anagram 022900
new anapix up!
last night jason and
i went out 2 see sinbad do his comedy at the casino called mystic lake. i
had never been there before, 'cause i'm not a fan of gambling ( and those
places are TOO noisy! ). i was pretty blown away by how BIG that casino is!
it is HUGE! it was like being in vegas *shudder*
when i first went 2 vegas i was in love with it..for about 5 minutes. then
all i wanted to do was GET OUT OF THERE!
anyway..back to sinbad
:)
it was so cool he called me and remembered me and wanted me to see him!
(i was on his talk show called "vibe" a few years ago)
how very kind and generous! he put me on the list plus one, and the tickets,
once i saw how much they were..were 35.00! and the place was gigantic and
packed.
when they aren't using it for performers, it's a big bingo room!
i was thinking i was going to be in a medium sized room with tables. but noooo,
it was HUGE! we were packed in like sardines! but i still had a perfect view
:)
he put on a 2 hour show non stop! man, what a lot of ENERGY he has!
he was sooooo funny as he was dissing or dyfunctional modern society and family
quirks and relationships. he was so right on about so many things that it
was almost uncomfortable to laugh! but u had 2 laugh 'cause it was so right
on and funny! if anyone gets the chance to see sinbad, i highly recommend
his show!
i wish i could show u what i experienced, because words fall so short. and
he is so good at improvising, he doesn't miss a beat.
afterwards, i knew he wanted 2 say hi 2 me, but i hadn't received any instructions
on HOW this would happen. so i just went to the side where it was obvious
that other people were also wanting to say hi, and i just stood there. after
about 1/2 an hour or maybe less than that, he came out and gave everyone a
hug :)
i knew sinbad was bigger than i am by A LOT, but when i had met him on VIBE,
i was always sitting in a chair, so i didn't get the full effect on HOW much
bigger he is than i am. WOW! i stood next to him and i swear he is 7 feet
tall or more and it took all the length of my arms to go around him and hug
him! it felt so cool! like a big protective kind giant with a huge grin! :)
he even said that when he comes around this area again he wants to come over
and be on my cam! wouldn't that be so cool? i'll bet he could hold pooka in
one hand like a he was a cup! i said , " ya, u should come over and see
my little fluffy dogs and i'll cook u dinner!" and he said "u can
cook?" ( as he raised one eyebrow :)
i said, " yes, i can cook! does popcorn sound good?"
and he laughed and said, " popcorn , cereal...whatever!"
so i replied, "cocoa puffs?"
and so we agreed that cocoa puffs it is!
so who knows, if u ever see a giant guy with a huge grin eating cocoa puffs
on my cam making the big green couch seem little, that is sinbad :)
when he called me yesterday
to confirm everything, and i asked him what time he went on ( 7:30pm )..i
didn't even remember that it was THAT night! jason just goes, " wait..isn't
that tonight?" and as he said that itt was 6pm. so we both had a heart
attack and i got dressed SO fast that i put my shirt on inside out, i discovered
2 my horror 1/2 way through his show! and my lipstick was on crooked, and
i just put my big "dust" elf hat on that i made. i was a mess! quite
the opposite of what i was when i was on vibe...primped by professionals for
hours before with billions of rhinestones :)
ah well... :)
and yesterday, too,
all the hours prior, i had been having a freaking heart attack trying to make
two 1099 forms and get them in to be postmarked that day. i was missing large
amounts of info, and i couldn't do the math, so i was posting like mad on
anarchy for people to help me out with the math! and i was only going on a
balance bar and a diet mountain dew so i was hyperrrrrrrrr!!!
in the end, i got it sent i the mauil in the nick of time. got home at 5pm
all sweaty and tired, then wham..ohmigod sinbad is tonight! aaa!!!! run run
run!
my house is a mESS tearing my piles of clothes apart looking for something
not wrinkled to wear!
so today....i put up
the anapix first thing, now i'm making this anagram ( AGAIN< 'cause i made
it last night then LOST it. grr. ) now it's 2pm. after i put this up, and
make this into an analog, andf send parts of this text off to the mailing
list..and check the bbs and my email..then..i think i might just take it easy.
i'm not sure.
i still have to put all my other tax stuff together for my accountant. and
since that stuff is laying all over the libingroom floor, i might just sort
through it and watch tv. that's probably what i'll do.
so that's that!
i learned A LOT yesterday
about what i NEED to record , financially so i will not be so freaked next
year about 1099's and stuff. i definintely need to be aware and in control
of that stuff! all the other years i had no money to be aware of or control.
