feelings.some women are afraid to give their opinions about this subject ( anything to do with that they are unhappy about men ) so SO many do this "sorry but i'm probably pmsing so my opinion has really no credibility...so don't hate me for it.." prefacing thing

marco: mmmmmmm i see what you mean

me: i do think it affects us, yes...but what ihave discovered, for my own self at least, is that "pms" is a huge "state" of CLARITY for me.

marco: wow, well, you're a rare case then.... :T cause most women are an emotional mess when pmsing, that's a scientifical fact... :T

me: i think that during pms...women are more apt to not just cowtow to bullshit. we speak up about our likes and dislikes, we know what makes us happy and what doesn't. it's like a " i will take no bullshit like i usually do" week. pms is a big "wake up call" , to me, to show me where i've been stuffing my emotions,and getting clear on what i REALLY want. so i take it as a great tool to get stuff done :)

marco: mmmmmmmm i see :)

me: they're only an emotional mess because they are so confused about everything they are feeling is going to go against society's ways.so they try to stuff the the "pms truth" back down...which of course WOULD make anyone an emotional mess

marco: not sure :)

me: like what if someone died and it was not a cool thing to "cry" ( for men" but every month u would see HOW much u needed to cry...but this went against societies "rules" and u had to stuff it down 50 times as hard. u definitely would want to go away from everybody and hide in the bathroom...because u wouldn't want people to see the intensity of your sorrow

marco: I cry :T

me: i know u cry...but u get my point

marco: Yes i get your point :) of course :)

me: so women speak up durung this time, we say,"hey i don't like doing all the dishes , why don't YOU do the fucking dishes??"

me: but we can all just blame this on "pms" and her true feelings have no credibility at all.of course i woman shouldn't say it like THAT. if we, as women, would get in touch with our "pms side" 24/7...then there really isn't any wild mood swings at all, because we are not repressing anymore and things are evened out

marco: lol you're being partial :)

me: partial? how so?

marco: well, you're bringing men-woman conflict issues like dishes and stuff, when the subjectwas only women and their PMS, not a gender war :)

me: i was just bringing up something that was so stereotypical so it could be understood easier...of course that was a total stereotype....but you'd be surprised by how much of this stereotype exists...even in my "modern" life

marco: yes i know that but you biased the debate ;)

me: how so?

marco: by bringing gender war stereotypes into a 100% feminine topic :8)

me: it was meant to be a small example of something a woman might "put up with" during non pms times...but when pms happens she sees clearly the unfairness and voices an opinion about it ...that she would like this thing to change

marco: i was seeing it from the women's side. i know a lot of women who hate to be pmsing because they lose control of their emotions, crying when they see a tv commercial or yelling at anything for any reason, that's all i was saying

me: oh god, i think u are really getting off the track here with this.this IS something that happens to ME,seriously...so stereotype or not, it IS an issue that comes up in my life....i could have said the man goes into the women's desk and steals all her pens then doesn't put them back...etc etc...

marco: huh ?

me: i think that women "lose control" because they are letting too much build up in them and NOTvoicing their opnions and expressing their emotions during ALL times..when pms comes then...it all whacks out of balance...and it becomes definitely overmagnified. i think this is because women, on the whole, are afraid to voice what THEY want, as we are inherrently nurturers ( on the whole )

me: i know that when i cry at commercials during pms, jason laughs at me and thinks it's silly.so i try to smash that even more inside,,,,something i should not do...as "silly" as this sounds, i think it's perfectly fine to cry at commercials. i do NOT think it is fine tho for women to take pms as an excuse to be horrible bitchy people

marco: that's not true... i know a lot of women who have no problem voicing their opinions and who are feared because of their honesty and tongue-in-cheek, and who still hate to be pmsing because they lose all control of their emotions...

marco: i'm not talking about excuses, it's not an excuse ! it's an effect of PMS, they're just saying their under pms influence, cause it affects their perception, that's all

me: i am no doctor, obviously :) and of course this theory of mine would have to be done over many people over time, etc. but i truly believe that if someone is "losing control" during pms..it is not because of pms, but it is because there is an imbalance in their life as a whole that needs to be addressed. the pms only brings it to their attention...that is my theory

me: i think pms is the best " i will take no bullshit" berometer ever. i wish i WAS a doxtor to study this. my theory...i have brought this up to many women who suffer from pms and they tend to go " oh wow, u might be right" of course there areALWAYS exceptions.

marco: not true, it's a fact, it's an estrogen surge

me: but getting back to the original topic is...i hate it when women use pms as an excuse for stating their opinions..even if their opinion is SO very mild. we are SCARED to express our opinions...because it's true that when u do u break from the fold and are easily thrown into "the hysterical women man hating feminist slot" which basically discredits us for life...because as u said if they state their opions, thye are feared.

marco: well yeah i know what you mean, i got your point, but i don't think that was the case there

me: of COURSE it's chemical..but i think women can use this to their ADVANTAGE rather than try to smash it down with embarrassment or drugs..i think it is a time that a lot of truth and wisdom can come from. but instead we try everything to get rid of it and apologize

me: i don't think a woman should ever preface a sentence with "sorry..it might just be hormones...but I THINK..i FEEL...."

me: may i put this conversation into my lj?

marco: sure, sure

me: i love talking with u :)

marco: me too :) i love talking to you hehe