anagram021700

(click on the pictures 2 see them full sized)

	stvlive.com watching me!	my fave comic, frank!

my favourite cartoon character named pupshaw( and she's a girl! ),
from jim woodring's comic "frank"

jacqui's new pupster! it's a pookadog!
and the little guy is sick :( so send him healing vibes!
also, post in the forum what u think she should name him!
and i wanted to include soupskin's picture of his potbellied pig named "pickle"
but i can't find where i saved the pix! so, soupskin, please resend those!

i have been SUPER crabby and on edge lately, as u can see from the posts i've made recently (which i'll include in here)
i hope it is mostly because it's febuary and blah as hell and i need some nature!
read at your own risk!

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Posted by ANA on February 17, 2000 at 16:05:07:
In Reply to: Crabby Ana ? posted by Thomas Leslie on February 17, 2000 at 15:35:59:
i am DAMN crabby. but it's my own fault..well, that and it's super fucking grey out.

it's weird 'cause i get these creative sourts and i feel so happy and life is good and i don't sweat the small stuff.

then i get like this...and it feels like i'll NEVER be creative again! it's just WEIRD. i hate it.

grey snow grey snow
then i watched this really depressing movie on the IFC called "no telling" that was about cruelty to animals used in labs. uck.

oh complain complain. i live an easy life. i have really no reason to complain. well, i have a few reasons, but still. i just need to kick myself innthe ass because i'm starting to wallow and sulk...and that is just pathetic to me.
i hate when i get pathetic! but it happens.

i'll probably be fine in an hour. who can say?

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Posted by ANA on February 18, 2000 at 00:55:20:

god, i did the coolest pix on cam2 in the bathtub for an hour!!!! and i THOUGHT i had livegrab going on it and i DIDN'T. i am so PISSED!!! here i finally do something really cool and creative doing this great arial shot of the tub and i had so much fun and they were so beautiful and cool and now i have nothing saved and i was so excited to go make this cool anagram with them. man, i am SO bummed out :( this is NOT a good day!!!! if anyone saved them, PLEASE let me know!

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and someone transcribed my online chat i had with tori amos. u can read it here:

http://atwebsites.com/forums/Forum23/HTML/000190.html

someday i'll transcribe the other 1/2 an our of that conversation that no one got to hear!

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and then i just LOST it and snapped in the jennicam forum and peeping moes!

Re: The Great Pink Experiment
Posted By: ANA <anamothership@hotmail.com>
Date: Wednesday, 16 February 2000, at 10:20 p.m.

In Response To: Re: The Great Pink Experiment (Hawk)

i dress strangely , etc...and i do NOT like people to stare at me in public. it IS just rude! so staring at someone is OK if they are dressed unusually? that makes it ok to be rude?? HELLO?
and i don't do it for the attention. i never understood why people thought THAT. i dress this way or have my hair "weird" because it's my personality to do that. that's like saying to someone ...why is your favourite colour PINK...is it to be weird and stared at?
or why do i like STEAK? do i want to be stared at?
it's a preference. it's NATURAL for me to look unnatural. it's the way I AM.
it's built into me like some sort of gene or something. to NOT dress the way i do or have my hair how i want it would DEPRESS me. wouldn't it depress YOU to have your hair in some way that u hated and made u feel stupid for your whole entire life?? wouldn't that make u feel just utterly horrid?
well, that is what it is like for me. i NEED to express myself in the way that i do. to have it any other way would cause my PAIN. seriously!
it'd be like being stuck in a job i hated! wouldn't that suck?
can't people just get it through their heads that there are DIFFERENCES in others and just let that BE?
man alive! it just SUCKS to "be different" a lot!
but i am. that's the way "god made me"
so don't be rude to me for who i am.

and btw, the comment that the guy made that started this whole thing. god...how utterly SELFISH. u think women grow their hair or do whatever to their hair just for MEN?? just for YOUR pleasure???
what about MY pleasure "dude"?
what about what i want and how i want my hair. it is MY hair not your hair.