so this is all new to me. it's funny how in school they don't teach u anything
really need in the real world. like how to get credit, how to manage finances,
how to get a credit card, how to communicate, how to deal with stress, how
to find an apartment, how to deal with love relationships! etc! man! school...what
a pointless painful piece of crap.
wow, i wish i could remember the dream i was having this morning. i remembered
it right when i woke up, but now it's gone. i just know that val kimer was
in it, playing jim morrison from the doors and we were on a big squishy thing
rolling around with axle rose( sp?) from guns and roses and lenny kravitz
was playing his new hit single as we rolled around. that sounds like it would
be fun. but it was actually uncomfortable and awkward..because i am not able
to convey the surrealness of cardboard walls that were actually webpages crumble
and tear and around us, like big messy layers of construction paper and i
accidentally rolled right on top of some really scary bad smelling sweaty
guy. augh. it was pretty nasty.
ok, i think that's
it for today's type-o-rama :)
( ha! "typo" rama! perfect! )
------------------------------
my
finances:
what i've bought in the past two days:
at the little store( that's what i call it )
fresca soda: 3.89
colby cheese: 3.59
eggs: 1.39
at
the drugstore:
aprazolam (generic xanax for anxiety): 22.19
amitriptyline (for migraines): 7.79
humidifier (for the livingroom/office): 39.99
pokemon notepad (to jot down ideas for cam/art): 1.99
lisa frank stickers (to stick on envelopes for unvalentine cards for ana2
members): 2.99
lisa frank stickers: 2.99
lisa frank stickers: 2.99
balance bar: 1.19
candle (prop ambience for cam): 1.00
candle(prop ambience for cam): .29
beef jerky (for jason): 4.49
some mysterious item that i've forgotten and can't decipher what it is on
the receipt: 1.99
tax: 3.69
-----
3 sodas from a soda machine : 3.00
-----
some posts i made:
Posted by ANA on February 28, 2000 at 15:45:11:
ohmigod i made an error ( thank u everyone for calling my attention to it!
)
it was the person who guessed 536 who was closer than the person i thought
had won who gussed 529!
and since i've deleted all the emails now with those guesses in them, i have
no way 2 know who guessed 536!!!
that's what i get for trying to too many things all at once while being tired
and sick!
i apologize profusely!
gadz, i just feel terrible now! :(
i'm sorry 2 the person who voted 536 , i am soooo sorry :(
( found out that was blonnie )
how stupid of me! :(
argh. argh. argh.
i will check through all my email again, tho, just in case i might be able
to find out who guessed 536, just in case i had not deleted the email
holy blargness!
in other news, the
piano tuning guy is over here doing his piano tuning thing, and it's rather
relaxing listening 2 the same note being played over and over at varying volumnes.
i wish i was recording this :) ( no, i'm not being sarcastic, i'm serious!
)
and of course i was sleeping when he came over ( 1pm ) 'cause i'd been up
since 5 am making new anagrams and analogs and what's new and a new blink
for what's new, then making a new menu for ana2
wow...i am so tired and i zoning out on my keyboard....and there are a lot of things i need to do today....
the piano goes..plink....plink....my mind goes...blink....blink.....
holy
moly, i had THEE most bizarre sex dream ever that was interrupted by the piano
tuning guy!
it's so bizarre i don't think i can even explain it!
but i was in this old mansion, very rundown, and it was french, and it had
a french toilet that was outside on this balcony
the door wouldn't shut and everyine could see me go to the bathroom which
made me feel realle uncomfortable, but this was supposed to be one of the
mansion's best perks and features
my mind keeps seeing something about a very large dof running after me in
the snow around this house
and i'n trying to hide in bushes that have no leaves and are prickly. winter.
and i keep missing my bus. and there are beautiful thorny flower things everywhere
and i tell this to the owner of ther house who wants them all removed. the
thorns thistly things are turning fall colours
and i try to show this to the man. and i tell him that there is even an abundance
of frogs and mushrooms more than ever before!
he grimaces at this and i try not to step on any frogs or mushrooms or thorny
flower/leaves.
i am barefoot and the ground is cold, covered in these things i must not step
on
and i hope he does not step on them in his big boots and kill anything
going backwards in time now through this dream...
there is going to be a party downstairs. i think it's christmas, but i don't
want to come down. i just want to hide upstairs and write in my journal about
how angry i am. and write in my journal about my embarassment about the french
toilet.