it's JENNIFER's hair not YOUR HAIR. she didn't make her hair that way for your freakin pleasure. wake up! god, it's so selfish! practically everyone in here is so bloody NEGATIVE! so many of u just RAG on jennifer. GOD! what is UP with that? if her hair is long then it looks limp and lifeless, if she decides to even change he hair one tiny bit you are all upset. it's just upsetting to me to see such a negative bbs about such a wonderful person! can't u see that? can't u understand??? why is this bbs such a pisser? what is the deal?
what are u getting out of this? why are u here? what on EARTH!

ok....sorry ton come in here and go on a tangent first thing..but this thread..i don't know why was just the last straw of utter ridiculousness and selfishness. i have burst.
so there u have it.

back to my own url i go! aaaaa!!!!!!!

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Posted by ANA on February 16, 2000 at 13:33:09:

In Reply to: Calling All Males posted by Ricardo on February 16, 2000 at 13:30:45:
oh does it REALLY take one mill for most males to sleep with any woman? duh!

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Posted by ANA on February 16, 2000 at 13:43:13:

In Reply to: Re: Calling All Males posted by BrianLee on February 16, 2000 at 13:36:19:
i'll bet a dollar to say yer wrong! :)
i think that if given the chance...most men would sleep with almost any woman. just from my personal experience.
and most women DO like to shop! hell, i love shopping..how can u not like shopping? :)

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Posted by ANA on February 16, 2000 at 13:53:24:

In Reply to: Re: Calling All Males posted by BrianLee on February 16, 2000 at 13:48:09:
did i say ALL men or ALL women?
and i think if given the chance, and if they knew that NO one would find out FOR SURE...most men would go for it.
i said MOST, not ALL

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Posted by ANA on February 16, 2000 at 14:09:36:

In Reply to: Re: Calling All Males posted by BrianLee on February 16, 2000 at 13:57:01:
more men, of course! man, do u live on the same planet as me?
gadzooks, women get TONS of chances to have sex with ALMOST any man they want, do u think they take all those chances? hell no!

i think this might be IN PART because MOST men are almost guaranteed to come during sex, whereas MOST women are not.
not from a one night stand anyway with a guy that doesn't love them. MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE!
and the experience of ALL of my female friends is what i'm going by.
that and reading about this and seeing women talk about in the various forms of media backs up my personal experience...making me think that me and my friends are not the only ones who have had this experience.

like...when men in bands are on tour..many sleep around
but me, rom an all female band...knowing many others in all female bands..did NOT try to pick up guys after the show...although we had many chances..heck we have many chances even if you're NOT in a rock band.

heck...i'd bet that i could walk down into the street right now and find a guy that would have sex with me within 5 minutes. it's just the way it is, from my experience

( and the fact that women can get pregnant and men can't is also a huge factor!)

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and then speaking of sexism listen to this new item about jerry lewis!

Posted by ANA on February 16, 2000 at 14:14:28:

In Reply to: nice LAy-deee.... posted by Amorica on February 16, 2000 at 14:00:28:
here's another version:
Monday February 14 01:59 PM EST
Jerry Doesn't Love Lucy!
Jerry Lewis is The Ladies' Man no longer.
The alleged funnyman wasn't anything but this weekend at the U.S. Comedy Arts Festival in Aspen, Colorado, when he made disparaging remarks about female comics and said women were just "a producing machine" for babies.

Lewis, 73, was on hand at the fest Saturday night for a career retrospective honoring his lifetime of comedy, but after glowing comments about his long-estranged former partner Dean Martin, his remarks turned sour.

During a Q&A session moderated by Martin Short, a member of the 1,000-strong audience asked Lewis which female comics he admires. Replied Lewis, "I don't like any female comedians."

Short quickly asked Lewis about Lucille Ball, "You must have loved her."

"No," the Geisha Boy star said. "A woman doing comedy doesn't offend me, but sets me back a bit. I, as a viewer, have trouble with it. I think of her as a producing machine that brings babies in the world."

By all accounts, the remarks were met by a stunned silence. Associated Press reports many left the St. Regis Hotel conference room shaking their heads in disbelief at the man who has devoted himself to muscular dystrophy research and whose good works even led to a Nobel Peace Prize nomination in 1977.

There's been no immediate comment from Lewis' representatives.

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about a news thing that said the net was making people isolated and making them further away from "real" relationships:

Posted by ANA on February 16, 2000 at 22:05:11:

In Reply to: Net Is A Lonely Place!?! posted by JohnBoze on February 16, 2000 at 21:43:21:
ya, i saw that on the news, too. i think it's utter bullshit!

when people write each other letters..then that is supposed to be ok and romantic..but if u EMAIL then that is alienating. what on earth?

so if it's typed it's not "real" but if it's handwritten then it's really sweet and cool?

how is the net any different than writing letters except it's faster?

it pisses me off that people think that people think that typing to people on a computer is somehow "talking to a machine" . as if!

there's so much fear of computers because people just don't understand it. it seems like everyone who thinks computers are bad jus hasn't been talking to anyone via a computer!

if anything our options are far vaster now regarding who we can interact with. if people are choosing to spend more time talking to people on the internet instead of their "friends/family/neighbours" it's because we now have more CHOICES.

why would i want to talk to my boring neighbour bob when i can talk with an interesting person in singapore who has more common interests with me?

i do NOT get why people think that if it's on the computer it's not "real"

no one ever blasted the art of writing a letter as being the downfall of civilization!
but if it's written with a pen on paper and sent throigh the mail and takes two weeks to get there..then that is romantic and wonderful!
duh!

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about medication for mental illnesses:

Posted by ANA on February 17, 2000 at 11:25:04:

In Reply to: "I'm a person just like you... posted by Edward on February 17, 2000 at 11:21:19:
it's easy for a person who hasn't been or isn't clinically depressed to say "fuck drugs"
but to say such a thing is the same as saying "fuck bandages" when faced with a cut that won't stop bleeding.
i don't understand why this isn't blaringly obvious to people.

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Posted by ANA on February 17, 2000 at 12:43:16:

In Reply to: Re: drugs posted by goofygrape on February 17, 2000 at 12:19:45:
i think we are referring to situations that are not life threatening , too.
i mean..we could not give a person who couldn't walk a wheelchair either..and they would still live...but they wouldn't be able to GET anywhere...so what kind of LIFE is that?

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Posted by ANA on February 17, 2000 at 12:16:45:

In Reply to: absolutely! posted by Edward on February 17, 2000 at 11:46:45:
argh. this thread is making me so angry...it's hard for me not to just throw u off a symbolic cliff.

WHY WHY WHYYYYYYY do u think that using medication if DONE CORRECTLY is some sign of WEAKNESS??????

do u not understand that it precisely because of attitudes like this that people are still embarrassed to talk about their depression and do NOT seek help?

GOD! it's just PISSES ME OFF!!!!!!

why would treating a chemical imbalance be HARMFUL?? wouldn't it be MORE harmful to NOT treat it???

furjack says he uses sinus medication. does that mean he is a weak person???

can't we just get OVER this stupid stupid stupid stigma???

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Posted by ANA on February 17, 2000 at 12:39:13:

In Reply to: Re: absolutely! posted by cheese on February 17, 2000 at 12:29:32:
well DUH! it's not a "quick fix", and people who think antideprssants are just a "happy zombie pill" are GREATLY deluded. u still have to work on your problems. u can't just take a pill and then lay there like that is the solution. WHY do so many people think that is the case?
GOD! i swear i will rip this bbs to shreds over this!