and the man/father /head of the household figure hates xmas music, and i like
some xmas music and wish it was on right then, being christmas and all.
and the mother figure ( dressed all victorian and rich and fine ) looks up
at me as i'm standing on top of the stairs and looks up to me pleadingly both
to me and also so the father figure will hear, "SOME christmas music
is GOOD, don't u think? it's not ALL bad, right?"
and i say, " yes, some christmas music IS good" and i think of that
big regal mormon tabernacle choir thing song as being a very good one.
so i'm trying to get dressed up there and find the right thing to wear so
i can go down there,
and i have on pantaloons and stuff. everything is very victorian. i can't
decide if i should get really dressed up or just wear my normal sweatshirt,
because i'm feeling like i don't look very good in anything i out on.
suddenly there are a few men in the hall watching me, maybe they had always
been watching me. i was 1/2 way in the bedroom and 1/2 way in the hall
bent over trying to get some stockings on. and these men were almost not there..like
ghosts
but one of them was my grandfather ( who is dead ) and who knows if he was
dead or alive in this dream, i think he was both
and he was very very old and small...he didn't look anything like my real
grandfather
anyway...i could read his mind all of a sudden and caught him on the thought
that he wanted to fuck me.
just that split second thought of "what would it be like to fuck her?"
and before that thought could vanish as quickly as it appeared, i took action
and we just started fucking right there in the hallway
and it was really fast and really animal yet very feeble and very gross and
i didn't like it at all
i wondered what on earth had come over me and stopped the whole thing. then
he, too, gained composure and we realized that what we had done was very wrong.
i felt silly and embarrassed but not to a high degree. then it ocurred to
me way later on in the movie ( errr.dream..) that what i had done was incest.
and that also i had had sex with one of my uncles long ago , too...and that
was incest and isn't it strange that it had never occorred to me that it was
wrong because it was INCEST, not that it was wrong 'cause i was cheating on
my boyfriend ( although in this dream it didn't feel like i had a boyfriend..but
somehow i did )
and i wrote this down on a piece of paper and stuck it in a box 'cause i couldn't
find my journal. i really wanted to write all of this down in the journal
but had to go downstairs because of christmas.
then there was a woman who appeared in my head as i was still getting dressed
and i asked her what did she want me to do to her?
and she laughed and i saw a picture of hot oil drip out of a big bucket with
many flowers mixed in melt all over her, and she was me and i was the one
getting hot oil on myself and then i was also talking another one of me and
we laughed and thought up cool sexy ideas
and i put on jason's new suit ( all of a sudden he did exist at this point
) and it fit me perfectly and i had black hair then all combed back with oil
like a guy from the 40's and i put on a fake goutee and me and my friend me
thought this was the sexiest thing ever and we agreed that i looked like a
john waters
but sexier and even more gay ( if that is possible! )
i didn't have my breasts anymore either..i mean...i was back to my original
small almost-not-there breasts
ok.....back
to the real world....the piano tuning guy has tuned and now left . nice tuned
piano!
he says i should get it tuned every 6 months. god, was HE EVER a good piano
player...playing chopin in there or some such delicate thing as fast as olympic
ice skaters! and the piano looks so cool with the box that goes all around
it off, so u can see it's insides. mmm. so pretty :)
ok,
so back to my dream..if i can get back there...
there was also this part where i wanted to do my art, but someone kept calling
for jason and demanding that i write down this huge memo for him.
and i couldn't find any paper, and i couldn't find a pen that would work,
and then when i could get it to work my handwriting was so terrible i'd have
to scratch it all out and start all over again. and sime other business call
was calling at the same time for jason, demanding that THEY were the imperative
most important call and to stop whatever i was doing and write down there
big gigantic important memo and it had to be on this very particular kind
of paper that i didn't have. then i'd accidentally hang up on one and then
try to apologize then try to look for paper and pen again. but i could not
write anything legible! and i told them it must be because i'm on the computer
so much typing and not handwriting out my journals that my handwriting has
deteriorated and i don't know how to write anymore with a pen! and i show
them one of my old journals ( they were all on the phone but there with me
in my physical space at the same time ) and i showed them how legible my handwriting
used to be. and they were very surprised and nodded that yes indeed i used
to have very good handwriting and they were amazzed at how much i had written
then, sort if during this, and sort of during the christmas party that was
not very christmasy,
outside of the french mansion where the flower/leave/thorns and frogs and
toads and snow were...were terrible drunken violent young men that were very
very huge and very very violent. and they started to rip up some of my orange
velvet curtain from the first floor front window.