BUT for some people drugs ARE the "answer". some are just chemically imbalanced and need it. just like some people need leg braces all of their life to walk...but i don't hear anyone yelling at THEM about how bloody weak they are depending on their leg braces to walk! it's just ludicrous and mean to be so judgemental about people who take medication. it's just fucking mean and a horrible horrible thing.

why don't we just tell everyone in a wheelchair how weak they are? tell them to get up and walk. GOD! what's so HARD to understand???

can't u just stop being so bloody judgemental?
what works for u might not work for others and vice versa. i am not YOU. you are not ME. u cannot POSSIBLY KNOW!
we are all different! how hard can it be to understand this and stop thinking that YOUR experience is anyone else's ???

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an excerpt from an email i wrote about not all the ana2 members participating in the forum and speculation as to why that might be:

it IS weird that more people don't participate! there are only about 15 that really talk in my forum, so i don't get it.
and a lot of the people who talk are women, which i'm really glad for!
it makes me wonder very much what is going on in the minds of the other members.
and i changed the name of my company the other day...'cause the merchant account is finally in my name, so people won't be billed under "zachary vex website administration" anymore but under "anacam" so jason sent off an email telling people this and about 30 people unsubscribed because a lot of people didn't even KNOW they were still members!
then a lot still hide it from their "wives", i think , which is very sad
but now i've changed the name of my company again...i need to have my full legal name as part of the name of the business, and that way i don't have to file for that.
so i WAS going to call it "rachael olson's anacam" which doesn't sound very cool at all.
so now i changed it to "who is rachael olson?"
which i think is far more spiffy and hilarious :)

i wonder how many people who have subscribed even KNOW there is a forum, u know?
who KNOWS what is going on in their heads?

i am thinking that most people don't say anything because they are afraid of sounding weird or something.
maybe the reasons they subscribed ARE purely sexual and they don't want to talk about it.
or maybe , even worse to them, they do not KNOW why they are subscribed, and are feeling very confused or ashamed about that.
maybe they feel that interaction with me will ruin the "mystery" to them
maybe they are worried if they talk to me, i'll become more of a human to them, and then they'll start to feel guilty for watching? i hope not!

a guy from this radio show around here was subscribed, then he asked me to be on his show, and after he met me, he unsubscribed and i never heard from him again. at first i took this as an insult, but now i think it was that after he met me...it was too weird for him to watch me, because i think he did watch for sexual reasons...and as soon as he met me and couldn't objectify me anymore, he felt he had to unsubscribe.
in the same way many guys say they couldn't masturbate to a picture of someone they knew
although one guy wrote to me and said that knowing me would heighten his masturbatory experience...which i DID find a repulsive answer to me.

i am having a weird time with the whole porn issue. don't know if u have been reading me mailing list messages, but i've been talking about that a lot recently.
i am not against sexuality or erotica, obviously...but it became very apparent to me that the way a man views porn and the way a woman views porn ( on the whole..not in every single case, obviously ) are just very different.
the more i delved into the men's collective mind about this subject in order for me to understand it better, and therefore not fear it, and therefore not be angry with it, etc...the more i found that it was grossing me out even MORE. it's just SO utterly gross to me the way most men view porn. i WISH i could get around it and make some peace with it. and then it was hard for me to even make any erotic images for a awhile because i didn't want to be part of that. but then i realized that i shouldn't shut myself off from my sexuality just because a bunch of other people don't view like i'd like them to or understand it.
and also, ...i mean...there is a fetish for everything...i could wrap myself up in a brown paper wrapper and be the most unsexual thing ever and there would still be a bunch of guys that would jack off to that because that's their "thing"
i can only do what i do and be how i am. and however people choose to react to that...it's not my deal...
sort of
except that, of couse, it DOES effect me...as in i cannot walk the streets at night...or even they day without being sexually harrassed

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then i decided to get off the computer and go take a bath to get myself out of my crabby mood. and that worked until i realized that all of the really cool pix i had made on cam2 i didn't save! i thought i had livegrab going on it, but i guess i didn't! cool campix sucked up into the ether :(