and they were ripping it and lighting it on fire and also throwing water on
it.
and i screamed for them to stop and they looked at me with that " oh,
we are gonna have fun with her!" look...fun as in rape
so i screamed that i was going to call the cops, that in fact i was on the
phone with them now and i was dialing 911!
so they all scrambled away..and i couldn't get 911 to work anyway, but i was
still going to keep trying because i was not certain they would stay away.
i was afraid they'd come back. and jason said that they weren't going to come
back and to come down and come inside and to stop dialing 911 and trying to
get it to work.
so against my better instincts i went inside but then , i think pooka ran
out the door, or deiter...and i was calling his name "pooka! deiter!
where are u!"
and i was barefoot again and the violent men heard me that i was outside again
and that the police had never really arrived so four of them came at me from
all four directons with gigantic knives and they were going to stab me to
death. and there was no escape and one of them that was the closest comin
at me from the front i then saw had two knives and he WAS going to plunge
them both into my belly and gut me and this was in evitable!
it was then i woke up with a start for real
my heart was beating so fast
but then i eventually fell back to sleep and had more of this dream....
also,
i dreamt that school had ended and i had not finished my math book. everyone
had gone home. i had not graduated. i tried not to care
i don't have the energy to type out that one, but that's a reoccurrng dream
and it's a drag i went back to the yucky high school dream because just yesterday i told jason that i FINALLY had a good high school dream after 15 years of that same stupid uncomfortable dream. i dreamt that all the popular people were actually kind and nice and they loved me and we were skipping down the hallways together holding hands. and i had not graduated from high school, but it didn't matter at all and everyone agreed. i just knew it was all over and that i was totally fine and whole and i didn't need to graduate or be at that school ever again and it was such a weight off me, i can't even tell u.
then to go back to that same yucky dream is so disheartening. :(
in real life i didn't graduate from high school. i dropped out 4 months before
i had graduated and got my g.e.d.
and i DO not regret my decision ( i even did go to college for a quarter,
so it's not lie i can't get into college )
and i was a good student. an A-B student. it was just that i couldn't handle
the constant abuse of being "weird" in high school. so i left.
but , obviously, i still feel inadequate as far as society goes because i
know that is frowned upon. but in my gut i know what i did was right.
i can't type out any
more of that. now i feel too exhausted to write it.
and i am so bummed that i botched the contest.
and i will go figure out these 1099 tax things now.
i'll make some tea
and put on some nice music or something. or actually i'll turn on tv to get
these dreams out of my mind
that's why i like to watch tv first thing when i wake up, to get my bad dreams
out of my head
'cause i always remember them and they are almost always violent or very uncomfortable
ok, hope i haven't bummed u out!
-------------------------------
it's almost 6am and
i've been constabtly working in the news again, especially the "no frills
menu"
the other menus are gone or will be deleted soon, as i work on a "frills"
menu...at thank god the new frills menu looks a hell of a lot nicer!
plus i added new things, anaverse station, and sleep station, and anadoll
2
i mst go crash now and put the wireless phone by my bed so i can hear it for
when the piano tuner guy is coming
then it'a making 1099s and all tha jazz
fallling///////..>...out....f.f....of my...
chai/r,....
i'm feeling a lot better.
listening 2 the wedding present and boiling eggs. might go for a walk in a
bit 'cause it's 46 degrees and i need to move my body, it's sludge! i haven't
gotten caught up reading all the posts in here, i'll do that later. i'll also
try to get a new anagram up later, and maybe even anapix.
until then here are four silly questions:
ok:
1 )what are the top ten websites u frequent?
2) what are the top ten webcams u watch?
3) what are the top ten most funny/humorous things u have have witnessed? ( as in when u witnessed it u couldn't stop hysterically laughing ) :)
4) what are the top ten strangest/bizarre things u hav ever witnessed?
Posted by ANA on February 28, 2000 at 17:32:59:In
Reply to: ugh -- big rant, beware! posted by Stacy on February 28, 2000 at
16:21:48:
gos, i feel so much like that too right now! augh. i feel SO heavy and depressed
and anxious today. yesterday i felt that way too, but it was sunny, so i channelled
it into making cool pictures of boiled eggs and beets. but today it's grey
again, and i just feel so doomed and pointless and unorganized and flabby
and totally overwhelmed. and jason is so busy, too...he started a java class
and he is trying to get into a masters programme. so i feel like we are all
spinning plates on each finger hoping nothing will crash. i am so tired and
rundown. all i want to do is go watch movies in bed and drink. that would
make me so happy. it really would.
and i know if i did
that everything WOULD be ok. argh. i think what is stressing me out is how
some of my friends and family are on my case about getting things done their
way, with taxes and finances and everything. and i know that all their advice
is good and i will do something like that. but i do things in my own time
and in my own way.
i mean, ya..taxes...there is a limit with time on that..like i have to turn
in the 1099's to this governmaent building tomorrow. i remember it wasn't
hard at all. but just..here i am dragging my heals again. and it's because
i am so stressed that i look incompetent in their eyes, more than i'm stressed
about anything else or taxes.
i am stressed because
i want to do things my way in my own time whether that seems crazy or incompetent
or not to them.
so i battle this " i must do it their way so i look very on top of things"
or do i just go about things the way i want and makes me happiest even tho
it may look completely stupid to them?
i just hate looking
completely stupid.
an god, now i sound like my mother saying , " and i'm not stupid! i'm
smart!" trying to convince herself and everyone else.
but i know i'm not stupid. i know i go about things last minute and i am not the most EFFICIENT person in the world when it comes to finances, but dammit, i do get everything paid off and everything in ALMOST 99% of the time correctly. or ..u know it all works out in the end, y'know what i mean??
i am paying zachary off his money every month very gooid! and the only other
person i owe money to is the government. and so much fear has been put into
me that they wil come and get me and take away all my posessions and they
will audit me or throw me in jail or whatever they are gonna do over a measly
grand ( to them it measily )
so if they come in here and yell at me and take away my computer or piano or whatever. it will still be ok. i can get another computer or piano some other day. i still have my dogs. i still have all the things that matter.
ARGH.
EXTRICATE EXTRICATE EXTRICATE!!!!!!!!!
i would just like to go into the bedroom, have some champagne, turn on a nice movie and go slowly through all my taxes stuff.
there is a lot more to all of this but i just can't explain it.
but as i type this, the sun just came out and is shining on me and my fingers typing at my keyboard.
i want to get out of this horrid moody oppressive depressiveanxiety state i am in. i just want to do things my way without any friends or family freaking over my shoulder about how stupid or incompetent i might be going about things. it just makes me want to go cry in a dark hole. it does not motivate me.
an stacy, thank u sooooo much for u beautiful kind email the other day. i
am sorry i have not written back yet. god, i am just so...not HERE these days.
i am far far away ..far away somewhere hiding...waiting out the storm
curling into a ball like an armadillo
but u really do give me so much energy. your emails and posts help me very much
and that goes for everyone
else, too
{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}
i am sorry i am being
an armadillo lately
but that's the shape i am in right now
Posted by ANA on February 29, 2000 at 13:48:27:
In
Reply to: Re: more pics of pookachu posted by haikucoo on February 29, 2000
at 12:49:06:
( talking about jacqui's new puppy! )
my god i'm DYING from the cuteness factor!!!
arrrrrggghghghgghhgh!!!!!!
I WANT HIM!!!!!!
GIVE HIM 2 mEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!
:)))
hehe :)
ohmigod i want a BILLION japanaese chins!!!
there is a woman in a town called duluth in the state that has like 50 of
them or something..and she made a little house for them next door! like a
HOUSE!
i was talking to her on the phone when i was looking to buy one. i wish i
still had her #
'cause she said i could go visit and see them all! can u imagine? 50 japanese
chins, their little fluffy butts and pom pom tails flying around? their eyes
bugging out all happy???
aaaa!!! heaven!
someday when i'm rich
and can afford a house, i am going to have a billion japanese chins!
ok, well, maybe 5...but then..i would want to give them all individual attention!
and i also want llammas!
want want want neeeeeeed!
pooooookkkkaaaachuuuuuuuuu
i chooooooose uuuuuuuuuuu!!!!
*crossing fingers*
ok, i think i did it all right. found all the right forms , and hopefully
filled out all the forms RIGHT!
*sweat*
now i am off 2 mail this thing!
talk about leaving things 2 the last minute!
my brain and bosy werking off a diet mountain dew and a balance bar, listening 2 queen's greatest hits!
man oh man!
the more i do this
the more i learn, tho
which is a very very good thing!
aaaaa!!!!!!